ups and downs
seems like when youre up you down the next second.
Hmm..yesterday was nice...but today was a very down day.
I woke up and said my prayers, but for some reason I couldnt keep my mind off a few things. I hate that. I was so sad today, like I felt truly sad and just lonely.
I know you guys are probably gonna get mad at me cuz of that, cuz i am blessed with the greatest friends ever, but one day youre happy and in a relationship and the next its all over? Its so surreal. I had to step back and ask myself "is this really all going on right now?" What the hell, indeed. I need to just be alone I think...
Oh, and I was so sad and blah (i didnt cry though, even though i felt like i was going to) that i couldnt eat either...or maybe I didnt want to. All I ate today was a nutrigrain bar, a bottle of lipton green tea, half of an apple and a small cup of soup at work...I just cant even begin to describe how I feel. I feel so confused and insecure, like im always going to find a way to scare off the people I care for...does this make sense? I dont know.
I have been praying constantly, and I know deep down that God wills everything for a reason, but right now I just wish I could erase things from my mind and not have to feel sad about some stupid month long relationship that was great..because it was..thats what confuses me the most...
I have to wake up in 6 hrs to go to the doctors and im not tired..i just feel blah, today was just blah...
Despite how I feel inside, I know that alot of my friends think I am this strong beautiful girl and I love you all for that, but..its hard to accept when things like this go wrong..you know?
Sigh, Im sorry for the long rant guys, but today was one of those days..at least I didnt cry though...I was just noticably sad...
I love you and miss you all,
Mari*
Hmm..yesterday was nice...but today was a very down day.
I woke up and said my prayers, but for some reason I couldnt keep my mind off a few things. I hate that. I was so sad today, like I felt truly sad and just lonely.
I know you guys are probably gonna get mad at me cuz of that, cuz i am blessed with the greatest friends ever, but one day youre happy and in a relationship and the next its all over? Its so surreal. I had to step back and ask myself "is this really all going on right now?" What the hell, indeed. I need to just be alone I think...
Oh, and I was so sad and blah (i didnt cry though, even though i felt like i was going to) that i couldnt eat either...or maybe I didnt want to. All I ate today was a nutrigrain bar, a bottle of lipton green tea, half of an apple and a small cup of soup at work...I just cant even begin to describe how I feel. I feel so confused and insecure, like im always going to find a way to scare off the people I care for...does this make sense? I dont know.
I have been praying constantly, and I know deep down that God wills everything for a reason, but right now I just wish I could erase things from my mind and not have to feel sad about some stupid month long relationship that was great..because it was..thats what confuses me the most...
I have to wake up in 6 hrs to go to the doctors and im not tired..i just feel blah, today was just blah...
Despite how I feel inside, I know that alot of my friends think I am this strong beautiful girl and I love you all for that, but..its hard to accept when things like this go wrong..you know?
Sigh, Im sorry for the long rant guys, but today was one of those days..at least I didnt cry though...I was just noticably sad...
I love you and miss you all,
Mari*