Supernatural- "The Seaweed is Always Greener"
Title: The Seaweed Is Always Greener
Universe: SPN
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: pre DeanxCas vibage. Sam gets lapdances. Evil ones.
Spoilers/Warnings: Crack.
Word Count: 1300
Summary: The Little Mermaid was obviously evil since being a Winchester means all childhood is ruined forever.
Dedication: For my comment fic battle with mclachlan! One must expect some failures when we practice remembering how to write shorter fic. LOL
A/N: If I’d started this without having the goal of keeping it to comment fic it probably would have been 10k. What is wrong with me.
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
"So you're telling me," Dean realizes darkly, glaring at Sam over the pages and pages of research gathered on their motel room table, "that Ariel was really a slimy, green, soul-eating bitch." He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest indignantly. "Thanks for making my childhood even worse, man."
"I don't know who Ariel is," Castiel points out from where he's sitting beside Dean, arms also crossed and vaguely disapproving as he goes over the images of their possible suspects from the strip club's website. Dean knows that face. That face means he suspects all the strippers of being man eating harpies or something.
"Disney's interpretation of the story wasn't exactly accurate, Dean," Sam snipes back in the meantime, ignoring Cas's inability to grasp pop culture like a pro and grabbing the printouts from his brother to put back into a neat little pile. "Look, just, when we find her, try not to let her put you in thrall with her dancing, okay?" he lectures, like Dean can't control himself around hot chicks or something. "Other than that, it shouldn't be too hard to gank her."
Dean stands and pockets the special knife Bobby had overnighted to them once they figured out the problem. Apparently it cost the dude his beard to get, so they might as well use it. "Yeah, whatever. Dream ruiner."
Sam rolls his eyes and ignores the fact that his brother is butthurt over mermaids being soul-eating sea witches and not hot nubile young princesses who just want some princely loving after all.
From there, the brothers and ex-angel head out to the strip club to gank their (admittedly) beautiful MotW.
~~~~~
It turns out that the MotW is plural this week and that the strip club is actually homebase for a mermaid family of 10 and their sea-witch mother, which, in retrospect, is kind of the perfect way to operate if your only goal in life is seducing drunk, lonely men into promising you the gift of an eternal bond of some sort before kissing them and draining out their souls through their faces. It is, Dean realizes, not unlike making a deal with a crossroads demon, except at least the crossroad demons aren't total cockteases about giving you something in return first.
Anyway.
They find out about the plural bit when a really smokin' blonde in a white, feathery bikini getup gives Sam a complimentary lap dance in the private room they rent out, simply because she likes his face. Sam wants to protest because he's like that, but before he can, blondie is writhing and undulating and Sam is gaping and sitting down while what Dean suspects is their evil mermaid puts Sam in her thrall.
Meanwhile, a cute brunette offers to keep Dean company while his brother is busy, and while she is hot and very flexible, Dean can still recite this morning's Sports Center stats in his head while she wiggles on top of him, so clearly that is not a thrall.
Cas would be proud of him for his ability to resist if he were in the room with them, but as it is, he's hanging out by the bar keeping an eye on some of the other suspects just in case.
Anyway, after about five minutes of lap dancing goodness, Dean sees blondie's lips abruptly swoop in for the kill on his little brother, who seems to have degenerated into a wide-eyed, drooling mess between her thighs in the interim. Sam nearly ends up losing his soul from true un-love's kiss in the process. Again.
Dean wonders why the kid can't seem to keep a hold of it; do they need to tie it around his wrist like he's a two year old at Disneyland with his first Mickey-shaped balloon or something? Jesus Christ.
Clearly un-enthralled, Dean ends up jumping to his feet and stabbing the bitch in the kidneys with the knife before any sucking of any kind can really happen, private room or no. In so doing, he ends up knocking the cute brunette off his lap and onto the floor, but promises he'll apologize later with an amazing tip.
After that, there's a shriek and a pop when the knife slides in to mermaid flesh, and from there, blondie explodes into a giant pile of seafoam all over Sam, which has Sam shaking his head and coming back into himself just in time for him to realize that he's covered in what is essentially mermaid guts. The second thing he realizes is that he needs to warn his brother about how there's more than one mermaid, because the brunette on the ground is suddenly looking a little green-tinged around the gills and shrieking for backup at the sight of her dead sister in a pitch that makes Dean's ears ring.
