Fic: Those Three Words I Can't Say
Title: Those Three Words I Can’t Say
Pairing: Pierre/David (of Simple Plan)
Rating: PG- 13
Warnings: If boys loving, kissing or touching one another offends you then don’t read... If this is the case, I ask “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”
Summary: I know how much it means when people show they really care. Of the value in honesty I'm quite aware; but still there's much in me that I don't share.
Disclaimer: I don’t own either of them or the song. The only thing I possess the rights to is my own imagination and personal belief that these two go at it like sex-crazed bunnies.
Author Notes: For the hott_baguettes Discography Challenge posted here (entry is friend locked). Won third place in the challenge. The song used is “Hellman” by Millencolin. I'm very excited - this is my first time posting here, the first challenge I’ve taken part in, the first time I’ve written anything slightly Pierre-centric and my very first attempt at a songfic. I really relate to this song (I’m sure most people can) and it gave me the idea to use this concept. I kind of took the idea and just ran with it, and this is what I came up with.
Dedication to this fic goes to my amazing friend Lisa for proof-reading this and for being my number one fan. Words can't express how much all your love and support means to me<3
No matter what I feel for you,
those three words I can't say.
I regret the times I used the word OK.
“I love you, Pierre.”
It took several moments for the words to register in Pierre’s head, he kept on repeating them hoping that maybe each time he did a little more sense would come with them. Staring back into David’s eyes, Pierre felt himself under immense pressure; the expectant look on his lover’s face was becoming more and more agonizing as each second went by. Pierre had never hesitated in calling David his lover but after hearing him say those words, the term had taken on a whole new meaning. What had driven David to say such a foolish thing to him? Did he believe that Pierre felt the same way and would repeat the words back to him?
Up to this point David had been calmly waiting for Pierre’s response but as the silence continued his patience grew thin. He was quickly beginning to believe that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. With their bodies pressed close - Pierre’s firm hands on his hips, David’s on his broad shoulders - it just felt like the right time to finally reveal his emotions. He had leant up towards his ear and in a delicate whisper, he had ruined everything.
Pierre was lost, his head swimming with these new thoughts and the power of bewilderment had taken over him. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t say it back... that was just a straight up impossibility. Forgetting about his grip on David’s waist, he let his hands fall from their place and let them hang limply by his sides. It was the first movement in the room since the cover of silence had taken over, and it seemed to shake both men back into reality.
No sooner had Pierre removed his hands, David was already walking towards the door. He couldn’t handle this; he couldn’t deal with Pierre’s rejection. He refused to let his thoughts focus on the fact that Pierre didn’t try to stop him and just let him walk out of his hotel room. Instead he concentrated on the warmness generated by his hands that still lingered on his hips, before the feeling faded away.
I know how much it means when people
show they really care.
Of the value in honesty, I'm quite aware.
Still in a state of shock Pierre hadn’t moved a muscle, he didn’t even watch David walk out of the room. He never wanted it to go this far, and he was beginning to hate himself for not realising that David was falling for him. All he wanted was a good time which is what he thought David had wanted - obviously he was wrong. This was never supposed to develop into something serious and it definitely wasn’t supposed to be this complicated. He should’ve seen it coming and he should’ve gotten out before David had fallen for him.
By no means did Pierre find the notion of love ridiculous. He’d never questioned other people’s feelings of love towards one another, and he’d never blamed someone for falling for him. He understood what it was to love someone and even though he had never experienced it, he knew it was real - that many people couldn’t be wrong. It had never bothered him before to hear someone tell him they were in love with him, so why was it now? What was so different about David that made Pierre feel this way? Was it the way his tummy did a flip every time David entered the room, the beat his heart would skip each time he felt his soft lips on his, the smile that was plastered onto his face whenever he was near? Pierre was able to grasp the importance of love and honesty in a relationship but at the same time, he knew that he just wasn’t capable of it.
But still there's much in me that I don't share.
