(no subject)
I need to write. I need to let it out. Like Matt said, just let it out once...and it won't be as bad the next time. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I feel like I don't have anyone to turn to anymore. Can I just tell you how much it sucks? How bad I wanna cry out to the world that I need a friend? Just to listen and not judge me. Yanno? I think I've lost that with all my friends. I know that I had it with Rob, but I think he's moved on. What scares me the most about that is that I still need him. Not as a boyfriend or lover, but just as my friend. I mean, to just lose the person you shared everything with after 3 years is too harsh. I haven't had enough time to get close enough to anyone like that. Or maybe I have had enough time and just wasted it. Wasted it worrying about education and money and careers. But he was right, none of that matters when you need someone to sit down and listen to you; when you need someone to lend their shoulder to cry on; someone to cry to. Even if it's something small, bottling it up makes it hurt so much. It's like shaking a bottle of soda, and boom! It finally explodes. I used to think I was a good person. I'm not sure if I still believe that. We all like to think we're good people, and that we're nice to everyone...but the reality of it is that most of the time we're nice, but there are still times when we're mean, rude, inconsiderate, judgemental....to sum up in one word, human. How do you find a best friend? And how do you learn to let go of the ones that have already left you? It's a scary thought, loneliness. It's scary to think that you could go on without anyone caring about you. I suppose it's just my personality, but I need people to care about me. I need people. Simple as that. Without people caring for me or needing me I feel like a lost cause. As pathetic as that sounds, it's the truth. And as much as I try to front, or put on a facade that I don't need anyone it's not at all true. How do we prevent our weaknesses from consuming us?