Bleach Drabble (497-500)
DONE!!! I hate all of these, but I think it's because they're so disjointed. It's the post-quarter burnout effect, I guess. My mind works even less coherently than normal because of it. XD;;
497.
Title: If I Were You
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: IsshinxRyuuken
Word Count: 548
Warning/s: Stupidity and OOC, and RAGE.
Summary: Isshin asks a couple of hard hitting questions. Ryuuken hits hard.
Dedication: requested by imparfait. Also for sw_inku, because I LOVE YOU LOTS and know that if you had had the time to request you probably would have requested this pairing. So here it is for you anyway, even if it is retarded. XD
A/N: The request was: “In each other’s shoes.” This is retarded but I gave up after 3 hours of having it JUST NOT WORK AT ALL. So… yeah. LOL
“If I were a Quincy, what would my bow’s name be?” Isshin wondered out loud one night, when they were both supposed to be asleep.
It prompted Ryuuken to roll over and shove his head under his pillow in an effort to ignore the other man. “Shut up and go to sleep.”
“Do the Quincy even get to name them? Or is it the same as zanpakutou and they already come pre-named for you?”
Ryuuken groaned.
“If I was a Quincy and got to name my bow, it would be Ribbon! Get it? Ribbon-chan the bow!”
Ryuuken grabbed a fistful of pillow and smacked Isshin over the face with it.
He was a little bit horrified when he did too, because it seemed like such an immature thing to do.
To be fair, it was three am and he had to be work in five hours.
Isshin only chuckled and kept talking, even though there was a pillow on top of his face now, and probably a red mark from where it had slammed into his nose. “But if it was a guy bow I guess Ribbon-chan would be kind of an embarrassing name. If it was a guy bow I’d probably name it Rain!” He paused, waiting for Ryuuken to laugh at his cleverness.
“Don’t think that just because I’m a doctor I won’t stoop to asphyxiating you where you lay, Kurosaki.”
“Get it? Rain-bow!” The clue delivered, Isshin waited again, for Ryuuken to laugh.
“Where you lay.”
Silence.
Finally, Ryuuken thought, and took his pillow back.
Silence for thirty seconds.
And then, “Ne, Ryuu-chan, if you were a shinigami…”
Ryuuken snarled and rolled on top of the other man, pillow in hand.
And Isshin actually stopped talking. For like, two seconds-- before he opened his mouth to say, “Wow, again? Heh, I knew Ryuu-chan really liked shinigami deep down, but I never tho…mmmpph!!!”
Ryuuken held the pillow over the other doctor’s face and leaned his weight into it for about a minute before deciding that his point had to have been proven, even to a moron like Isshin. “WORK AT EIGHT, KUROSAKI,” he growled, glaring down at the motor-mouthed idiot of a shinigami underneath him.
When Ryuuken finally rolled off of the other man and yanked his pillow back, Isshin gasped in a couple of large mouthfuls of air, but otherwise remained quiet.
Satisfied with that-it led the Quincy to believe that even the biggest morons like Isshin could get the point after a certain amount of time- Ryuuken burrowed back under his pillows and tried to get some sleep so that he didn’t kill anyone tomorrow on the operating table.
Or try to finish the killing he’d attempted tonight.
But then, just before he was about to drop off, “Ne, Ryuu-chan…if you were a shinigami what division would you be in?” Isshin asked, like nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened just now.
Maybe it hadn’t, considering. Ryuuken could only imagine that lots of people tried to smother Isshin with a pillow on a regular basis.
So this time, Ryuuken tried choking him.
On that, Isshin only assumed that meant that the eleventh division was Ryuuken’s answer.
As if to confirm it, Ryuuken slammed Isshin’s head into the headboard once or twice.
END
498.
Title: Down and Dirty
Rating: PG-15
Pairing/Character/s: RenjixByakuya
Word Count: 956
Warning/s: OOC! TONS OF OOC!
Summary: Sometimes dirty can be fun.
Dedication: requested by ryzna
A/N: The request was: “vacation.”
“This is unclean,” Byakuya stated, like that was all it was going to take before Renji would realize that it was indeed, unclean, and take back his attempts at this ridiculous endeavor altogether.
However, it seemed that the sixth division captain’s hopes were not to be answered.
“That gives it character,” Renji told the shorter man decisively, grinning stupidly while he tried to pierce a squirming worm on a fishing hook with his fingers.
Byakuya shuddered internally as he watched the redhead, how he had his sleeves and pants rolled up and slightly muddy, his feet dipping into the clear blue waters of the otherwise still lake. Dirt was getting under his fingernails and the worm looked none too happy about being hooked.
“Got it!” Renji declared triumphantly after a moment, before he turned to the other man and showed him the pierced worm like it was something of great accomplishment that needed to be witnessed and properly lauded. “Okay, now you try.”
