spring break blasts my world.
SPRING BREAK 05 "DO'S":
--do rearrange every piece of furniture in your bedroom. make sure to do it properly, i.e. so that you pull every muscle in your body and can do nothing but lay in a paralyzed, lifeless state for the rest of the week.
--do make fun of people in excess this week. pick a target and go at it. if you dont have an individual that deserves to be made fun of (which, how can you not? i mean come on...) make fun of the people that cannot properly write letters. this personality flaw really bothers me. take, for example, a break up letter. there is a right way to write one, and a wrong way. follow these steps, please: first, before any writing is actually done, sort out your feelings. second, once feelings are properly sorted out in head, you take that pen and you take that paper and you write. try to be consistant, and clear and think about what you are writing. do not, i repeat DO NOT, repeat yourself 18 times. saying "we're over" once will suffice, as im sure if you say it more than that, the recipient of this fine piece of literature is going to want to take that letter and papercut you to death with it. finally, and this is the most important, in my opinion, PROOFREAD. proofread your damn letter, fool. pay special attention to punctuation, incorrect grammar, and left out words in sentences. for example: "if you show any one i kick you in face" is not acceptable. if you must, if you MUST, cross out words or sentences, use white out. and that is a last resort, friend. how about re-write the stupid letter on a clean piece of paper. there ya go.
--do find a friend named michael and make him buy you a lot of boonesfarm.
--do work a lot of extra hours during this "break". i use the term "work" lightly, as some peoples idea of a job is this: show up at ten am. sit at a computer, checking all of your email accounts, hacking into other peoples email accounts, checking facebook, livejournal and your bank balance. update livejournal. update facebook profile. google anything and everything that you can think of. repeat this process every hour on the hour to ensure that your five hour "workday" goes by in a speedy manner.
--do remember that spring break is an obvious "automatic do it time".
SPRING BREAK 05 "DO-NOT'S":
--do not think about how you are missing out on nice, warm, tropical weather. the lucky ones that remain in lovely Mt. Pleasant have it better anyways. we got to experience a sunny, 50 degree day here. thats right, the first day of spring in Mt. P and all of the other losers missed it. suckers.
--do not think about missing the beach, as you can create your very own beach right in your parking lot. first, grab a bikini if you are of the female gender, and grab your speedo if you are a guy and wish for emily to throw up on your head. heres a better idea...stick with the "swim trunks". next, set up camp. get your awesome beach chair and towels. as you sit there with your lemonade in one hand and something else in your other hand, it will not be long til you can see the snow turn into sand, and the puddles of melting snow turn into the beautiful ocean. you will actually not have to use your imagination for this, as that lemonade of yours isnt lemonade, if you know what i mean, and the redness on your face is not a sunburn. thats right man, you are wasted and the parking lot, to you, really *is* a beach. at least for a few more hours until you return to a normal body temperature and sobriety and wonder what the heck you are doing in a bikini in the parking lot in the middle of winter. enjoy it while it lasts.
--do not forget that spring break is an obvious "automatic do it time". (this was so important it deserved two mentions, yes.)
**sidenote: i am thinking about making this journal "friends only". thats right, this means that unless i have previously expressed my like for you and my desire to call you a "friend", you will no longer be able to get this peak into my amazing mind by reading my amazing entries. however, no decision has been made, as i dont want to be discriminatory and i do want the entire world to experience me in all of my glory. this is just a warning...one day you may wake up, check to see if i have become exceptionally witty once again, and find this: "HEY LOSER, YOU ARENT MY FRIEND". and you will be sad. this however, does not include ms. kyla my amazing roommate and ms. amanda who went on a date, as they will have access to my livejournal password to read my awesome-ness. just sayin'...prepare yourself.
--do rearrange every piece of furniture in your bedroom. make sure to do it properly, i.e. so that you pull every muscle in your body and can do nothing but lay in a paralyzed, lifeless state for the rest of the week.
--do make fun of people in excess this week. pick a target and go at it. if you dont have an individual that deserves to be made fun of (which, how can you not? i mean come on...) make fun of the people that cannot properly write letters. this personality flaw really bothers me. take, for example, a break up letter. there is a right way to write one, and a wrong way. follow these steps, please: first, before any writing is actually done, sort out your feelings. second, once feelings are properly sorted out in head, you take that pen and you take that paper and you write. try to be consistant, and clear and think about what you are writing. do not, i repeat DO NOT, repeat yourself 18 times. saying "we're over" once will suffice, as im sure if you say it more than that, the recipient of this fine piece of literature is going to want to take that letter and papercut you to death with it. finally, and this is the most important, in my opinion, PROOFREAD. proofread your damn letter, fool. pay special attention to punctuation, incorrect grammar, and left out words in sentences. for example: "if you show any one i kick you in face" is not acceptable. if you must, if you MUST, cross out words or sentences, use white out. and that is a last resort, friend. how about re-write the stupid letter on a clean piece of paper. there ya go.
--do find a friend named michael and make him buy you a lot of boonesfarm.
--do work a lot of extra hours during this "break". i use the term "work" lightly, as some peoples idea of a job is this: show up at ten am. sit at a computer, checking all of your email accounts, hacking into other peoples email accounts, checking facebook, livejournal and your bank balance. update livejournal. update facebook profile. google anything and everything that you can think of. repeat this process every hour on the hour to ensure that your five hour "workday" goes by in a speedy manner.
--do remember that spring break is an obvious "automatic do it time".
SPRING BREAK 05 "DO-NOT'S":
--do not think about how you are missing out on nice, warm, tropical weather. the lucky ones that remain in lovely Mt. Pleasant have it better anyways. we got to experience a sunny, 50 degree day here. thats right, the first day of spring in Mt. P and all of the other losers missed it. suckers.
--do not think about missing the beach, as you can create your very own beach right in your parking lot. first, grab a bikini if you are of the female gender, and grab your speedo if you are a guy and wish for emily to throw up on your head. heres a better idea...stick with the "swim trunks". next, set up camp. get your awesome beach chair and towels. as you sit there with your lemonade in one hand and something else in your other hand, it will not be long til you can see the snow turn into sand, and the puddles of melting snow turn into the beautiful ocean. you will actually not have to use your imagination for this, as that lemonade of yours isnt lemonade, if you know what i mean, and the redness on your face is not a sunburn. thats right man, you are wasted and the parking lot, to you, really *is* a beach. at least for a few more hours until you return to a normal body temperature and sobriety and wonder what the heck you are doing in a bikini in the parking lot in the middle of winter. enjoy it while it lasts.
--do not forget that spring break is an obvious "automatic do it time". (this was so important it deserved two mentions, yes.)
**sidenote: i am thinking about making this journal "friends only". thats right, this means that unless i have previously expressed my like for you and my desire to call you a "friend", you will no longer be able to get this peak into my amazing mind by reading my amazing entries. however, no decision has been made, as i dont want to be discriminatory and i do want the entire world to experience me in all of my glory. this is just a warning...one day you may wake up, check to see if i have become exceptionally witty once again, and find this: "HEY LOSER, YOU ARENT MY FRIEND". and you will be sad. this however, does not include ms. kyla my amazing roommate and ms. amanda who went on a date, as they will have access to my livejournal password to read my awesome-ness. just sayin'...prepare yourself.