JE/NEWS- "Fighting Men"
Title: Fighting Men
Universe: JE/NEWS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: PixRyo, TegoxRyo, RyoTegoPi, brief RyoxShige, TegoxShige, PixShige (though mostly Shige, Koyama, and Massu sit on the sidelines giving their support or being put out, take your pick)
Spoilers/Warnings: Crack? LOL
Word Count: 5,470
Summary: Ryo accidentally makes a competition. Tegoshi and Yamapi both hate to lose.
Dedication: pinch hit for reiicharu and the newsficcon 2011 exchange! Forgive me for being out of practice; I hope this is still entertaining in some form or another! Special thanks to mousapelli for brainstorming with me and encouraging me.
A/N: This feels like getting back onto a horse I fell off of a year ago. LOL Original post here
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
When it comes right down to it, there are two distinct titles over Ryo’s affections that two different members of his group currently hold claim over. The way Ryo loves each of them are similar in some ways, but in others, very different. Kind of like how red and pink stem from the same base but in the end, are actually two unique colors all on their own. Kind of like how his groupmates are themselves.
Yamapi, naturally, holds the current title of person in Johnny’s Ryo has loved thelongest.
In contrast, Tegoshi has the distinction of being the person in Johnny’s Ryo has loved the hardest.
Neither of them is made aware of these titles for a very long time, mostly because Ryo doesn’t really talk about it (or love in general, because it makes him blush and want to punch things). Ignorance is bliss that way.
But then there is The Interview. It requires capitalization when being referenced because it is the catalyst that changes everything all of a sudden, even though no one involved with The Interview had meant to change anything at all by it when it occurred. To be fair, the questions seem innocuous and routine on paper, and so Ryo answers them in a thoughtless rush between jobs, not knowing what fury he is about to unleash on the jimusho and on NEWS in particular.
For reference, the pertinent part of his submission looks like this:
Q: Who in NEWS do you love most?
A: Myself! Oh, I have to say someone else? Well, that’s hard to say. Right now, Yamapi and Tegoshi are tied, maybe. Because yesterday, Pi bought me lunch, and Tegoshi because I haven’t seen him in months. You better not forget me, Tegoshi! *angry face* As long as I love him, it’s impossible for him to forget me, right? *laugh*
He doesn’t think any more about it after he submits that paper to his manager because he has a TV show to film with his other group that afternoon, and new dance moves to learn, and a movie script to read through because he might be up for the lead role.
The Interview gets printed-like all of their interviews-promptly and with lots of cute photos, three months later.
And then, without rhyme or reason, Ryo’s world explodes.
*****
Yamapi and Tegoshi are competitive. Everyone in NEWS is aware of this, has been since the group’s somewhat rocky inception. Yamapi wants to be the best at everything. Incidentally, he loves Ryo quite a bit.
Like Yamapi, Tegoshi hates to lose. Also like Yamapi, Tegoshi loves Ryo with as much of his harmlessly self-centered heart that he can.
Ryo-however unwittingly-creates the contest that stirs up the competitive juices in each of these young men with his answers in The Interview three months prior. Yamapi and Tegoshi, given their personalities, read The Interview with all the guileless interest of the supportive group members they are, and from there, promptly answer the call of the perceived challenge they see on its pages without any hesitation or doubt that they will come out the ultimate victor in the battle to claim the spoils that are apparently Ryo.
In their innocent, incredibly competitive hearts, a tie is simply something that must be broken, in order to find the contest’s true winner. That is just the nature of a competitive person’s way of thinking.
Which Ryo learns of when he arrives at a photo shoot somewhat late and a little harried, only to find that the crosstalk pairings are in chaos because Tegoshi, fearless and apropos to nothing, had stormed into the room five minutes earlier- chin high, shoulders squared, eyes level- and declared that by the end of the week, the tie would be broken, and Ryo would love him best.
Yamapi, sitting in makeup at the time, had looked back at the youngest member-eyes fiery, shoulders straight, chin turned upward-and answered, “I accept your challenge, Tegoshi!” with admirable levelness.
Neither of them had had gloves to throw on the ground, but Yamapi had leaned over and grabbed Shige’s fashionable neckerchief and tossed it on the ground instead. And then he’d stomped on it.
“Hey!” Shige had yelled, presumably more to the gods that constantly defied his attempts at being dignified than at Yamapi.
Tegoshi in kind, had reached to the dressing table to his right, where Koyama had been watching the events with disapprobation, and ended up with a handful of Koyama’s watch. He too, threw it to the floor and stomped on it.
“Sigh,” Koyama had sighed, and had long ago stopped complaining to the gods about the things that happened to him (and his stuff) whenever Tegoshi was in a defiant mood.
Seemingly satisfied that the potential challenge issued had officially become the current challenge at hand, Tegoshi had then spun on his heel and settled into his hair and makeup chair. Yamapi returned to his.
And this is where Ryo steps into the room- not expecting any of this, mind- right in time to hear them both declare, confidently, “Today I want to do my crosstalk with Ryo!”
And that, presumably, is when the most ridiculous battle in NEWS’s history abruptly begins.
*****
In the interest of leaving on time for the day, Ryo and Shige get put together in the crosstalk, which ends up working out because neither Tegoshi or Yamapi can call it a win or a loss so much as an act of Shige when it happens.
Really, the only one who loses in the end is Ryo, because he has to look at Shige’s stupid judgmental face and listen to his stupid judgmental questions for the whole afternoon.
To prove Ryo absolutely right on that fact, he hears Shige hiss an accusatory, “What did you do?” at the older idol without so much as a by-your-leave in the middle of the photoshoot, the taller NEWS member forcing the words out around a fake smile and three layers of makeup attempting to hide the last vestiges of his ridiculous summer tan.
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Ryo murmurs back through the clenched teeth of his own fake smile, as four layers of his makeup attempt to hide the last vestiges of his ridiculous filming schedule.
“The Interview,” Shige informs him, not helpfully at all.
“I’m not like you, Shige,” Ryo responds, as the bulbs and flashes go off around them and temporarily blind them. “I do like eight of those a month. You’ll have to be more specific.”
Shige glares with his eyes while still smiling at the camera with his mouth. “The Interview,” he repeats, two times more slowly and about fifty billion times more condescendingly, “where you told them they were tied.”
Ryo blinks.
“Oh shit,” he says, when he gets it.
“Yeah, oh shit,” Shige responds.
The photographer tells them to hug.
They hug and quietly snipe at each other about how the fuck they are going to fix this before blood is shed.
None of the staff notice anything amiss at all.
At the very least, NEWS is professional where it counts.
*****
“Oh my god,” Ryo says the next morning, when a basket of relaxing soaps and fruity-smelling lotions are delivered to his door, complete with a custom balloon that reads, “I love Ryo’s drama!” on it.
He sighs and puts the basket down near the entryway to his apartment and starts to open the envelope of the card to see who this monstrosity is from.
While he is in the middle of wrangling the card open the doorbell rings again. He frowns and opens it thinking maybe the delivery guy from just now had forgotten something.
But no. It is a brand new delivery guy, now holding what looks to be a steaming bouquet of various and sundry kushikatsu.
