Fuel's Words...
So today was the first time I took the car out by myself. And I was totally fine. In fact, I did better without anyone else in the car (meaning I didn't almost kill people) than with.
I had so much fun today with all my friends and people I haven't seen in forever.
And then my dad calls.
Apparently, they're furious (and "worried") because I was not only out after dark (oh heaven forbid, some creepy old man might come and attack me IN A GROUP OF FOUR PEOPLE IN A WELL LIT AND HIGHLY VISIBLE AREA!), but because I was hanging out with people at Castles 'n Coasters.
Which, apparenly, is dangerous because of all the "gangs in that area".
Now, I'm not saying I necessarily feel overly safe in that area personally, but come on. Fucking lecturing me for it?
Oh, and apparently the problem was "they had no idea where I was".
Well, I told them I was going out with Katie and Kellie, and we were gonna wander around the mall and eat.
Well, we wandered, and then we ended up going to "Touch of Thai" to eat because we coudn't find anything we liked.
We were -going- to go back to Kellie's house afterwards to watch a movie, then I was gonna go home.
But we didn't. There was a last minute change, and we went to Castles 'n Coasters.
So, in the given circumstances, it isn't too hard to believe that I might actually forget to call and tell them where I am, right?
But apparently, that's not a good enough excuse.
I'm standing in my room clearing off my bed so I can go to sleep, and my dad comes in, still "lecturing me" (he couldn't do the usual shouting because everyone else is asleep). I told him I just forgot. Which is the truth. It never crossed my mind.
Apparently, that's not an acceptable answer. I didn't know what else to tell him. So I said, "Dad, I forgot. I'm not like Jon. I don't not call on purpose."
Duh.
I mean, when will they fucking open their eyes and LOOK AT ME?!?!?!
They treat me like I'm 4 years old, and also imply that I have to be perfect 24/7.
You know, before I was born, they never did the whole scan-the-belly thing (I'm flaking out right now), so they went on size and heartbeat to determine gender.
The doctors thought I was going to be a boy, because I was big and had a slower heartbeat.
And my parents believed them.
It took something major (like me being born) for them to realize what I really was.
Well, I've went through my whole life so far, and they still have no idea who I am.
They believe my teachers when they hear things about how quiet I am, but how I always have the right answer when called on.
They believe so much that they hear from other adults.
Well, guess what. That's not me. That's my professional face. I know how to interact and work with people, but that's not me. And it never will be, unlike them.
My ma has really gone nuts with this whole "Jen needs help because she's depressed" thing since I started listening to MCR. She doesn't see them for what they are.
There are so many things I should say about that. Something along the lines of how bad I -really- was, specifically BEFORE I found MCR.
They hadn't quite come fully into my life when I was at my worst.
And no, you don't know what my worst was. I have poems that would scare the shit out of you if you read them, and would probably give them a really nice slap in the face if I threw it at them.
But once I found MCR, I started getting better, at least on the inside.
Now, I'm not saying that they're the cause of that, but they definitely helped give me a SAFE outlet for all of my problems.
God.... I just want them to open their fucking eyes and SEE ME, just once! There is so much more I could say, but I don't want to be flaunting all of my real familial problems around, now do I? NO. Because people betray.
Just let me go...
I had so much fun today with all my friends and people I haven't seen in forever.
And then my dad calls.
Apparently, they're furious (and "worried") because I was not only out after dark (oh heaven forbid, some creepy old man might come and attack me IN A GROUP OF FOUR PEOPLE IN A WELL LIT AND HIGHLY VISIBLE AREA!), but because I was hanging out with people at Castles 'n Coasters.
Which, apparenly, is dangerous because of all the "gangs in that area".
Now, I'm not saying I necessarily feel overly safe in that area personally, but come on. Fucking lecturing me for it?
Oh, and apparently the problem was "they had no idea where I was".
Well, I told them I was going out with Katie and Kellie, and we were gonna wander around the mall and eat.
Well, we wandered, and then we ended up going to "Touch of Thai" to eat because we coudn't find anything we liked.
We were -going- to go back to Kellie's house afterwards to watch a movie, then I was gonna go home.
But we didn't. There was a last minute change, and we went to Castles 'n Coasters.
So, in the given circumstances, it isn't too hard to believe that I might actually forget to call and tell them where I am, right?
But apparently, that's not a good enough excuse.
I'm standing in my room clearing off my bed so I can go to sleep, and my dad comes in, still "lecturing me" (he couldn't do the usual shouting because everyone else is asleep). I told him I just forgot. Which is the truth. It never crossed my mind.
Apparently, that's not an acceptable answer. I didn't know what else to tell him. So I said, "Dad, I forgot. I'm not like Jon. I don't not call on purpose."
Duh.
I mean, when will they fucking open their eyes and LOOK AT ME?!?!?!
They treat me like I'm 4 years old, and also imply that I have to be perfect 24/7.
You know, before I was born, they never did the whole scan-the-belly thing (I'm flaking out right now), so they went on size and heartbeat to determine gender.
The doctors thought I was going to be a boy, because I was big and had a slower heartbeat.
And my parents believed them.
It took something major (like me being born) for them to realize what I really was.
Well, I've went through my whole life so far, and they still have no idea who I am.
They believe my teachers when they hear things about how quiet I am, but how I always have the right answer when called on.
They believe so much that they hear from other adults.
Well, guess what. That's not me. That's my professional face. I know how to interact and work with people, but that's not me. And it never will be, unlike them.
My ma has really gone nuts with this whole "Jen needs help because she's depressed" thing since I started listening to MCR. She doesn't see them for what they are.
There are so many things I should say about that. Something along the lines of how bad I -really- was, specifically BEFORE I found MCR.
They hadn't quite come fully into my life when I was at my worst.
And no, you don't know what my worst was. I have poems that would scare the shit out of you if you read them, and would probably give them a really nice slap in the face if I threw it at them.
But once I found MCR, I started getting better, at least on the inside.
Now, I'm not saying that they're the cause of that, but they definitely helped give me a SAFE outlet for all of my problems.
God.... I just want them to open their fucking eyes and SEE ME, just once! There is so much more I could say, but I don't want to be flaunting all of my real familial problems around, now do I? NO. Because people betray.
Just let me go...