Swingers, part 2
Title: Swingers, chpt2
Author: Perteltote
Genre: Parody
Rating:PG-13
Word Count: 988
Summary:; The Nightwatchman follows Guy to Locksley.
Additional Notes/Warnings/Spoilers: sorry, no smut here...haven't figured out how to make it funny?? Also, this is not quite as funny as the previous chapter because for some odd reason it is much easier for me to make fun of Robin...
back to chpt1
Guy came to gradually - he could remember opening the door to his chamber and then - nothing. What was he doing here, in this chair? Shifting uncomfortably, he found that his hands and feet were secured tightly. How was it that people were continually getting the jump on him? It was untenable! It was almost enough to make him doubt his competence…but no, it had to be that bastard Hood! The man was lucky enough for two leprechauns; would he never leave him alone? All he had done was take his lands, his title, and his fiancé, and Guy had clearly deserved them all, really.
Guy briefly considered yelling for his Guards, or maybe for Thornton, before dismissing the idea as far too embarrassing. He would free himself. Struggling energetically, he suddenly realized that he was getting a little too…excited. Not this again! He had known for years that tying other people up was a turn-on (he had free run of the dungeons after all), but it had taken being captured by that arrogant prick Hood for him to learn that being tied was just as arousing. Fortunately, he knew from experience that all he had to do was take one look at Hood’s ugly mug for any such thoughts to promptly disappear.
Straining, he looked around the room, and was horrified to discover that it was, in fact, the Nightwatchman that held him captive. He groaned, masks turned him on almost as much as rope, and sometimes…just sometimes…he awoke from rather *ahem* uncomfortable dreams featuring the masked villain. Plus, in all the years they’d fought he had yet to hear the man make a sound. They wouldn’t even be able to trade insults to relieve the tension!
Catching his glance, the Nightwatchman stalked towards him…hips swaying seductively…vest pulled tight across…No! Thinking desperately of Vaizey’s bad breath Guy carefully focused his gaze on the floorboards. Maybe as long as he could avoid seeing the mask he would be…
He felt a finger on his jaw, pushing his head up until his gaze met the Nightwatchman’s. Trying unsuccessfully to ignore the mask he stared aggressively into a set of wide blue eyes…funny he had never noticed how firelight made them almost purple before…and then, more importantly, he noticed that they were surrounded by smudges of BLACK KOHL! The cur had stolen his trademark!
“You’ll die for this, you bastard!”, he sneered, at the same time noting smugly that the man had made a bad job of it - the color wasn’t nearly as precise as that outlining his own eyes. A wave of self-contentment rolled over him, the man may have taken him unawares and rendered him helpless, but Sir Guy of Gisborne had a far steadier hand and a much, much sharper kohl pencil.
It was at that very moment the Nightwatchman glanced down at his lap, blinked in surprise, then looked back at his eyes. To Guy’s dismay, he then giggled? Like a girl? And muttered something about making ‘the right decision’. What? The first sound in four years and it was a giggle?
Those really, rather surprisingly, pink lips curved in a smirk of their own as Guy cursed his stupid fetishes; there could not possibly be a worse time for this.
“Release me at once, Nightwatchman scum!” he demanded, hoping to draw the man’s attention to other…matters.
The Nightwatchman smirked again, before, to Guy’s shock, delicately clearing his throat and speaking. Well...it never rained, but it poured! First a giggle, and now actual conversation…from where had this new strategy sprung? He furrowed his brow as the quality of that voice sank in…it was... very familiar…it was…not very manly...it was...what the hell was going on here?
“I came to you tonight, because I have three things to tell you, two I am afraid you will really not like, and one that I believe you will.”
And then, the man reached up and pushed his mask off.
“One: I am the Nightwatchman.”
Mouth open in shock, Guy stared for a moment before gasping, “Marian! Where did you get those clothes? What were you thinking of, running around like that! Someone might see you!”
She rolled her eyes, “I think that was the point, Guy, trust me, if I did not want you to see me, you would not have.”
Tossing his hair dramatically, Guy exclaimed, “but…but…this means that all this time you have been working with HOOD! You have betrayed me! How could you!? All this time…”
Abruptly she cut him off.
“Two: I am married to Robin Hood”
Feeling the prickle of tears, Guy stared into her eyes in silence before muttering, “What is this? Is this your idea of a joke? Maybe you and Vaizey worked this up between you?” He glanced up hopefully, but saw no hint of amusement in her eyes, so the threatening tears spilled down his cheeks. Then his nose started running, so he sniffed. (He found that he just had to sniff every time he came close to crying). He continued, “I don’t understand…when you came back, and you kissed me, I thought…in time…that we…” Voice choked by sobs he stopped and stared at her again, and as she remained silent, offering no excuses or explanations, he felt the sorrow instantly transform into blinding rage.
Jerking against his bonds he maniacally screamed, “I will kill him! And then you! And then him again! I will make you watch while he dies! I will…”
Raising an eyebrow, Marian stuffed one of the dirty socks from his laundry basket into his mouth before calmly continuing.
“Three: As Robin and I are swingers now, I have decided to take you as a lover.”
The rage and tears suddenly disappeared as all the blood flow to his brain was quickly re-routed to other…more pressing…areas.
She pulled the sock back out of his mouth.
“Oh,” he said, “Well then. In that case, what are we waiting for?”