Ryo sighs and takes the bouquet and now knows exactly who sent him what.
He calls Yamapi first, to yell at him about the impracticality of a bouquet of deep fried, skewered meat.
He calls Tegoshi after that, to yell at him about how he does not have a vagina, despite what people might think after watching his drama with the dog.
Yamapi and Tegoshi confer their experiences to each other shortly thereafter via e-mail and declare this round yet another tie.
That night, Ryo takes a lavender scented bath and eats deep fried pork on a stick while watching a few episodes of the Supernatural anime on late night TV.
*****
A week later, at a meeting with management, Ryo asks if they can have a five minute break so he can get a drink, because he is parched.
Yamapi and Tegoshi both volunteer to get him a drink at exactly the same time.
He only needs the one though, and they seem to know it, because after that, they both look thoughtful. After a beat, Tegoshi looks at Yamapi and says, “We have five minutes ne. Whoever can go to the farthest place from here to get Ryo-kun a drink in that time limit obviously loves him more.”
Yamapi considers this. “Deal,” he says, before Ryo can call either of them unattractive names.
They take off like shots for the door after that, before anyone else can remind them that there is a perfectly serviceable vending machine on the first floor of the jimusho.
The sound of their feet stomping on the tile in their haste to get to the elevator (which they will have to share anyway) follows them out, leaving behind Ryo, Koyama, Shige, Massu, and a couple of very confused staffers.
“Ha, ha,” Koyama intones nervously. “Isn’t the member-ai great?”
“Jesus Christ,” Shige mutters, and rests his head on the table.
Meanwhile, Ryo makes Massu give him change for the vending machine and goes to get his own effing drink. It takes him two minutes and costs him (Massu) 200 yen.
Yamapi and Tegoshi turn up 4.5 minutes later sweating like crazy and each holding a bottle of Itoen Oolong Tea a piece.
“I ran four blocks South to the Lawson’s to get this!” Yamapi declares, and slams the bottle down on the table in front of Ryo, apparently squeezing it hard enough in his excitement that the cap pops off and tea drenches Ryo’s lap.
“I ran to the 7-11 four blocks east of here to get this!” Tegoshi answers in dismay, and exhaustedly drops his bottle on the table so that it rolls off the edge and hits Ryo in the foot when he isn’t looking.
“Damn!” They both declare, when they realize this.
“There is only a finite distance you can run in such a short time, and an even more finite number of places where you can buy drinks in that radius, you idiots!” Shige shouts at them, but no one is listening to him.
“Tie,” Yamapi and Tegoshi conclude eventually, and go back to take their seats.
Ryo drips.
Koyama hands him a handkerchief.
*****
When Ryo arrives to a meeting about a possible single release early next year, he finds Yamapi and Tegoshi sitting quietly amongst themselves in the meeting room, both apparently immersed in whatever is happening on each of their Nintendo DSi and not on warring with each other at all. It is a huge relief.
“Thank fucking god,” Ryo mutters when he sees them like that, normal and quiet and not making life awful for everyone. “It’s about time you two morons got over yourselves.”
But then Yamapi-apparently not having heard Ryo at all- jumps up from his seat and pumps his fist at Tegoshi, his eyes bright with enthusiastic triumph. “Ha!” he shouts, “Your Butterfree fainted!” Then he turns to Ryo, grinning broadly. “Ryo-chan, get ready for my unbeatable love, ne!”
Tegoshi frowns from the other side of the room and pushes a few buttons rapidly on his Nintendo. “We’re not done yet, Leader!” he counters. “I’m bringing out Jigglypuff! This pokebattle is not over, ne!”
Yamapi’s triumph fades immediately. “Oi, Tegoshi! That stupid thing isn’t killable!” he protests. “Unfair!”
“Tell that to your Charizard, Leader!” Tegoshi snipes in response, and the two turn to glare at each other again before going back to staring deliberately at their game screens.
“Goddammit,” Ryo mutters, and goes to wait in another part of the jimusho in the hopes that saner people will arrive for this meeting sometime soon.
*****
“Ryo-chan, out of the way!” Yamapi shouts, as he comes barreling down the hallway at Ryo on a rolling chair presumably stolen from one of the offices.
Ryo jumps to the side just in time to watch Yamapi do a last minute, action hero style bail out from the chair as it slams into the wall behind Ryo.
A smattering of applause happens from the sidelines, and when Ryo drifts back out into the hall and looks to his left, he sees three tiny juniors sitting all in a row, holding up cards that read 10, 9.5, and 8 respectively.
Yamapi pops to his feet and checks out his scores with a frown. “An 8, Shimizu-kun? Really?”
The tiniest junior just shrugs like he barely knows what numbers even are.
Yamapi sighs and goes to gather up the chair. “Tegoshi!” he calls down the hall, irately. “Your turn!”
Ryo stares as Tegoshi comes barreling down the hall next, standing surfboard style on his rolling chair.
“Ryo-kun, get out of the way!” Tegoshi yells hotly, as he comes charging towards the wall.
“You can stand all you want, Tegoshi, but you’ll never beat that twisting somersault I just did, ne!” Yamapi hoots, from the sidelines. “This tie will be broken today!”
Ryo jumps out of the way again and decides that they obviously don’t need him here for this.
*****
No one says anything when, the following week, during another photo shoot, Yamapi and Tegoshi wordlessly pair off to play a challenge match of Chinese checkers amidst the various game props set up for them at the studio. They call it a match of wits or something, which is kind of ridiculous considering how average someone has to be to grasp the incredibly complex processes behind a game people usually stop playing after they hit the age of twelve.
They certainly seem into it either way though.
“It’s about you, but suddenly not about you at all,” Massu theorizes to Ryo solemnly while they are watching the intense match, full of staring contests, invasions of personal space, and blatant disregard for the photographer who is trying to get a “cute” shot of them playing together.
Ryo glares at Massu and feels strangely indignant at the younger idol’s innocent assessment. “What makes you say that?”
Massu gestures to Yamapi, who has a hand on the back of Tegoshi’s neck as they stare at each other and whatever complicated stylings are happening on the board in front of them. In turn, Tegoshi has his free hand resting on top of Yamapi’s forearm, tapping the fingers absently against the inside of the older idol’s elbow as he thinks carefully about his next move. “They’re not even looking at you,” Massu says, reasonably.
Ryo scowls and flicks Massu in the forehead before storming off to go do his shoot with Koyama.
He thinks that if Yamapi and Tegoshi are going to fight over him, they might as well do it by paying attention to him.
When everyone gets called away for the group shot, Ryo sneaks away early and messes up their game before it’s done.
*****
One evening, Tegoshi posts on his twitter and Yamapi posts on his nikki about how they spent the day in a marathon running competition but didn’t get to finish because they both got kicked out of the gym at closing time. In the end they apparently went to have a yakiniku eating competition together afterwards instead (which no one won either because they got too drunk to keep proper score). Feeling strangely gypped about the whole thing when he reads about the encounter, Ryo writes on his twitter the following morning about how he had a rare and totally free night last night but apparently no one loved him enough to want to call him up and ask him to do anything with them.
