Bleach Drabble (448)
*rolls* I am so unprepared for the coming days.
448.
Title: Movin’ on Up
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: Eleventh Division
Word Count: 999
Warning/s: Spoilers for the SS arc and vague ones for the current Arrankar arc.
Summary: Yumichika and Ikkaku get promoted. In a way.
Dedication: Soph- ARGH OMG that Shuumi was just. GUH.
A/N: I am a world of suuuck. More so than usual as of late. -_-;;
Mostly he was sick of the stupidity. People knockin’ on his door, accusin’ him of all sortsa stuff he didn’t know nothin’ about.
“During this time of crisis the gotei-13 requires exactly that! Thirteen captains!”
“Zaraki, release whatever blood oath you’ve forced your men to take…”
“Order them to the positions if you must!”
Kenpachi sighed.
Sick of it all, really.
Wondered why everyone seemed even stupider’n Yachiru lately, and she was the one who’d gone’n gotten herself concussed for rushin’ through seireitei’n running right into Oomaeda while she was roundin’ a corner at top speed yester day.
He called Yumichika into his office first.
“Yes, taichou?”
“The hell is wrong with you?”
“Absolutely nothing, of course! In fact, I feel quite wonderful, thank you for asking.”
He grunted and poured himself some alcohol. Figured he’d need it. “They want ya to become a captain, yeah?”
Yumichika smiled. “Yes!”
“Weren’t you always tellin’ me you wanted to be one so, what… you could have the fancy coat?”
The fifth seat, inordinately pleased with this undeniable proof that Zaraki had actually listened to him, positively beamed. “Yes! With my own stylish alterations of course. Sleeveless, but streamlined. Cut to flatter my waistline.”
Zaraki twitched. “Right. So. How come ya ain’t gone yet? They been houndin’ ya somethin’ fierce and I’m fuckin’ sick and tired of havin’ ‘em come see me ‘cuz you’re playin’ diva. You want the job or not?”
Yumichika twittered. “Of course I want it! Silly.”
Zaraki twitched again. “So the hell haven’t you taken it?”
Ayasegawa, looking decidedly mischievous, waved absently. “I’m waiting for Shuuhei!”
Kenpachi blinked. “Buh?”
Eyes twinkling, Yumichika moved to explain. “Well you see, I’m waiting for him to swallow his pride and ask me. I absolutely won’t consider it until he does. Poor dear, I think the whole idea bothers him somehow.”
The look on the pretty shinigami’s face told Kenpachi that no, Yumi didn’t really mean that “poor dear” part so much as “ha ha ha I’m so much better than you.”
Cute.
In a disgusting, wanted-to-make-him-vomit sorta way.
Zaraki sighed. “Right. Go’n get Ikkaku, will ya?”
“Hai!”
Kenpachi, watching Ayasegawa saunter out, hoped for-though wouldn’t count on-Ikkaku being slightly less stupid.
“What’s up, taichou?”
Kenpachi grunted and got up to get himself another bottle of sake upon seeing the etching that read “I love poop” across Madarame’s forehead.
So much for that.
“The hell happened to you?”
“Er… well, I was lookin’ in on fukutaichou on account of yesterday and… damned brat still moves pretty fast for someone who got her head banged up.”
Kenpachi made a mental note to strap her to the bed.
Or tie her up’n hang her by the ceiling- fool needed to rest her fool self up properly.
“You uh, you wanted to see me, taichou?”
The eleventh division captain eyed his subordinate. “You really strong enough to be a captain?” he asked, disbelieving.
Ikkaku squirmed under the scrutiny. “Er, ‘s what they’re tellin’ me, I guess. Ain’t really been listenin’.”
Kenpachi grunted. “Good.”
Ikkaku beamed. “That mean you don’t want me leavin’ taichou? I never thought…”
“Ain’t got it in ya.”
Ikkaku stopped. “Taichou?”
“Ain’t got it in ya,” Zaraki reiterated, plain as day. “Same punk-ass bastard I beat up years ago. Only difference is now ya got “I love poop” written on yer face.”
Madarame scowled. “Oi…like I was sayin’…”
Zaraki waved at him. “Maybe I’ll tell ‘em to give Yachiru the position. Seems she can still get the drop on you half-addled anyway.”
Ikkaku’s turn to twitch then and Zaraki couldn’t help but feel better ‘bout the fact that he wasn’t the only one doing it today.
“Yachiru? She wouldn’t wanna leave ya, sir.”
“Pffft. ‘S just a coat and nicer pay. She’d still be here writin’ ‘bout poo on idiots’ faces everyday, whether she was vice-captain of the eleventh or captain of the third, I figure.”
Ikkaku looked away. “Huh.”
Obviously wasn’t gettin’ it.
Kenpachi sighed; decided that he couldn’t really be subtler’n that. So he pointed at the third seat then, and menaced. “I’m so sick of yer goddamned face.”
