Truth Denied 20/?
Title: Truth Denied 20/?
Pairings: Spander (eventually)
Appropriate Ratings: NC17 overall but this chapter... pg-13 Or possibly R (If I'm wrong, lemme know)
Warnings: Not much for this chappie other than talking about Spike's kinks and history (Again, lemme know if I'm wrong)
Disclaimers: Not my characters. I make no money off this, I'm just playing. I promise to give them a bath and thorough cleaning when I’m done! Joss Whedon is my lord and Master. All hail Joss Whedon.
Short Summary: About five years post NFA, Xander needs a job, like, NOW! And runs into someone he knows where he'd least expect it.
Word Count: 2084 (As per MS Word Count)
Beta: Tamakin and Laazikaat
X-posted to: perverted_pages, bloodclaim, BTVS_lightsout, BTVS_slash, btvsatsdotcom, darker_spike, spike_fics, sxandviolence, spanderslash, darker_vault, sickchicks, spike_xander, xander_slash, i_need_a_parrot, all_fics_btvs, nekid_spike
Archived Outside LJ At: adultfanfiction.net and The Spander Files
Comments keep my muse well fed.
Find a topless, low pant riding Spike banner beneath the cut!
Click the picture to leave the artist a comment!
by tamakin
Spike hung up the phone and couldn’t shake off the vague shadow of anxiety at the way the conversation had ended. They’d talked for hours, almost to the point that Spike began to wonder where his charger was because he was afraid the batteries were going to die soon, and then it had happened. They’d discussed limits, of course. Greg knew and respected all of them, it seemed, but this one, and with that one breach of faith, suddenly Spike knew he’d never be able to submit to Greg again.
Greg had listened to him, really listened to him, made him feel safe and comfortable and then he had to go and ask Spike if he’d accept a collar from him. He knew! He knew Spike just wanted a casual thing, no strings, no responsibilities, no relationship. The only contact after a scene was for the completion of the scene, the aftercare, nothing else. And never, ever was there to be mention of a relationship between them. He was free to offer his submission to whoever struck his fancy, within the dungeon or without. His life was his life, his kink was totally separate from it.
A collar meant he was owned, no longer a person, no longer human but a total slave. The only person who’d ever had him collared and leashed was Angelus himself and then it had been true. He’d been a beast barely contained, needing a strong guiding hand to tame him into a passable Master Vampire instead of an insipid Childe.
Angelus had moulded him, made him into the Big Bad and he hadn’t been able to stop a thing, if anything he spurred the process on, such was Angelus’s mastery over him. He was never ever going to give another existing creature or god that kind of control over him again.
That’s why it was a limit, a hard limit, a big fat Red of a limit.
And Greg had gone and broken it. No, Spike could not go back to playing submissive to his dominant; he could never trust him again. Greg knew how Spike felt about this and he'd still brought it up anyway.
He may not have known the specifics, but he knew! He knew how badly Spike had been hurt, how badly he’d been abused and how terrified of it he was. Greg hadn’t even brought it up as a topic of conversation, had barely even asked him, just assumed that Spike would take that damned circle of leather willingly and thank him for the privilege!
Fucking hell! The one good… well… the one good thing outta that bloody dungeon WAS Greg! Sure there were a lotta guys with whips hanging around their necks, but that didn’t mean they knew how to use them, or that he could possibly trust them enough to strip buck naked and get tied to a bloody Saint Andrew’s cross while they whipped him till he cried. There was Greg and no one else. Sure, a few of them he let use floggers, maybe a moose tail or riding crop, but never ever would he let them loose on his body with whips!
They were even about to broach the needle threshold in the near future, communication and negotiation had already begun, it was only a matter of time before one of them went to pick up a box or two. How could he go there and enjoy himself without Greg being the one behind him, wielding that signal whip with ease, and the signal whip! Oh that signal whip made him dance and scream and beg for more. And now all that was over, because Greg broke one of his only rules.
Spike just wanted to scream, instead he fell down in a heap and began to cry.
~*~*~
Xander was laughing too hard to be called a good model. Then again, Chad was laughing too hard to be called a good artist. The paint had long been applied, but apparently Xander was due for at least one more sitting for the more detailed work and the paint had to dry somewhat between layers. Xander couldn’t tell if he was grateful for another excuse to talk with his new friend, away from the gossip mongers at the club, or appalled at the thought of posing for hours on end yet again to Chad’s searching stare.