Byakuya stared at him and did not move.
Renji sighed. “This isn’t gonna be a fun vacation unless you at least try this stuff out,” he said, and gestured to the pristine wilderness around them, the lake teeming with fish (but not really) and the peaceful quiet of trees and dirt and not much else. “Sometimes ya just gotta get dirty, taichou!” he urged, like that meant something.
Byakuya sniffed. “I don’t enjoy doing dirty things, Renji.”
The redhead grinned at that, because it was clearly too easy a piece of bait to give up. “No?”
Byakuya knew what that grin meant, but he refused to stoop to such filthy double entendres when Renji very well knew what he’d meant already. “No.”
Renji’s grin widened, if possible, and for the moment, he seemed to forget the fishing pole and the hook in lieu of lewder things. “Aw c’mon, dirty things can be fun, taichou!”
Byakuya scoffed, unimpressed by the connection. “I don’t consider sex with you dirty in the least so please stop speaking to me like some drunken ruffian in a bar, Renji.”
Renji was too used to the older man’s snooty little speeches to be much affected by them anymore, unfortunately, and all he did was smirk a little and tug Byakuya into his lap like said snooty little speech was some sort of indirect invitation-which it was not, by the way.
Byakuya’s eyes widened marginally at the thought that Renji’s dirty hands were touching him now, but he managed to keep most of his dignity intact. “We are not doing this here,” he declared, sternly.
“Doing what? Who said I was talkin’ about that anyway?”
The older shinigami ignored him. “Your hands are filthy,” he felt the need to point out. “And it wouldn’t be fun at all.”
Renji paused to examine his fingers. “Yeah, they kinda are a little dirty,” he admitted, before pausing as a thought hit him. He snickered.
Byakuya blinked. And then, when he felt Renji’s arms tighten around him, realized exactly what was going on. “No. Don’t you dare I will have you suspended and…”
Renji whooped and without further ado, dumped them both into the lake.
Byakuya didn’t get to finish his threat with the “flogged” he’d planned on saying so much as an indignant little “eeeeek!!” that might have been-but he wasn’t going to admit it-a squeal when they hit the freezing water head on.
Renji laughed out loud at him when he heard that, the redhead flat on his ass and up to his waist in shallow lake water.
Byakuya stared at his vice-captain, his own hair wet and limp and half in his eyes as he tried his best to glare death at Abarai through his sodden bangs.
But Renji only took one look at him and collapsed into chortles again, before pulling his hair out of its ties and shaking himself off like a wet dog. “This is me gettin’ clean, taichou. How d’ya like that?”
Byakuya kicked water into his insolent, smirking face. “Singularly unfunny.”
“Aw, lighten up!” Renji urged, and tugged the soaked sixth division captain back against him while they splashed indignantly around in the water like fools. “Vacations are supposed to be fun.”
“I’m wet. And cold. And possibly filthy.”
Renji’s chuckled warmly and touched his nose to his captain’s cold, wet cheek. “See? Ya shoulda just hooked the worm in the first place. Then this whole mess could have been avoided.”
Byakuya was clearly unimpressed with his logic. “As I said. I am wet. And cold. And filthy. Fix it.”
Renji’s expression turned smarmy at that, because his mind was probably going off and finding those invitations that hadn’t really been there in the first place all over again. “Well, taichou,” he began, voice low, “I guess I better get ya out of those wet clothes and warm ya up quick huh? Since it was an order’n all that.” His eyes glimmered. “But I ain’t gonna lie to you, my methods might be a little dirtier’n you like.”
Byakuya rolled his eyes at that, but figured it would be pointless to complain when he felt the collar of his robe being pushed off of his shoulders despite everything. “But like I said,” Renji assured him, pressing a warm kiss to his collarbone, “sometimes dirty things can be fun.”
Byakuya made a mental note to have his insolent vice-captain at least flogged (if not suspended) when they got back to the court.
In the meantime, he supposed it was in his best interests to get warm and dry as quickly as possible so as to avoid sickness.
For now, he’d just have to endure the dirty part, as it really couldn’t be helped.
END
499.
Title: Super Manly
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: GanjyuxHanatarou, Kuukaku
Word Count: 837
Warning/s: Stupidity, OOC, and pretty much no coherence whatsoever. YAY!
Summary: Ganjyu schools Hanatarou in the ways of manliness. Kuukaku just schools them.
Dedication: requested by esotaria!
A/N: The prompt was: “how to be a man.” LOL Idea stemmed from the fact that Ganjyu’s voice actor is also Aoki in Hajime no Ippo. XD
She stepped outside just in time to see Ganjyu try and prop Hanatarou’s fists up in front of his face for him, in what she could only assume was some sort of skewed boxing lesson.
She stared.
“Alright, so then you gotta stay on your toes, okay? Your toes.”
“O-okay!”