Shige private messages him by phone a little while after his tweet goes up, with an incredulous exclamation of, “Oh my god, are you JEALOUS?!” complete with that little emoticon one uses for surprised shouting that means Shige is not amused so much as incredulous and making his why are all the puppies dead and rainbows don’t exist face.
Ryo deletes the text message without responding.
*****
By the time Tegoshi and Yamapi are having kissing contests to see who would have a technique Ryo would like more-in the middle of the hallways- Shige takes Ryo aside, red-faced, and tells him, plainly, “You need to put an end to this!”
Ryo glares at Tegoshi and Yamapi as they take a moment to comment on ratio of tongue-to-teeth that they think a tsundere like Ryo would like.
“It’s getting ridiculous,” Shige continues to harp, even while the hypocrite is flushed like some sort of virgin that’s having way too much fun in her first a nightclub. “And you know it will only escalate if…”
It is at this point Ryo realizes he has two problems. One is that Tegoshi and Yamapi sure are getting cozy over this so-called competition over who loves him the most. That has to stop.
The other problem is Shige, who talks too much.
Ryo attempts to solve both by grabbing Shige by the collar and yanking the taller idol down for a kiss, right in the middle of the hallway.
When they pull apart a few second later, Shige looks dazed. Ryo just licks his lips and looks smug, because that definitely got Tegoshi and Yamapi’s attention, and maybe now they will remember that loving someone means looking at them and not letting strange wannabe photographers make out with them in hallways for no good reason.
He releases Shige and saunters towards the bathroom.
Shige shouts, “Not better!” after him.
Ryo is pretty sure it is.
*****
It’s not.
Shige is right after all (which is annoying on so many levels).
When Ryo gets back to the meeting room after the lunch break-they’re apparently supposed to go through a list of ten potential songs and pick a single as well as 2-3 B-side tracks this afternoon- Tegoshi and Yamapi are sitting on either side of Shige on the couch, giving the former law student twin thoughtful expressions.
Ryo hopes this means they’re fighting over him for real now and not just flirting with each other like awkward middle-schoolers on summer vacation at the beach. Their first task is to neutralize the annoying Shige threat.
But then, instead of neutralizing anything, Tegoshi grabs Shige’s face in both of his hands and kisses him, right there on the couch. Shige sputters and tries to pull away while Yamapi watches intently.
When Tegoshi pulls back, Shige is bright red to the tips of his ears and looking equal parts breathless and incredulous.
Neither Pi or Tegoshi seem to notice. “Was it like that, Shige?” Yamapi asks, while Tegoshi smacks his lips together thoughtfully as he mentally assesses his own performance. “Or did Ryo-chan use more teeth, like this?”
Ryo arghs as Yamapi moves to try out his technique on Shige next.
Beside him by the door, Koyama sighs and hands Ryo a cup of tea. “Those two are even more competitive than usual,” he murmurs.
“Oh my god, why?!” Shige demands, when Yamapi is through with him a few seconds later. He scrubs viciously at his mouth with the back of his hand, looking flushed and slightly glassy-eyed, his hair mussed and shirt askew from coming face-to-face with some of their group leader’s most advanced techniques.
He turns and sees Ryo across the room and gives him a look that blatantly says, “Fix this,” with his eyes.
Ryo frowns, drinks his tea, and thinks that that is exactly what he is going to do.
*****
Ryo comes up with an even more brilliant solution that night; not one that helps Shige or anything of course, but one that will bring the focus back on him because he thinks this train had gotten derailed a long time ago and it’s time for Brilliant Conductor Nishikido to put it back on schedule like a fucking hero.
“Right now my favorite person is Akanishi,” he says randomly during a K8 interview that ends with his more loudmouthed group hissing degrading things about him and his family and his life choices as a result. Someone throws a pillow at his head. Ryo grins and presses on. “Even when he’s in America he invites me out to hang out at night. It’s impossible, but even thinking of someone while they’re so far away is kind of amazing, isn’t it? Especially when you realize that sometimes, the people right next to you don’t even spare you a thought.”
That’s the point where he get tackled by the rest of Eito, mostly because they have no idea what he’s talking about and whenever that happens their first instinct is to hit the confusing things until they go away.
Ryo takes kind of a beating from there, his wallet gets stolen, and he’s pretty sure someone licks the inside of his forearm during the fray, but in the end, he figures it will be worth it.
He is wrong.
Again.
*****
“He’s not even here,” Yamapi reminds Ryo the next time they see each other and Ryo very casually brings up his new favorite person in the world all over again. “How can you have a contest with someone who isn’t here? That’s not fair to anyone.”
Tegoshi nods in thoughtful agreement. “That’s not even a challenge at all.”
Ryo sputters. “That’s what this is about?!” he exclaims in righteous indignation. “The competition?”
Both of them nod at him like that should be obvious.
“Plus, Akanishi-kun didn’t say anything about loving you back, so he’s not a challenger at all,” Tegoshi chirps absently, tone saying that he thinks his words should be a great comfort to Ryo as he squirms deliberately in Yamapi’s lap in what is apparently a very elaborate game of Gay Chicken that no one (or everyone, depending on how you look at it) is currently winning. “You can’t make someone compete when they don’t want to, ne.”
Ryo stares at Tegoshi’s rolling hips and Yamapi’s large hands on Tegoshi’s rolling hips and eventually growls, “Well, I’m pretty sure you morons are doing it wrong.”
It sounds suspiciously like a complaint. Maybe even a whine.
Which neither of them notice, because they are too busy being competitive dickbags. “Ha, told you your hips should be less rolly and more thrusty, Tegoshi!” Yamapi crows victoriously, and interprets Ryo’s complaints in the most wrong way possible. “Ryo-chan thinks you’re wrong, so now I’m winning!”
“I think he’s talking about your hands, leader,” Tegoshi answers breathily. “They’re too rigid, ne.”
“I’ll show you rigid, you brat!”
“Bring it on! I can take all sorts of rigidness, ne.”
“Oh my God, how is this our group?” Shige sighs forlornly from the corner he is standing next to Koyama in. Koyama wordlessly nods in agreement while staring at Tegoshi’s rolling hips and Yamapi’s large hands on Tegoshi’s rolling hips like he knows he should be looking somewhere else but can’t really muster up the faculty of mind to do it.
Ryo eventually snaps his mouth closed in resignation and goes to hang out in the hallway with anyone that is not in NEWS.
He is not sulking.
Which is what he tells Koyama when the oldest member comes out and gives him some snacks and an encouraging smile.
Ryo takes them both and thinks that at that moment, Koyama is his new favorite person in the world.
*****
“We need to fix this before they start a stripper competition and Nishikido-kun goes to drown his sorrows with real strippers and causes a scandal,” Shige says clinically when Koyama comes back into the room a moment later, keeping his voice low while Tegoshi and Yamapi continue to grind determinedly together on the couch in their ridiculous “Ryo-chan will like this technique better!” game. Shige has to snap his fingers in front of Massu’s face repeatedly to get the older idol’s attention off of this game.
“How?” Koyama whispers back, and eyes the couch furtively.
“Well, obviously, we have to find a way to end the contest,” Shige says, and sounds vague and lawyerly.