He was pulling his shirt on over his head while Chad cleaned his brushes and palette. Xander wondered when the last time he’d felt this comfortable and unstressed had been, and honestly couldn’t remember. He’d had a good time, and he hadn’t needed to stay as totally immobile as he’s feared, but he did have to come back for one more sitting in a week. Chad solemnly said after that they’d never talk about this experience between them again.
Xander was A-OK with that.
Everything had gone smoothly, they’d finished two bottles of wine between them and Xander had a suspicion that Chad had poured quite a bit more for him than for himself. His earlier vow to cut back on the wine had gone out the window the moment Chad started asking questions. He did respect limits, he did have a tendency to just instinctively know when not to push, but that didn’t stop some of those questions from being uncomfortable, not to mention downright awkward.
They hadn’t talked about Spike again, other than whether the man had changed since Xander knew him. He’d answered truthfully that he liked the person Spike was today compared to the person he was before they’d ever met. Chad didn’t make a single mention that Xander hadn’t actually answered his question and Xander felt once more indebted to him.
Every kindness and thoughtful gesture plagued Xander with guilt. He kept wondering how he was going to repay this kindness and how Chad really wanted him to repay the kindness and how Xander could never ever do that. Maybe that’s what he wants, wants me so indebted that I’ll have to repay him, and if he does enough things I’ll eventually be so indebted only one thing will pay off the balance. He sighed derisively at himself, Sucks to be him, ‘cuz that would never work.
They’d taken a break and had Chinese food, which Chad was picking over, when Xander made another comment he wished he’d thought about before making “So, are you afraid of the broccoli, or are you saving them for some kind of ceremonial demise later?” And here I was hoping I was drunk enough to stop making sense. Unless that didn’t make sense, which is possible, but from his expression it made some kind of sense… maybe he’s trying to make sense of what I was saying and that’s what that expression is about.
Chad looked up from the plateful he’d picked out of the black bean beef. “If you must know,” he drawled, “it gives me horrid gas and I thought I’d be polite about things.” He popped another piece of meat into his mouth and chewed slowly, eyes locked on Xander’s now fully clothed form.
“Chad, I was serious before. I’m not up for any kind of relationship right now. I’m dealing with a lot of stuff and I just can’t-” His words were cut off when Chad pulled him into a sudden searing kiss that was obviously not reciprocated… for all of a heartbeat before Xander finally parted his lips.
When Chad was done mapping the brunet’s mouth he pulled back and smiled lazily. “Don’t want to tie you down, don’t want to make promises or restrict whatever it is between you and Spike, don’t want to come between you, just want some casual…” he traced Xander’s cheekbone and it made him shiver. He couldn’t deny he wanted what Chad was offering.
He wanted it more than he’d wanted most things in his life, but he knew he couldn’t. He took Chad’s hand from his face and looked him straight in the eye, “No, Chad. I’ll pose, we’ll talk, you can even flirt if you want and maybe I’ll flirt back but it will always be no.” He wanted to be clear, wanted to leave nothing to doubt.
“You love him that much?” Xander blinked at the soft spoken question and shook his head, “It’s not him, it’s me. I just can’t right now… maybe never. I like you as a friend but if you keep pushing this I’m going to have to cut you out. I don’t care if it cuts into my tips or starts some behind the scenes bullying, whatever, but I won’t lead you on and I can’t let this happen. Trust me on this, okay? It would be bad. There is no way this could be good, just… accept what I can give or tell me it’s not enough and I’ll leave and stay out of your life. This won’t change about me and it has nothing whatsoever to do with Spike, alright?”
Chad sighed through his nose, eyes melting slightly at the stern look Xander was giving him. He relented, obviously this wasn’t a fight he was going to win… this time. “I just wanted to make sure you knew what I was offering. Thanks for… for posing and for being honest. You don’t need to avoid me, okay?”
Xander nodded and smiled softly, getting back to his own paper box of Chinese goodness.
