stop me if you've heard this one before
phew. so much has happened i've been kind of reluctant to try and post any of it. Bryan's had to take a temporary leave from the band to spend some time with his daughter, so for a few weeks we'll be playing with a drummer named Tony. this last weekend was our first playing with him and it went really well. he's reintroduced us to the "i-made-you-look-at-the-circle-made-by-my-thumb-and-index-finger-below-the-waist" game to us for the first time since high school and has reduced us, in the space of a day, to scheming teenagers trying to think of ways to get someone to look at their hand. it's juvenile and hilarious and i'm getting damn good at it.
i met Michelle and Jonny Fairplay, of America's Next Top Model and Survivor, respectively. and they were SO fucking cool. just totally laid-back and nice and all inviting Kat and i to hang out with them. apparently Jonny is a huge Venture Bros fan and did the "Go Team Venture" V over the table with me. EPIC. they told me so many hilarious things about each of the reality shows they were on and the nature of their level of fame. after ten minutes of hanging out with them i totally forgot that they were reality celebs and just felt like i was chatting with some awesome people.
the big news in my life is, of course, that i broke up with Enda a week ago. i'll probably do a friends-only post sometime later going into why, but the basic story is a simple one. i love him very much, he isn't going to change, i'm not going to change, the end. it could go into a long, drawn out, knock-down drag-out messy breakup during which we both tell ourselves that it will get better until we can't anymore. but instead we had a calm, honest conversation (i mean--i was calmly crying my eyes out) during which we arrived at us just wanting different things.
he's still living here until he can figure something else out, and when i'm not working at Capital Promotions or with the band, or he's not working at his bar, we still hang out. he's still coming to work with me every now and then at CP, to do stuff in the warehouse. it's nice still having him around but it makes me really sad to think that it's just a matter of time before he a) moves out and b) goes back to Australia. it's going to be two band-aids pulled off instead of one.
i'm really grateful for the fact that there's no animosity between us, but in the vacuum of what used to be affection is a kind of quiet sadness, the gone-ness of our relationship in the silence between every conversation. we kept in touch when i was out of town with the band, calling and texting, and after a brief conversation over the phone he sent me a text that just said, "I still care for you deeply. Just don't forget that." i responded in kind and broke down into tears.
i don't regret a single thing that's happened, and i'm so happy that he was in my life for the time that he was. for the first time in my life, i really could see being with someone for the long haul, and wasn't the least bit frightened or weirded out about talking about children or the future in general. it isn't going to work out, and that's sad, but i feel some amount of happiness that i could feel that way about someone. this isn't going to turn out to be the happy ending i thought it was, but now anything could happen.
i have no problem with being single for awhile. i've come to really enjoy my own company, and there's a lot in my life that keeps me busy and happy. i'm thinking it will be awhile before i give dating a try again, and that's just fine by me.
the support i've received from friends and family regarding my decision and the emotions i'm going through has been such a comfort. mostly the initial response is shock (which i find amusing in itself. i mean, yeah, i'm in love with the guy...but come on, it's me, this is what i DO) but everyone has been really supportive and understanding. so thanks for that, all of you.
so there it is, an update, finally. i'll try to do a better job of filling in the blanks. there's been other stuff, naturally, but those are all the hits. for now i'm off to the gym to work off some probably ill-advised mid-afternoon ramen, then i'm going to fall asleep reading Winnie the Pooh and wake up and do it all over again.
i met Michelle and Jonny Fairplay, of America's Next Top Model and Survivor, respectively. and they were SO fucking cool. just totally laid-back and nice and all inviting Kat and i to hang out with them. apparently Jonny is a huge Venture Bros fan and did the "Go Team Venture" V over the table with me. EPIC. they told me so many hilarious things about each of the reality shows they were on and the nature of their level of fame. after ten minutes of hanging out with them i totally forgot that they were reality celebs and just felt like i was chatting with some awesome people.
the big news in my life is, of course, that i broke up with Enda a week ago. i'll probably do a friends-only post sometime later going into why, but the basic story is a simple one. i love him very much, he isn't going to change, i'm not going to change, the end. it could go into a long, drawn out, knock-down drag-out messy breakup during which we both tell ourselves that it will get better until we can't anymore. but instead we had a calm, honest conversation (i mean--i was calmly crying my eyes out) during which we arrived at us just wanting different things.
he's still living here until he can figure something else out, and when i'm not working at Capital Promotions or with the band, or he's not working at his bar, we still hang out. he's still coming to work with me every now and then at CP, to do stuff in the warehouse. it's nice still having him around but it makes me really sad to think that it's just a matter of time before he a) moves out and b) goes back to Australia. it's going to be two band-aids pulled off instead of one.
i'm really grateful for the fact that there's no animosity between us, but in the vacuum of what used to be affection is a kind of quiet sadness, the gone-ness of our relationship in the silence between every conversation. we kept in touch when i was out of town with the band, calling and texting, and after a brief conversation over the phone he sent me a text that just said, "I still care for you deeply. Just don't forget that." i responded in kind and broke down into tears.
i don't regret a single thing that's happened, and i'm so happy that he was in my life for the time that he was. for the first time in my life, i really could see being with someone for the long haul, and wasn't the least bit frightened or weirded out about talking about children or the future in general. it isn't going to work out, and that's sad, but i feel some amount of happiness that i could feel that way about someone. this isn't going to turn out to be the happy ending i thought it was, but now anything could happen.
i have no problem with being single for awhile. i've come to really enjoy my own company, and there's a lot in my life that keeps me busy and happy. i'm thinking it will be awhile before i give dating a try again, and that's just fine by me.
the support i've received from friends and family regarding my decision and the emotions i'm going through has been such a comfort. mostly the initial response is shock (which i find amusing in itself. i mean, yeah, i'm in love with the guy...but come on, it's me, this is what i DO) but everyone has been really supportive and understanding. so thanks for that, all of you.
so there it is, an update, finally. i'll try to do a better job of filling in the blanks. there's been other stuff, naturally, but those are all the hits. for now i'm off to the gym to work off some probably ill-advised mid-afternoon ramen, then i'm going to fall asleep reading Winnie the Pooh and wake up and do it all over again.