“Eh, so someone just has to win, right?” Koyama offers. “Then it’s over?”
Shige shakes his head. “With those two, if one of them wins, the other will just keep challenging the winner until they win and then the whole cycle will repeat itself again,” he sighs. “Then we really can’t be a group.”
Koyama wrings his hands. “Maybe…we can get them to compete over something else?”
Shige snorts. “I don’t see how that helps. There still has to be a winner and a loser in that case, and I think if they compete over something that isn’t Nishikido-kun, he’ll just get mad at everyone.”
Between Shige and Koyama, Massu furrows his brow thoughtfully. “Why does there have to be a loser in this competition?” he asks.
Shige gives him this sideways look. “Because that’s how competitions work,” he says, with surprising patience at so obvious a question.
Massu shrugs. “But sometimes competitions have more than one winner, right? Like the lottery where all those people won with the same numbers and had to split the prize at the end. I saw it on TV.”
Koyama puts a hand on Massu’s shoulder. “Massu, people and lotteries aren’t the same thing, ne. You can’t just split Ryo-chan in half and give half to Tegoshi and half to Yamapi. First of all, Eito will be mad that they didn’t get any, and second, Ryo-chan can’t dance if he’s cut in half.” Pause. “Plus, that’s still a tie, isn’t it? Isn’t that how we got here in the first place?”
He looks to Shige for confirmation.
Which Shige doesn’t give him, because he’s busy thinking thinky thoughts.
“Massu, you’re an accidental genius,” Shige exclaims, after a beat.
Massu frowns. “I don’t know why you have to add the accidental part…” he complains, but Shige doesn’t hear him, because the gears in his very well-oiled brain are whirring at a very fast pace now.
“Shige?” Koyama asks, when the former law student gets this gleam of triumph in his eye.
“I think I know how everyone can win. Us included,” Shige declares.
“I don’t want to be in this competition,” Massu pipes up.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Koyama adds.
Shige grins. “What’s the difference between a tie and having two first place winners?” he asks.
Koyama is bewildered. “Nothing?”
Shige’s grin broadens and turns smug. “The difference is one involves the word winner. And there’s a huge difference between tying someone and winning with someone. What we need is to create a fake loser that they both get to defeat together!”
Koyama and Massu look at each other and shrug.
Shige is too busy scheming to notice.
*****
Shige sidles up to Tegoshi and Yamapi a few minutes later, doing his best to ignore the way Yamapi’s larger bulk is currently pinning Tegoshi’s writhing one to the couch as they breathe into each other’s air and murmur ridiculous things like, “Ah, you can’t…ngh…beat…me!” against each other’s lips because they’re so close their mouths end up brushing with each word they say.
“So,” Shige starts, and tries not to stare, “you guys definitely won this one for NEWS, right?” he says conversationally.
Tegoshi and Yamapi pause in their couch frotting to stare at him, cheek-to-cheek, crotch-to-crotch. “Hmmm?” they both say, very articulately.
Shige flushes and chooses to focus on the coffee table instead of on them. “Well, with the two of you obviously being the best winning team as to who loves Nishikido-kun the most, there’s definitely no way anyone else has a chance, right?”
Confusion flitters across their competition-addled brains. “Huh?”
Shige plays it cool. “Koyama and I were just thinking, since it’s you two who both love Nishikido-kun more than anyone, this definitely means team NEWS will be victorious if anyone else challenges you two for the title, right?”
They seem to consider this. “Of course,” Yamapi answers after a moment. “I don’t want anyone to defeat NEWS.”
“Me too!” Tegoshi agrees amiably, fingers ghosting absently at the patch of skin between Yamapi’s shirt and Yamapi’s jeans that got exposed with the former rode up and the latter rode down during their previous activities.
Shige swallows. “Well. Yeah. So. Your teamwork is unbeatable. NEWS as a whole is undefeatable in its love for Nishikido-kun. No one, not KAT-TUN, or Eito, or even those cute brats in Hey! Say! have a chance, no matter how hard they try. Since you’re both our champions now.”
“Yes!” Tegoshi and Yamapi cheer. “We won’t let anyone defeat us in that, ne.”
Shige manages to keep back a smirk before moving on to the last issue, which happens to be a sulking Nishikido Ryo in the hallway, who somehow feels left out of this ridiculous couch-humping action. Shige clears his throat. “Now, the only thing you both have to do is uh… is constantly remind Nishikido-kun that NEWS are his favorites,” he says, casually. “You don’t want him to forget and start thinking about uh… KAT-TUN or something again, right?”
Tegoshi and Yamapi’s brows both furrow in tandem. “Right,” they say, and that determined, fiery glint in their eyes is almost as visible now as it would be if they were in a training montage in a shounen manga.
Shige hems and haws for a few more seconds after that, hoping that they will get what he is implying. When they obviously don’t (they’re too busy talking about how they’ll both fight to the death to keep Nishikido-kun in love with NEWS or something), Shige finally loses his patience and points directly to the door. “I THINK NISHIKIDO-KUN NEEDS A REMINDER RIGHT NOW, HE SURE SEEMS SAD!” the former law student shouts at the top of his lungs, loud enough to startle Koyama into jumping into Massu’s arms.
Tegoshi frowns. “Ryo-kun is sad?”
“That’s not okay,” Yamapi agrees. “That means we’re losing.”
“Just go,” Shige pleads.
The two of them-apparently not happy to see Shige sad either- obediently get up off the couch and head out the door en force.
A second later, Ryo’s surprised yelp from the hallway and the sound of the supply closet down the corridor slamming shut signal proof of Shige’s victory.
He does not yet know it is a Pyrrhic one.
*****
“Jesus Christ,” Shige exclaims the next time NEWS is brought together for work.
It’s really all that can be said about the matter as he stares at the tableau on the couch in front of him, Ryo sucking absently on Tegoshi’s neck as the youngest member drapes himself over Ryo like a blanket while Yamapi serves as some kind of human equivalent of one of those mattresses with a Magic Fingers vibration function built in.
“At least they’re happy,” Koyama says comfortingly, just a touch of longing in his voice as he watches their groupmates crawl all over each other like a bunch of newborn puppies. Except you know, nowhere near as cute or innocent.
“Some of us are here to work!” Shige protests loudly after about five minutes of just watching, his strangled exclamations earning a lazy, sideways look from Ryo through his lashes as the older idol slides one of his hands down the back of Tegoshi’s loose jeans.
“Member-ai is also part of the job, Shige,” Tegoshi and Yamapi remind him more kindly, as they nuzzle one another over Ryo’s shoulder.
Koyama sighs again, a little forlornly.
“Don’t even start,” Shige tells him.
When Ryo sticks his other hand down the front of Yamapi’s pants, Shige sighs and drags Koyama out of the room so they can wait together in the hallway for Massu (to warn him).
*****
In Ryo’s next round of interviews for the winter magazines, he makes a very important decision. This results in what will later be dubbed The Other Interview, complete with appropriate capitalization and telling italics.
The section of major import from The Other Interview reads as follows:
Q: Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, name the first person who comes to mind when you think of love and tell us why you love them.