“Well not that much, dumbass, you’re gonna fall over like that. It ain’t ballet.”
Hanatarou did indeed, tip over. Ganjyu caught him though, and righted him by the collar of his shirt in a gruffly gentle way.
“You’re fuckin’ hopeless, you know that?”
Hanatarou laughed, sheepishly. “I guess I’ve never known how to fight with my fists.”
“It’s why you’re always gettin’ picked on,” Ganjyu scoffed, and spat somewhere in the dirt behind them to emphasize his point. “Even if you’re all wimpy lookin’ you gotta, you know, assert yourself. Let ‘em know you’re a man. I ain’t gonna be around to defend you all the time.”
Hanatarou coughed, and Kuukaku was pretty sure the brat was only indulging her idiot brother because he cared about the buffoon’s ego or something. Either way, she was pretty sure the runt must have had the patience of a goddamned saint to put up with it like that, considering how dumb Ganjyu’s advice was most of the time and the fact that Kuukaku could bully the hell out of him in her sleep if she wanted to. That whole “be a man” line of thinking and all that walk and talk like a tough-guy crap was absolute bullshit as far as she was concerned.
“Right. So um…toes,” the fourth division shinigami repeated, and raised his fists gamely again. “And…”
“Stay on guard,” Ganjyu repeated for him.
“Right.”
Kuukaku sighed. “The hell are you two doin’?” she demanded after she couldn’t stand to watch any more.
Ganjyu gave a start. “Neesan! Er…we were just… I was just…”
“Ganjyu-san was teaching me how to defend myself,” Hanatarou supplied helpfully, and reached out to pat Ganjyu’s arm while he flailed in those general two seconds of terror that were automatically conditioned to activate whenever his older sister happened to sneak up on him.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s a big help,” Kuukaku snorted.
Ganjyu looked wounded at her tone. “I just don’t want him to get picked on, ‘s all,” he grumbled, and scuffed his feet in the dirt a bit.
“It’s very helpful,” Hanatarou assured her. “Er, and very manly.”
Kuukaku rolled her eyes and wondered if Ganjyu knew that he was probably the last person who ought to teach Yamada about how to not be bullied, all things considered. “Right. Ganjyu, get your useless ass into gear and get the goddamned laundry started, wouldja?”
“Er, right away, neesan.” Pause. Cough. “We’ll finish up later,” Ganjyu told Hanatarou in his deeper “sensei” voice, before marching off to do his appointed task like he wasn’t just a victim to everything he’d been trying to teach Hanatarou to avoid.
Hanatarou and Kuukaku watched him go.
“My brother is dumb as rocks, ain’t he?” the elder Shiba started after a moment; hand on her hip as they watched Ganjyu toddle off towards the backyard. “He really think you’re completely helpless just ‘cuz you’re like, two feet tall?”
Hanatarou shuffled awkwardly at her uncharitable assessment. “Um… well, just because seated fourth division officers are all able to use their reiatsu to stop an opponent’s blood circulation to any and all of his or her major organs doesn’t mean that we um, like to use it…” he started lamely, in Ganjyu’s defense.
Kuukaku scoffed. “Right. Like rocks.” Pause. “Maybe dumber.”
Hanatarou sighed.
Kuukaku grinned and eyed him knowingly. “But you like him anyway.”
The little shinigami blushed. “Well… that is, I suppose I…” He blinked and rubbed at the back of his neck, sheepish. “I guess so.”
Kuukaku chortled to herself at that. “That probably just make you even dumber’n rocks, Yamada.” She snickered and slapped him heartily on the backside. “Welcome to the family then, I guess. Ya fit in great with both of my moronic brothers and all the moronic men in the Shiba family before ‘em.”
He nearly fell over when she hit him, but managed to just stagger instead of actually tumbling at her power. “Er… Th-thank you, Kuukaku-san?”
She winked, and then smiled in the sort of way that made him feel like maybe she was going to rip out his heart and eat it for breakfast. Either that or ruffle his hair. “Oi…”
“H-hai?”
“Since you’re officially part of the clan now, why don’tcha go’n help stones-for-brains with the laundry? Then you two can clean out the gutters when you’re done.”
“Er, right! Sure!” He quickly jogged off after Ganjyu.
Kuukaku laughed and watched him go.
Men-be they tough guys or big talkers or little runts with surreptitiously deadly hands- were really just too goddamned easy, no matter who they tried to be. She almost felt guilty for being able to handle them the way she did.
Almost.
But not really.
END
500.
Title: Babysat
Rating: PG
Pairing/Character/s: lightly IsshinxRyuuken, Karin, Yuzu, Ichigo
Word Count: 856
Warning/s: No spoilers I can imagine.
Summary: Probably could only happen in the future or something- Isshin and Ryuuken sort of go on a date. A little.
Dedication: requested by k_shi- I LOVE YOU.
