[repost] mix: dressing in your clothes + commentary
so lj seems like the place where i talk about things that mean a lot to me even though they shouldnt. like playlists i made in 5 minutes but that have consumed and devoured me like the new jkr book has not. this is the first case in point.
the mix is for "the ghost haunting your flat that you fall in love with". pretty clear on that. why i say "flat" instead of saying "house" or "room" or "place", i don't know, probably because i am a poor student who does live in a flat except it's a shared flat and an own flat is the ultimate symbol of being a poor lonely student? because if you live with someone else you can never be really lonely (you can, but you will not have the excuse for other people or yourself, most importantly, because why should you be lonely if there's someone in the room next to you, rambling on and having friends over and cooking and not taking out the trash?), and solitude is the ultimate romantic motif of my age. at least for me, but i have probably read 20 fragments of a ravenous youth too often.
001. theme from ghost world / david kitay
{instrumental}
(have you wondered why ghost world is called ghost world? of course, it's based on the comic of the same name, which i only recommend to read if you haven't taken any liking to the character of seymour (and liking means obsession and stanning), and frankly i don't remember if the title was ever explained in either comic or film. it showed up for a brief moment in both, i believe. anyway, ghost world is a universally applicable state of mind because it's so much about what you want to be but are not yet, thus the ghost of yourself that doesn't exist yet. now you can see how drunk i am. actually this is just a fantastic tune.)
002. is there a ghost / band of horses
I could sleep when I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
(My brother gave the first Band of Horses album to my mother a few (a lot of ) Christmasses ago and we have been listening to it ever since. Sometimes I think it has infected the whole world, but actually it has just become another one of these universally applicable albums for me that fail to make me happy yet inspire me endlessly? Anyway, this song is not about love but the parade song for noticing there's something wrong in your place. Note how I say 'place' this time, not 'flat'.)
003. anyone’s ghost / silver swans
didn't want to be your ghost
didn't want to be anyone's ghost
didn't want to be your ghost
didn't want to be anyone's ghost
but I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else
you said I came close as anyone's come
to live underwater for more than a month
you said it was night inside my heart, it was
you said it should tear a kid apart, it does
(To nobody's surprise, I actually like The National version much better but this fit in better with the mix and my story. I have not mentioned the story yet, but it's all there in track 7 so I will just shut up. It's a very soft story, violent just beneath the surface, and the voice of the singer of The National just seemed to cut right through this softness.)
004. be there / josh beech
yes i will be there for you
yes i will be there for you
(I saw this motherfucker in concert last year, and most of this song is shit because it is not supposed to be a happy song but a song that gives the promise of being there (hard guess huh), but when you hear it live it's unbelievable and I love hearing the chorus. A ghost will always be there for you, and there can be intimate moments with a ghost.)
005. so close / evanescence
I've spent so much time throwing rocks at your window
that I never even knocked on the front door
I walk by statues never even made one chip
but if i could leave a mark on the monument of the heart
I just might lay myself down for a little more than I had the last day
wait a time to spare these lies we tell ourselves
these days have come and gone
but this time is sweeter than honey
(there are times when I can pretend that this song didn't mean the world to me when I was, like, 13, and there are times when I can't. (guess which time it is now.) but basically this just covers every love story that has anything to do with eternity or immortality or death. the 'statues' part should give you feelings for every of your otps.)
006. the flowers / regina spektor
the flowers you gave me are rotting and still I refuse to throw them away.
some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
they might so i'm waiting and staying awake.
things I have loved i'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep
(and there it is, right in the withering flowers and the sleep that comes or doesn't. it's the essence of everything I love about the idea of being in love with a ghost. imagine he gives you flowers? they are probably withered.)
