impromptu writing: on not being spiritually bankrupt

[pervymalfoy]

I thought that when I returned to home, new york, I would be so invigorated with carefree joy; not depressed, drained, and unhappy with the world. I felt gutted-- I was consumed by myself and my awful incurable loneliness (which, in retrospect, I could've changed that by calling someone, but I just wanted to wallow). I didn't have anything at that

Comments

[fierywaif]

Also, I disagree about the "live for what makes you happy" thing. This is basically what I wrote in my Bible class in-class-final on what is the meaning of life that resulted that professor I hated emailing me and telling me he was concerned for my psychological well-being, but I feel like we're in this new age where people are so concerned about personal happiness, and I don't feel that that's what human existence is about. I think, in the olden days, or for people in other places today, life is more a question of survival- working so that you can feed and clothe your family and survive, etc, and any enjoyment or happiness that could be found in life were more far and in between for people, and y'know, people were fine with that because the human race somehow managed to survive those times. But now we're in this hedonistic culture, where people expect to be pleased and think there's something wrong with them when they're alone or unhappy. And I think hedonism leads to nihilism in the long run. Like, we have this constant need to better ourselves or make our decisions based on whether or not it will benefit us emotionally, and sometimes I feel like, most things in life are emotionally neutral. Like, doing this or this will not make you unhappy or happy unless you make it so by psyching yourself out to feel a certain way. And as I concluded in that essay that apparently made me sound like a psychopath, I just feel that this is a sign of the impending doom for the human race, that we are concerning ourselves with these kinds of questions, because we've been led to believe that life is a constant journey towards ultimate ultimate, when really, it's just living.

[fierywaif]

*ultimate nirvana I meant to write.

[sapphiredragon]

well, I think there's a difference between striving to be happy and striving to find pleasure. I think it was different back than because people had more of a purpose and surviving and being with their family was reason enough to be happy. But now that we're in this state of survival not being such an issue and we actually have the chance to find out what we want to do, but because we've been given so much freedom, we're sort of aimless at times. There is no ultimate goal, yeah, but if you're going to live life, it might as well be a life you want.

But I do agree about people psyching themselves out to feel a certain way and put too much misery in being alone.

[fierywaif]

Yeah, I agree with the aimlessness part. I think the difference between humans and animals and plants is because we have the curse of perspective on the course of our lives, which leads us to aimless wanderings and questions.

But I don't think people ultimately have any control over their life- so I just think there's no point in trying too hard to obtain your ideal life, because your idea of the ideal will always shift. I think you should just not feel too bummed about the cards you have been dealt, and the cards you will be dealt. Of course, it's fine to have goals in life and work to achieve those goals- as long as you realize once you have those things, you might not feel as great as you think you will, because I think anyone is psyching themselves up for disappointment if they strive for perfect happiness in all aspects of life.

[sapphiredragon]

I think it's very half and half considering control. You always have the choice to say what you will and do what you do, but the world also is always throwing shit at you. But I do agree that getting what you want isn't always going to leave you satisfied. But I figure happiness is something to aim for if nothing else. I also think most people don't really they're happy until it's gone away.

Also, yeah, we shouldn't all be so self-centered in thinking that the bad moments only happen to us. It can't be all that bad if most people choose to live.

[fierywaif]

Yeah exactly. I feel like people need disappointment and sadness to realize what they once had/might have in the future, so all emotions are just there to put other emotions in perspective, I think.

Also, I suppose the point of human existence is to be naturally self-centered. And well, while I definitely understand depression and what emotional pain feels like, as much as I might not like it, I feel it's a necessity in life, and there's no avoiding it.

[fierywaif]

Okay, I am adding an amendment/disclaimer to what I wrote:

I think it's perfectly fine to strive for happiness in life as long as you realize existence itself is the constant striving for an ideal- until the end of life. There might be a point in life when you will say, I am happy about everything in life, I might as well die now because there is nothing more in life that I want, but that moment will be shortlived. I just think that life swings up and down, so there's no point in striving for happiness-- happiness will randomly fly at you in life, as will disappointments and unhappiness. There's really no avoiding any of these, so you might as well strive for a material goal.

[misspotter]

I think "striving for happiness" and "doing what makes you happy" are different. I think people who are always striving for happiness will never really be satisfied, because happiness doesn't last forever. There's contentment, but that's different. For the strivers, once that moment of happiness is gone, they'll be immediately looking for something else to equate to or exceed the previous moment of happiness and when they don't get that, they are disappointed and let down and cue bad feelings. I don't really think life is all that complicated. It's like when we had discussions about religion, and I'm just like... well, I just don't really think about the afterlife. I live for the present and I feel that the biggest achievement in life would be to actually live it. And I don't mean just exist, because I want more than just to exist. In your point of view, that may be selfish and self-centered, but I agree with Sylvie about how life is easier nowadays than it was in the beginning of time, and right now we have more freedom to take hold of our own lives and make something of it. And for me, it's just to live doing what I want and what makes me happy. Obviously things aren't always going to go my way, and I'm okay with that because I look back and a lot of miserable experiences I have had have actually helped me in the long run, and I don't regret those things.

I am not disagreeing with you here, btw, just putting in my 2 cents.

[fierywaif]

Okay, I just read what I wrote, and I am amending it because I just realized it did make me sound psychotic.

I guess what I really mean is (because I am ambivalent about all this meaning-of-life philosophy and don't even think I have clear stance on anything) it's fine to live life for the sake of being happy (although I do think happiness is extremely subjective and quite hard to attain/hold onto, as Sylvie said), and indeed, I suppose I live life for the sake of being extremely successful and/or richer than I am now, which I think I would find that fun, but if you're not happy in life, don't beat yourself up because of that, because ultimately, life is just the experience of living and existence, and that comes with subjectively good and bad moments, and well, if you feel you have more of your share of bad moments- there isn't anything wrong with that because you're still existing, just like anyone else, so you are the equal of everyone else. Like, that is my zen attitude towards it all, I can't really articulate it more than that. But I don't mean to put down anyone else's life philosophy, because I really don't agree or disagree with anything when it comes to philosophy.

[pervymalfoy]

That is exactly what I mean: live for the sake of living, and just be good at it.