I'm Sick Of This Crap.
Yeah, i know i've made my fare share of "i'm gonna be better!" entries and it never really amounts to anything. But this time is different; This time i won't allow myself to fail, no matter how much it seems i secretly want to >_>
Sooo, here's a list of all the things i need to do. (in no particular order)
- Get a Job (working on it as we speak)
- Work on being healthy and getting to my ideal weight. (failing at it as we speak >>)
- Move out
- Be happy with myself and happy in general
- Travel around the world
- Go to school OR train for something. I change my mind on what profession i wanna pursue almost every day.. Somehow i have to pick one and stick with it.
(feel free to comment and add something you think i might have missed!)
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Ha, i bet i'll fail at all of this anyway. (gee, i'm wishy washy aren't i?) I'm not even done with this entry and i'm already bored. ...maybe cause i'm tired?
That's my biggest problem i think :/ I can get all worked up about stuff, but then i fall asleep and the fire i worked so hard to start died out sometime in the night.
What can i do to keep me motivated?!? If anybody knows the secret, please give it to me. i need it more than you, i promise. Because apparently i'm not important enough to make myself stick to any sort of plan. Apparently, my happiness is not enough motivation.
I want things.. but things cost money. Sure, i'm looking for a job. But am i really putting 100% effort into this?: Not really. It's not that i'm not trying; but there's some part of me who hates the very idea. Like i'm above it or something. Psh.
I want a nice body/Be Healthy. For many reasons! But my main driver is wanting to feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my mother 'effin life. (excuse my partial french) To feel confident enough to be myself and go out there and meet some people(girls..) and not have to plan around my weight. You know something i actually enjoy? The beach. I haven't been on one since i was 12. If I don't want to see myself shirtless, then no one will, it's as simple as that. I'm strangely superficial..
Another reason is that when i'm thinner/healthier i'm hoping my skin problems clear up.. Psoriasis, and other things i should probably go to the doctor for, but i'm too embarrassed :/
Actually, to be honest; i've gotten past a lot of anxiety about my psoriasis. Thanks to Jesschans, mostly :)
She's always trying to help me, push me into moving forward with my life.. and while it'd probably seem like she failed to the untrained eye(and maybe to her?) That couldn't be any further from the truth. i can't even count the number of times she's helped me, big or small! She's a little tougher on me than i'm looking for sometimes(xD) but i know she wants the best for me, and i'm thankful i found a friend as awesome as she is <3
(Thankies, Jesschitochans! I know i'm a pain..especially when i'm whiny all the time like i have been :x)
On another note; I have no clue what i want to do..career wise.
Somedays i want to be a Chef, others a Pastry Chef. Both perhaps! But then i think of the cost of school, a school that only gets you ready for starter jobs to begin with! (about 10 years out of school to become the head chef...o___o) That, along with the fact that i'm terribly afraid of the actual academics(writing, math) that there's NO way i'm risking my 20-40 thousand dollars for a school that i might not even pass.
I kinda don't think that's ever gonna change :x
Another idea is that i can somehow learn how to make top notch authentic ramen, and simply have my own street vendor service. And i realize that sounds really stupid to most of you, but i don't really care XD. The way i see it is: Everybody loves Ramen, but even in Seattle there isn't a single place to get some. And the stuff you get out of cups and stuff is so full of crap that it's terrible for you. People need a good source,and i'd be head honcho. We couldn't fill the demand *_*
I'm also very into the green movement. Not just because it causes less toxins to get into our bodies and into the earth, but also because of done right.. it saves you TON of money!
So, yeah i;ve wanted to get into that area as well.. I'd love to be able to design eco-friendly homes(because designing buildings is awesome*_*), but,.. i know for a fact that becoming an architect is a incredible hard and long prospect, so i know i can't do that. But i was thinking i could be some sort of adviser person of some sort..
Like, i'd come in and tell people about all the different things/ways they could use to save more money and produce less waste and toxins. Insulation for example: There's the traditional fiberglass, which i wouldn't suggest. But, then there's also a Foam Cement, Soybean foam, recycled material (jeans) that have been treated so thatthey're fire resistant/proof. and probably even more! Out of those, though, i'd choose the foam cement. it's most effective for heat, aka, money. And for keeping "critters"out.
How to use rainwater for much of your water needs,etc etc. I could go on forever XD Efficiency's the key!
I also want to learn more about gardening.. but i think that's more of a hobby,since i can't see myself making money off that. I love tree's and plants though <3
Andi think that's basically it. These are all reasons why i should be motivated! I just need to find a way to remind myself that. I can do it.
