The difference between Man and Ma'am
I've been noticing lately that the more I pass as male on sight alone, the more I feel effected by people who mistake my gender on the phone.
Yesterday I got a call from a creditor. It wasn't the fact that she was being overly polite that made want to track her down and smack her upside the head with my packing penis, it was more the fact that she started the phone call with "Hello, Mrs. M. this is Susie from ___ Credit services."
And I was like:
A. Not my mother, not married. Thank you.
B. I know you can't hear this over the phone but I look like my brother, and everyone who knows me personally uses male pronouns at this point.
C. I'm on-call. Thus dealing with far more important things than what I owe some hospital for something that my crappy insurance doesn't cover. (OK, honestly I was playing Scrabble online at that point, but regardless).
Then just now I was on the phone with Michael from Dependacare trying to set up an appointment so my sleep apnea can finally be treated and I can get enough sleep. He kept referring to me as "Ma'am" every two words. My skin began to crawl. I wanted to correct him. I wanted to sound like a man.
Now I know this is just politeness, and not some attempt to slight me or my gender identity. But I'm feeling extremely bothered by it. I should probably post in the ftm community asking for suggestions on how to handle this or something. But if I'm living my daily life as a masculine individual and being referred to and about as male than I really would like that to be cohesive.
I've been in conflict about whether or not to take testosterone for many reasons, but one of the main reasons is because of my singing voice. I don't mean to be egotistical, but I have a beautiful soprano voice, and I'm afraid to lose that gift. But with my singing voice also comes a speaking voice which is distinctly non-male, and so here's the issue. Can I sublimate my feelings of disgust and sheer "wrongness" at being referred to as "Ma'am" or "She" or "Ms."? Or do I start testosterone coping with my uncertainty slowly but surely?
This is one of those times that I wish my body was born "normal" like other peoples. That I was a "normal" man or woman, and not something inherently inbetween. Of course I also love my inbetweenness.
Conflicted? Yes, indeed.
Yesterday I got a call from a creditor. It wasn't the fact that she was being overly polite that made want to track her down and smack her upside the head with my packing penis, it was more the fact that she started the phone call with "Hello, Mrs. M. this is Susie from ___ Credit services."
And I was like:
A. Not my mother, not married. Thank you.
B. I know you can't hear this over the phone but I look like my brother, and everyone who knows me personally uses male pronouns at this point.
C. I'm on-call. Thus dealing with far more important things than what I owe some hospital for something that my crappy insurance doesn't cover. (OK, honestly I was playing Scrabble online at that point, but regardless).
Then just now I was on the phone with Michael from Dependacare trying to set up an appointment so my sleep apnea can finally be treated and I can get enough sleep. He kept referring to me as "Ma'am" every two words. My skin began to crawl. I wanted to correct him. I wanted to sound like a man.
Now I know this is just politeness, and not some attempt to slight me or my gender identity. But I'm feeling extremely bothered by it. I should probably post in the ftm community asking for suggestions on how to handle this or something. But if I'm living my daily life as a masculine individual and being referred to and about as male than I really would like that to be cohesive.
I've been in conflict about whether or not to take testosterone for many reasons, but one of the main reasons is because of my singing voice. I don't mean to be egotistical, but I have a beautiful soprano voice, and I'm afraid to lose that gift. But with my singing voice also comes a speaking voice which is distinctly non-male, and so here's the issue. Can I sublimate my feelings of disgust and sheer "wrongness" at being referred to as "Ma'am" or "She" or "Ms."? Or do I start testosterone coping with my uncertainty slowly but surely?
This is one of those times that I wish my body was born "normal" like other peoples. That I was a "normal" man or woman, and not something inherently inbetween. Of course I also love my inbetweenness.
Conflicted? Yes, indeed.