A: Shige. Because he could use it. <3
END
Universe: JE/NEWS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: PixRyo, TegoxRyo, RyoTegoPi, brief RyoxShige, TegoxShige, PixShige (though mostly Shige, Koyama, and Massu sit on the sidelines giving their support or being put out, take your pick)
Spoilers/Warnings: Crack? LOL
Word Count: 5,470
Summary: Ryo accidentally makes a competition. Tegoshi and Yamapi both hate to lose.
Dedication: pinch hit for reiicharu and the newsficcon 2011 exchange! Forgive me for being out of practice; I hope this is still entertaining in some form or another! Special thanks to mousapelli for brainstorming with me and encouraging me.
A/N: This feels like getting back onto a horse I fell off of a year ago. LOL Original post here
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
When it comes right down to it, there are two distinct titles over Ryo’s affections that two different members of his group currently hold claim over. The way Ryo loves each of them are similar in some ways, but in others, very different. Kind of like how red and pink stem from the same base but in the end, are actually two unique colors all on their own. Kind of like how his groupmates are themselves.
Yamapi, naturally, holds the current title of person in Johnny’s Ryo has loved thelongest.
In contrast, Tegoshi has the distinction of being the person in Johnny’s Ryo has loved the hardest.
Neither of them is made aware of these titles for a very long time, mostly because Ryo doesn’t really talk about it (or love in general, because it makes him blush and want to punch things). Ignorance is bliss that way.
But then there is The Interview. It requires capitalization when being referenced because it is the catalyst that changes everything all of a sudden, even though no one involved with The Interview had meant to change anything at all by it when it occurred. To be fair, the questions seem innocuous and routine on paper, and so Ryo answers them in a thoughtless rush between jobs, not knowing what fury he is about to unleash on the jimusho and on NEWS in particular.
For reference, the pertinent part of his submission looks like this:
Q: Who in NEWS do you love most?
A: Myself! Oh, I have to say someone else? Well, that’s hard to say. Right now, Yamapi and Tegoshi are tied, maybe. Because yesterday, Pi bought me lunch, and Tegoshi because I haven’t seen him in months. You better not forget me, Tegoshi! *angry face* As long as I love him, it’s impossible for him to forget me, right? *laugh*
He doesn’t think any more about it after he submits that paper to his manager because he has a TV show to film with his other group that afternoon, and new dance moves to learn, and a movie script to read through because he might be up for the lead role.
The Interview gets printed-like all of their interviews-promptly and with lots of cute photos, three months later.
And then, without rhyme or reason, Ryo’s world explodes.
*****
Yamapi and Tegoshi are competitive. Everyone in NEWS is aware of this, has been since the group’s somewhat rocky inception. Yamapi wants to be the best at everything. Incidentally, he loves Ryo quite a bit.
Like Yamapi, Tegoshi hates to lose. Also like Yamapi, Tegoshi loves Ryo with as much of his harmlessly self-centered heart that he can.
Ryo-however unwittingly-creates the contest that stirs up the competitive juices in each of these young men with his answers in The Interview three months prior. Yamapi and Tegoshi, given their personalities, read The Interview with all the guileless interest of the supportive group members they are, and from there, promptly answer the call of the perceived challenge they see on its pages without any hesitation or doubt that they will come out the ultimate victor in the battle to claim the spoils that are apparently Ryo.
In their innocent, incredibly competitive hearts, a tie is simply something that must be broken, in order to find the contest’s true winner. That is just the nature of a competitive person’s way of thinking.
Which Ryo learns of when he arrives at a photo shoot somewhat late and a little harried, only to find that the crosstalk pairings are in chaos because Tegoshi, fearless and apropos to nothing, had stormed into the room five minutes earlier- chin high, shoulders squared, eyes level- and declared that by the end of the week, the tie would be broken, and Ryo would love him best.
Yamapi, sitting in makeup at the time, had looked back at the youngest member-eyes fiery, shoulders straight, chin turned upward-and answered, “I accept your challenge, Tegoshi!” with admirable levelness.
Neither of them had had gloves to throw on the ground, but Yamapi had leaned over and grabbed Shige’s fashionable neckerchief and tossed it on the ground instead. And then he’d stomped on it.
“Hey!” Shige had yelled, presumably more to the gods that constantly defied his attempts at being dignified than at Yamapi.
Tegoshi in kind, had reached to the dressing table to his right, where Koyama had been watching the events with disapprobation, and ended up with a handful of Koyama’s watch. He too, threw it to the floor and stomped on it.
“Sigh,” Koyama had sighed, and had long ago stopped complaining to the gods about the things that happened to him (and his stuff) whenever Tegoshi was in a defiant mood.
Seemingly satisfied that the potential challenge issued had officially become the current challenge at hand, Tegoshi had then spun on his heel and settled into his hair and makeup chair. Yamapi returned to his.
And this is where Ryo steps into the room- not expecting any of this, mind- right in time to hear them both declare, confidently, “Today I want to do my crosstalk with Ryo!”
And that, presumably, is when the most ridiculous battle in NEWS’s history abruptly begins.
*****
In the interest of leaving on time for the day, Ryo and Shige get put together in the crosstalk, which ends up working out because neither Tegoshi or Yamapi can call it a win or a loss so much as an act of Shige when it happens.
Really, the only one who loses in the end is Ryo, because he has to look at Shige’s stupid judgmental face and listen to his stupid judgmental questions for the whole afternoon.
To prove Ryo absolutely right on that fact, he hears Shige hiss an accusatory, “What did you do?” at the older idol without so much as a by-your-leave in the middle of the photoshoot, the taller NEWS member forcing the words out around a fake smile and three layers of makeup attempting to hide the last vestiges of his ridiculous summer tan.
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Ryo murmurs back through the clenched teeth of his own fake smile, as four layers of his makeup attempt to hide the last vestiges of his ridiculous filming schedule.
“The Interview,” Shige informs him, not helpfully at all.
“I’m not like you, Shige,” Ryo responds, as the bulbs and flashes go off around them and temporarily blind them. “I do like eight of those a month. You’ll have to be more specific.”
Shige glares with his eyes while still smiling at the camera with his mouth. “The Interview,” he repeats, two times more slowly and about fifty billion times more condescendingly, “where you told them they were tied.”
Ryo blinks.
“Oh shit,” he says, when he gets it.
“Yeah, oh shit,” Shige responds.
The photographer tells them to hug.
They hug and quietly snipe at each other about how the fuck they are going to fix this before blood is shed.
None of the staff notice anything amiss at all.
At the very least, NEWS is professional where it counts.
*****
“Oh my god,” Ryo says the next morning, when a basket of relaxing soaps and fruity-smelling lotions are delivered to his door, complete with a custom balloon that reads, “I love Ryo’s drama!” on it.
He sighs and puts the basket down near the entryway to his apartment and starts to open the envelope of the card to see who this monstrosity is from.
While he is in the middle of wrangling the card open the doorbell rings again. He frowns and opens it thinking maybe the delivery guy from just now had forgotten something.
But no. It is a brand new delivery guy, now holding what looks to be a steaming bouquet of various and sundry kushikatsu.