~*~*~
Spike was dressed and hesitating at the door. He knew Greg would be at the club tonight, Greg was at the club every night - that was the problem. He knew he needed to talk this out face to face with his now former Top, especially if there was any hope in mending their relationship. He paced back and forth, from the mock stage to the front door to the kitchen to the mock stage all over again. Now and then he’d nibble at something in the kitchen, but mostly he just paced aimlessly.
Gotta do it. Gotta get over it. Gotta tell him what he did wrong and why we can’t play together any more. Gotta clear the air. Why the hell can’t I just walk to my own damned front door and open it! He stalked forward at the last bit of internal monologue and ripped open the door, and saw something that made his heart stop.
He couldn’t have… no one knows. What?
There, standing on the landing to his front door was an extravagant and costly bouquet of flowers. Spike looked around and down the stairs but the only thing obvious to him was someone had somehow found his secret door, snuck in totally undetected, and set up an elaborate flower arrangement on a tripod, all without alerting him. Normally, in days gone by, he would have wondered what supernatural beastie or wicked witch had fiddled about to get all those things completed, but he was human now. Human nose, human ears, human everything, no wonder he’d never heard a thing. And if he had still been a vampire he could at least have memorized the scent and tried to find out who had done this. Being human has its perks… totally human senses are definitely not part of the benefits.
He circled the bouquet on the wide landing, eyeing it distrustfully before finally finding the card nestled amongst the decorative greenery. He plucked it free with two trembling fingers and warred internally on whether or not he should read it. He was shaking, trembling all over and he couldn’t stop. He was getting light headed, and only realized it was because he was still holding his breath from the moment he saw the flowers when he started to black out and his body instinctively forced him to breathe.
This is stupid! It’s nothing but a card, it’s not going to bloody well eat me! He doesn’t even know yet I’m gonna break it off, he can’t be all ‘get back at me’ until after that! Angrily he tore the envelope open and ripped out the card. Once he’d had a chance to read and comprehend what was on it, Spike had no choice but to run back into his apartment and become noisily sick in his toilet, the card clutched in a clenching hand.
“I’m not a patient man, but you can play the blushing bride for now. Both of us know how this will end, one way or another.”
~G~
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
Previous parts found here.
Pairings: Spander (eventually)
Appropriate Ratings: NC17 overall but this chapter... pg-13 Or possibly R (If I'm wrong, lemme know)
Warnings: Not much for this chappie other than talking about Spike's kinks and history (Again, lemme know if I'm wrong)
Disclaimers: Not my characters. I make no money off this, I'm just playing. I promise to give them a bath and thorough cleaning when I’m done! Joss Whedon is my lord and Master. All hail Joss Whedon.
Short Summary: About five years post NFA, Xander needs a job, like, NOW! And runs into someone he knows where he'd least expect it.
Word Count: 2084 (As per MS Word Count)
Beta: Tamakin and Laazikaat
X-posted to: perverted_pages, bloodclaim, BTVS_lightsout, BTVS_slash, btvsatsdotcom, darker_spike, spike_fics, sxandviolence, spanderslash, darker_vault, sickchicks, spike_xander, xander_slash, i_need_a_parrot, all_fics_btvs, nekid_spike
Archived Outside LJ At: adultfanfiction.net and The Spander Files
Comments keep my muse well fed.
Find a topless, low pant riding Spike banner beneath the cut!
Click the picture to leave the artist a comment!
by tamakin
Spike hung up the phone and couldn’t shake off the vague shadow of anxiety at the way the conversation had ended. They’d talked for hours, almost to the point that Spike began to wonder where his charger was because he was afraid the batteries were going to die soon, and then it had happened. They’d discussed limits, of course. Greg knew and respected all of them, it seemed, but this one, and with that one breach of faith, suddenly Spike knew he’d never be able to submit to Greg again.
Greg had listened to him, really listened to him, made him feel safe and comfortable and then he had to go and ask Spike if he’d accept a collar from him. He knew! He knew Spike just wanted a casual thing, no strings, no responsibilities, no relationship. The only contact after a scene was for the completion of the scene, the aftercare, nothing else. And never, ever was there to be mention of a relationship between them. He was free to offer his submission to whoever struck his fancy, within the dungeon or without. His life was his life, his kink was totally separate from it.