A/N: The request was: “babysitting.”
Maybe he’d just been out of the game for a really long time now. It had been a while, after all, and he wasn’t so vain that he couldn’t admit that he was of an older generation. That being said, when he remembered that back when he was young, the dates that usually came to mind often included a nice dinner and maybe a movie, a walk in the park and ice cream, or a festival or even just coffee and good conversation well into the night.
Along those lines, times had either changed drastically since he’d last ventured out into the social world, or this was decidedly not a date despite Kurosaki’s insistences that it was.
Ryuuken didn’t think the world had had enough time to lap him completely in regards to these date-related sensibilities, so rationally then, he supposed this could only be not-a-date.
Which made sense, given that thus far, it all felt decidedly like… babysitting.
The fact that they were on a playground probably helped.
“Ne, Ryuu-chan, look at how high I’m going!”
“Very high,” Ryuuken agreed drolly, and flipped to the next page in his medical journal monthly without looking up.
“You didn’t look at all!!” Isshin protested. “I’m going really high!”
“How very nice for you.”
Ryuuken could practically hear Kurosaki pout as the other doctor’s furious pumping slowed to a halt, Isshin dragging his feet on the sand beneath him to stop his back and forth motions. “Ne…how come you don’t wanna play?”
“I don’t like swings,” Ryuuken told him, and continued to read as the other man idled pathetically in his seat.
Isshin was aghast. “YOU DON’T LIKE SWINGS?!”
And now all of Japan knew it too. Ryuuken sighed. “No, I don’t.”
Isshin looked absolutely boggled. “But, but the swoosh! How can you not like the swoosh?”
Ryuuken flipped another page. “No particular reason.”
“It doesn’t make sense!” Isshin insisted.
“It makes plenty of sense. When you think about it.”
Isshin paused to think about it.
And then was hit by a brilliant idea somewhere halfway through thinking (because he really couldn’t think more than 10 seconds on any one thing). Or rather, it was something he deemed brilliant anyway, which only made Ryuuken cringe physically when he recognized the inspired (manic) expression on his companion’s face.
“RYUU-CHAN CLEARLY YOU HAVE TO COME SWING WITH ME NOW. YOU CAN SIT IN MY LAP OKAY? THAT WILL MAKE IT FUN FOR SURE.” Thumbs up.
Some nearby mothers gasped at the implications and quickly clutched their children against them, making an outraged beeline towards the park exit while glaring at the old pervert on the swing who making inappropriate passes at other men in the middle of the afternoon.
Ryuuken’s eyes simply narrowed. “No.”
Mibble. “BUT RYUU!!!”
“NO. STOP THAT.”
Isshin looked on the verge of panic. “YUZU, KARIN!” he sobbed, somehow managing to become even louder now as he called on his daughters for assistance. “TELL RYUUKEN-OKAASAN TO COME PLAY WITH ME!!!”
From beside Ryuuken on the bench, Karin sighed and Yuzu looked torn between whether to obey or to leave Ryuuken-okaasan well enough alone because she knew he liked his reading time.
“Pretend you don’t know him,” Karin advised her sister after a moment.
“A sound plan,” Ryuuken agreed, and marked his magazine with a metal clip he kept handy before closing it and tucking it under the arm. “Shall we go get some ice cream then?”
Yuzu immediately brightened at the prospect. “That sounds like fun!!”
The three of them stood.
Isshin sulked from the swing set. “BUT IT’S THE KUROSAKI FAMILY LEGENDARY PLAYGROUND DAY OF FUN! YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!!” Distraught, he whirled around to look behind him. “ICHIGO TELL THEM THEY CAN’T LEAVE.”
Ichigo stared at him. “Does this mean I don’t have to push you anymore?”
“You’re free to come along as well, if you’d like ice cream,” Ryuuken told the teen.
Ichigo stuck his hands in his pockets and slouched after the Quincy and his sisters. “Sweet.”
Behind them, Isshin wailed. “NOBODY LOVES ME!!!!!!”
“If you shut up I’ll buy you ice cream too,” Ryuuken offered after a moment, and adjusted his glasses in a long-suffering sort of way.
Isshin immediately brightened. “What, really?!”
“Yes, really. Now be quiet.”
Isshin grinned and hopped off of his swing, bounding happily after the group and completely forgetting his previous distress at the prospect of sweet treats.
He twitched as they entered the ice cream shop a few minutes later and Isshin immediately ran up to press his face against the glass display, babbling excitedly to the clerk about the various flavors he’d like to try before he made his mind up (32 in all). Ryuuken and the three Kurosaki children looked drolly on.
The Quincy paid for the ice cream after Karin had kicked Isshin in the shin and ordered for him when he wouldn’t hurry up and make up his mind.
Ryuuken comforted himself with knowledge that only one of his four charges for the afternoon actually needed to be babysat.
