(no subject)
I was just going through the marriage announcement on NYTimes.com, and found out that Honor got married to Rusty! (amazing how much of the memory survives through our blatant attempts to kill it, I'm pretty sure his name was Rusty...) It's weird to see someone's name you know on a website...I wish I knew how to get in touch with her, though I know that some who might read this journal (*ahem*Gwyn*) probably know how to, and I'd greatly appreciate it if someone would tell her congratulations for me!
I myself will be getting married next May, and so weddings have begun to hold a strange power over me. I find myself interested in them when before they were simply yawn-worthy...I don't know if I'll have any friends there, though, since I've lost touch with most of them since college...and forget about high school, I don't know a soul from high school anymore. I'm trying to decide if that bothers me or not. I don't think it does...but it would be nice to have a big group of girlfriends for support and such. Now that I think of it, I don't think I particularly need the support...still, it would be nice.
I dreamed about a good friend of mine last night. We haven't spoken for three years. Well, I've spoken, electronically, but it's hard to hold a conversation with yourself. In my dream we reconciled. I was so happy. That was the one good female friend I've had, I think, the one I thought would be there forever. And now she's not. Maybe that's why I don't foster these girlfriend groups, or even entertain the thought of them. Life is too transient, too insubstantial, too painful to place that much of oneself with another. It still hurts, you see, and I doubt it will ever stop.
I've been trying to remember only things that make me happy. It's very hard, when there are so many things to remember that are not happy, or that are a little bit happy and a little bit sad. But why remember the sad things? Because sometimes you can't help it. And then sometimes you dream about it. And you wake up confused.
I myself will be getting married next May, and so weddings have begun to hold a strange power over me. I find myself interested in them when before they were simply yawn-worthy...I don't know if I'll have any friends there, though, since I've lost touch with most of them since college...and forget about high school, I don't know a soul from high school anymore. I'm trying to decide if that bothers me or not. I don't think it does...but it would be nice to have a big group of girlfriends for support and such. Now that I think of it, I don't think I particularly need the support...still, it would be nice.
I dreamed about a good friend of mine last night. We haven't spoken for three years. Well, I've spoken, electronically, but it's hard to hold a conversation with yourself. In my dream we reconciled. I was so happy. That was the one good female friend I've had, I think, the one I thought would be there forever. And now she's not. Maybe that's why I don't foster these girlfriend groups, or even entertain the thought of them. Life is too transient, too insubstantial, too painful to place that much of oneself with another. It still hurts, you see, and I doubt it will ever stop.
I've been trying to remember only things that make me happy. It's very hard, when there are so many things to remember that are not happy, or that are a little bit happy and a little bit sad. But why remember the sad things? Because sometimes you can't help it. And then sometimes you dream about it. And you wake up confused.