∮ die for anyone what have I become?
Joy of all joys, more sleeping in until about 1PM or 2PM. This is getting a tad on the wtfery scale, honestly. I mean, I know it's because I stay up late but scientifically speaking I should only need about eight hours of sleep a day, not 10+. Today, the only reason I woke up before "I was ready to" was because the phone rang. Normally I just roll over and go "om nom nom sleep" when it does but then the speechul ringtone I have on the phone for my parents rang through and there was jolting out of bed, tripping and grabbing the phone. Always good times. Sometimes I feel like a damned animated character or something with the way I keel over like that from time to time when doing the simplest of things. Oh well.
So I talked to my mom for about an hour. Or well, she talked to me and I dabbled in giving her my opinion on a few of her statements and news bringings. That's kind of how it always is when I'm on the phone with her, she talks, I listen and from time to time have something to say to her as well. I don't mind that, really. Actually, I prefer it as I never have anything to say. I just like to hear her anyway. I guess she, and my dad, are both really upset that I still have no idea if Christmas plans will be set in stone. I knew she was upset, but hearing that dad is kind of got to me. I mean, the man is solid as a boulder and never really shows any emotion of concern. That's not to say that he doesn't show any emotion at all. Nothing like that. My father is a good man, he's just kind of broken when it comes to being soft and compassionate about certain things. Which is why it's a tad awkward to hear that he's actually rather upset about it. I guess, here's to hoping that plans fall through so no one has to be upset about it. I know she's just getting her own feelings off her chest, but when she tells me about it all that ends up happening is me falling a tad more into depression. She doesn't mean too. I know that. I don't blame her. I don't even know who or what I blame anymore. Maybe myself? I don't know.
So, I had planned to attempt to write all this month for that damned NaNoWriMo thing, and that's ended with complete and utter failure. Ideas, I have. Ways to set them onto paper in the format of a story? Don't got it. They might as well stay in my notebook and my head, anyway. If they aren't just plain stupid ideas then they're unworkable. Still having a bit of woes when it comes to RP threads and journal entries. I got plans for a few people, but apart from that I have no idea what to do with any of them at all, I find myself bullshitting entries and whatnot to keep up with activity, though I think I might be doing kind of badly at that, too. Still kind of refuse to drop them, though. I blame being depressed on that one, if I could just gather a bit of hope for myself then maybe I wouldn't be reflecting utter failure in everything I do and write. I think some changes are in order for some of my characters or something, they need things to do and even negative things can be good from time to time for development, really. I'm just not overly thrilled with some of them and where they're going. I would reset some of them in hopes that it would help but there are friends and whatnot I wouldn't want them to lose. Bah. Decisions... Something I'm horrible at. Sigh
I should get active. Maybe go for walks or something. Something that would have me doing something other than being cooped up in a room all day, everyday, and stop me from falling deeper and deeper into a hole. I need something to do that doesn't revolve around being on the computer and waiting for a call from my lawyer all day, really. Maybe I'll read more or something. Not much of a physical workout but it could help me get over some writing woes, maybe. I don't know. Now I'm just spitting out random things because I'm unable to even think up something interesting to write about in my journal.
Bleh. Friend's page clutter. That's all I am.
I'm done now.
So I talked to my mom for about an hour. Or well, she talked to me and I dabbled in giving her my opinion on a few of her statements and news bringings. That's kind of how it always is when I'm on the phone with her, she talks, I listen and from time to time have something to say to her as well. I don't mind that, really. Actually, I prefer it as I never have anything to say. I just like to hear her anyway. I guess she, and my dad, are both really upset that I still have no idea if Christmas plans will be set in stone. I knew she was upset, but hearing that dad is kind of got to me. I mean, the man is solid as a boulder and never really shows any emotion of concern. That's not to say that he doesn't show any emotion at all. Nothing like that. My father is a good man, he's just kind of broken when it comes to being soft and compassionate about certain things. Which is why it's a tad awkward to hear that he's actually rather upset about it. I guess, here's to hoping that plans fall through so no one has to be upset about it. I know she's just getting her own feelings off her chest, but when she tells me about it all that ends up happening is me falling a tad more into depression. She doesn't mean too. I know that. I don't blame her. I don't even know who or what I blame anymore. Maybe myself? I don't know.
So, I had planned to attempt to write all this month for that damned NaNoWriMo thing, and that's ended with complete and utter failure. Ideas, I have. Ways to set them onto paper in the format of a story? Don't got it. They might as well stay in my notebook and my head, anyway. If they aren't just plain stupid ideas then they're unworkable. Still having a bit of woes when it comes to RP threads and journal entries. I got plans for a few people, but apart from that I have no idea what to do with any of them at all, I find myself bullshitting entries and whatnot to keep up with activity, though I think I might be doing kind of badly at that, too. Still kind of refuse to drop them, though. I blame being depressed on that one, if I could just gather a bit of hope for myself then maybe I wouldn't be reflecting utter failure in everything I do and write. I think some changes are in order for some of my characters or something, they need things to do and even negative things can be good from time to time for development, really. I'm just not overly thrilled with some of them and where they're going. I would reset some of them in hopes that it would help but there are friends and whatnot I wouldn't want them to lose. Bah. Decisions... Something I'm horrible at. Sigh
I should get active. Maybe go for walks or something. Something that would have me doing something other than being cooped up in a room all day, everyday, and stop me from falling deeper and deeper into a hole. I need something to do that doesn't revolve around being on the computer and waiting for a call from my lawyer all day, really. Maybe I'll read more or something. Not much of a physical workout but it could help me get over some writing woes, maybe. I don't know. Now I'm just spitting out random things because I'm unable to even think up something interesting to write about in my journal.
Bleh. Friend's page clutter. That's all I am.
I'm done now.