Countless lovers in Pierre’s past had felt the sting he delivered after they breathed out those three words to him. His natural reaction was to either laugh in their face or turn his back on them and walk away without a care. He didn’t want to do that to David; he was the one person he didn’t want to laugh at or abandon. But there was no way in hell Pierre Bouvier could fall in love, and there was no way he would ever say those words.
Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.
Even if Pierre did love him, he still wouldn’t tell David. He could predict with blinding accuracy what would happen if he were to do that. In the end he would turn his back on David, just the same as all before him and he couldn’t do that - not to David. Everything that made up David’s hyperactive and endearing nature would be torn down and Pierre couldn’t live with himself knowing he was the reason behind his pain.
The other way around I'd say
I function the same way.
The darker sides of me I underplay.
He’d spent his entire life building up a facade of this strong-willed guy who never allowed his vulnerable side to show through; and David was the only one who saw through the bullshit. He never once fell for the illusion Pierre had attempted to create and there was no mistaking that trapped underneath the hard exterior, there was a gentle and kind-hearted guy. David had seen the true Pierre shining through and helped bring him out.
If Pierre hadn’t been too busy trying to delude himself into believing that he was incapable of these emotions, maybe he would’ve wised up a long time ago... but what then? Would he have stood up and walked right out of David’s life and put an end to the feelings before they ever had a chance to really develop? Or would he have stayed by David’s side as he had been?
Afraid to get into conflicts,
afraid to tell you, NO.
Though I know this weakness keeps me low.
He finally understood; Pierre’s brain had listened to his heart for the time and had come to the conclusion that he did indeed love David Desrosiers. The instant he let those thoughts take form, Pierre felt like he was invincible. Being the lead singer of an internationally renowned band had already made him feel like he could take on the world. Now that these overwhelming feelings of love had taken over him he felt like he could take on the world and still be left standing to tell the tale. Unfortunately, with this new found feeling of euphoria a revelation of a different kind also came crashing down on him. Instead of revelling in the knowledge that he was respected and adored by thousands all he cared about was whether or not David saw him that way. Along with his new feelings of love, Pierre realised he had committed the biggest act of stupidity in the history of idiotic reactions to those three words.
There's so much inside me that I don't show.
The signs were there and should have seen it coming... Since when did Pierre enjoy lying in bed and cuddling after sex, when did he start spooning the body he’d just used for his pleasure, when did Pierre hang around at all after sex? Things were different with David, no matter how much time he spent with him it was never enough. Whenever David wasn’t around Pierre was constantly wondering where he was and what trouble he was getting himself into. Usually whenever he thought about the person he was sleeping with it was limited to ‘When will I fuck them next?’ or ‘I wonder if they’ll be into this kink?’ but not with David. Pierre had never felt compelled to show anyone affection but it seemed when it came to David, he couldn’t hold himself back. Pierre was in love, and he was caught deep.
Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
Pierre was quick to realise the exact reason David had walked out of his hotel room. True it didn’t take a genius to figure it out but he still felt euphoric when he’d gotten down to the core of the situation. It wasn’t just Pierre’s lack of declaration that had noticeably upset David but rather his own words. Pierre could finally grasp what it meant to tell someone you love them. You’re not inviting them in - you’re asking if you can give yourself up to them. Once you say those words, you can’t ever take them back and before you know it, you’re free-falling. All you can do is pray the person will catch you before you hit the ground and reality comes back to hit you in the face.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.
He had let David fall and he was still waiting for Pierre to swoop in and catch him. He wasn’t afraid to let David in but if Pierre wanted to set things right he would have to move quickly. Pierre had never entered the dangerous realm of these intense feelings and the only thing holding him back from David was his fear of completely offering himself up to one person.
Some things I can never show.
Why I don't know...
No I don’t know.
Standing in front of David’s door - for what felt like hours - Pierre was taking his time in thinking and planning out exactly what he was going to say to him. So far nothing brilliant had flashed in his head and he was losing confidence. Pierre raised his fist and attempted to knock on David’s door the fifth time in as many minutes. Before his hand could connect with the wood, David opened the door. Pierre began to make a mental note of the emotions playing out on his face - first there was plain shock, followed by confusion, then a fleeting moment of hope flickered in his eyes before he finally settled on looking rightfully pissed off.
Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.
“Great. What do you want?” Pierre was taken slightly aback by the obvious tone of anger in David’s voice. David’s frustration only increased as Pierre’s silence continued. “Look, if you’re here to laugh at my feelings this time instead of blatantly disregarding them, I don’t have the time.” With a huff David turned back towards his room.
‘I won’t let you go this time’ Pierre thought to himself before grabbing the door, determination fuelling the fire in the pit of his stomach. He followed David into the room, closed and locked the door. He turned back around at David whose anger had seemed to vanish - utter exhaustion taking its place over his features.
Pierre was going to tell him; finally come clean. Just looking at David made Pierre feel giddy with excitement at what he was about to do. Before he could stop himself, Pierre cracked a goofy grin, allowing this unusual sense of clarity to take over.
Looking over at Pierre, David felt as though he was missing out on some hilarious joke. Staring at him made him feel all kinds of uncomfortable so he perched himself on the edge of the bed. A completely perplexed expression clouding his face and he made a conscious effort not to look at the other man. Pierre couldn’t stop the chuckle that slowly made its way out of his chest - echoing across the room until it reached David’s ears.
“What?!” David snapped his head up at the sound of Pierre laughing, “What’s so amusing to you now Pierre?”
Pierre shook his head slowly as if to shake away any remaining hesitations and took a deep breath, finally bracing himself for what was about to happen. He tentatively walked across the room, when he reached David he carefully took his hands and pulled him up to stand in front of him.
David stuttered in surprise but he soon tightened his lips as Pierre cautiously pulled him closer, until their bodies were pressed together. With David’s hands still in his own, Pierre raised their arms until David’s hands came to rest on his shoulders. Shuffling a little closer to him, Pierre placed his own hands on David’s hips in firm yet tender grip.
They stood there in the centre of the room - cheek to cheek - Pierre leant down and his warm breath tickled David’s ear.
I'm too scared of what I really think of you.
“I love you, David.”
Pairing: Pierre/David (of Simple Plan)
Rating: PG- 13
Warnings: If boys loving, kissing or touching one another offends you then don’t read... If this is the case, I ask “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”
Summary: I know how much it means when people show they really care. Of the value in honesty I'm quite aware; but still there's much in me that I don't share.
Disclaimer: I don’t own either of them or the song. The only thing I possess the rights to is my own imagination and personal belief that these two go at it like sex-crazed bunnies.
Author Notes: For the hott_baguettes Discography Challenge posted here (entry is friend locked). Won third place in the challenge. The song used is “Hellman” by Millencolin. I'm very excited - this is my first time posting here, the first challenge I’ve taken part in, the first time I’ve written anything slightly Pierre-centric and my very first attempt at a songfic. I really relate to this song (I’m sure most people can) and it gave me the idea to use this concept. I kind of took the idea and just ran with it, and this is what I came up with.
Dedication to this fic goes to my amazing friend Lisa for proof-reading this and for being my number one fan. Words can't express how much all your love and support means to me<3
No matter what I feel for you,
those three words I can't say.
I regret the times I used the word OK.
“I love you, Pierre.”
It took several moments for the words to register in Pierre’s head, he kept on repeating them hoping that maybe each time he did a little more sense would come with them. Staring back into David’s eyes, Pierre felt himself under immense pressure; the expectant look on his lover’s face was becoming more and more agonizing as each second went by. Pierre had never hesitated in calling David his lover but after hearing him say those words, the term had taken on a whole new meaning. What had driven David to say such a foolish thing to him? Did he believe that Pierre felt the same way and would repeat the words back to him?
Up to this point David had been calmly waiting for Pierre’s response but as the silence continued his patience grew thin. He was quickly beginning to believe that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. With their bodies pressed close - Pierre’s firm hands on his hips, David’s on his broad shoulders - it just felt like the right time to finally reveal his emotions. He had leant up towards his ear and in a delicate whisper, he had ruined everything.
