Mechanisms
I think the mechanism that controls my emotions might be broken. I feel like I should be panicking right now. But I'm not, just yet. I might. I might panic. I have so much to do. I'm not even sure how I'm going to do it all. The work, the papers. My body won't cooperate. And I keep making bad decisions. Bad decisions on purpose. Sometimes I need to sabotage myself for awhile, so that when I take care of myself it feels extra good? I made so many bad decisions this week I can't even count them.
I have a feeling I'm going to find myself on some talk show giving advice to other grad students one day... about how not to end up like me. But it will be all fakey. And Oprah will put her hands on mine and act like she's been through the same thing.
... Or maybe I'll just suck it up and start getting my work done and stop making stupid choices.
I asked Eric for help today... help moving. Something I really didn't want to have to do. But I don't have many people to ask. I'm kind of stuck here. And it kind of sucks.
Maybe I need antidepressants again. To give me some nice, old-fashioned insomnia. Mmmmm... insomnia. Work's best friend.
I have a feeling I'm going to find myself on some talk show giving advice to other grad students one day... about how not to end up like me. But it will be all fakey. And Oprah will put her hands on mine and act like she's been through the same thing.
... Or maybe I'll just suck it up and start getting my work done and stop making stupid choices.
I asked Eric for help today... help moving. Something I really didn't want to have to do. But I don't have many people to ask. I'm kind of stuck here. And it kind of sucks.
Maybe I need antidepressants again. To give me some nice, old-fashioned insomnia. Mmmmm... insomnia. Work's best friend.