Ryo sighs and takes the bouquet and now knows exactly who sent him what.
He calls Yamapi first, to yell at him about the impracticality of a bouquet of deep fried, skewered meat.
He calls Tegoshi after that, to yell at him about how he does not have a vagina, despite what people might think after watching his drama with the dog.
Yamapi and Tegoshi confer their experiences to each other shortly thereafter via e-mail and declare this round yet another tie.
That night, Ryo takes a lavender scented bath and eats deep fried pork on a stick while watching a few episodes of the Supernatural anime on late night TV.
*****
A week later, at a meeting with management, Ryo asks if they can have a five minute break so he can get a drink, because he is parched.
Yamapi and Tegoshi both volunteer to get him a drink at exactly the same time.
He only needs the one though, and they seem to know it, because after that, they both look thoughtful. After a beat, Tegoshi looks at Yamapi and says, “We have five minutes ne. Whoever can go to the farthest place from here to get Ryo-kun a drink in that time limit obviously loves him more.”
Yamapi considers this. “Deal,” he says, before Ryo can call either of them unattractive names.
They take off like shots for the door after that, before anyone else can remind them that there is a perfectly serviceable vending machine on the first floor of the jimusho.
The sound of their feet stomping on the tile in their haste to get to the elevator (which they will have to share anyway) follows them out, leaving behind Ryo, Koyama, Shige, Massu, and a couple of very confused staffers.
“Ha, ha,” Koyama intones nervously. “Isn’t the member-ai great?”
“Jesus Christ,” Shige mutters, and rests his head on the table.
Meanwhile, Ryo makes Massu give him change for the vending machine and goes to get his own effing drink. It takes him two minutes and costs him (Massu) 200 yen.
Yamapi and Tegoshi turn up 4.5 minutes later sweating like crazy and each holding a bottle of Itoen Oolong Tea a piece.
“I ran four blocks South to the Lawson’s to get this!” Yamapi declares, and slams the bottle down on the table in front of Ryo, apparently squeezing it hard enough in his excitement that the cap pops off and tea drenches Ryo’s lap.
“I ran to the 7-11 four blocks east of here to get this!” Tegoshi answers in dismay, and exhaustedly drops his bottle on the table so that it rolls off the edge and hits Ryo in the foot when he isn’t looking.
“Damn!” They both declare, when they realize this.
“There is only a finite distance you can run in such a short time, and an even more finite number of places where you can buy drinks in that radius, you idiots!” Shige shouts at them, but no one is listening to him.
“Tie,” Yamapi and Tegoshi conclude eventually, and go back to take their seats.
Ryo drips.
Koyama hands him a handkerchief.
*****
When Ryo arrives to a meeting about a possible single release early next year, he finds Yamapi and Tegoshi sitting quietly amongst themselves in the meeting room, both apparently immersed in whatever is happening on each of their Nintendo DSi and not on warring with each other at all. It is a huge relief.
“Thank fucking god,” Ryo mutters when he sees them like that, normal and quiet and not making life awful for everyone. “It’s about time you two morons got over yourselves.”
But then Yamapi-apparently not having heard Ryo at all- jumps up from his seat and pumps his fist at Tegoshi, his eyes bright with enthusiastic triumph. “Ha!” he shouts, “Your Butterfree fainted!” Then he turns to Ryo, grinning broadly. “Ryo-chan, get ready for my unbeatable love, ne!”
Tegoshi frowns from the other side of the room and pushes a few buttons rapidly on his Nintendo. “We’re not done yet, Leader!” he counters. “I’m bringing out Jigglypuff! This pokebattle is not over, ne!”
Yamapi’s triumph fades immediately. “Oi, Tegoshi! That stupid thing isn’t killable!” he protests. “Unfair!”
“Tell that to your Charizard, Leader!” Tegoshi snipes in response, and the two turn to glare at each other again before going back to staring deliberately at their game screens.
“Goddammit,” Ryo mutters, and goes to wait in another part of the jimusho in the hopes that saner people will arrive for this meeting sometime soon.
*****
“Ryo-chan, out of the way!” Yamapi shouts, as he comes barreling down the hallway at Ryo on a rolling chair presumably stolen from one of the offices.
Ryo jumps to the side just in time to watch Yamapi do a last minute, action hero style bail out from the chair as it slams into the wall behind Ryo.
A smattering of applause happens from the sidelines, and when Ryo drifts back out into the hall and looks to his left, he sees three tiny juniors sitting all in a row, holding up cards that read 10, 9.5, and 8 respectively.
Yamapi pops to his feet and checks out his scores with a frown. “An 8, Shimizu-kun? Really?”
The tiniest junior just shrugs like he barely knows what numbers even are.
Yamapi sighs and goes to gather up the chair. “Tegoshi!” he calls down the hall, irately. “Your turn!”
Ryo stares as Tegoshi comes barreling down the hall next, standing surfboard style on his rolling chair.
“Ryo-kun, get out of the way!” Tegoshi yells hotly, as he comes charging towards the wall.
“You can stand all you want, Tegoshi, but you’ll never beat that twisting somersault I just did, ne!” Yamapi hoots, from the sidelines. “This tie will be broken today!”
Ryo jumps out of the way again and decides that they obviously don’t need him here for this.
*****
No one says anything when, the following week, during another photo shoot, Yamapi and Tegoshi wordlessly pair off to play a challenge match of Chinese checkers amidst the various game props set up for them at the studio. They call it a match of wits or something, which is kind of ridiculous considering how average someone has to be to grasp the incredibly complex processes behind a game people usually stop playing after they hit the age of twelve.
They certainly seem into it either way though.
“It’s about you, but suddenly not about you at all,” Massu theorizes to Ryo solemnly while they are watching the intense match, full of staring contests, invasions of personal space, and blatant disregard for the photographer who is trying to get a “cute” shot of them playing together.
Ryo glares at Massu and feels strangely indignant at the younger idol’s innocent assessment. “What makes you say that?”
Massu gestures to Yamapi, who has a hand on the back of Tegoshi’s neck as they stare at each other and whatever complicated stylings are happening on the board in front of them. In turn, Tegoshi has his free hand resting on top of Yamapi’s forearm, tapping the fingers absently against the inside of the older idol’s elbow as he thinks carefully about his next move. “They’re not even looking at you,” Massu says, reasonably.
Ryo scowls and flicks Massu in the forehead before storming off to go do his shoot with Koyama.
He thinks that if Yamapi and Tegoshi are going to fight over him, they might as well do it by paying attention to him.
When everyone gets called away for the group shot, Ryo sneaks away early and messes up their game before it’s done.
*****
One evening, Tegoshi posts on his twitter and Yamapi posts on his nikki about how they spent the day in a marathon running competition but didn’t get to finish because they both got kicked out of the gym at closing time. In the end they apparently went to have a yakiniku eating competition together afterwards instead (which no one won either because they got too drunk to keep proper score). Feeling strangely gypped about the whole thing when he reads about the encounter, Ryo writes on his twitter the following morning about how he had a rare and totally free night last night but apparently no one loved him enough to want to call him up and ask him to do anything with them.
