Sirius Black's Purposeful Panda
Title: Sirius Black's Purposeful Panda
Pairing: Sirius/Rosmerta for rarepair_shorts
Prompt: and that is a panda's purpose in life
Rating: PG
Word Count: 463
Summary: Sirius Black has a panda. And not a fake one, stuffed to the seams with fluff and sporting a shiny red bow. A real, live, let’s-eat-bamboo-‘cause-it’s-going-out-of-style panda.
Author's Notes: ALL FINISHED. THIS DRABBLE IS COMPLETE CRACK.
Link to Prompt Table: Accio!
Sirius Black's Purposeful Panda
Sirius Black has a panda. And not a fake one, stuffed to the seams with fluff and sporting a shiny red bow. A real, live, let’s-eat-bamboo-‘cause-it’s-going-out-of-style panda.
Sirius figures that most girls would like a toy bear with which to cuddle when in a particularly nasty snit. But since Rosmerta Doyle isn’t like other girls, it therefore makes perfect sense to fetch her something that’s precisely not that.
And he’s got a weakness for flair, after all, so he’s settled on something alive.
Perfect sense.
---
Sirius drags the panda-the great twit is so bloody slow-to the path that passes by the Three Broomsticks, and then gives it a firm push toward the door. It shoots him a sleepy, resentful look and begins to lumber on.
It really decides to take its own sweet time doing it.
Frowning, Sirius emerges from his hiding place and tries, once more, to push it forward with as much force as he thinks is safe-he doesn’t want to incapacitate the thing, after all.
It sighs.
“Hurry up!” Sirius hisses, patience dropping like it’s in free-fall.
Eventually, the panda seems to sense his urgency and moves a little bit faster than before. And in several minutes, it finally reaches its destination.
Pleased, Sirius holds open the door, and the panda wanders inside.
Immediately, glorious chaos ensues. From outside, he can hear people screaming and knocking themselves together in a panic, and chairs are sent skittering across the floor.
The pub empties in about thirty seconds flat-though oddly, no one thinks to use the back door, through whose window Sirius is currently peering, so there’s a bit of a frantic crowd for a moment at the entrance.
The panda, unfazed, sniffs at a puddle of Firewhisky and licks it.
Rosmerta, who is sporting a most daunting frown-which is how Sirius had left her that morning, so obviously nothing’s changed-steps out in front of the counter. She surveys the damage looking slightly bemused.
And then she notices the panda.
It pads up to her lazily, plopping itself, after a pause, down at her feet.
Most girlfriends, Sirius thinks, would faint dead away or run shrieking from the sight of a large, bear-type creature wandering around, minding its own business.
But then again, Rosmerta technically isn’t his girlfriend.
Technically, actually, she’s his looooover-but only because she hates the word with a burning passion.
(But, see, it’s alright: the passion’s still there, somewhere.)
Rosmerta stares at the creature for a while, not entirely certain of what to think.
Then, for the first time that day, her face splits open into a wide, earth-shattering smile.
“And that,” Sirius nods to himself with a note of satisfaction in his tone, “is a panda’s purpose in life.”
Pairing: Sirius/Rosmerta for rarepair_shorts
Prompt: and that is a panda's purpose in life
Rating: PG
Word Count: 463
Summary: Sirius Black has a panda. And not a fake one, stuffed to the seams with fluff and sporting a shiny red bow. A real, live, let’s-eat-bamboo-‘cause-it’s-going-out-of-style panda.
Author's Notes: ALL FINISHED. THIS DRABBLE IS COMPLETE CRACK.
Link to Prompt Table: Accio!
Sirius Black's Purposeful Panda
Sirius Black has a panda. And not a fake one, stuffed to the seams with fluff and sporting a shiny red bow. A real, live, let’s-eat-bamboo-‘cause-it’s-going-out-of-style panda.
Sirius figures that most girls would like a toy bear with which to cuddle when in a particularly nasty snit. But since Rosmerta Doyle isn’t like other girls, it therefore makes perfect sense to fetch her something that’s precisely not that.
And he’s got a weakness for flair, after all, so he’s settled on something alive.
Perfect sense.
---
Sirius drags the panda-the great twit is so bloody slow-to the path that passes by the Three Broomsticks, and then gives it a firm push toward the door. It shoots him a sleepy, resentful look and begins to lumber on.
It really decides to take its own sweet time doing it.
Frowning, Sirius emerges from his hiding place and tries, once more, to push it forward with as much force as he thinks is safe-he doesn’t want to incapacitate the thing, after all.
It sighs.
“Hurry up!” Sirius hisses, patience dropping like it’s in free-fall.
Eventually, the panda seems to sense his urgency and moves a little bit faster than before. And in several minutes, it finally reaches its destination.
Pleased, Sirius holds open the door, and the panda wanders inside.
Immediately, glorious chaos ensues. From outside, he can hear people screaming and knocking themselves together in a panic, and chairs are sent skittering across the floor.
The pub empties in about thirty seconds flat-though oddly, no one thinks to use the back door, through whose window Sirius is currently peering, so there’s a bit of a frantic crowd for a moment at the entrance.
The panda, unfazed, sniffs at a puddle of Firewhisky and licks it.
Rosmerta, who is sporting a most daunting frown-which is how Sirius had left her that morning, so obviously nothing’s changed-steps out in front of the counter. She surveys the damage looking slightly bemused.
And then she notices the panda.
It pads up to her lazily, plopping itself, after a pause, down at her feet.
Most girlfriends, Sirius thinks, would faint dead away or run shrieking from the sight of a large, bear-type creature wandering around, minding its own business.
But then again, Rosmerta technically isn’t his girlfriend.
Technically, actually, she’s his looooover-but only because she hates the word with a burning passion.
(But, see, it’s alright: the passion’s still there, somewhere.)
Rosmerta stares at the creature for a while, not entirely certain of what to think.
Then, for the first time that day, her face splits open into a wide, earth-shattering smile.
“And that,” Sirius nods to himself with a note of satisfaction in his tone, “is a panda’s purpose in life.”