wait.....they dont love me like they love you...wait
i'm in deep thought right now....
but it's making me depressed....you ever feel like no one cares anymore and everything that used to make sense doesn't anymore and that you feel like a worthless piece of crap and that if you fell off the face of the earth no one would realize it?....hmmmmm.....some pretty rough stuff to think about...
**sniff**
i feel as though all i do anymore is complain.....actally....that's all i do do....i doubt anyone listens...if i were having to be the person to listen to me i would tune myself out too. that's not what bothers...not that no one listens or understands..just the simple fact that i always have something to complain about is what bothers me :( i've got great friends..correction..i have a great friend and i have a great ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL rock my world kind of guy as a boyfriend and a job that i love and.....alot to be thankful for.....but more so, SO much to complain about and to wish everything could just go away for a mere second just to have a taste of freedom and peace.....**sigh**.....but that will never happen, sure you can tell me scripture and all that mess and tell me all your miraculous stories of how God set you free, but come on...i can tell you those stories and then right after that complain about how much my life sucks and how many things that i wish i could change and things i'm not happy with...i'm sorry but that's not being set free.....i dont wish things were perfect because everything would back fire if things were that way and i dont like the way that some things are right now, but i'm gonna have to settle because it can only be worse because there isn't an in between point i dont believe....oh great....now i'm just rambling. oh how i wish Jacob were still here or atleast still up so i could talk to him....
**sniff**
so.......still waters was fun....ya know how i said i was going to have a long post about it when i came back.....yeah well i lied! we slept, played rook, GOLFED, swam, ate, and goofed off. but the most fun i had was thursday....well....friday morning. jacobs mom and dad had already went to bed downstairs and me and jacob were watching TV upstairs....we just layed there on the not so comfortable pull out bed and talked from 1am to about 4:30am it was simply wonderful...we talked about SO much....and i told him something that has been on my chest ever since....WOW...a LONG time, that i've never told anyone else in my entire life...and it felt so great, not just so much to get it off my chest but because it was him that i was telling it to and he didnt get upset or make fun or nothing....it made feel so good inside....he hugged me for what felt like an hour, he was acting real goofy about it, but it was sweet and he was happy....anyways, i doubt any of you care for all of that since i'm not telling what i told but this is something between me and him i think....and i like that :) but i did have a blast with him and his family and i hated to come home....spending a whole week with jacob was simply magnificent but to think of spending a whole lifetime with him makes me wants to pass out in the floor with excitement :D i love that boy and i'm just the luckiest girl alive to be able to call him mine!!!
i'm tired.....goodnight.....
doesnt it feel great to talk to the keyboard........ :(
but it's making me depressed....you ever feel like no one cares anymore and everything that used to make sense doesn't anymore and that you feel like a worthless piece of crap and that if you fell off the face of the earth no one would realize it?....hmmmmm.....some pretty rough stuff to think about...
**sniff**
i feel as though all i do anymore is complain.....actally....that's all i do do....i doubt anyone listens...if i were having to be the person to listen to me i would tune myself out too. that's not what bothers...not that no one listens or understands..just the simple fact that i always have something to complain about is what bothers me :( i've got great friends..correction..i have a great friend and i have a great ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL rock my world kind of guy as a boyfriend and a job that i love and.....alot to be thankful for.....but more so, SO much to complain about and to wish everything could just go away for a mere second just to have a taste of freedom and peace.....**sigh**.....but that will never happen, sure you can tell me scripture and all that mess and tell me all your miraculous stories of how God set you free, but come on...i can tell you those stories and then right after that complain about how much my life sucks and how many things that i wish i could change and things i'm not happy with...i'm sorry but that's not being set free.....i dont wish things were perfect because everything would back fire if things were that way and i dont like the way that some things are right now, but i'm gonna have to settle because it can only be worse because there isn't an in between point i dont believe....oh great....now i'm just rambling. oh how i wish Jacob were still here or atleast still up so i could talk to him....
**sniff**
so.......still waters was fun....ya know how i said i was going to have a long post about it when i came back.....yeah well i lied! we slept, played rook, GOLFED, swam, ate, and goofed off. but the most fun i had was thursday....well....friday morning. jacobs mom and dad had already went to bed downstairs and me and jacob were watching TV upstairs....we just layed there on the not so comfortable pull out bed and talked from 1am to about 4:30am it was simply wonderful...we talked about SO much....and i told him something that has been on my chest ever since....WOW...a LONG time, that i've never told anyone else in my entire life...and it felt so great, not just so much to get it off my chest but because it was him that i was telling it to and he didnt get upset or make fun or nothing....it made feel so good inside....he hugged me for what felt like an hour, he was acting real goofy about it, but it was sweet and he was happy....anyways, i doubt any of you care for all of that since i'm not telling what i told but this is something between me and him i think....and i like that :) but i did have a blast with him and his family and i hated to come home....spending a whole week with jacob was simply magnificent but to think of spending a whole lifetime with him makes me wants to pass out in the floor with excitement :D i love that boy and i'm just the luckiest girl alive to be able to call him mine!!!
i'm tired.....goodnight.....
doesnt it feel great to talk to the keyboard........ :(