“Buh?”
Ikkaku obviously wasn’t followin’.
Kenpachi wanted to throw something at the gaping fool’s head, but figured it wouldn’t do any good to have two seated officers concussed. He sighed instead, and it was long-suffering, frighteningly like the one Yam-jii used every now’n again. “I want you outta here by sundown, got me?”
Ikkaku looked downright heartbroken at the order. “T-taichou?”
“You heard me,” Zaraki said, tiredly. “Yer goin’ to the third and yer gonna be their goddamned captain.”
“But, taichou, I don’t wanna…”
“Don’t wanna? Fuckin’ sound like yer five goddamn years old. What’s there to be afeared of over there? That sad-lookin’ vice-captain with the wobbly eyes? Fuckin’ kiddin’ me.”
“Ain’t afeared!” Ikkaku snarled reflexively. “I just told myself I wasn’t gonna follow anybody but you!”
Zaraki snorted, because that was kinda gay. But even when he thought about it in a not-gay-way, it was still retarded. “Tch. That ain’t somethin’ that’s gonna change just ‘cuz you got a new coat and some dumb promotion, fucktard. I can still kick your ass half asleep whether yer here or a coupla doors down. I’ll always be your goddamned boss.”
Ikkaku looked at him for a while after he said that, like that slower brain of his was busy trying to process it all right. Then, finally, “Yeah?”
“Che. Sure as it says “I love poop” on yer head, dumbass. Now get the hell outta here.”
The bald shinigami smiled, lopsidedly. “So…”
“Go. And know that I don’t ever wanna see your ugly face ever again, you don’t at least make those third division pansies cry the first day yer there.”
Ikkaku outright grinned at that. “Yessir!”
Zaraki watched him go, and after a moment, found himself chuckling unexpectedly, ‘cuz now that he’d thought about it for a bit, the whole “I love poop” thing was pretty damn funny.
END
EDITS PLZ.
Also, some more fic over at mercystreetnote:
Title: A Cold Place
Characters: Ishida, Mayuri
Timeline: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s funny, the things we choose to remember.
A/N: This was me trying to write my Ganjyu app. No, REALLY. I honestly don’t know what happened. -_-;; Totally not edited cuz I have class tomorrow morning. SHIT.
(A Cold Place)
Title: A Cold Face
Characters: Maryuri, Ishida
Timeline: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The flipside of “A Cold Place.”
A/N: Once again, Ganjyu App is a no go. I FAIL.
(A Cold Face)
448.
Title: Movin’ on Up
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Character/s: Eleventh Division
Word Count: 999
Warning/s: Spoilers for the SS arc and vague ones for the current Arrankar arc.
Summary: Yumichika and Ikkaku get promoted. In a way.
Dedication: Soph- ARGH OMG that Shuumi was just. GUH.
A/N: I am a world of suuuck. More so than usual as of late. -_-;;
Mostly he was sick of the stupidity. People knockin’ on his door, accusin’ him of all sortsa stuff he didn’t know nothin’ about.
“During this time of crisis the gotei-13 requires exactly that! Thirteen captains!”
“Zaraki, release whatever blood oath you’ve forced your men to take…”
“Order them to the positions if you must!”
Kenpachi sighed.
Sick of it all, really.
Wondered why everyone seemed even stupider’n Yachiru lately, and she was the one who’d gone’n gotten herself concussed for rushin’ through seireitei’n running right into Oomaeda while she was roundin’ a corner at top speed yester day.
He called Yumichika into his office first.
“Yes, taichou?”
“The hell is wrong with you?”
“Absolutely nothing, of course! In fact, I feel quite wonderful, thank you for asking.”
He grunted and poured himself some alcohol. Figured he’d need it. “They want ya to become a captain, yeah?”
Yumichika smiled. “Yes!”
“Weren’t you always tellin’ me you wanted to be one so, what… you could have the fancy coat?”
The fifth seat, inordinately pleased with this undeniable proof that Zaraki had actually listened to him, positively beamed. “Yes! With my own stylish alterations of course. Sleeveless, but streamlined. Cut to flatter my waistline.”
Zaraki twitched. “Right. So. How come ya ain’t gone yet? They been houndin’ ya somethin’ fierce and I’m fuckin’ sick and tired of havin’ ‘em come see me ‘cuz you’re playin’ diva. You want the job or not?”
Yumichika twittered. “Of course I want it! Silly.”
Zaraki twitched again. “So the hell haven’t you taken it?”
Ayasegawa, looking decidedly mischievous, waved absently. “I’m waiting for Shuuhei!”
Kenpachi blinked. “Buh?”
Eyes twinkling, Yumichika moved to explain. “Well you see, I’m waiting for him to swallow his pride and ask me. I absolutely won’t consider it until he does. Poor dear, I think the whole idea bothers him somehow.”