Pierre was lost, his head swimming with these new thoughts and the power of bewilderment had taken over him. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t say it back... that was just a straight up impossibility. Forgetting about his grip on David’s waist, he let his hands fall from their place and let them hang limply by his sides. It was the first movement in the room since the cover of silence had taken over, and it seemed to shake both men back into reality.
No sooner had Pierre removed his hands, David was already walking towards the door. He couldn’t handle this; he couldn’t deal with Pierre’s rejection. He refused to let his thoughts focus on the fact that Pierre didn’t try to stop him and just let him walk out of his hotel room. Instead he concentrated on the warmness generated by his hands that still lingered on his hips, before the feeling faded away.
I know how much it means when people
show they really care.
Of the value in honesty, I'm quite aware.
Still in a state of shock Pierre hadn’t moved a muscle, he didn’t even watch David walk out of the room. He never wanted it to go this far, and he was beginning to hate himself for not realising that David was falling for him. All he wanted was a good time which is what he thought David had wanted - obviously he was wrong. This was never supposed to develop into something serious and it definitely wasn’t supposed to be this complicated. He should’ve seen it coming and he should’ve gotten out before David had fallen for him.
By no means did Pierre find the notion of love ridiculous. He’d never questioned other people’s feelings of love towards one another, and he’d never blamed someone for falling for him. He understood what it was to love someone and even though he had never experienced it, he knew it was real - that many people couldn’t be wrong. It had never bothered him before to hear someone tell him they were in love with him, so why was it now? What was so different about David that made Pierre feel this way? Was it the way his tummy did a flip every time David entered the room, the beat his heart would skip each time he felt his soft lips on his, the smile that was plastered onto his face whenever he was near? Pierre was able to grasp the importance of love and honesty in a relationship but at the same time, he knew that he just wasn’t capable of it.
But still there's much in me that I don't share.
Countless lovers in Pierre’s past had felt the sting he delivered after they breathed out those three words to him. His natural reaction was to either laugh in their face or turn his back on them and walk away without a care. He didn’t want to do that to David; he was the one person he didn’t want to laugh at or abandon. But there was no way in hell Pierre Bouvier could fall in love, and there was no way he would ever say those words.
Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.
Even if Pierre did love him, he still wouldn’t tell David. He could predict with blinding accuracy what would happen if he were to do that. In the end he would turn his back on David, just the same as all before him and he couldn’t do that - not to David. Everything that made up David’s hyperactive and endearing nature would be torn down and Pierre couldn’t live with himself knowing he was the reason behind his pain.
The other way around I'd say
I function the same way.
The darker sides of me I underplay.
He’d spent his entire life building up a facade of this strong-willed guy who never allowed his vulnerable side to show through; and David was the only one who saw through the bullshit. He never once fell for the illusion Pierre had attempted to create and there was no mistaking that trapped underneath the hard exterior, there was a gentle and kind-hearted guy. David had seen the true Pierre shining through and helped bring him out.
If Pierre hadn’t been too busy trying to delude himself into believing that he was incapable of these emotions, maybe he would’ve wised up a long time ago... but what then? Would he have stood up and walked right out of David’s life and put an end to the feelings before they ever had a chance to really develop? Or would he have stayed by David’s side as he had been?
Afraid to get into conflicts,
afraid to tell you, NO.
Though I know this weakness keeps me low.
He finally understood; Pierre’s brain had listened to his heart for the time and had come to the conclusion that he did indeed love David Desrosiers. The instant he let those thoughts take form, Pierre felt like he was invincible. Being the lead singer of an internationally renowned band had already made him feel like he could take on the world. Now that these overwhelming feelings of love had taken over him he felt like he could take on the world and still be left standing to tell the tale. Unfortunately, with this new found feeling of euphoria a revelation of a different kind also came crashing down on him. Instead of revelling in the knowledge that he was respected and adored by thousands all he cared about was whether or not David saw him that way. Along with his new feelings of love, Pierre realised he had committed the biggest act of stupidity in the history of idiotic reactions to those three words.
There's so much inside me that I don't show.