Author: Perteltote
Genre: Parody
Rating:PG-13
Word Count: 988
Summary:; The Nightwatchman follows Guy to Locksley.
Additional Notes/Warnings/Spoilers: sorry, no smut here...haven't figured out how to make it funny?? Also, this is not quite as funny as the previous chapter because for some odd reason it is much easier for me to make fun of Robin...
back to chpt1
Guy came to gradually - he could remember opening the door to his chamber and then - nothing. What was he doing here, in this chair? Shifting uncomfortably, he found that his hands and feet were secured tightly. How was it that people were continually getting the jump on him? It was untenable! It was almost enough to make him doubt his competence…but no, it had to be that bastard Hood! The man was lucky enough for two leprechauns; would he never leave him alone? All he had done was take his lands, his title, and his fiancé, and Guy had clearly deserved them all, really.
Guy briefly considered yelling for his Guards, or maybe for Thornton, before dismissing the idea as far too embarrassing. He would free himself. Struggling energetically, he suddenly realized that he was getting a little too…excited. Not this again! He had known for years that tying other people up was a turn-on (he had free run of the dungeons after all), but it had taken being captured by that arrogant prick Hood for him to learn that being tied was just as arousing. Fortunately, he knew from experience that all he had to do was take one look at Hood’s ugly mug for any such thoughts to promptly disappear.
Straining, he looked around the room, and was horrified to discover that it was, in fact, the Nightwatchman that held him captive. He groaned, masks turned him on almost as much as rope, and sometimes…just sometimes…he awoke from rather *ahem* uncomfortable dreams featuring the masked villain. Plus, in all the years they’d fought he had yet to hear the man make a sound. They wouldn’t even be able to trade insults to relieve the tension!
Catching his glance, the Nightwatchman stalked towards him…hips swaying seductively…vest pulled tight across…No! Thinking desperately of Vaizey’s bad breath Guy carefully focused his gaze on the floorboards. Maybe as long as he could avoid seeing the mask he would be…
He felt a finger on his jaw, pushing his head up until his gaze met the Nightwatchman’s. Trying unsuccessfully to ignore the mask he stared aggressively into a set of wide blue eyes…funny he had never noticed how firelight made them almost purple before…and then, more importantly, he noticed that they were surrounded by smudges of BLACK KOHL! The cur had stolen his trademark!
“You’ll die for this, you bastard!”, he sneered, at the same time noting smugly that the man had made a bad job of it - the color wasn’t nearly as precise as that outlining his own eyes. A wave of self-contentment rolled over him, the man may have taken him unawares and rendered him helpless, but Sir Guy of Gisborne had a far steadier hand and a much, much sharper kohl pencil.
It was at that very moment the Nightwatchman glanced down at his lap, blinked in surprise, then looked back at his eyes. To Guy’s dismay, he then giggled? Like a girl? And muttered something about making ‘the right decision’. What? The first sound in four years and it was a giggle?
Those really, rather surprisingly, pink lips curved in a smirk of their own as Guy cursed his stupid fetishes; there could not possibly be a worse time for this.
“Release me at once, Nightwatchman scum!” he demanded, hoping to draw the man’s attention to other…matters.
The Nightwatchman smirked again, before, to Guy’s shock, delicately clearing his throat and speaking. Well...it never rained, but it poured! First a giggle, and now actual conversation…from where had this new strategy sprung? He furrowed his brow as the quality of that voice sank in…it was... very familiar…it was…not very manly...it was...what the hell was going on here?
“I came to you tonight, because I have three things to tell you, two I am afraid you will really not like, and one that I believe you will.”
And then, the man reached up and pushed his mask off.
“One: I am the Nightwatchman.”
Mouth open in shock, Guy stared for a moment before gasping, “Marian! Where did you get those clothes? What were you thinking of, running around like that! Someone might see you!”
She rolled her eyes, “I think that was the point, Guy, trust me, if I did not want you to see me, you would not have.”
Tossing his hair dramatically, Guy exclaimed, “but…but…this means that all this time you have been working with HOOD! You have betrayed me! How could you!? All this time…”
Abruptly she cut him off.
“Two: I am married to Robin Hood”
Feeling the prickle of tears, Guy stared into her eyes in silence before muttering, “What is this? Is this your idea of a joke? Maybe you and Vaizey worked this up between you?” He glanced up hopefully, but saw no hint of amusement in her eyes, so the threatening tears spilled down his cheeks. Then his nose started running, so he sniffed. (He found that he just had to sniff every time he came close to crying). He continued, “I don’t understand…when you came back, and you kissed me, I thought…in time…that we…” Voice choked by sobs he stopped and stared at her again, and as she remained silent, offering no excuses or explanations, he felt the sorrow instantly transform into blinding rage.
Jerking against his bonds he maniacally screamed, “I will kill him! And then you! And then him again! I will make you watch while he dies! I will…”
Raising an eyebrow, Marian stuffed one of the dirty socks from his laundry basket into his mouth before calmly continuing.
“Three: As Robin and I are swingers now, I have decided to take you as a lover.”
The rage and tears suddenly disappeared as all the blood flow to his brain was quickly re-routed to other…more pressing…areas.
She pulled the sock back out of his mouth.
“Oh,” he said, “Well then. In that case, what are we waiting for?”