Remembering how it felt.
10:51p - September 11, 2001
This weird feeling has come over the dorm, almost one that's normal. All day I've felt like I'm wandering, my head going up and down. I remember everything that happened, everything that I did, from the first moment I woke up this morning. I checked my e-mail and saw a headline from the New York Times: Plane crashes into World Trade Center. I couldn't get to the website to see what it was about. I was so pissed at my technology. Then I turned on the television and saw what actually happened. I went downstairs, just in time to see the first tower collapse. I asked someone if they knew about casualties. Someone said that all they knew was that 50,000 people worked in the building. That was it; I was through. I cried, I walked around, I called people. I tried to do something useful, something that would make me feel better. Nothing did, except when I took a nap and slept for a little while. I went to the chapel, went to the vigil that was held. I spoke with the chaplain, I felt a little better. And then I came back, and hung out with some friends. And just for a little while, I was able to forget.
Not for more than ten minutes at a time; definitely not. Something little would remind me of it. One of my friends is from NYC; she lives less than ten blocks away. Her mother saw it happen. And yet here we were, watching Simpsons on my computer, talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and college dorms. People are going back to normal; it's amazing, and I know it's natural, and I know that it's nowhere near over. But people are dealing; it's like the mind can't dwell on it constantly, or it'll go insane. At least that's how my head feels. I know I can't make it go away, but at least it's not right in the front of my mind now, making me feel useless, lost, wandering.
This is one of those days you tell your children about. Cliche, I know, sorry. But nothing, I mean nothing compares to this. Nothing. They're comparing it to Pearl Harbor, but I can't help but feel like it might be bigger than Pearl Harbor. Most certainly in casualties and other losses, if not in other ways as well. What scares me is this: if we dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan after Pearl Harbor, what are we going to do after this?
Anger is so prevalent, and it scares me more than anything else. Because such a great evil has been committed, and it has the opportunity to cause even more evil. Hatred, revenge, bigotry, the things that result from this tragedy, that will cause more tragedy if allowed to rule what people do. I am afraid, so afraid, that people will let their anger make their decisions, that people will stop mourning and start accusing, and that hate will become the prevalent attitude. I am terrified that this first act of evil and hatred will spawn countless more, causing even more pain and anguish for families around the world.
I feel so melodramatic, but this is one of the things that creates melodramatic. All day I've kept thinking about The Siege, with Denzel Washington, and how it tried to show how the world would react to full-scale terrorist attacks on New York City. It was different; the attacks were on a smaller scale, and the city was placed under martial law. But some of the things that happened scared me, because I don't know if they could happen in real life. I worry most about those of Middle Eastern descent here in the US; I worry that anger will lead to hate and hate will lead to more violence. And we do not need more deaths.
I believe that good can come out of this, that a coming together of everyone in the country, if not the world, can rise from this catastrophe. But I also believe that people will have to make decisions, and it will not be easy. This country feels violated beyond belief, and wants someone to pay for this evil that has been done us. But hate has a way of spreading. It is insidious, it is fast, and it is so easy. I pray that people will learn to get past the hate, and mourn those people who are lost, and value the lives that they still have. I pray for all the people who were lost, and most importantly, their family and friends who are still here. I pray for all those who are missing, and for those who are simply forced to wait for news of their loved ones. I pray for us, and for myself, and I thank God that those that I love are safe. I ask for the strength to love and to heal, and for the ability to appreciate what I have every day. Today's that day I'm going to tell my kids about. Thank God it's over.
This weird feeling has come over the dorm, almost one that's normal. All day I've felt like I'm wandering, my head going up and down. I remember everything that happened, everything that I did, from the first moment I woke up this morning. I checked my e-mail and saw a headline from the New York Times: Plane crashes into World Trade Center. I couldn't get to the website to see what it was about. I was so pissed at my technology. Then I turned on the television and saw what actually happened. I went downstairs, just in time to see the first tower collapse. I asked someone if they knew about casualties. Someone said that all they knew was that 50,000 people worked in the building. That was it; I was through. I cried, I walked around, I called people. I tried to do something useful, something that would make me feel better. Nothing did, except when I took a nap and slept for a little while. I went to the chapel, went to the vigil that was held. I spoke with the chaplain, I felt a little better. And then I came back, and hung out with some friends. And just for a little while, I was able to forget.
Not for more than ten minutes at a time; definitely not. Something little would remind me of it. One of my friends is from NYC; she lives less than ten blocks away. Her mother saw it happen. And yet here we were, watching Simpsons on my computer, talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and college dorms. People are going back to normal; it's amazing, and I know it's natural, and I know that it's nowhere near over. But people are dealing; it's like the mind can't dwell on it constantly, or it'll go insane. At least that's how my head feels. I know I can't make it go away, but at least it's not right in the front of my mind now, making me feel useless, lost, wandering.
This is one of those days you tell your children about. Cliche, I know, sorry. But nothing, I mean nothing compares to this. Nothing. They're comparing it to Pearl Harbor, but I can't help but feel like it might be bigger than Pearl Harbor. Most certainly in casualties and other losses, if not in other ways as well. What scares me is this: if we dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan after Pearl Harbor, what are we going to do after this?
Anger is so prevalent, and it scares me more than anything else. Because such a great evil has been committed, and it has the opportunity to cause even more evil. Hatred, revenge, bigotry, the things that result from this tragedy, that will cause more tragedy if allowed to rule what people do. I am afraid, so afraid, that people will let their anger make their decisions, that people will stop mourning and start accusing, and that hate will become the prevalent attitude. I am terrified that this first act of evil and hatred will spawn countless more, causing even more pain and anguish for families around the world.
I feel so melodramatic, but this is one of the things that creates melodramatic. All day I've kept thinking about The Siege, with Denzel Washington, and how it tried to show how the world would react to full-scale terrorist attacks on New York City. It was different; the attacks were on a smaller scale, and the city was placed under martial law. But some of the things that happened scared me, because I don't know if they could happen in real life. I worry most about those of Middle Eastern descent here in the US; I worry that anger will lead to hate and hate will lead to more violence. And we do not need more deaths.
I believe that good can come out of this, that a coming together of everyone in the country, if not the world, can rise from this catastrophe. But I also believe that people will have to make decisions, and it will not be easy. This country feels violated beyond belief, and wants someone to pay for this evil that has been done us. But hate has a way of spreading. It is insidious, it is fast, and it is so easy. I pray that people will learn to get past the hate, and mourn those people who are lost, and value the lives that they still have. I pray for all the people who were lost, and most importantly, their family and friends who are still here. I pray for all those who are missing, and for those who are simply forced to wait for news of their loved ones. I pray for us, and for myself, and I thank God that those that I love are safe. I ask for the strength to love and to heal, and for the ability to appreciate what I have every day. Today's that day I'm going to tell my kids about. Thank God it's over.