The look on the pretty shinigami’s face told Kenpachi that no, Yumi didn’t really mean that “poor dear” part so much as “ha ha ha I’m so much better than you.”
Cute.
In a disgusting, wanted-to-make-him-vomit sorta way.
Zaraki sighed. “Right. Go’n get Ikkaku, will ya?”
“Hai!”
Kenpachi, watching Ayasegawa saunter out, hoped for-though wouldn’t count on-Ikkaku being slightly less stupid.
“What’s up, taichou?”
Kenpachi grunted and got up to get himself another bottle of sake upon seeing the etching that read “I love poop” across Madarame’s forehead.
So much for that.
“The hell happened to you?”
“Er… well, I was lookin’ in on fukutaichou on account of yesterday and… damned brat still moves pretty fast for someone who got her head banged up.”
Kenpachi made a mental note to strap her to the bed.
Or tie her up’n hang her by the ceiling- fool needed to rest her fool self up properly.
“You uh, you wanted to see me, taichou?”
The eleventh division captain eyed his subordinate. “You really strong enough to be a captain?” he asked, disbelieving.
Ikkaku squirmed under the scrutiny. “Er, ‘s what they’re tellin’ me, I guess. Ain’t really been listenin’.”
Kenpachi grunted. “Good.”
Ikkaku beamed. “That mean you don’t want me leavin’ taichou? I never thought…”
“Ain’t got it in ya.”
Ikkaku stopped. “Taichou?”
“Ain’t got it in ya,” Zaraki reiterated, plain as day. “Same punk-ass bastard I beat up years ago. Only difference is now ya got “I love poop” written on yer face.”
Madarame scowled. “Oi…like I was sayin’…”
Zaraki waved at him. “Maybe I’ll tell ‘em to give Yachiru the position. Seems she can still get the drop on you half-addled anyway.”
Ikkaku’s turn to twitch then and Zaraki couldn’t help but feel better ‘bout the fact that he wasn’t the only one doing it today.
“Yachiru? She wouldn’t wanna leave ya, sir.”
“Pffft. ‘S just a coat and nicer pay. She’d still be here writin’ ‘bout poo on idiots’ faces everyday, whether she was vice-captain of the eleventh or captain of the third, I figure.”
Ikkaku looked away. “Huh.”
Obviously wasn’t gettin’ it.
Kenpachi sighed; decided that he couldn’t really be subtler’n that. So he pointed at the third seat then, and menaced. “I’m so sick of yer goddamned face.”
“Buh?”
Ikkaku obviously wasn’t followin’.
Kenpachi wanted to throw something at the gaping fool’s head, but figured it wouldn’t do any good to have two seated officers concussed. He sighed instead, and it was long-suffering, frighteningly like the one Yam-jii used every now’n again. “I want you outta here by sundown, got me?”
Ikkaku looked downright heartbroken at the order. “T-taichou?”
“You heard me,” Zaraki said, tiredly. “Yer goin’ to the third and yer gonna be their goddamned captain.”
“But, taichou, I don’t wanna…”
“Don’t wanna? Fuckin’ sound like yer five goddamn years old. What’s there to be afeared of over there? That sad-lookin’ vice-captain with the wobbly eyes? Fuckin’ kiddin’ me.”
“Ain’t afeared!” Ikkaku snarled reflexively. “I just told myself I wasn’t gonna follow anybody but you!”
Zaraki snorted, because that was kinda gay. But even when he thought about it in a not-gay-way, it was still retarded. “Tch. That ain’t somethin’ that’s gonna change just ‘cuz you got a new coat and some dumb promotion, fucktard. I can still kick your ass half asleep whether yer here or a coupla doors down. I’ll always be your goddamned boss.”
Ikkaku looked at him for a while after he said that, like that slower brain of his was busy trying to process it all right. Then, finally, “Yeah?”
“Che. Sure as it says “I love poop” on yer head, dumbass. Now get the hell outta here.”
The bald shinigami smiled, lopsidedly. “So…”
“Go. And know that I don’t ever wanna see your ugly face ever again, you don’t at least make those third division pansies cry the first day yer there.”
Ikkaku outright grinned at that. “Yessir!”
Zaraki watched him go, and after a moment, found himself chuckling unexpectedly, ‘cuz now that he’d thought about it for a bit, the whole “I love poop” thing was pretty damn funny.
END
EDITS PLZ.
Also, some more fic over at mercystreetnote:
Title: A Cold Place
Characters: Ishida, Mayuri
Timeline: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It’s funny, the things we choose to remember.
A/N: This was me trying to write my Ganjyu app. No, REALLY. I honestly don’t know what happened. -_-;; Totally not edited cuz I have class tomorrow morning. SHIT.
(A Cold Place)
Title: A Cold Face
Characters: Maryuri, Ishida
Timeline: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The flipside of “A Cold Place.”
A/N: Once again, Ganjyu App is a no go. I FAIL.
(A Cold Face)