Byakuya and Rukia RP Log - 7/17
POST IS PRIVATE, NO CHARACTERS CAN SEE IT
[[This actually takes place before the Byakuya/Renji log that was unlocked early this morning.]]
Rukia: Rukia stepped through the giant doors barricading the Inner Court from the rest of Soul Society. She smiled at the guard as she passed through then looked at the sakura trees that surrounded her. "Er, where was I supposed to meet him again?" she muttered to herself, while looking around at the division buildings.
Byakuya: Byakuya was walking back to his quarters after a meeting with the other taichous when he spotted Rukia on his right. She looked confused as to where she was heading. Wordlessly, Byakuya turned and started walking towards her, stopping a few feet away. "Rukia."
Rukia: Rukia looked startled for a moment and had to swallow the anxiety that had just taken a grip on her chest. "N-Nii-sama. Am I early?"
Byakuya: "Only slightly," Byakuya replied, still standing there stoically [[omg, is that a word. man, i need a spellcheck]]. "But it is not a problem. Shall we?" Without waiting for an answer, Byakuya turned and began walking.
Rukia: "Er--" Rukia blinked and hurried to catch up with him. For every one step that her brother took, she had to take three. Still, she managed to keep pace with him as they walked towards their unknown destination. "So where are we going?"
Byakuya: Byakuya glanced down at Rukia, almost jogging along beside him. He made an effort to slow down enough so that Rukia would still be left with some breath at the end. "I arranged for us to have dinner at my quarters. Is that alright?"
Rukia: Rukia noticed her brother try to slow down his pace some and blushed. He really was trying, wasn't he? "Sure, that's fine," she said, smiling at him.
Byakuya: Seeing Rukia smile, Byakuya relaxed a little. They walked in silence the rest of the way, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. Byakuya's living quarters was located in an area furthest from the center of Soul Society, where there were more gardens and open space. Upon arriving, Byakuya entered, leaving the door open for Rukia.
Rukia: Rukia stopped for a minute at the doorway and looked around. There were gardens surrounding Nii-sama's living quarters and the flowers were blooming furiously at the moment. It was all quite beautiful. "Did your living quarters always look like this?" she asked, walking in after him. "It looks so much different than the rest of Soul Society."
Byakuya: "Aa," Byakuya replied. "Hisana liked to spend more time with nature than people, so the garden was built for her." He stopped next to a window and looked out towards the setting sun. "I've grown to like it as well."
Rukia: "It's beautiful," she said, nodding and smiling. Then she looked around the room haltingly. "Um, where do I sit?"
Byakuya: "Anywhere you feel like." Byakuya moved to pour some tea for the two of them. "I am not as strict as you probably think I am. There's really no need to act so proper when we're not on duty."
Rukia: Rukia raised her eyebrow and was about to question him skeptically, but decided it would be better not to. Instead she nodded and sat on one of the couches that were in the center of the room. "So what do you do when you're not on duty?"
Byakuya: Byakuya sat down in an opposite chair, setting the cups down on the small table in the middle. "I'm afraid only more work - paperwork and reports. On the rare chance when I do have time to spare, I spend it in the garden."
Rukia: "You sound like Hitsugaya-taichou," Rukia said, making a face. "Don't you ever try and have...well, fun?"
Byakuya: "Fun?" Byakuya moved his head slightly to the right, staring off into space. "I fear being born into nobility, you are not allowed to know what fun is." Blinking, he picked up his teacup and silently took a sip. "But since I have never known fun, I lack the ability to want it."
Rukia: Rukia's smile faded and she became solemn again. "Oh. Right. Well, but, if you're still doing your duty...if you're still upholding the law and not breaking your promise, then why shouldn't you be allowed to have some fun? That doesn't sound right."
Byakuya: Byakuya looked at Rukia thoughtfully, the corner of his mouth upturned just the slightest. "Thank you for your concern, Rukia, but it is fine."
Rukia: Rukia nodded slightly, trying not to look too disappointed, and reached for her tea. She had hoped to get him to open up somewhat. Oh well. Someday, maybe?
Byakuya: "Did I say something wrong?" Byakuya asked, eyes showing slight concern.
Rukia: "What? No of course not," Rukia said, shaking her head. She then took a deep breath and set to work. There was much to talk about after all. Avoiding his eyes and trying not to let her face color too much, she said, "Renji and I are going to a festival in a few days. P-perhaps I can talk to him then."