A collar meant he was owned, no longer a person, no longer human but a total slave. The only person who’d ever had him collared and leashed was Angelus himself and then it had been true. He’d been a beast barely contained, needing a strong guiding hand to tame him into a passable Master Vampire instead of an insipid Childe.
Angelus had moulded him, made him into the Big Bad and he hadn’t been able to stop a thing, if anything he spurred the process on, such was Angelus’s mastery over him. He was never ever going to give another existing creature or god that kind of control over him again.
That’s why it was a limit, a hard limit, a big fat Red of a limit.
And Greg had gone and broken it. No, Spike could not go back to playing submissive to his dominant; he could never trust him again. Greg knew how Spike felt about this and he'd still brought it up anyway.
He may not have known the specifics, but he knew! He knew how badly Spike had been hurt, how badly he’d been abused and how terrified of it he was. Greg hadn’t even brought it up as a topic of conversation, had barely even asked him, just assumed that Spike would take that damned circle of leather willingly and thank him for the privilege!
Fucking hell! The one good… well… the one good thing outta that bloody dungeon WAS Greg! Sure there were a lotta guys with whips hanging around their necks, but that didn’t mean they knew how to use them, or that he could possibly trust them enough to strip buck naked and get tied to a bloody Saint Andrew’s cross while they whipped him till he cried. There was Greg and no one else. Sure, a few of them he let use floggers, maybe a moose tail or riding crop, but never ever would he let them loose on his body with whips!
They were even about to broach the needle threshold in the near future, communication and negotiation had already begun, it was only a matter of time before one of them went to pick up a box or two. How could he go there and enjoy himself without Greg being the one behind him, wielding that signal whip with ease, and the signal whip! Oh that signal whip made him dance and scream and beg for more. And now all that was over, because Greg broke one of his only rules.
Spike just wanted to scream, instead he fell down in a heap and began to cry.
~*~*~
Xander was laughing too hard to be called a good model. Then again, Chad was laughing too hard to be called a good artist. The paint had long been applied, but apparently Xander was due for at least one more sitting for the more detailed work and the paint had to dry somewhat between layers. Xander couldn’t tell if he was grateful for another excuse to talk with his new friend, away from the gossip mongers at the club, or appalled at the thought of posing for hours on end yet again to Chad’s searching stare.
He was pulling his shirt on over his head while Chad cleaned his brushes and palette. Xander wondered when the last time he’d felt this comfortable and unstressed had been, and honestly couldn’t remember. He’d had a good time, and he hadn’t needed to stay as totally immobile as he’s feared, but he did have to come back for one more sitting in a week. Chad solemnly said after that they’d never talk about this experience between them again.
Xander was A-OK with that.
Everything had gone smoothly, they’d finished two bottles of wine between them and Xander had a suspicion that Chad had poured quite a bit more for him than for himself. His earlier vow to cut back on the wine had gone out the window the moment Chad started asking questions. He did respect limits, he did have a tendency to just instinctively know when not to push, but that didn’t stop some of those questions from being uncomfortable, not to mention downright awkward.
They hadn’t talked about Spike again, other than whether the man had changed since Xander knew him. He’d answered truthfully that he liked the person Spike was today compared to the person he was before they’d ever met. Chad didn’t make a single mention that Xander hadn’t actually answered his question and Xander felt once more indebted to him.
Every kindness and thoughtful gesture plagued Xander with guilt. He kept wondering how he was going to repay this kindness and how Chad really wanted him to repay the kindness and how Xander could never ever do that. Maybe that’s what he wants, wants me so indebted that I’ll have to repay him, and if he does enough things I’ll eventually be so indebted only one thing will pay off the balance. He sighed derisively at himself, Sucks to be him, ‘cuz that would never work.
They’d taken a break and had Chinese food, which Chad was picking over, when Xander made another comment he wished he’d thought about before making “So, are you afraid of the broccoli, or are you saving them for some kind of ceremonial demise later?” And here I was hoping I was drunk enough to stop making sense. Unless that didn’t make sense, which is possible, but from his expression it made some kind of sense… maybe he’s trying to make sense of what I was saying and that’s what that expression is about.