007. ghost (poem) / emilie autumn
in a year where will you be
is it enough for you to steal into my mind
filling up my page with music written in my hand
you know I'll take the credit for I must have made you come to me somehow
but please try to close the curtains when you leave at night
or I'll have to find someone to stay and warm me
will you always attend my midnight tea parties
as long as I set your place
if one day your sugar sits untouched
will you have gone forever
(that poem deserves to be put here entirely; because I love this poem so much. I guess I will make another post for it. unfortunately, it's too long, isn't it? at least too long to be put as an explanation for a fanmix. when actually the fanmix is about this poem.)
008. this close / flyleaf
i've been looking in your window
i've been dressing in your clothes
i've been walking dead
watching you
long enough to know i can't go on
(this song has haunted me longer than any ghost could have. don't get me wrong - flyleaf is a religious band and i get that, even in that song. but religion and ghosts don't cancel each other out, and this song is the personification of a ghost bound to a human, watching them forever, knowing them and their deepest secrets but never ever ever ever being able to communicate. for me, at least, this is the essence of what i wanted.)
009. tempelhof / julia kent
{instrumental}
(this just sounded pretty. and harsh.)
010. protect me from what i want / placebo
wedding bells ain't gonna chime
with both of us guilty of crime
and both of us sentenced to time
and now we're all alone
(there is actually a french version of this i like much better, but this will do. from the album 'dancing with ghosts'. be realistic about your relationship.)
011. wenn du lachst / juli
i trust the quiet of the dead
i trust no one that loves me
but hating me remains forbidden
and it remains a miracle if you still exist
(this is a song in german, you may have noticed. my translation is inaccurate if anything, but this song is everything. everything.)
the part that says 'commentary': this is a story inside of my head. i made this mix in 5 minutes. this is raw feelings, and not even feelings that necessarily belong to the subject. why did i name the mix 'dressing in your clothes'? because imagine a clothes going to your room and trying to put on your clothes to feel anything close to human. imagine said ghost watching you from outside your window, but never being able to cross the distance through the window as long as you are there, not because it's physically impossible, but because the window is, here, the boundary between the living and the dead. imagine being a ghost and being hungry for life like you never were hungry for chocolate. putting on the (warm) clothes that someone else has worn in their actual life, isn't that the closest you can ever come to feeling alive again?
listen to the whole thing here.
the mix is for "the ghost haunting your flat that you fall in love with". pretty clear on that. why i say "flat" instead of saying "house" or "room" or "place", i don't know, probably because i am a poor student who does live in a flat except it's a shared flat and an own flat is the ultimate symbol of being a poor lonely student? because if you live with someone else you can never be really lonely (you can, but you will not have the excuse for other people or yourself, most importantly, because why should you be lonely if there's someone in the room next to you, rambling on and having friends over and cooking and not taking out the trash?), and solitude is the ultimate romantic motif of my age. at least for me, but i have probably read 20 fragments of a ravenous youth too often.
001. theme from ghost world / david kitay
{instrumental}
(have you wondered why ghost world is called ghost world? of course, it's based on the comic of the same name, which i only recommend to read if you haven't taken any liking to the character of seymour (and liking means obsession and stanning), and frankly i don't remember if the title was ever explained in either comic or film. it showed up for a brief moment in both, i believe. anyway, ghost world is a universally applicable state of mind because it's so much about what you want to be but are not yet, thus the ghost of yourself that doesn't exist yet. now you can see how drunk i am. actually this is just a fantastic tune.)
002. is there a ghost / band of horses
I could sleep when I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
(My brother gave the first Band of Horses album to my mother a few (a lot of ) Christmasses ago and we have been listening to it ever since. Sometimes I think it has infected the whole world, but actually it has just become another one of these universally applicable albums for me that fail to make me happy yet inspire me endlessly? Anyway, this song is not about love but the parade song for noticing there's something wrong in your place. Note how I say 'place' this time, not 'flat'.)
