Goodbye
Title: Goodbye
Author: Persiflage_1
Characters/Pairings: Tenth Doctor
Rating: G
Spoilers: School Reunion, Doomsday, The Last of the Time Lords, The Sontaran Stratagem
Summary: The Doctor's finally realised not very good at saying goodbye.
Disclaimer: I don't even own my brain any more, never mind Doctor Who!
Author Notes: Fair warning - this is the first of several stories that the Bunny!Muses presented to me overnight after I watched The Sontaran Stratagem. There'll be another of these character PoV introspectives for Martha, plus three other (shortish) stories !
~~~~~~
As they drove to the Rattigan Academy, the Doctor's mind was only partially on his conversation with young Ross. He'd made a bit of an idiot of himself, giving Donna that over-blown goodbye speech. How was it that he never quite got it right on that score? Sarah Jane had demanded a proper goodbye, thirty years after he'd abandoned her, and he'd realised then how much importance humans attached to farewells. He personally hated them, but he'd made a point of giving Rose one, burning up a sun in the process, and promptly wished he'd refrained when he'd seen her crying on that beach.
And Martha - he'd messed up saying goodbye to her too. She'd caught him off guard with her announcement that she wouldn't be travelling with him again: he'd been too caught up in his own feelings at the Master's death to consider the fact that she'd only just got back with her family after a year on her own, and therefore she wouldn't want to go waltzing off with him.
Emotionally numb and taken by surprise, he'd barely said two words to her, and she'd more than earned a proper goodbye from him, with all that she'd done for and on his behalf. So he'd babbled on to Donna, frightened he'd mess up another goodbye, and then he'd realised she was only popping home for a quick visit to her family.
Since the end of the Time War he seemed to be suffering from an emotional disconnect that meant he was never properly in tune with the humans around him and constantly hitting the wrong notes emotionally, and he wished he knew how to re-attune himself because he was sure he never used to be this off-key.
He took a deep breath mentally, thinking back to his brief conversation with Martha. She'd been quite sharp with him, and rightly so: it really was his fault that she was the person she'd become. He'd broken her and remade her in his image, and he wasn't particularly proud of that. He was proud of her - fiercely proud of the fact that she'd survived that year, and that was still capable and independent. But it hurt his hearts that she'd lost so much of her wide-eyed wonder and innocence at the Universe. He'd hurt her and she'd become harder as a result. Her rebuke about his attitude had been wholly deserved. He'd recommended her for the job at UNIT because he'd heard a couple of whispers when he was trapped aboard the Valiant that had worried him, and he'd wanted to know that there was someone whom he could trust inside, and Martha had more than earned his trust.
He should find a way to tell her that because she needed to hear it, and he needed to say it. There were too many things that he hadn't told her either when she'd been with him or before she'd left him, and it was past time for him to speak up.
Author: Persiflage_1
Characters/Pairings: Tenth Doctor
Rating: G
Spoilers: School Reunion, Doomsday, The Last of the Time Lords, The Sontaran Stratagem
Summary: The Doctor's finally realised not very good at saying goodbye.
Disclaimer: I don't even own my brain any more, never mind Doctor Who!
Author Notes: Fair warning - this is the first of several stories that the Bunny!Muses presented to me overnight after I watched The Sontaran Stratagem. There'll be another of these character PoV introspectives for Martha, plus three other (shortish) stories !
~~~~~~
As they drove to the Rattigan Academy, the Doctor's mind was only partially on his conversation with young Ross. He'd made a bit of an idiot of himself, giving Donna that over-blown goodbye speech. How was it that he never quite got it right on that score? Sarah Jane had demanded a proper goodbye, thirty years after he'd abandoned her, and he'd realised then how much importance humans attached to farewells. He personally hated them, but he'd made a point of giving Rose one, burning up a sun in the process, and promptly wished he'd refrained when he'd seen her crying on that beach.
And Martha - he'd messed up saying goodbye to her too. She'd caught him off guard with her announcement that she wouldn't be travelling with him again: he'd been too caught up in his own feelings at the Master's death to consider the fact that she'd only just got back with her family after a year on her own, and therefore she wouldn't want to go waltzing off with him.
Emotionally numb and taken by surprise, he'd barely said two words to her, and she'd more than earned a proper goodbye from him, with all that she'd done for and on his behalf. So he'd babbled on to Donna, frightened he'd mess up another goodbye, and then he'd realised she was only popping home for a quick visit to her family.
Since the end of the Time War he seemed to be suffering from an emotional disconnect that meant he was never properly in tune with the humans around him and constantly hitting the wrong notes emotionally, and he wished he knew how to re-attune himself because he was sure he never used to be this off-key.
He took a deep breath mentally, thinking back to his brief conversation with Martha. She'd been quite sharp with him, and rightly so: it really was his fault that she was the person she'd become. He'd broken her and remade her in his image, and he wasn't particularly proud of that. He was proud of her - fiercely proud of the fact that she'd survived that year, and that was still capable and independent. But it hurt his hearts that she'd lost so much of her wide-eyed wonder and innocence at the Universe. He'd hurt her and she'd become harder as a result. Her rebuke about his attitude had been wholly deserved. He'd recommended her for the job at UNIT because he'd heard a couple of whispers when he was trapped aboard the Valiant that had worried him, and he'd wanted to know that there was someone whom he could trust inside, and Martha had more than earned his trust.
He should find a way to tell her that because she needed to hear it, and he needed to say it. There were too many things that he hadn't told her either when she'd been with him or before she'd left him, and it was past time for him to speak up.