It could have been worse, after all.
Somehow.
END
EDITS PLZ.
497.
Title: If I Were You
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: IsshinxRyuuken
Word Count: 548
Warning/s: Stupidity and OOC, and RAGE.
Summary: Isshin asks a couple of hard hitting questions. Ryuuken hits hard.
Dedication: requested by imparfait. Also for sw_inku, because I LOVE YOU LOTS and know that if you had had the time to request you probably would have requested this pairing. So here it is for you anyway, even if it is retarded. XD
A/N: The request was: “In each other’s shoes.” This is retarded but I gave up after 3 hours of having it JUST NOT WORK AT ALL. So… yeah. LOL
“If I were a Quincy, what would my bow’s name be?” Isshin wondered out loud one night, when they were both supposed to be asleep.
It prompted Ryuuken to roll over and shove his head under his pillow in an effort to ignore the other man. “Shut up and go to sleep.”
“Do the Quincy even get to name them? Or is it the same as zanpakutou and they already come pre-named for you?”
Ryuuken groaned.
“If I was a Quincy and got to name my bow, it would be Ribbon! Get it? Ribbon-chan the bow!”
Ryuuken grabbed a fistful of pillow and smacked Isshin over the face with it.
He was a little bit horrified when he did too, because it seemed like such an immature thing to do.
To be fair, it was three am and he had to be work in five hours.
Isshin only chuckled and kept talking, even though there was a pillow on top of his face now, and probably a red mark from where it had slammed into his nose. “But if it was a guy bow I guess Ribbon-chan would be kind of an embarrassing name. If it was a guy bow I’d probably name it Rain!” He paused, waiting for Ryuuken to laugh at his cleverness.
“Don’t think that just because I’m a doctor I won’t stoop to asphyxiating you where you lay, Kurosaki.”
“Get it? Rain-bow!” The clue delivered, Isshin waited again, for Ryuuken to laugh.
“Where you lay.”
Silence.
Finally, Ryuuken thought, and took his pillow back.
Silence for thirty seconds.
And then, “Ne, Ryuu-chan, if you were a shinigami…”
Ryuuken snarled and rolled on top of the other man, pillow in hand.
And Isshin actually stopped talking. For like, two seconds-- before he opened his mouth to say, “Wow, again? Heh, I knew Ryuu-chan really liked shinigami deep down, but I never tho…mmmpph!!!”
Ryuuken held the pillow over the other doctor’s face and leaned his weight into it for about a minute before deciding that his point had to have been proven, even to a moron like Isshin. “WORK AT EIGHT, KUROSAKI,” he growled, glaring down at the motor-mouthed idiot of a shinigami underneath him.
When Ryuuken finally rolled off of the other man and yanked his pillow back, Isshin gasped in a couple of large mouthfuls of air, but otherwise remained quiet.
Satisfied with that-it led the Quincy to believe that even the biggest morons like Isshin could get the point after a certain amount of time- Ryuuken burrowed back under his pillows and tried to get some sleep so that he didn’t kill anyone tomorrow on the operating table.
Or try to finish the killing he’d attempted tonight.
But then, just before he was about to drop off, “Ne, Ryuu-chan…if you were a shinigami what division would you be in?” Isshin asked, like nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened just now.
Maybe it hadn’t, considering. Ryuuken could only imagine that lots of people tried to smother Isshin with a pillow on a regular basis.
So this time, Ryuuken tried choking him.
On that, Isshin only assumed that meant that the eleventh division was Ryuuken’s answer.
As if to confirm it, Ryuuken slammed Isshin’s head into the headboard once or twice.
END
498.
Title: Down and Dirty
Rating: PG-15
Pairing/Character/s: RenjixByakuya
Word Count: 956
Warning/s: OOC! TONS OF OOC!
Summary: Sometimes dirty can be fun.
Dedication: requested by ryzna
A/N: The request was: “vacation.”
“This is unclean,” Byakuya stated, like that was all it was going to take before Renji would realize that it was indeed, unclean, and take back his attempts at this ridiculous endeavor altogether.
However, it seemed that the sixth division captain’s hopes were not to be answered.
“That gives it character,” Renji told the shorter man decisively, grinning stupidly while he tried to pierce a squirming worm on a fishing hook with his fingers.
Byakuya shuddered internally as he watched the redhead, how he had his sleeves and pants rolled up and slightly muddy, his feet dipping into the clear blue waters of the otherwise still lake. Dirt was getting under his fingernails and the worm looked none too happy about being hooked.
“Got it!” Renji declared triumphantly after a moment, before he turned to the other man and showed him the pierced worm like it was something of great accomplishment that needed to be witnessed and properly lauded. “Okay, now you try.”
Byakuya stared at him and did not move.