Byakuya: Byakuya allowed himself a small smile when Rukia mentioned Renji's name, but it passed as quickly as it came. "Is that so? That's good to hear." Ignoring the last part of what Rukia said, Byakuya stood up suddenly, clearly his throat. "The food is probably ready, Rukia." He gestured slightly toward another set of doors. "After you."
Rukia: "Oh, all right," she said as she stood up. She'd find a way to bring it up again. They had to talk about it at some point. She followed her brother to the other room.
Byakuya: The table was not very big, just enough to comfortably fit two people. After sitting down, the conversation was pretty standard and Byakuya was slightly relieved that Rukia didn't mention Renji again.
Rukia: "So do you ever think you would go to one of the parties they host? Like Atobe-san's party?" Rukia asked, taking a bite of the cucumber dish.
Byakuya: Byakuya took a sip of his water before answering. "I'm afraid not. There is too much to do here, and furthermore, such an environment would not suit me."
Rukia: "Hitsugaya-taichou went," she pointed out. "And he's always swamped with paperwork. Surely your fuku-taichou could help you finish the paperwork?"
Byakuya: "You are correct, but I believe Hitsugaya went because Matsumoto-san agreed to complete all his paperwork this month." Byakuya paused, hesitant. "And Renji is not like me. I would not force him to be inside all day long."
Rukia: "Matsumoto-san went too," Rukia said, determined to not let this topic drop. "So why couldn't both you and Renji take time off? You both seem to need it."
Byakuya: "Matsumoto went because she is physically unable to stay away from such events. That is who she is," Byakuya replied calmly. "If Renji wishes to attend, he may do so, but I would still have to say no."
Rukia: "But surely you cannot spend all of your days doing paperwork!" Rukia protested. "Do you even spend time with others?!"
Byakuya: Byakuya was taken aback slightly by Rukia's little outburst, but he did not show it. "I'm thankful for your concern, Rukia, but rest assured, I do not do paperwork all the time. Only most of the time." Taking another sip of his water, he went on. "I am actually more content than you might think, spending time alone. I am used to it."
Rukia: "You shouldn't have to get used to! Really, Nii-sama! You've been alone for 50 years now! That's not right!" Rukia said, failing completely at staying neutral.
Byakuya: Byakuya stayed silent for a while, Rukia's words in his head. "....Really? Has it been that long already?"
Rukia: "Y-yes, it has been," she said, calming down a little. "I know you loved her, but that doesn't mean that she would want you to be alone for the rest of your life."
Byakuya: "Hisana...," Byakuya said softly, voice nostalgic. "Is that what you think?"
Rukia: "I-I do," Rukia replied quietly, not looking him in the eyes. "I mean I didn't know her, but I'm sure she would have wanted you to move on. You can't keep barring yourself off from everyone."
Byakuya: "Everyone. I see. I apologize, it is not something I do intentionally." Byakuya ran his thumb along the side of his glass absentmindedly.
Rukia: "I-I didn't mean it like that," Rukia said, worried she was hurting his feelings. "I just meant that you're always caught up in your paperwork and you never really speak with anyone else. You've started to do so on Livejournal, I suppose, so why don't you take it further? I mean...who are your friends, Nii-sama?"
Byakuya: It was clear to Byakuya that Rukia genuinely cared, and he was very grateful to her. "Friends? I do not have friends so much as acquaintences." Byakuya knew this would probably upset her.
Rukia: Rukia frowned. Well it shouldn't have surprised her, but hearing her brother say so made her feel a bit...sad. "A-and that doesn't bother you?"
Byakuya: Byakuya frowned slightly himself when he saw the blatant change on Rukia's face. "It is simply another result of being born into nobility. You are detached from many things. It is nothing to worry over."
Rukia: "I would have agreed with you earlier. Or at least I wouldn't have argued," Rukia said slowly, "but I begin to think that maybe it's time you stand against it. Nobility is great, sure, but are you really happy? I mean maybe it's because I was raised in Rukongai, but I just don't understand how you can live that way. Friends are the most wonderful thing to have!"
Byakuya: "I really am perfectly content with how things are right now, Rukia." Byakuya replied, hoping that she would not notice that he did not address her real question of whether or not he was happy. "And I am glad you regard friends that way, and that you have such friends. But you and I are not the same."
Rukia: "No," she said sadly. "I suppose we're not." She looked around at the table settings, at the food, at the room itself--anywhere but his eyes. She tried to ignore the awkward silence for tranquility, but finally decided she could not. "And you wouldn't change it at all?" she asked. "Not even if I...if I were to help you?"