Shige private messages him by phone a little while after his tweet goes up, with an incredulous exclamation of, “Oh my god, are you JEALOUS?!” complete with that little emoticon one uses for surprised shouting that means Shige is not amused so much as incredulous and making his why are all the puppies dead and rainbows don’t exist face.
Ryo deletes the text message without responding.
*****
By the time Tegoshi and Yamapi are having kissing contests to see who would have a technique Ryo would like more-in the middle of the hallways- Shige takes Ryo aside, red-faced, and tells him, plainly, “You need to put an end to this!”
Ryo glares at Tegoshi and Yamapi as they take a moment to comment on ratio of tongue-to-teeth that they think a tsundere like Ryo would like.
“It’s getting ridiculous,” Shige continues to harp, even while the hypocrite is flushed like some sort of virgin that’s having way too much fun in her first a nightclub. “And you know it will only escalate if…”
It is at this point Ryo realizes he has two problems. One is that Tegoshi and Yamapi sure are getting cozy over this so-called competition over who loves him the most. That has to stop.
The other problem is Shige, who talks too much.
Ryo attempts to solve both by grabbing Shige by the collar and yanking the taller idol down for a kiss, right in the middle of the hallway.
When they pull apart a few second later, Shige looks dazed. Ryo just licks his lips and looks smug, because that definitely got Tegoshi and Yamapi’s attention, and maybe now they will remember that loving someone means looking at them and not letting strange wannabe photographers make out with them in hallways for no good reason.
He releases Shige and saunters towards the bathroom.
Shige shouts, “Not better!” after him.
Ryo is pretty sure it is.
*****
It’s not.
Shige is right after all (which is annoying on so many levels).
When Ryo gets back to the meeting room after the lunch break-they’re apparently supposed to go through a list of ten potential songs and pick a single as well as 2-3 B-side tracks this afternoon- Tegoshi and Yamapi are sitting on either side of Shige on the couch, giving the former law student twin thoughtful expressions.
Ryo hopes this means they’re fighting over him for real now and not just flirting with each other like awkward middle-schoolers on summer vacation at the beach. Their first task is to neutralize the annoying Shige threat.
But then, instead of neutralizing anything, Tegoshi grabs Shige’s face in both of his hands and kisses him, right there on the couch. Shige sputters and tries to pull away while Yamapi watches intently.
When Tegoshi pulls back, Shige is bright red to the tips of his ears and looking equal parts breathless and incredulous.
Neither Pi or Tegoshi seem to notice. “Was it like that, Shige?” Yamapi asks, while Tegoshi smacks his lips together thoughtfully as he mentally assesses his own performance. “Or did Ryo-chan use more teeth, like this?”
Ryo arghs as Yamapi moves to try out his technique on Shige next.
Beside him by the door, Koyama sighs and hands Ryo a cup of tea. “Those two are even more competitive than usual,” he murmurs.
“Oh my god, why?!” Shige demands, when Yamapi is through with him a few seconds later. He scrubs viciously at his mouth with the back of his hand, looking flushed and slightly glassy-eyed, his hair mussed and shirt askew from coming face-to-face with some of their group leader’s most advanced techniques.
He turns and sees Ryo across the room and gives him a look that blatantly says, “Fix this,” with his eyes.
Ryo frowns, drinks his tea, and thinks that that is exactly what he is going to do.
*****
Ryo comes up with an even more brilliant solution that night; not one that helps Shige or anything of course, but one that will bring the focus back on him because he thinks this train had gotten derailed a long time ago and it’s time for Brilliant Conductor Nishikido to put it back on schedule like a fucking hero.
“Right now my favorite person is Akanishi,” he says randomly during a K8 interview that ends with his more loudmouthed group hissing degrading things about him and his family and his life choices as a result. Someone throws a pillow at his head. Ryo grins and presses on. “Even when he’s in America he invites me out to hang out at night. It’s impossible, but even thinking of someone while they’re so far away is kind of amazing, isn’t it? Especially when you realize that sometimes, the people right next to you don’t even spare you a thought.”
That’s the point where he get tackled by the rest of Eito, mostly because they have no idea what he’s talking about and whenever that happens their first instinct is to hit the confusing things until they go away.
Ryo takes kind of a beating from there, his wallet gets stolen, and he’s pretty sure someone licks the inside of his forearm during the fray, but in the end, he figures it will be worth it.
He is wrong.
Again.
*****
“He’s not even here,” Yamapi reminds Ryo the next time they see each other and Ryo very casually brings up his new favorite person in the world all over again. “How can you have a contest with someone who isn’t here? That’s not fair to anyone.”
Tegoshi nods in thoughtful agreement. “That’s not even a challenge at all.”
Ryo sputters. “That’s what this is about?!” he exclaims in righteous indignation. “The competition?”
Both of them nod at him like that should be obvious.
“Plus, Akanishi-kun didn’t say anything about loving you back, so he’s not a challenger at all,” Tegoshi chirps absently, tone saying that he thinks his words should be a great comfort to Ryo as he squirms deliberately in Yamapi’s lap in what is apparently a very elaborate game of Gay Chicken that no one (or everyone, depending on how you look at it) is currently winning. “You can’t make someone compete when they don’t want to, ne.”
Ryo stares at Tegoshi’s rolling hips and Yamapi’s large hands on Tegoshi’s rolling hips and eventually growls, “Well, I’m pretty sure you morons are doing it wrong.”
It sounds suspiciously like a complaint. Maybe even a whine.
Which neither of them notice, because they are too busy being competitive dickbags. “Ha, told you your hips should be less rolly and more thrusty, Tegoshi!” Yamapi crows victoriously, and interprets Ryo’s complaints in the most wrong way possible. “Ryo-chan thinks you’re wrong, so now I’m winning!”
“I think he’s talking about your hands, leader,” Tegoshi answers breathily. “They’re too rigid, ne.”
“I’ll show you rigid, you brat!”
“Bring it on! I can take all sorts of rigidness, ne.”
“Oh my God, how is this our group?” Shige sighs forlornly from the corner he is standing next to Koyama in. Koyama wordlessly nods in agreement while staring at Tegoshi’s rolling hips and Yamapi’s large hands on Tegoshi’s rolling hips like he knows he should be looking somewhere else but can’t really muster up the faculty of mind to do it.
Ryo eventually snaps his mouth closed in resignation and goes to hang out in the hallway with anyone that is not in NEWS.
He is not sulking.
Which is what he tells Koyama when the oldest member comes out and gives him some snacks and an encouraging smile.
Ryo takes them both and thinks that at that moment, Koyama is his new favorite person in the world.
*****
“We need to fix this before they start a stripper competition and Nishikido-kun goes to drown his sorrows with real strippers and causes a scandal,” Shige says clinically when Koyama comes back into the room a moment later, keeping his voice low while Tegoshi and Yamapi continue to grind determinedly together on the couch in their ridiculous “Ryo-chan will like this technique better!” game. Shige has to snap his fingers in front of Massu’s face repeatedly to get the older idol’s attention off of this game.
“How?” Koyama whispers back, and eyes the couch furtively.
“Well, obviously, we have to find a way to end the contest,” Shige says, and sounds vague and lawyerly.
