The lights on because I'm up here.
My intention is to live from the inside out, again. I remember that.
Right now, I have so much of my book in my thoughts. I'm at a pivotal scene with cringe potential, and I'm remembering how hard it is for me to sow discord. I like to puzzle solve, knot untie, blend together, fix problems. But someone has to write problems for the story and it's me. I have to let people die, mess up, embarrass themselves, make wrong choices and not see the big picture. I wish there was a job of just untangling the knots in peoples lives, I would be really good at that. I can see the domino effect from a down the alphabet all the way to maybe r or s. Let's not go crazy and say z. But r or s. I can zoom out and see the small changes that would lead to big changes and have huge benefits. But I don't have access to other peoples lives. Just mine. So, I'll keep trying to make mine even better. But I am so happy.
I wish just one person in this world would take my advice, really, for a few months. Just go into doll mode and let me help. I swear, I could make a huge difference for someone. I know I've been in a state many times where I wish someone else would just take the wheel. We all have those times, I'm not saying I don't. I wish there was a me to help me when I'm needing help. I want a puzzle piece me to snap together with.
I hope he has a warm enough place to sleep. I wish he'd let me help.
It's only been a few days, but I will say, I have no thoughts of checking out early lingering in my peripheral. I think the mushrooms helped with that. Probably a temporary assistance, but I'll take all of the help I can get with a with to live. Thank you, mushrooms. I will grow some.