Chad looked up from the plateful he’d picked out of the black bean beef. “If you must know,” he drawled, “it gives me horrid gas and I thought I’d be polite about things.” He popped another piece of meat into his mouth and chewed slowly, eyes locked on Xander’s now fully clothed form.
“Chad, I was serious before. I’m not up for any kind of relationship right now. I’m dealing with a lot of stuff and I just can’t-” His words were cut off when Chad pulled him into a sudden searing kiss that was obviously not reciprocated… for all of a heartbeat before Xander finally parted his lips.
When Chad was done mapping the brunet’s mouth he pulled back and smiled lazily. “Don’t want to tie you down, don’t want to make promises or restrict whatever it is between you and Spike, don’t want to come between you, just want some casual…” he traced Xander’s cheekbone and it made him shiver. He couldn’t deny he wanted what Chad was offering.
He wanted it more than he’d wanted most things in his life, but he knew he couldn’t. He took Chad’s hand from his face and looked him straight in the eye, “No, Chad. I’ll pose, we’ll talk, you can even flirt if you want and maybe I’ll flirt back but it will always be no.” He wanted to be clear, wanted to leave nothing to doubt.
“You love him that much?” Xander blinked at the soft spoken question and shook his head, “It’s not him, it’s me. I just can’t right now… maybe never. I like you as a friend but if you keep pushing this I’m going to have to cut you out. I don’t care if it cuts into my tips or starts some behind the scenes bullying, whatever, but I won’t lead you on and I can’t let this happen. Trust me on this, okay? It would be bad. There is no way this could be good, just… accept what I can give or tell me it’s not enough and I’ll leave and stay out of your life. This won’t change about me and it has nothing whatsoever to do with Spike, alright?”
Chad sighed through his nose, eyes melting slightly at the stern look Xander was giving him. He relented, obviously this wasn’t a fight he was going to win… this time. “I just wanted to make sure you knew what I was offering. Thanks for… for posing and for being honest. You don’t need to avoid me, okay?”
Xander nodded and smiled softly, getting back to his own paper box of Chinese goodness.
~*~*~
Spike was dressed and hesitating at the door. He knew Greg would be at the club tonight, Greg was at the club every night - that was the problem. He knew he needed to talk this out face to face with his now former Top, especially if there was any hope in mending their relationship. He paced back and forth, from the mock stage to the front door to the kitchen to the mock stage all over again. Now and then he’d nibble at something in the kitchen, but mostly he just paced aimlessly.
Gotta do it. Gotta get over it. Gotta tell him what he did wrong and why we can’t play together any more. Gotta clear the air. Why the hell can’t I just walk to my own damned front door and open it! He stalked forward at the last bit of internal monologue and ripped open the door, and saw something that made his heart stop.
He couldn’t have… no one knows. What?
There, standing on the landing to his front door was an extravagant and costly bouquet of flowers. Spike looked around and down the stairs but the only thing obvious to him was someone had somehow found his secret door, snuck in totally undetected, and set up an elaborate flower arrangement on a tripod, all without alerting him. Normally, in days gone by, he would have wondered what supernatural beastie or wicked witch had fiddled about to get all those things completed, but he was human now. Human nose, human ears, human everything, no wonder he’d never heard a thing. And if he had still been a vampire he could at least have memorized the scent and tried to find out who had done this. Being human has its perks… totally human senses are definitely not part of the benefits.
He circled the bouquet on the wide landing, eyeing it distrustfully before finally finding the card nestled amongst the decorative greenery. He plucked it free with two trembling fingers and warred internally on whether or not he should read it. He was shaking, trembling all over and he couldn’t stop. He was getting light headed, and only realized it was because he was still holding his breath from the moment he saw the flowers when he started to black out and his body instinctively forced him to breathe.
This is stupid! It’s nothing but a card, it’s not going to bloody well eat me! He doesn’t even know yet I’m gonna break it off, he can’t be all ‘get back at me’ until after that! Angrily he tore the envelope open and ripped out the card. Once he’d had a chance to read and comprehend what was on it, Spike had no choice but to run back into his apartment and become noisily sick in his toilet, the card clutched in a clenching hand.
“I’m not a patient man, but you can play the blushing bride for now. Both of us know how this will end, one way or another.”
~G~
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
Previous parts found here.