“Eh, so someone just has to win, right?” Koyama offers. “Then it’s over?”
Shige shakes his head. “With those two, if one of them wins, the other will just keep challenging the winner until they win and then the whole cycle will repeat itself again,” he sighs. “Then we really can’t be a group.”
Koyama wrings his hands. “Maybe…we can get them to compete over something else?”
Shige snorts. “I don’t see how that helps. There still has to be a winner and a loser in that case, and I think if they compete over something that isn’t Nishikido-kun, he’ll just get mad at everyone.”
Between Shige and Koyama, Massu furrows his brow thoughtfully. “Why does there have to be a loser in this competition?” he asks.
Shige gives him this sideways look. “Because that’s how competitions work,” he says, with surprising patience at so obvious a question.
Massu shrugs. “But sometimes competitions have more than one winner, right? Like the lottery where all those people won with the same numbers and had to split the prize at the end. I saw it on TV.”
Koyama puts a hand on Massu’s shoulder. “Massu, people and lotteries aren’t the same thing, ne. You can’t just split Ryo-chan in half and give half to Tegoshi and half to Yamapi. First of all, Eito will be mad that they didn’t get any, and second, Ryo-chan can’t dance if he’s cut in half.” Pause. “Plus, that’s still a tie, isn’t it? Isn’t that how we got here in the first place?”
He looks to Shige for confirmation.
Which Shige doesn’t give him, because he’s busy thinking thinky thoughts.
“Massu, you’re an accidental genius,” Shige exclaims, after a beat.
Massu frowns. “I don’t know why you have to add the accidental part…” he complains, but Shige doesn’t hear him, because the gears in his very well-oiled brain are whirring at a very fast pace now.
“Shige?” Koyama asks, when the former law student gets this gleam of triumph in his eye.
“I think I know how everyone can win. Us included,” Shige declares.
“I don’t want to be in this competition,” Massu pipes up.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Koyama adds.
Shige grins. “What’s the difference between a tie and having two first place winners?” he asks.
Koyama is bewildered. “Nothing?”
Shige’s grin broadens and turns smug. “The difference is one involves the word winner. And there’s a huge difference between tying someone and winning with someone. What we need is to create a fake loser that they both get to defeat together!”
Koyama and Massu look at each other and shrug.
Shige is too busy scheming to notice.
*****
Shige sidles up to Tegoshi and Yamapi a few minutes later, doing his best to ignore the way Yamapi’s larger bulk is currently pinning Tegoshi’s writhing one to the couch as they breathe into each other’s air and murmur ridiculous things like, “Ah, you can’t…ngh…beat…me!” against each other’s lips because they’re so close their mouths end up brushing with each word they say.
“So,” Shige starts, and tries not to stare, “you guys definitely won this one for NEWS, right?” he says conversationally.
Tegoshi and Yamapi pause in their couch frotting to stare at him, cheek-to-cheek, crotch-to-crotch. “Hmmm?” they both say, very articulately.
Shige flushes and chooses to focus on the coffee table instead of on them. “Well, with the two of you obviously being the best winning team as to who loves Nishikido-kun the most, there’s definitely no way anyone else has a chance, right?”
Confusion flitters across their competition-addled brains. “Huh?”
Shige plays it cool. “Koyama and I were just thinking, since it’s you two who both love Nishikido-kun more than anyone, this definitely means team NEWS will be victorious if anyone else challenges you two for the title, right?”
They seem to consider this. “Of course,” Yamapi answers after a moment. “I don’t want anyone to defeat NEWS.”
“Me too!” Tegoshi agrees amiably, fingers ghosting absently at the patch of skin between Yamapi’s shirt and Yamapi’s jeans that got exposed with the former rode up and the latter rode down during their previous activities.
Shige swallows. “Well. Yeah. So. Your teamwork is unbeatable. NEWS as a whole is undefeatable in its love for Nishikido-kun. No one, not KAT-TUN, or Eito, or even those cute brats in Hey! Say! have a chance, no matter how hard they try. Since you’re both our champions now.”
“Yes!” Tegoshi and Yamapi cheer. “We won’t let anyone defeat us in that, ne.”
Shige manages to keep back a smirk before moving on to the last issue, which happens to be a sulking Nishikido Ryo in the hallway, who somehow feels left out of this ridiculous couch-humping action. Shige clears his throat. “Now, the only thing you both have to do is uh… is constantly remind Nishikido-kun that NEWS are his favorites,” he says, casually. “You don’t want him to forget and start thinking about uh… KAT-TUN or something again, right?”
Tegoshi and Yamapi’s brows both furrow in tandem. “Right,” they say, and that determined, fiery glint in their eyes is almost as visible now as it would be if they were in a training montage in a shounen manga.
Shige hems and haws for a few more seconds after that, hoping that they will get what he is implying. When they obviously don’t (they’re too busy talking about how they’ll both fight to the death to keep Nishikido-kun in love with NEWS or something), Shige finally loses his patience and points directly to the door. “I THINK NISHIKIDO-KUN NEEDS A REMINDER RIGHT NOW, HE SURE SEEMS SAD!” the former law student shouts at the top of his lungs, loud enough to startle Koyama into jumping into Massu’s arms.
Tegoshi frowns. “Ryo-kun is sad?”
“That’s not okay,” Yamapi agrees. “That means we’re losing.”
“Just go,” Shige pleads.
The two of them-apparently not happy to see Shige sad either- obediently get up off the couch and head out the door en force.
A second later, Ryo’s surprised yelp from the hallway and the sound of the supply closet down the corridor slamming shut signal proof of Shige’s victory.
He does not yet know it is a Pyrrhic one.
*****
“Jesus Christ,” Shige exclaims the next time NEWS is brought together for work.
It’s really all that can be said about the matter as he stares at the tableau on the couch in front of him, Ryo sucking absently on Tegoshi’s neck as the youngest member drapes himself over Ryo like a blanket while Yamapi serves as some kind of human equivalent of one of those mattresses with a Magic Fingers vibration function built in.
“At least they’re happy,” Koyama says comfortingly, just a touch of longing in his voice as he watches their groupmates crawl all over each other like a bunch of newborn puppies. Except you know, nowhere near as cute or innocent.
“Some of us are here to work!” Shige protests loudly after about five minutes of just watching, his strangled exclamations earning a lazy, sideways look from Ryo through his lashes as the older idol slides one of his hands down the back of Tegoshi’s loose jeans.
“Member-ai is also part of the job, Shige,” Tegoshi and Yamapi remind him more kindly, as they nuzzle one another over Ryo’s shoulder.
Koyama sighs again, a little forlornly.
“Don’t even start,” Shige tells him.
When Ryo sticks his other hand down the front of Yamapi’s pants, Shige sighs and drags Koyama out of the room so they can wait together in the hallway for Massu (to warn him).
*****
In Ryo’s next round of interviews for the winter magazines, he makes a very important decision. This results in what will later be dubbed The Other Interview, complete with appropriate capitalization and telling italics.
The section of major import from The Other Interview reads as follows:
Q: Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, name the first person who comes to mind when you think of love and tell us why you love them.
A: Shige. Because he could use it. <3
END