- PS: Please comment! it took me a long time to write all this :$ And any thoughts or idea's would be appreciated.
Sooo, here's a list of all the things i need to do. (in no particular order)
- Get a Job (working on it as we speak)
- Work on being healthy and getting to my ideal weight. (failing at it as we speak >>)
- Move out
- Be happy with myself and happy in general
- Travel around the world
- Go to school OR train for something. I change my mind on what profession i wanna pursue almost every day.. Somehow i have to pick one and stick with it.
(feel free to comment and add something you think i might have missed!)
----------
Ha, i bet i'll fail at all of this anyway. (gee, i'm wishy washy aren't i?) I'm not even done with this entry and i'm already bored. ...maybe cause i'm tired?
That's my biggest problem i think :/ I can get all worked up about stuff, but then i fall asleep and the fire i worked so hard to start died out sometime in the night.
What can i do to keep me motivated?!? If anybody knows the secret, please give it to me. i need it more than you, i promise. Because apparently i'm not important enough to make myself stick to any sort of plan. Apparently, my happiness is not enough motivation.
I want things.. but things cost money. Sure, i'm looking for a job. But am i really putting 100% effort into this?: Not really. It's not that i'm not trying; but there's some part of me who hates the very idea. Like i'm above it or something. Psh.
I want a nice body/Be Healthy. For many reasons! But my main driver is wanting to feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my mother 'effin life. (excuse my partial french) To feel confident enough to be myself and go out there and meet some people(girls..) and not have to plan around my weight. You know something i actually enjoy? The beach. I haven't been on one since i was 12. If I don't want to see myself shirtless, then no one will, it's as simple as that. I'm strangely superficial..
Another reason is that when i'm thinner/healthier i'm hoping my skin problems clear up.. Psoriasis, and other things i should probably go to the doctor for, but i'm too embarrassed :/
Actually, to be honest; i've gotten past a lot of anxiety about my psoriasis. Thanks to Jesschans, mostly :)
She's always trying to help me, push me into moving forward with my life.. and while it'd probably seem like she failed to the untrained eye(and maybe to her?) That couldn't be any further from the truth. i can't even count the number of times she's helped me, big or small! She's a little tougher on me than i'm looking for sometimes(xD) but i know she wants the best for me, and i'm thankful i found a friend as awesome as she is <3
(Thankies, Jesschitochans! I know i'm a pain..especially when i'm whiny all the time like i have been :x)
On another note; I have no clue what i want to do..career wise.
Somedays i want to be a Chef, others a Pastry Chef. Both perhaps! But then i think of the cost of school, a school that only gets you ready for starter jobs to begin with! (about 10 years out of school to become the head chef...o___o) That, along with the fact that i'm terribly afraid of the actual academics(writing, math) that there's NO way i'm risking my 20-40 thousand dollars for a school that i might not even pass.
I kinda don't think that's ever gonna change :x
Another idea is that i can somehow learn how to make top notch authentic ramen, and simply have my own street vendor service. And i realize that sounds really stupid to most of you, but i don't really care XD. The way i see it is: Everybody loves Ramen, but even in Seattle there isn't a single place to get some. And the stuff you get out of cups and stuff is so full of crap that it's terrible for you. People need a good source,and i'd be head honcho. We couldn't fill the demand *_*
I'm also very into the green movement. Not just because it causes less toxins to get into our bodies and into the earth, but also because of done right.. it saves you TON of money!
So, yeah i;ve wanted to get into that area as well.. I'd love to be able to design eco-friendly homes(because designing buildings is awesome*_*), but,.. i know for a fact that becoming an architect is a incredible hard and long prospect, so i know i can't do that. But i was thinking i could be some sort of adviser person of some sort..
Like, i'd come in and tell people about all the different things/ways they could use to save more money and produce less waste and toxins. Insulation for example: There's the traditional fiberglass, which i wouldn't suggest. But, then there's also a Foam Cement, Soybean foam, recycled material (jeans) that have been treated so thatthey're fire resistant/proof. and probably even more! Out of those, though, i'd choose the foam cement. it's most effective for heat, aka, money. And for keeping "critters"out.
How to use rainwater for much of your water needs,etc etc. I could go on forever XD Efficiency's the key!
I also want to learn more about gardening.. but i think that's more of a hobby,since i can't see myself making money off that. I love tree's and plants though <3
Andi think that's basically it. These are all reasons why i should be motivated! I just need to find a way to remind myself that. I can do it.
- PS: Please comment! it took me a long time to write all this :$ And any thoughts or idea's would be appreciated.