(no subject)
creativity
I've played the violin for a few years- a little over a decade. I've always enjoyed it, and rarely took my violin classes seriously, yet somehow I ended up being ok. Well, a little better than ok, probably pretty good (but not fantastic). Anyway. For a few years now, i just haven't had the motivation to play. I've wanted to, so motivation isn't exactly the word. Yes, I've had a kid (and am having another one), which makes it quite a bit more difficult to be spontaneous, but that's not THE PROBLEM. I've tried ordering different music- doesn't work. I've thought about learning music theory, memorizing scales, etc. Haven't completed that goal, mostly because a lack of intellectual knowledge wasn't the problem either. Sure, I could definitely use some more music theory, scales, become more proficient and accurate with shifting into the higher positions, and also ear training. But, still not the problem. Maybe that stuff will come later. Anyway, part of the problem is not having anyone to play with. I desperately miss playing in an orchestra, and would love even to play with a small ensemble. Classical music is definitely fun, though I'd like to try Celtic, or maybe even a more modern "style". Anyway, lack of playing partners is still not THE PROBLEM. Maybe that's why I haven't reached out to other players in the area- I'm afraid to. I know that I'm not a musician (yet). I know enough, and maybe some people who have heard me play would say that I'm good, but I'm just repeating someone else's notes. How can you call an artist if you're expressing someone else's emotions? That's how I view sheet music. And I'm confined to it. I feel like my knowledge of (and experience in) reading music has set up a definition in my mind of how to play. But I'm just going through someone else's motions. Yes, often there are passionate parts in the music, and when I'm warmed up and know the music, I can express that passion but it's still not *my* music.
Why do I have this problem? I dunno, something lacking in my education maybe. Obviously someone can't teach you how to play your emotions, but there was such an emphasis on learning the music (and I'm definitely grateful that I know that at least) that artistry was ignored. To sum it up, I'm creatively constipated. And inhibited. How do I express myself through my violin? Is the violin even the right instrument for me? I've always wanted to play the cello, but was discouraged from it. Mandolin? Voice? I don't think it's the instrument, I think it's the player. But what am I even expressing?
All in all, I think I need to get comfortable with the idea that I'm not always going to play something lovely (or attractive sounding), and that often I'm going to sound like crap, before I'm able to play with others well. And I need to learn to be ok sounding like crap while others are listening.
I've played the violin for a few years- a little over a decade. I've always enjoyed it, and rarely took my violin classes seriously, yet somehow I ended up being ok. Well, a little better than ok, probably pretty good (but not fantastic). Anyway. For a few years now, i just haven't had the motivation to play. I've wanted to, so motivation isn't exactly the word. Yes, I've had a kid (and am having another one), which makes it quite a bit more difficult to be spontaneous, but that's not THE PROBLEM. I've tried ordering different music- doesn't work. I've thought about learning music theory, memorizing scales, etc. Haven't completed that goal, mostly because a lack of intellectual knowledge wasn't the problem either. Sure, I could definitely use some more music theory, scales, become more proficient and accurate with shifting into the higher positions, and also ear training. But, still not the problem. Maybe that stuff will come later. Anyway, part of the problem is not having anyone to play with. I desperately miss playing in an orchestra, and would love even to play with a small ensemble. Classical music is definitely fun, though I'd like to try Celtic, or maybe even a more modern "style". Anyway, lack of playing partners is still not THE PROBLEM. Maybe that's why I haven't reached out to other players in the area- I'm afraid to. I know that I'm not a musician (yet). I know enough, and maybe some people who have heard me play would say that I'm good, but I'm just repeating someone else's notes. How can you call an artist if you're expressing someone else's emotions? That's how I view sheet music. And I'm confined to it. I feel like my knowledge of (and experience in) reading music has set up a definition in my mind of how to play. But I'm just going through someone else's motions. Yes, often there are passionate parts in the music, and when I'm warmed up and know the music, I can express that passion but it's still not *my* music.
Why do I have this problem? I dunno, something lacking in my education maybe. Obviously someone can't teach you how to play your emotions, but there was such an emphasis on learning the music (and I'm definitely grateful that I know that at least) that artistry was ignored. To sum it up, I'm creatively constipated. And inhibited. How do I express myself through my violin? Is the violin even the right instrument for me? I've always wanted to play the cello, but was discouraged from it. Mandolin? Voice? I don't think it's the instrument, I think it's the player. But what am I even expressing?
All in all, I think I need to get comfortable with the idea that I'm not always going to play something lovely (or attractive sounding), and that often I'm going to sound like crap, before I'm able to play with others well. And I need to learn to be ok sounding like crap while others are listening.