003. anyone’s ghost / silver swans
didn't want to be your ghost
didn't want to be anyone's ghost
didn't want to be your ghost
didn't want to be anyone's ghost
but I don't want anybody else
I don't want anybody else
you said I came close as anyone's come
to live underwater for more than a month
you said it was night inside my heart, it was
you said it should tear a kid apart, it does
(To nobody's surprise, I actually like The National version much better but this fit in better with the mix and my story. I have not mentioned the story yet, but it's all there in track 7 so I will just shut up. It's a very soft story, violent just beneath the surface, and the voice of the singer of The National just seemed to cut right through this softness.)
004. be there / josh beech
yes i will be there for you
yes i will be there for you
(I saw this motherfucker in concert last year, and most of this song is shit because it is not supposed to be a happy song but a song that gives the promise of being there (hard guess huh), but when you hear it live it's unbelievable and I love hearing the chorus. A ghost will always be there for you, and there can be intimate moments with a ghost.)
005. so close / evanescence
I've spent so much time throwing rocks at your window
that I never even knocked on the front door
I walk by statues never even made one chip
but if i could leave a mark on the monument of the heart
I just might lay myself down for a little more than I had the last day
wait a time to spare these lies we tell ourselves
these days have come and gone
but this time is sweeter than honey
(there are times when I can pretend that this song didn't mean the world to me when I was, like, 13, and there are times when I can't. (guess which time it is now.) but basically this just covers every love story that has anything to do with eternity or immortality or death. the 'statues' part should give you feelings for every of your otps.)
006. the flowers / regina spektor
the flowers you gave me are rotting and still I refuse to throw them away.
some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
they might so i'm waiting and staying awake.
things I have loved i'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep
(and there it is, right in the withering flowers and the sleep that comes or doesn't. it's the essence of everything I love about the idea of being in love with a ghost. imagine he gives you flowers? they are probably withered.)
007. ghost (poem) / emilie autumn
in a year where will you be
is it enough for you to steal into my mind
filling up my page with music written in my hand
you know I'll take the credit for I must have made you come to me somehow
but please try to close the curtains when you leave at night
or I'll have to find someone to stay and warm me
will you always attend my midnight tea parties
as long as I set your place
if one day your sugar sits untouched
will you have gone forever
(that poem deserves to be put here entirely; because I love this poem so much. I guess I will make another post for it. unfortunately, it's too long, isn't it? at least too long to be put as an explanation for a fanmix. when actually the fanmix is about this poem.)
008. this close / flyleaf
i've been looking in your window
i've been dressing in your clothes
i've been walking dead
watching you
long enough to know i can't go on
(this song has haunted me longer than any ghost could have. don't get me wrong - flyleaf is a religious band and i get that, even in that song. but religion and ghosts don't cancel each other out, and this song is the personification of a ghost bound to a human, watching them forever, knowing them and their deepest secrets but never ever ever ever being able to communicate. for me, at least, this is the essence of what i wanted.)
009. tempelhof / julia kent
{instrumental}
(this just sounded pretty. and harsh.)
010. protect me from what i want / placebo
wedding bells ain't gonna chime
with both of us guilty of crime
and both of us sentenced to time
and now we're all alone
(there is actually a french version of this i like much better, but this will do. from the album 'dancing with ghosts'. be realistic about your relationship.)
011. wenn du lachst / juli
i trust the quiet of the dead
i trust no one that loves me
but hating me remains forbidden
and it remains a miracle if you still exist
(this is a song in german, you may have noticed. my translation is inaccurate if anything, but this song is everything. everything.)
the part that says 'commentary': this is a story inside of my head. i made this mix in 5 minutes. this is raw feelings, and not even feelings that necessarily belong to the subject. why did i name the mix 'dressing in your clothes'? because imagine a clothes going to your room and trying to put on your clothes to feel anything close to human. imagine said ghost watching you from outside your window, but never being able to cross the distance through the window as long as you are there, not because it's physically impossible, but because the window is, here, the boundary between the living and the dead. imagine being a ghost and being hungry for life like you never were hungry for chocolate. putting on the (warm) clothes that someone else has worn in their actual life, isn't that the closest you can ever come to feeling alive again?
listen to the whole thing here.