Renji sighed. “This isn’t gonna be a fun vacation unless you at least try this stuff out,” he said, and gestured to the pristine wilderness around them, the lake teeming with fish (but not really) and the peaceful quiet of trees and dirt and not much else. “Sometimes ya just gotta get dirty, taichou!” he urged, like that meant something.
Byakuya sniffed. “I don’t enjoy doing dirty things, Renji.”
The redhead grinned at that, because it was clearly too easy a piece of bait to give up. “No?”
Byakuya knew what that grin meant, but he refused to stoop to such filthy double entendres when Renji very well knew what he’d meant already. “No.”
Renji’s grin widened, if possible, and for the moment, he seemed to forget the fishing pole and the hook in lieu of lewder things. “Aw c’mon, dirty things can be fun, taichou!”
Byakuya scoffed, unimpressed by the connection. “I don’t consider sex with you dirty in the least so please stop speaking to me like some drunken ruffian in a bar, Renji.”
Renji was too used to the older man’s snooty little speeches to be much affected by them anymore, unfortunately, and all he did was smirk a little and tug Byakuya into his lap like said snooty little speech was some sort of indirect invitation-which it was not, by the way.
Byakuya’s eyes widened marginally at the thought that Renji’s dirty hands were touching him now, but he managed to keep most of his dignity intact. “We are not doing this here,” he declared, sternly.
“Doing what? Who said I was talkin’ about that anyway?”
The older shinigami ignored him. “Your hands are filthy,” he felt the need to point out. “And it wouldn’t be fun at all.”
Renji paused to examine his fingers. “Yeah, they kinda are a little dirty,” he admitted, before pausing as a thought hit him. He snickered.
Byakuya blinked. And then, when he felt Renji’s arms tighten around him, realized exactly what was going on. “No. Don’t you dare I will have you suspended and…”
Renji whooped and without further ado, dumped them both into the lake.
Byakuya didn’t get to finish his threat with the “flogged” he’d planned on saying so much as an indignant little “eeeeek!!” that might have been-but he wasn’t going to admit it-a squeal when they hit the freezing water head on.
Renji laughed out loud at him when he heard that, the redhead flat on his ass and up to his waist in shallow lake water.
Byakuya stared at his vice-captain, his own hair wet and limp and half in his eyes as he tried his best to glare death at Abarai through his sodden bangs.
But Renji only took one look at him and collapsed into chortles again, before pulling his hair out of its ties and shaking himself off like a wet dog. “This is me gettin’ clean, taichou. How d’ya like that?”
Byakuya kicked water into his insolent, smirking face. “Singularly unfunny.”
“Aw, lighten up!” Renji urged, and tugged the soaked sixth division captain back against him while they splashed indignantly around in the water like fools. “Vacations are supposed to be fun.”
“I’m wet. And cold. And possibly filthy.”
Renji’s chuckled warmly and touched his nose to his captain’s cold, wet cheek. “See? Ya shoulda just hooked the worm in the first place. Then this whole mess could have been avoided.”
Byakuya was clearly unimpressed with his logic. “As I said. I am wet. And cold. And filthy. Fix it.”
Renji’s expression turned smarmy at that, because his mind was probably going off and finding those invitations that hadn’t really been there in the first place all over again. “Well, taichou,” he began, voice low, “I guess I better get ya out of those wet clothes and warm ya up quick huh? Since it was an order’n all that.” His eyes glimmered. “But I ain’t gonna lie to you, my methods might be a little dirtier’n you like.”
Byakuya rolled his eyes at that, but figured it would be pointless to complain when he felt the collar of his robe being pushed off of his shoulders despite everything. “But like I said,” Renji assured him, pressing a warm kiss to his collarbone, “sometimes dirty things can be fun.”
Byakuya made a mental note to have his insolent vice-captain at least flogged (if not suspended) when they got back to the court.
In the meantime, he supposed it was in his best interests to get warm and dry as quickly as possible so as to avoid sickness.
For now, he’d just have to endure the dirty part, as it really couldn’t be helped.
END
499.
Title: Super Manly
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: GanjyuxHanatarou, Kuukaku
Word Count: 837
Warning/s: Stupidity, OOC, and pretty much no coherence whatsoever. YAY!
Summary: Ganjyu schools Hanatarou in the ways of manliness. Kuukaku just schools them.
Dedication: requested by esotaria!
A/N: The prompt was: “how to be a man.” LOL Idea stemmed from the fact that Ganjyu’s voice actor is also Aoki in Hajime no Ippo. XD
She stepped outside just in time to see Ganjyu try and prop Hanatarou’s fists up in front of his face for him, in what she could only assume was some sort of skewed boxing lesson.
She stared.
“Alright, so then you gotta stay on your toes, okay? Your toes.”
“O-okay!”
“Well not that much, dumbass, you’re gonna fall over like that. It ain’t ballet.”
