Dear Mark Millar
I like your work. I enjoy the over-the-top complete clusterfuck of messed up, world-destroying that is Wanted, and I liked parts of Old Man Logan (the parts I didn't like we'll get to shortly), and I even enjoyed the basic story arcs you put together for The Authority, but Mark. We have to talk. Immediately. Because, honey, you're a two trick pony. You really are.
Here are your tricks:
1. You immediately take everything up to eleven and while that works when you're writing your own stuff because it's your own stuff, and there are no expectations except that you will make things balls out, fuckstick crazy, it does not work when you are writing someone else's stuff. Especially when that stuff--The Authority--was created by Warren Goddamn Ellis. Because, the thing is, Mark, Warren goes up to eleven all the goddamn time too, but he has finesse. He world builds and he character builds, and you, well, you basically have everyone either partying or fucking or blowing shit up and try to pass it off for character development, and while it can be fun to get in on that kind of crazy balls, I had twelve issues of Warren Goddamn Ellis balancing the balls out crazy with character moments and quieter moments, and you don't really have that skill. Or, if you do, you're hiding it really damn well.
But Mark, that's not the worst part. The worst part is part 2. Which is this:
2. Every goddamn villain you create is some combination of a racist, rapist, mass murderer, and sexist. And not nuanced, thought out variations on this combination that could lead to a lot of conversation on these matters, no. Every fucking villain you have ends up using some hugely offensive racial slur (You had the previous doctor use sambo, for fuck's sake), or by being a child rapist (Seth, the hillbilly, who I will touch on in a moment), or a sexist who throws hot metal at a woman's face, or a mass murderer who talks about how much fun it is to mass murder. One villain with all these attributes would be something horrific, but every single one of your villains is this guy. I mean, for fuck's sake, Mark, you had a villain who was a child rapist who was the product of a woman's rape by her eight brothers. We get it. You're edgy.
Except you're not. What's that? Women getting raped in comics? My god, I have never heard of that happening ever. Sure, you're willing to go to the absolute extreme in order to get shock value, but shock value is not good storytelling. And shock value, after 20 issues? Isn't shock value. It's me plowing through the same goddamn shit villain line-up for four fucking arcs so that I can get to volume 2.
You know why Warren can write crazy balls shit like Transmetropolitan? Because he's Warren fucking Ellis. He gave us Spider Jerusalem, the craziest bastard in comics at that time, and then he gave us a world where it made since that Spider was that crazy. Warren Ellis created a man who eats caribou eyes, and we all rooted for him. The man who forcibly makes people shit their pants, and we cheered for him. Warren fucking Ellis is a crazy bastard who can write like a motherfucker. You just write people fucking their mothers. Perhaps you think it's a fine distinction, but it's definitely a distinction to note.
Here are your tricks:
1. You immediately take everything up to eleven and while that works when you're writing your own stuff because it's your own stuff, and there are no expectations except that you will make things balls out, fuckstick crazy, it does not work when you are writing someone else's stuff. Especially when that stuff--The Authority--was created by Warren Goddamn Ellis. Because, the thing is, Mark, Warren goes up to eleven all the goddamn time too, but he has finesse. He world builds and he character builds, and you, well, you basically have everyone either partying or fucking or blowing shit up and try to pass it off for character development, and while it can be fun to get in on that kind of crazy balls, I had twelve issues of Warren Goddamn Ellis balancing the balls out crazy with character moments and quieter moments, and you don't really have that skill. Or, if you do, you're hiding it really damn well.
But Mark, that's not the worst part. The worst part is part 2. Which is this:
2. Every goddamn villain you create is some combination of a racist, rapist, mass murderer, and sexist. And not nuanced, thought out variations on this combination that could lead to a lot of conversation on these matters, no. Every fucking villain you have ends up using some hugely offensive racial slur (You had the previous doctor use sambo, for fuck's sake), or by being a child rapist (Seth, the hillbilly, who I will touch on in a moment), or a sexist who throws hot metal at a woman's face, or a mass murderer who talks about how much fun it is to mass murder. One villain with all these attributes would be something horrific, but every single one of your villains is this guy. I mean, for fuck's sake, Mark, you had a villain who was a child rapist who was the product of a woman's rape by her eight brothers. We get it. You're edgy.
Except you're not. What's that? Women getting raped in comics? My god, I have never heard of that happening ever. Sure, you're willing to go to the absolute extreme in order to get shock value, but shock value is not good storytelling. And shock value, after 20 issues? Isn't shock value. It's me plowing through the same goddamn shit villain line-up for four fucking arcs so that I can get to volume 2.
You know why Warren can write crazy balls shit like Transmetropolitan? Because he's Warren fucking Ellis. He gave us Spider Jerusalem, the craziest bastard in comics at that time, and then he gave us a world where it made since that Spider was that crazy. Warren Ellis created a man who eats caribou eyes, and we all rooted for him. The man who forcibly makes people shit their pants, and we cheered for him. Warren fucking Ellis is a crazy bastard who can write like a motherfucker. You just write people fucking their mothers. Perhaps you think it's a fine distinction, but it's definitely a distinction to note.