Byakuya: Byakuya's eyes widened slightly. "Help me? But I assure you, I am perfectly alright? I'm grateful for your offer, but you do not need to go to such lengths."
Rukia: Rukia raised an eyebrow. "Nii-sama, let's not pretend. Things have been said on Livejournal and we cannot pretend that they haven't."
Byakuya: Byakuya nudged at the food on his plate. "Oh? Such as?"
Rukia: "Are you really going to make me repeat them?" Rukia sighed, trying hard not to color.
Byakuya: In truth, Byakuya just did not want Rukia to bring up Renji. He had done some thinking since realizing his feelings for his vice captain, but it was a subject that he wanted to stay away from. "I do not know what you are referring to though."
Rukia: "Renji," Rukia said, taking a deep breath and trying to keep her voice steady. "Of course I'm talking about him and you know I'm talking about him too."
Byakuya: On the outside, Byakuya gave no reaction at all, but inside he was frantically trying to think of what to say to Rukia. He could not come up with anything. "I'd rather not speak about Renji."
Rukia: "Why not? You have to speak about him sometime," Rukia urged. She might upset her brother, but this might be the only time she had to get this all out in the open.
Byakuya: "I've already given a lot of thought to Renji, and there isn't anything to discuss." Byakuya paused before continuing hesitantly. "I've decided that you are right. I really shouldn't."
Rukia: "Right?" Rukia exclaimed. "Right about what? Nii-sama, I told you I would support you in whatever decision you made! I said nothing about you not...being with Renji if that's what you really want!"
Byakuya: "No," Byakuya replied. "It was not anything you said directly. It only made me think about what I was doing. It is unfair to Renji."
Rukia: "You aren't doing anything yet and the only thing unfair to Renji is that you're deciding all of this without him!" Rukia almost banged her fist on the table.
Byakuya: Byakuya still showed no outward reaction to Rukia's arguments. He only wanted to stop talking about him and Renji and Renji with him as quickly as possible. "Really, Rukia, you would be better for him."
Rukia: "I--I what?!" Rukia said, startled and blushing.
Byakuya: Byakuya gave Rukia a forced smile. "Yes. You two are childhood friends. You are better suited for him."
Rukia: "T-that means nothing," Rukia said, still red. "We're friends, yes, but that does not mean we are suited to each other. You have feelings for him, though, Nii-sama. Why are you denying them?"
Byakuya: "I'm not denying them, Rukia. I just think Renji is confused with his feelings about me. It is easy to get tied up with your position, and I understand. Really, it's okay."
Rukia: "Have you even talked to Renji?"
Byakuya: Byakuya could not give Rukia her answer, knowing that she would not like it.
Rukia: "You haven't have you?" she said in an exasperated tone. Rukia sighed and shook her head, finishing her drink. Once she was done, she put the cup down, pushed the plate of food away and stared at her brother. "Fine. You are the noble Kuchiki. I'm just the little girl you adopted off the street because of my sister's dying wish. What say do I have in the matter? But I'll tell you, Nii-sama, I don't understand what's so great about the Kuchiki clan if they can't learn to be happy."
Byakuya: Rukia's anger was becoming more and more evident, but Byakuya understood it. He was never an easy man to understand. "I value your opinions very much, Rukia. But you must understand that there are always sacrifices to be made. This will just be another one of many. I will be fine."
Rukia: "Tell me something then," she said. "Just why is this so bad? Why is this a sacrifice that must be made?"
Byakuya: Byakuya thought carefully about what he wanted to say before opening his mouth. "There are actually a lot of things I fear in this world, Rukia. Did you know that? I fear what Aizen will do, I fear if you are still in danger...But I fear just as much that if I were to pursue Renji, he would realize one day that he is not happy."
Rukia: "But how can you even know that if you haven't spoken with him?" Rukia said, rising in frustration. She didn't know what she was going to do. She wasn't even sure if she liked the idea of her brother and Renji together. "And why would he not be happy?!"
Byakuya: Byakuya actually let out an incredulous laugh in response to Rukia's question. "Rukia. Be reasonable. He would not be happy with me."
Rukia: "What?" her mouth hung open. "Why wouldn't he be?"
Byakuya: Byakuya looked up at Rukia, gaze unwavering. "And you believe he would be?"
