And I Don't Know If I've Ever Been Really Loved By A Hand That's Touched Me
...Hokuto...I think it would be best if I stayed on my own tonight.
I didn't think...I should of expected this, I suppose.
...Tori-san came back. It's been almost a year, and now of all times, he came back. When I was finally becoming happy again. It's not fair. It's not, I just...I feel so angry and bitter and upset and I feel guilty because Hokuto has been so good to me, and he deserves better than this. I just...I don't know.
Part of me knows that even if I wasn't invovled with someone else, I probably wouldn't really be able to forgive him. With him, I always came after work and the family and I'm too selfish to ever be okay with that. I need to be first in someone's eyes. And the fact that he could leave me for so long without a word tells me just how much I really mean to him. And I have too much of an ego to allow that.
At least with Hokuto...I know where I stand. It's reassuring. I mean, we've been together for a much shorted time, and yet I feel like the relationship has progressed in ways the one I had with Tori-san never would have. So perhaps, as painful as all this is right now, it's best, for the end.
I guess it's really not fair to compare the situations...they're so different, after all.
I didn't think...I should of expected this, I suppose.
...Tori-san came back. It's been almost a year, and now of all times, he came back. When I was finally becoming happy again. It's not fair. It's not, I just...I feel so angry and bitter and upset and I feel guilty because Hokuto has been so good to me, and he deserves better than this. I just...I don't know.
Part of me knows that even if I wasn't invovled with someone else, I probably wouldn't really be able to forgive him. With him, I always came after work and the family and I'm too selfish to ever be okay with that. I need to be first in someone's eyes. And the fact that he could leave me for so long without a word tells me just how much I really mean to him. And I have too much of an ego to allow that.
At least with Hokuto...I know where I stand. It's reassuring. I mean, we've been together for a much shorted time, and yet I feel like the relationship has progressed in ways the one I had with Tori-san never would have. So perhaps, as painful as all this is right now, it's best, for the end.
I guess it's really not fair to compare the situations...they're so different, after all.