Hanatarou did indeed, tip over. Ganjyu caught him though, and righted him by the collar of his shirt in a gruffly gentle way.
“You’re fuckin’ hopeless, you know that?”
Hanatarou laughed, sheepishly. “I guess I’ve never known how to fight with my fists.”
“It’s why you’re always gettin’ picked on,” Ganjyu scoffed, and spat somewhere in the dirt behind them to emphasize his point. “Even if you’re all wimpy lookin’ you gotta, you know, assert yourself. Let ‘em know you’re a man. I ain’t gonna be around to defend you all the time.”
Hanatarou coughed, and Kuukaku was pretty sure the brat was only indulging her idiot brother because he cared about the buffoon’s ego or something. Either way, she was pretty sure the runt must have had the patience of a goddamned saint to put up with it like that, considering how dumb Ganjyu’s advice was most of the time and the fact that Kuukaku could bully the hell out of him in her sleep if she wanted to. That whole “be a man” line of thinking and all that walk and talk like a tough-guy crap was absolute bullshit as far as she was concerned.
“Right. So um…toes,” the fourth division shinigami repeated, and raised his fists gamely again. “And…”
“Stay on guard,” Ganjyu repeated for him.
“Right.”
Kuukaku sighed. “The hell are you two doin’?” she demanded after she couldn’t stand to watch any more.
Ganjyu gave a start. “Neesan! Er…we were just… I was just…”
“Ganjyu-san was teaching me how to defend myself,” Hanatarou supplied helpfully, and reached out to pat Ganjyu’s arm while he flailed in those general two seconds of terror that were automatically conditioned to activate whenever his older sister happened to sneak up on him.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s a big help,” Kuukaku snorted.
Ganjyu looked wounded at her tone. “I just don’t want him to get picked on, ‘s all,” he grumbled, and scuffed his feet in the dirt a bit.
“It’s very helpful,” Hanatarou assured her. “Er, and very manly.”
Kuukaku rolled her eyes and wondered if Ganjyu knew that he was probably the last person who ought to teach Yamada about how to not be bullied, all things considered. “Right. Ganjyu, get your useless ass into gear and get the goddamned laundry started, wouldja?”
“Er, right away, neesan.” Pause. Cough. “We’ll finish up later,” Ganjyu told Hanatarou in his deeper “sensei” voice, before marching off to do his appointed task like he wasn’t just a victim to everything he’d been trying to teach Hanatarou to avoid.
Hanatarou and Kuukaku watched him go.
“My brother is dumb as rocks, ain’t he?” the elder Shiba started after a moment; hand on her hip as they watched Ganjyu toddle off towards the backyard. “He really think you’re completely helpless just ‘cuz you’re like, two feet tall?”
Hanatarou shuffled awkwardly at her uncharitable assessment. “Um… well, just because seated fourth division officers are all able to use their reiatsu to stop an opponent’s blood circulation to any and all of his or her major organs doesn’t mean that we um, like to use it…” he started lamely, in Ganjyu’s defense.
Kuukaku scoffed. “Right. Like rocks.” Pause. “Maybe dumber.”
Hanatarou sighed.
Kuukaku grinned and eyed him knowingly. “But you like him anyway.”
The little shinigami blushed. “Well… that is, I suppose I…” He blinked and rubbed at the back of his neck, sheepish. “I guess so.”
Kuukaku chortled to herself at that. “That probably just make you even dumber’n rocks, Yamada.” She snickered and slapped him heartily on the backside. “Welcome to the family then, I guess. Ya fit in great with both of my moronic brothers and all the moronic men in the Shiba family before ‘em.”
He nearly fell over when she hit him, but managed to just stagger instead of actually tumbling at her power. “Er… Th-thank you, Kuukaku-san?”
She winked, and then smiled in the sort of way that made him feel like maybe she was going to rip out his heart and eat it for breakfast. Either that or ruffle his hair. “Oi…”
“H-hai?”
“Since you’re officially part of the clan now, why don’tcha go’n help stones-for-brains with the laundry? Then you two can clean out the gutters when you’re done.”
“Er, right! Sure!” He quickly jogged off after Ganjyu.
Kuukaku laughed and watched him go.
Men-be they tough guys or big talkers or little runts with surreptitiously deadly hands- were really just too goddamned easy, no matter who they tried to be. She almost felt guilty for being able to handle them the way she did.
Almost.
But not really.
END
500.
Title: Babysat
Rating: PG
Pairing/Character/s: lightly IsshinxRyuuken, Karin, Yuzu, Ichigo
Word Count: 856
Warning/s: No spoilers I can imagine.
Summary: Probably could only happen in the future or something- Isshin and Ryuuken sort of go on a date. A little.
Dedication: requested by k_shi- I LOVE YOU.
A/N: The request was: “babysitting.”