The signs were there and should have seen it coming... Since when did Pierre enjoy lying in bed and cuddling after sex, when did he start spooning the body he’d just used for his pleasure, when did Pierre hang around at all after sex? Things were different with David, no matter how much time he spent with him it was never enough. Whenever David wasn’t around Pierre was constantly wondering where he was and what trouble he was getting himself into. Usually whenever he thought about the person he was sleeping with it was limited to ‘When will I fuck them next?’ or ‘I wonder if they’ll be into this kink?’ but not with David. Pierre had never felt compelled to show anyone affection but it seemed when it came to David, he couldn’t hold himself back. Pierre was in love, and he was caught deep.
Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
Pierre was quick to realise the exact reason David had walked out of his hotel room. True it didn’t take a genius to figure it out but he still felt euphoric when he’d gotten down to the core of the situation. It wasn’t just Pierre’s lack of declaration that had noticeably upset David but rather his own words. Pierre could finally grasp what it meant to tell someone you love them. You’re not inviting them in - you’re asking if you can give yourself up to them. Once you say those words, you can’t ever take them back and before you know it, you’re free-falling. All you can do is pray the person will catch you before you hit the ground and reality comes back to hit you in the face.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.
He had let David fall and he was still waiting for Pierre to swoop in and catch him. He wasn’t afraid to let David in but if Pierre wanted to set things right he would have to move quickly. Pierre had never entered the dangerous realm of these intense feelings and the only thing holding him back from David was his fear of completely offering himself up to one person.
Some things I can never show.
Why I don't know...
No I don’t know.
Standing in front of David’s door - for what felt like hours - Pierre was taking his time in thinking and planning out exactly what he was going to say to him. So far nothing brilliant had flashed in his head and he was losing confidence. Pierre raised his fist and attempted to knock on David’s door the fifth time in as many minutes. Before his hand could connect with the wood, David opened the door. Pierre began to make a mental note of the emotions playing out on his face - first there was plain shock, followed by confusion, then a fleeting moment of hope flickered in his eyes before he finally settled on looking rightfully pissed off.
Don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared, don't have the guts to say what I think.
I'm too scared to say what I think of you.
“Great. What do you want?” Pierre was taken slightly aback by the obvious tone of anger in David’s voice. David’s frustration only increased as Pierre’s silence continued. “Look, if you’re here to laugh at my feelings this time instead of blatantly disregarding them, I don’t have the time.” With a huff David turned back towards his room.
‘I won’t let you go this time’ Pierre thought to himself before grabbing the door, determination fuelling the fire in the pit of his stomach. He followed David into the room, closed and locked the door. He turned back around at David whose anger had seemed to vanish - utter exhaustion taking its place over his features.
Pierre was going to tell him; finally come clean. Just looking at David made Pierre feel giddy with excitement at what he was about to do. Before he could stop himself, Pierre cracked a goofy grin, allowing this unusual sense of clarity to take over.
Looking over at Pierre, David felt as though he was missing out on some hilarious joke. Staring at him made him feel all kinds of uncomfortable so he perched himself on the edge of the bed. A completely perplexed expression clouding his face and he made a conscious effort not to look at the other man. Pierre couldn’t stop the chuckle that slowly made its way out of his chest - echoing across the room until it reached David’s ears.
“What?!” David snapped his head up at the sound of Pierre laughing, “What’s so amusing to you now Pierre?”
Pierre shook his head slowly as if to shake away any remaining hesitations and took a deep breath, finally bracing himself for what was about to happen. He tentatively walked across the room, when he reached David he carefully took his hands and pulled him up to stand in front of him.
David stuttered in surprise but he soon tightened his lips as Pierre cautiously pulled him closer, until their bodies were pressed together. With David’s hands still in his own, Pierre raised their arms until David’s hands came to rest on his shoulders. Shuffling a little closer to him, Pierre placed his own hands on David’s hips in firm yet tender grip.
They stood there in the centre of the room - cheek to cheek - Pierre leant down and his warm breath tickled David’s ear.
I'm too scared of what I really think of you.
“I love you, David.”