Haven't posted anything for a while

Jul 22, 2009 11:23

I am still without computerness at my apartment. It blows. So I'm ninja-ing computer use at work.

My sister's wedding in next saturday. The closer it gets the more pissed off/depressed I get. It makes me feel like a jerk. I really do not want to be a bridesmaid. I do not want to wear the dress and the shoes and make nice with everyone and get starred at and have my picture taken.

The lady that is altering my dress is doing a fabulous job despite the fact that she didn't take out the shoulder pads in the jacket I'm wearing to cover up my big fat arms. Only problem is, she keeps making off handed comments that make me feel like a cow.

I just want this whole goddamn thing to be over with. And I'm really hoping that if I break down and cry that I can hold it off until after the reception when I can get home and get behind a door I can close and curl up in my bed.

The other thing that makes me feel like a jerk is that fact that I'm upset because my cousin Julia will not be there. She moved to Japan and got a job and won't be able to come back. I couldn't be happier for her. I am thrilled that she is over there, hopefully, doing what she wants to be doing (I have no idea what kind of job she has since no one in my family has bothered to tell me). But I feel even more alone now because there isn't really going to be anyone there for me to talk to now.

Have I mentioned that I want this whole thing to be over?
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