lifes a bitch and then you die

[perryfremont]

something hit me really hard this week. i mean it hit me really really hard. it scared the hell out of me. well, about six months ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with a blood diesese that prevents her from making any new blood cells. the doctors said that if she did this dialysis thing every two days, she would live up to 6 months. she decided to do it and she is still alive, going on seven months. as scary as that seems, thats not what hit me. a week ago, she went into the hospital and it didnt look as if she waqs going to make it out. she had an infection, and becasue she has no white blood cells, her body cant fight it off itself. i was sitting at home one night that she was in the hospital just thinking. i cant imagine my life without my grandmother. she and my grandfather have been so supportive of me and my siblings its fucking ridiculous. anyway, i was sitting there just pondering the events to come, and my dad comes home. we start talking about her and how we think shes not going to make it out of the hospital. he then told me that my grandmother had little hopes of making it either. she told him that her last wish was to see me play hockey one more time before she went. when my dad told me that, i started to cry. that just shows how much she cared for me, and i feel like i have been taking advantasge of it the whole time. i love my grandma so much. aaaaaaaaggggggghhhhh life is soo shitty right now it fucking sucks.

oh yea, this is my last post, i dont give a shit anymore