(no subject)
It feels like all I have been doing this summer is working. Such a dull summer. I dont even know what to do to spice it up. Its like I am stuck in Limbo. There is high school behind me and college ahead, what to do in the mean time, what to do? I also feel like there are alot of people I thought I would be hanging out with more, and I am not, in fact I havent seen or talked to a lot of them since graduation. Very strange and sad.
All of a sudden I have been feeling very ambitious. Extremely un-cheryl like. Not ambitious like I have some drive to "suceed" and make money, but rather be the person I truly aspire to be. I dont need to settle in life. If I want to do/be something/someone, I sure as hell am going to do it. Who gives a damn what other people think/say.
Like my family for instance. I always felt guilty for being the political/spiritual black sheep of my family. Can you believe that, GUILTY! As if I am in the wrong, but I cant get myself out of it. Not true i have realized. I am who I am, I believe what I believe. If they (he) wont accept me for me, there is a problem, but you know what, i think deep down they (he) does. We argue. We yell. We slam doors. But you know what, holding myself back from doing what I want to do is no good at all. No matter where I am 20 years from now, I am still a part of this family, still his daughter. THAT doesnt change. I am me, but at the same time, I am a little of them, a little of my friends, a little of my teachers, a little of holy family, a little of the church, a little of every country I have visited, a little of every book I have read, a little of every movie I have watched. That is me.
All of a sudden I have been feeling very ambitious. Extremely un-cheryl like. Not ambitious like I have some drive to "suceed" and make money, but rather be the person I truly aspire to be. I dont need to settle in life. If I want to do/be something/someone, I sure as hell am going to do it. Who gives a damn what other people think/say.
Like my family for instance. I always felt guilty for being the political/spiritual black sheep of my family. Can you believe that, GUILTY! As if I am in the wrong, but I cant get myself out of it. Not true i have realized. I am who I am, I believe what I believe. If they (he) wont accept me for me, there is a problem, but you know what, i think deep down they (he) does. We argue. We yell. We slam doors. But you know what, holding myself back from doing what I want to do is no good at all. No matter where I am 20 years from now, I am still a part of this family, still his daughter. THAT doesnt change. I am me, but at the same time, I am a little of them, a little of my friends, a little of my teachers, a little of holy family, a little of the church, a little of every country I have visited, a little of every book I have read, a little of every movie I have watched. That is me.