Maybe he’d just been out of the game for a really long time now. It had been a while, after all, and he wasn’t so vain that he couldn’t admit that he was of an older generation. That being said, when he remembered that back when he was young, the dates that usually came to mind often included a nice dinner and maybe a movie, a walk in the park and ice cream, or a festival or even just coffee and good conversation well into the night.
Along those lines, times had either changed drastically since he’d last ventured out into the social world, or this was decidedly not a date despite Kurosaki’s insistences that it was.
Ryuuken didn’t think the world had had enough time to lap him completely in regards to these date-related sensibilities, so rationally then, he supposed this could only be not-a-date.
Which made sense, given that thus far, it all felt decidedly like… babysitting.
The fact that they were on a playground probably helped.
“Ne, Ryuu-chan, look at how high I’m going!”
“Very high,” Ryuuken agreed drolly, and flipped to the next page in his medical journal monthly without looking up.
“You didn’t look at all!!” Isshin protested. “I’m going really high!”
“How very nice for you.”
Ryuuken could practically hear Kurosaki pout as the other doctor’s furious pumping slowed to a halt, Isshin dragging his feet on the sand beneath him to stop his back and forth motions. “Ne…how come you don’t wanna play?”
“I don’t like swings,” Ryuuken told him, and continued to read as the other man idled pathetically in his seat.
Isshin was aghast. “YOU DON’T LIKE SWINGS?!”
And now all of Japan knew it too. Ryuuken sighed. “No, I don’t.”
Isshin looked absolutely boggled. “But, but the swoosh! How can you not like the swoosh?”
Ryuuken flipped another page. “No particular reason.”
“It doesn’t make sense!” Isshin insisted.
“It makes plenty of sense. When you think about it.”
Isshin paused to think about it.
And then was hit by a brilliant idea somewhere halfway through thinking (because he really couldn’t think more than 10 seconds on any one thing). Or rather, it was something he deemed brilliant anyway, which only made Ryuuken cringe physically when he recognized the inspired (manic) expression on his companion’s face.
“RYUU-CHAN CLEARLY YOU HAVE TO COME SWING WITH ME NOW. YOU CAN SIT IN MY LAP OKAY? THAT WILL MAKE IT FUN FOR SURE.” Thumbs up.
Some nearby mothers gasped at the implications and quickly clutched their children against them, making an outraged beeline towards the park exit while glaring at the old pervert on the swing who making inappropriate passes at other men in the middle of the afternoon.
Ryuuken’s eyes simply narrowed. “No.”
Mibble. “BUT RYUU!!!”
“NO. STOP THAT.”
Isshin looked on the verge of panic. “YUZU, KARIN!” he sobbed, somehow managing to become even louder now as he called on his daughters for assistance. “TELL RYUUKEN-OKAASAN TO COME PLAY WITH ME!!!”
From beside Ryuuken on the bench, Karin sighed and Yuzu looked torn between whether to obey or to leave Ryuuken-okaasan well enough alone because she knew he liked his reading time.
“Pretend you don’t know him,” Karin advised her sister after a moment.
“A sound plan,” Ryuuken agreed, and marked his magazine with a metal clip he kept handy before closing it and tucking it under the arm. “Shall we go get some ice cream then?”
Yuzu immediately brightened at the prospect. “That sounds like fun!!”
The three of them stood.
Isshin sulked from the swing set. “BUT IT’S THE KUROSAKI FAMILY LEGENDARY PLAYGROUND DAY OF FUN! YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!!” Distraught, he whirled around to look behind him. “ICHIGO TELL THEM THEY CAN’T LEAVE.”
Ichigo stared at him. “Does this mean I don’t have to push you anymore?”
“You’re free to come along as well, if you’d like ice cream,” Ryuuken told the teen.
Ichigo stuck his hands in his pockets and slouched after the Quincy and his sisters. “Sweet.”
Behind them, Isshin wailed. “NOBODY LOVES ME!!!!!!”
“If you shut up I’ll buy you ice cream too,” Ryuuken offered after a moment, and adjusted his glasses in a long-suffering sort of way.
Isshin immediately brightened. “What, really?!”
“Yes, really. Now be quiet.”
Isshin grinned and hopped off of his swing, bounding happily after the group and completely forgetting his previous distress at the prospect of sweet treats.
He twitched as they entered the ice cream shop a few minutes later and Isshin immediately ran up to press his face against the glass display, babbling excitedly to the clerk about the various flavors he’d like to try before he made his mind up (32 in all). Ryuuken and the three Kurosaki children looked drolly on.
The Quincy paid for the ice cream after Karin had kicked Isshin in the shin and ordered for him when he wouldn’t hurry up and make up his mind.
Ryuuken comforted himself with knowledge that only one of his four charges for the afternoon actually needed to be babysat.
It could have been worse, after all.
Somehow.
END
EDITS PLZ.