(no subject)
I don't know if he still loves me. Then again, I'm not sure if he ever did really. I'd like to think he did, or does. I dunno. I just hurt. I meet with UCI Monday. Jesus, I don't know if I'll get in. I really need to get in. I need something in my life to go right.
It bothers me, all of this. I feel like this is a huge mistake, leaving without fighting for Monte back. I should have gone to his house. I really should have.
He claims he doesn't want to be weak, but I think he's doing something worse...he's ignoring his heart. And what will happen when it's too late for us? And for what? For the sake of pride. I dunno.
I'm in Cali. In all I've had plenty of attention, but all have been unwanted and today I cried. I hadn't cried the whole trip. I was just numb. But when I unpacked into my room, I just crumbled. I don't think he cries anymore. That's good. I really hope he finds someone who makes him happy. I just wish that someone was me.
It bothers me, all of this. I feel like this is a huge mistake, leaving without fighting for Monte back. I should have gone to his house. I really should have.
He claims he doesn't want to be weak, but I think he's doing something worse...he's ignoring his heart. And what will happen when it's too late for us? And for what? For the sake of pride. I dunno.
I'm in Cali. In all I've had plenty of attention, but all have been unwanted and today I cried. I hadn't cried the whole trip. I was just numb. But when I unpacked into my room, I just crumbled. I don't think he cries anymore. That's good. I really hope he finds someone who makes him happy. I just wish that someone was me.