Experiments in Self-knowledge and Thought (Pay no attention to the lunatic ranting over there)
Hello Kiddies,
This is going to be a rare personal public post, viewable to friends, enemies, and all those lovely Russian people that seem to visit here on a regular basis. Live and without a cut! I remember in the early days of LJ when EVERYBODY posted publicly because they assumed that only those who cared were reading. You used to read your friend's friend list and make new friends exponentially. I miss that. Of course that was also a time when everyone actually read LJ but that horse left the gate some time ago.
Had some lovely dinner tonight with some lovely people I don't see nearly often enough and we talked a lot about old times, new times, and those of our lives long since gone. Some for good or ill. I was listening to KISS earlier (as I'm apt to do occasionally) and Magic Touch came on (THE best song off Dynasty!). It made me think a bit on the folly of the last few romantic pursuits I have made and once again learned that you can never underestimate relationship advice from a man with a star on his eye. There have also been a few exchanges with friends that made me think. One particular friend who I love dearly but have not been able to understand in the six years I have known her said something particularly amusing to me. She was clearly troubled by the 'intensity of my regard.' That's one I have to write down for the future because it made me laugh my ass off. Dear readers and friends, I have learned and re-learned a great deal after my time in the Looney Bin. I am who I am and that will not change. Can it be improved? Surely. Fine-tuned? Sure why not. I accept the fact that being who I am will make some people wish me well, and others wish me dead. I've seen examples of both of those lately and the fact that neither surprised me all that much was another amusing fact. I tried to make amends with certain people, but for whatever reason they will not have it. Fine, they will go their way and I will go mine. Parting is always something I have difficulty with, but no matter how good, caring, or honest I am, I am gonna mix with some people like oil and water. Some people will have a problem with me no matter what I do, and that's just what it is, their problem. Not my fault, not my issue. Could I act and conduct myself better in certain situations? Yes of course, and I will admit readily when I fuck up and take the blame when I deserve it. But it's not always my fault.
My view on this is rather simplistic. Either I'm going to give a shit, or I'm not. If I give a shit about you then that's pretty damn lucky for you isn't it? My time and energy are valuable enough that one should feel privileged if I choose to spend them on you. I know how busy you all are. We all are. I have a rare luxury of time off this week and am thankful for the gift of being able to write here on a daily basis and not have to choose what to do with those few hours of free time between when I get home from work and when I have to hit the hay to start it all over again. I think I have written more here in the past few weeks than I did in the previous year, and you know what? There's more coming. So hang on to the railing kiddies because it's gonna be a bumpy ride, but I guarantee you'll enjoy it or your money back! I have posted both publicly and privately about my struggles and revelations. One friend I was chatting with last night said to me, "Not a lot of people talk about their lives so openly. I appreciate that." Thank you but it's once again something I need to do. If I didn't drop the shit here it would run around my head until it gnawed it's way out, and that would just leave a big mess on the carpet. It may be surprising, but there were people that didn't think I was all that smart or articulate until I started writing here. Now they know better. :) Lots of love kids and thanks for reading and putting up with my shit (and even calling me on it). The world wouldn't be the same without yah.
This is going to be a rare personal public post, viewable to friends, enemies, and all those lovely Russian people that seem to visit here on a regular basis. Live and without a cut! I remember in the early days of LJ when EVERYBODY posted publicly because they assumed that only those who cared were reading. You used to read your friend's friend list and make new friends exponentially. I miss that. Of course that was also a time when everyone actually read LJ but that horse left the gate some time ago.
Had some lovely dinner tonight with some lovely people I don't see nearly often enough and we talked a lot about old times, new times, and those of our lives long since gone. Some for good or ill. I was listening to KISS earlier (as I'm apt to do occasionally) and Magic Touch came on (THE best song off Dynasty!). It made me think a bit on the folly of the last few romantic pursuits I have made and once again learned that you can never underestimate relationship advice from a man with a star on his eye. There have also been a few exchanges with friends that made me think. One particular friend who I love dearly but have not been able to understand in the six years I have known her said something particularly amusing to me. She was clearly troubled by the 'intensity of my regard.' That's one I have to write down for the future because it made me laugh my ass off. Dear readers and friends, I have learned and re-learned a great deal after my time in the Looney Bin. I am who I am and that will not change. Can it be improved? Surely. Fine-tuned? Sure why not. I accept the fact that being who I am will make some people wish me well, and others wish me dead. I've seen examples of both of those lately and the fact that neither surprised me all that much was another amusing fact. I tried to make amends with certain people, but for whatever reason they will not have it. Fine, they will go their way and I will go mine. Parting is always something I have difficulty with, but no matter how good, caring, or honest I am, I am gonna mix with some people like oil and water. Some people will have a problem with me no matter what I do, and that's just what it is, their problem. Not my fault, not my issue. Could I act and conduct myself better in certain situations? Yes of course, and I will admit readily when I fuck up and take the blame when I deserve it. But it's not always my fault.
My view on this is rather simplistic. Either I'm going to give a shit, or I'm not. If I give a shit about you then that's pretty damn lucky for you isn't it? My time and energy are valuable enough that one should feel privileged if I choose to spend them on you. I know how busy you all are. We all are. I have a rare luxury of time off this week and am thankful for the gift of being able to write here on a daily basis and not have to choose what to do with those few hours of free time between when I get home from work and when I have to hit the hay to start it all over again. I think I have written more here in the past few weeks than I did in the previous year, and you know what? There's more coming. So hang on to the railing kiddies because it's gonna be a bumpy ride, but I guarantee you'll enjoy it or your money back! I have posted both publicly and privately about my struggles and revelations. One friend I was chatting with last night said to me, "Not a lot of people talk about their lives so openly. I appreciate that." Thank you but it's once again something I need to do. If I didn't drop the shit here it would run around my head until it gnawed it's way out, and that would just leave a big mess on the carpet. It may be surprising, but there were people that didn't think I was all that smart or articulate until I started writing here. Now they know better. :) Lots of love kids and thanks for reading and putting up with my shit (and even calling me on it). The world wouldn't be the same without yah.