i dont even fucking know
okay so i am going to try and keep this thing up, because yea. so i cant write down stupid shit like how i feel. and i wont get mad at myself or anything of that shit thats not good. so yea. right now im in THE WORST MOOD EVER. i want to cry and not wake up tomorrow. i dont even know why. its like. i have nothing at all. i am so fed up with everything, everything, everything. friends, family, and school. and fucking boys. im so over it. i want something new. i think i need edge. i need risks. i need something other than me, plain boring, and oh, yea, innocent. fuck that shit. im over it. so at school, i cant even concentrate, i day dream about nothing. i cant keep my mind on math or history or anything longer than 5 mintues with out busting out my pen and my note book. its like. i write lyrics, the same ones, over and over again. i hate school, i hate the people at school. just the whole thing. and fucking teachers that give me THREE days of detention. and then dont even fucking get my started on home. because thats a bunch of bull shit. my fucking brother, god damn it, i hope he dies. hes such a little dick head. the most lazy person i know. he does nothing, but gets everything. he needs a wake up call, like a smack in the face. like i want to hit him. all of a sudden he NEEDS the computer, when i had a bad fucking day and am in tears, he NEEDS it. like its his fucking oxygen. im going to punch his face one day, he'll cry, i'll get grounded, and laugh. oh well? what the fuck is new. thats all im doing. is school. and getting grounded and yelled at. and what the fuck is with my dad wanting to see me all of a sudden when he told me to kiss his ass? yea, that like fell out of the sky. fuck it. im so over it all. like its poinless drama. im done, i dont even know what to do. its like. i have no one. and i feel like no one cares, but they do. i need something new. i need a boy. or something. no, not a boy. just UGHH! i dont even know. i want summer, yea. thats exactly what i fucking need is my summer. its the best thing in the world. and ill see eric and wont have school and just friends and boys and vacation and summer. and right now. yea. i dont know how im going on vacation this summer, because of fucking money, that my mom doesnt have. i think im getting a job so i can dance next year. thats something else i need, dance. i miss it so bad, it was like 10 years, then nothing. it sucks. so yea. thats how everythings going lately. nothing good, nothing horrible. just nothing at all. and if you read this, which i doubt, you can thank my trishy for telling me a journal helps with shit. which it may. but i dunno. so im done with this for today. later.