after a my last godiva truffle to calm me down;
I woke up at 4 this morning from the throes of a horrible nightmare. I don't mean the normal type that have, where I wake up, but feel no particular upset from it, I just woke up literally in tears and shaking from this dream.
So I had an extra dark double chocolate truffle to soothe myself, though now my stomach is feeling queasy.
My dream:
I was working in some sort of used book store, or a library or something, somewhere with lots and lots of books. I helped people when they needed it, and so I was helping someone out outside, I'm not sure but it had something to do with children, maybe adopting someone from somewhere, or maybe they were a kid. So I go to help them, only to get trapped. I'm lying with my foot and hands trapped in these carts, kind of like the ones you get at the supermarket or in airports, and I'm begging them to help me.
Someone comes by, and this is someone I love very much, a woman, I think, but not one I know irl, she's very motherly, very nurturing, and I beg her for help, but she looks at me, trapped in these carts, and instead of helping me, she takes a straightedge razor and begins to cut into my flesh, starting from the ankle and moving up to the knee, to the hip. And it hurts like hell she's cutting to the bone, and I'm screaming at her to stop, and I'm crying, but she won't stop. She makes slice after slice in me, and I can't do anything, and by the time she stops,I have this spiderweb of cuts all over me, and it hurt so badly, and I feel like I must be falling apart, because there's less than an inch between all these cuts. Then she leaves, and I become untrapped.
I want to tell someone, but no one can tell there's anything wrong with me, there's no blood and the cuts are barely visible, unless you look closely, and then you can see my skin opening and closing around the the cuts as my skin flexes. But I don't think anyone will believe me, and each time I try to tell someone, usually someone I don't know, (this is a bit hazy) they just cut me again, or reopen it, or something.
So instead, I go the opposite way. I surround myself with dolls and toys, including this adorable teddy bear that is designed to give the best hugs in the world, and I don't say a word to anyone for a long long time.
But then Katelyn, I think it was, asks what's wrong with me, and I just break down and start crying because I've been trying to tell people the whole time, and they just wouldn't listen to me, and I show her the cuts, but she can barely even see them either....
And then I woke up feeling sick and ill and in tears.
So I had an extra dark double chocolate truffle to soothe myself, though now my stomach is feeling queasy.
My dream:
I was working in some sort of used book store, or a library or something, somewhere with lots and lots of books. I helped people when they needed it, and so I was helping someone out outside, I'm not sure but it had something to do with children, maybe adopting someone from somewhere, or maybe they were a kid. So I go to help them, only to get trapped. I'm lying with my foot and hands trapped in these carts, kind of like the ones you get at the supermarket or in airports, and I'm begging them to help me.
Someone comes by, and this is someone I love very much, a woman, I think, but not one I know irl, she's very motherly, very nurturing, and I beg her for help, but she looks at me, trapped in these carts, and instead of helping me, she takes a straightedge razor and begins to cut into my flesh, starting from the ankle and moving up to the knee, to the hip. And it hurts like hell she's cutting to the bone, and I'm screaming at her to stop, and I'm crying, but she won't stop. She makes slice after slice in me, and I can't do anything, and by the time she stops,I have this spiderweb of cuts all over me, and it hurt so badly, and I feel like I must be falling apart, because there's less than an inch between all these cuts. Then she leaves, and I become untrapped.
I want to tell someone, but no one can tell there's anything wrong with me, there's no blood and the cuts are barely visible, unless you look closely, and then you can see my skin opening and closing around the the cuts as my skin flexes. But I don't think anyone will believe me, and each time I try to tell someone, usually someone I don't know, (this is a bit hazy) they just cut me again, or reopen it, or something.
So instead, I go the opposite way. I surround myself with dolls and toys, including this adorable teddy bear that is designed to give the best hugs in the world, and I don't say a word to anyone for a long long time.
But then Katelyn, I think it was, asks what's wrong with me, and I just break down and start crying because I've been trying to tell people the whole time, and they just wouldn't listen to me, and I show her the cuts, but she can barely even see them either....
And then I woke up feeling sick and ill and in tears.