a question of nature.
I'm actually starting to feel more human than i have in awhile. This is mainly triggered by two things. The first being that i have finally re-dyed my hair so the curious ginger colour and shameful roots are all gone, yippeee:). Being a natural blonde is particularly irritating when it comes to wanting red hair, it always goes very peculiar when fading/growing out. sort of like marmalade in places.
i'm also starting to wonder whether i still want red hair or whether i'm just hiding behind it. See the thing is, i first did it in january when, after a particularly bad time, i woke up one day and wanted a fresh start. Now i know its very vain and silly to say changing my hair colour made me happy but it did and made me feel freer. Only now i'm beginning to think i pushed several issues deep down when i did it and even though they try and pop up occasionly now, i would have to face them properly when i went blonde again. Daft i know and i'm probably thinking far too much. I mean its just hair dye *shakes self*
Anyway i have around 4-5weeks to decide before my hair needs fixing again....at that point do i continue being red or start the process of returning to my natural blonde? It's not that i don't love the red, i'm just starting to miss the natural me. Even though lots of people say the red suits me far more than my natural did anyway, as i'm very pale and often looked washed out. argh i don't know i'm very torn. Still all shiny now so i wonder why i'm thinking about it just yet.
The other thing making me feel more human is that i've started being creative again after far too long, i have been painting today after discovering a shiny new box of watercolour sticks that i forgot i possessed. Also been jotting down several new ideas for books which is always good although heaven knows i already have far too many unfinished manuscripts. I believe i am one of these people destined to never finish anything. My bursts of inspiration are far too sporadic and burn out quickly. My interest quickly grabbed by something new.
Anyway one last thing...curse the sodding postal strike!!! i've been waiting for some important things from the uni and will already have to start the course late. DAMN THEM!!