Rukia: "I have no reason to see why he wouldn't," she shrugged, decided to walk around the room to let out her nerves. "Out of everyone in Soul Society, he should know you best, since he's your fuku-taichou. And he has never said a word against you. He seems rather content in your division. Why would he not be happy, then?"
Byakuya: "He is my fukutaichou," Byakuya replied, but more saying it to himself. "And all he knows is being my fukutaichou. Because of this, his judgment is flawed."
Rukia: "Of course all he knows is being your fukutaichou. He hasn't been anything else. But what if he wants to be and you're not giving him that chance? You haven't even spoken to him!"
Byakuya: "I have said it before, Rukia. I would not able to live with it if Renji realized one day that he was not happy with me."
Rukia: Rukia stared at her brother, trying to hide her irritation. She had always so admired his composition and focus, his strength and the honor that his noble upbringing had brought him. But he was being ridiculous and she was tired of trying to be calm and sensible. "I swore I would never be disrespectful to you, Nii-sama. I swore I would always act with honor and not shame you," she said slowly. "But you're wrong. You're wrong and you're stubborn and you're only hurting yourself and Renji."
Byakuya: "You can say so confidently that I'm wrong, Rukia? You may be right, but there are some things that I refuse to risk." Byakuya stood from his chair and walked over to the window, the one built so that the moon would always be visible through it. "...Renji will understand."
Rukia: "What? Just what are you risking?" Rukia said, not bothering to keep her voice down now. "You have risked everything for the sake of the Kuchiki's and your honor and pride! You have risk becoming close to your sister. You have risked making friends. You have risked doing everything but the paperwork! What could you possibly risk by trying to listen to your feelings?!"
Byakuya: Byakuya did not answer her for a long time, Rukia's words too truthful for him to say anything. Finally, with his back towards Rukia, he said softly, "...my heart, Rukia."
Rukia: Rukia stopped and stared at his back. She had never heard Byakuya say anything so honest. Since she had been adopted into the family, her older brother had been cold, distant, with no vulnerability. She tried to keep her voice from choking as she replied. "But you risked your heart once. And it tore when Hisana-san died. You've had 50 years with a broken heart. Shouldn't you let it heal now?"
Byakuya: Byakuya knew that he could not lie to Rukia anymore. "And if it gets torn apart again? I would rather have Renji by myside as my fukutaichou for as long as he is willing - I would be happy with that."
Rukia: "Who says that Renji would stop being your fukutaichou? Unless, by some miracle, someone promoted him to be taichou, I don't think Renji would leave," Rukia said, faintly smiling. "And you're still not giving him a chance, Nii-sama. I've known Renji since I was a child. There's no better person to entrust your heart to."
Byakuya: "No, Rukia, that is not what I mean," Byakuya said sadly, walking to where she was standing, and gently placing his hands on her shoulders. "If he is not meant to be with me... I would not survive him leaving." He made sure Rukia did not look away, willing her to understand.
Rukia: Rukia reddened further (if that was really possible) and found that she could not look anywhere else. But no matter. She would make her brother listen and she would make him understand. No matter how uncomfortable it made the both of them. "How do you know he is not meant to be with you? I see nothing stopping either of you except for your insecurity."
Byakuya: "....Rukia, please." Byakuya only knew how to ignore his personal feelings, and Rukia was beginning push too much. "I have spent many sleepless nights in making this decision. I can not think about it anymore."
Rukia: "No! Not please," Rukia said, standing firm and glaring at him. "You only do these things that make you unhappy. You never do anything that could result in your happiness and you know what? I'm not standing for it anymore. I will push you until you realize that you're making a huge mistake, Kuchiki pride be damned!"
Byakuya: "If I can just be next to him, Rukia, I will be happy. If he is only my fukutaichou, I will be happy. As long as I know where he is, and am able to protect him - I will be happy. I promise you this."
Light of Auril: "No you won't," she said, point-blank. "You will not be happy with that. Don't lie to me, Nii-sama. You might think that just having him next to you is enough, but it's not. It will only leave you wanting more, now that you've realized how you feel. You will not be happy. That is one promise you cannot make."
Byakuya: "Rukia," Byakuya began, "My feelings for Renji is the most I've allowed myself to have in all my life. I apologize for angering you like this, but I cannot give you any more. If I do break my promise, it will be my own mistake for making it in the first place."
Rukia: Rukia sighed and turned away from her brother's gaze. She walked around the room at random, trying to get a grip on her mixed emotions. Then she turned back to him. "All right. I won't push you anymore. It's obvious I can't influence you the way I'd like to, but that's hardly surprising. Will you at least promise me this? That even if you do so secretly, even if Renji doesn't know, will you at least take more time to think about it? If he doesn't know, then there's no harm in it, right?"
Byakuya: "The truth is," Byakua sighed. "I don't know why I told him I had feelings in the first place. It was reckless."
Rukia: "Well, what did he say in return?"
Byakuya: "It does not matter," replied Byakuya.
Rukia: Rukia blinked. "What do you mean it does not matter? Of course it matters! If he said that he felt the same way and you're keeping yourself from him because you want to "protect him", then you're just hurting him and yourself!"
Byakuya: "Renji has been caught off guard and does not know how to respond. I do not believe it is what he really feels."
Rukia: Rukia shook her head and stopped pacing around the room. "Well, I've tried. I'll talk to Renji during the festival. Maybe he can talk some sense into you," she said quietly, sighing. Then she looked back up and put on a fake smile. "Was there anything else, Nii-sama? I really should be getting back, I think."
Byakuya: Byakuya frowned, both because he wanted to tell her that he'd rather she not tell Renji any of this, and because he could read her face like a book and he felt bad for being the cause. "I'm sure you did not come here thinking that we would only be talking about me. What about you?"
Rukia: "I--what?" Rukia looked blankly at him. "What about me?"
Byakuya: Byakuya did not even skip a beat. "You and Ichigo, of course."
Rukia: Rukia felt her face grow hot, but kept her voice steady and her expression neutral. "What about me and Ichigo? We're still going to school together and fighting the Hollows, if that's what you mean."
Byakuya: "....And you like each other." Byakuya's face was stoic as ever. "Yes, in that way."
Rukia: Rukia took a moment to calm herself down before supplying a "I don't know what you're talking about. Ichigo and I are friends. Housemates, maybe, but friends."
Byakuya: "You are reacting very oddly for someone who does not know what I'm talking about."
Rukia: "Oh? How am I reacting?"
Byakuya: "Nervously."
Rukia: "Am not."
Byakuya: "Rukia."
Rukia: "Nii-sama."
Byakuya: "Do not make fun of me."
Rukia: "How am I making fun of you?"
Byakuya: "Also, do not change the subject. You like Ichigo."
Rukia: "I--sure I do. He's my friend."
Byakuya: "You like him as more than a friend."
Rukia: "So people keep telling me," Rukia replied. "But I have yet to confirm that."
Byakuya: "Because you're not sure, or because you don't want to." It was almost not a question.
Rukia: "I've told you before," she said, maneuvering around the question, "I don't have feelings for anyone at the moment."
Byakuya: "I have strong reason to believe that that has changed recently."
Rukia: Rukia hesitated. "W-why would you think that?"
Byakuya: "Your stuttering, for one. And the way you interact with Ichigo in general."
Rukia: "...you mean how I yell at him and tell him to get me juiceboxes?"
Byakuya: "Rukia, I do not understand how you can stand there and tell me what I should do about my feelings, when you can not even face yours," Byakua said, face still serious. "And do not ask me what I am talking about. You know very well."
Rukia: "I--well," Rukia said, biting on her lip. "It's different. You know your feelings, I'm still trying to figure out mine. If I do or if I don't, I will be the first one to know, but I will take my own time finding it out."
Byakuya: "Rukia," Byakuya finally gave a small smile. "Taking time to find out is one thing, but trying to avoid it is another issue altogether."
Rukia: "I'm not avoiding anything! I'm just trying to stop everyone from pushing feelings on me!" she snapped. Then, realizing what she had done, she averted her eyes and said softly, "I'm sorry. I was out of place."
Byakuya: "Rukia," Byakuya said, pausing for a moment. "People don't meant to push anything onto you. They just see something you can't because they can see the bigger picture."
Rukia: "Well if there is a bigger picture, I'll find out for myself. And I'll do so in my own manner," she said. Then her face softened and she smiled at him. "If I do find that there are feelings there. Any whatsoever, I will tell you, Nii-sama. You'll be the first to know."
Byakuya: "I'm glad, Rukia." Byakuya gently placed one hand on Rukia head, smiling. "And I. I will think about what you have said."
Rukia: Rukia nodded. "Thank you for dinner, Nii-sama. I'll be going back now. Ichigo's probably forgotten to feed Cherry as it is." She smiled at him once more and left his living quarters.
Byakuya: Byakuya bid Rukia a good night and watched until she turned at the end of the pathway and disappeared.