And this is, really, kind of just the way their Winchester lives go, so Dean can't even be surprised as the rest of the mer-family comes running in to help, ready to throw down in the name of blondie and soul-eating.
Cas joins them shortly thereafter, clearly also un-enthralled and incredibly unimpressed. There is hacking and slashing and a lot of hair pulling (on Sam's part anyway), but eventually the massacre is handled and the remaining thralls are broken, leaving a bunch of really confused dudes to wake up in the middle of an empty strip club in the aftermath of what seems to have been one hell of a rocking foam party.
Dean spends the entire car ride back to the motel gloating to Sam about how he always seems ready to fall for a pretty, evil face.
Cas looks put out that there is foam all over his coat.
~~~~~
Dean forgets about the incident entirely after ten good hours of sleep, but Sam won't let it go. "I don't see how you didn't fall for her thrall," he says as they eat breakfast the following morning. "It was...really convincing."
Dean shrugs and smirks. "Don't worry Sammy, you and all those civies fell under it together. I'm just special, is all. The most badass of badass hunters."
Sam scowls at him over his oatmeal.
"It is not unheard of," Cas adds from Dean's immediate left, sounding more soothing about it than Dean by a billion. "The story you related to me about the mythology of the mermaids stated that the prince the mermaid had set her eyes on refused to marry her out of love for another."
Sam blinks. "Yeah but..."
But then he trails off abruptly, before he can finish the thought that was undoubtedly full of whining. The look on his face changes completely too, and Dean knows that look, that look means his giant freak brain has made some kind of weird connection that no one else will get until he explains it like the huge nerd he is.
And then, just like that, Sam seems a lot less indignant about his failings earlier and a lot more smirky about something else, for lack of a better word. Dean is not sure he likes where this is going.
"Sam?" he prompts. "Want to share with the class?"
Sam grins back and looks between Dean and Cas, whose shoulders are touching in the cramped space of the booth. Dean only realizes it when Sam is looking at it as intently as he is, and sheepishly, he slides away, so that he's hanging a little bit into the aisle, off the side of the booth.
"Nope," Sam says after a minute, completely at peace, and turns back to his breakfast with the intent of letting the issue drop entirely. "Pass the syrup."
Dean scowls and passes the syrup.
Cas pats Dean's arm and steals his scrambled eggs.
END
Universe: SPN
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: pre DeanxCas vibage. Sam gets lapdances. Evil ones.
Spoilers/Warnings: Crack.
Word Count: 1300
Summary: The Little Mermaid was obviously evil since being a Winchester means all childhood is ruined forever.
Dedication: For my comment fic battle with mclachlan! One must expect some failures when we practice remembering how to write shorter fic. LOL
A/N: If I’d started this without having the goal of keeping it to comment fic it probably would have been 10k. What is wrong with me.
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
"So you're telling me," Dean realizes darkly, glaring at Sam over the pages and pages of research gathered on their motel room table, "that Ariel was really a slimy, green, soul-eating bitch." He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest indignantly. "Thanks for making my childhood even worse, man."
"I don't know who Ariel is," Castiel points out from where he's sitting beside Dean, arms also crossed and vaguely disapproving as he goes over the images of their possible suspects from the strip club's website. Dean knows that face. That face means he suspects all the strippers of being man eating harpies or something.
"Disney's interpretation of the story wasn't exactly accurate, Dean," Sam snipes back in the meantime, ignoring Cas's inability to grasp pop culture like a pro and grabbing the printouts from his brother to put back into a neat little pile. "Look, just, when we find her, try not to let her put you in thrall with her dancing, okay?" he lectures, like Dean can't control himself around hot chicks or something. "Other than that, it shouldn't be too hard to gank her."
Dean stands and pockets the special knife Bobby had overnighted to them once they figured out the problem. Apparently it cost the dude his beard to get, so they might as well use it. "Yeah, whatever. Dream ruiner."
Sam rolls his eyes and ignores the fact that his brother is butthurt over mermaids being soul-eating sea witches and not hot nubile young princesses who just want some princely loving after all.
From there, the brothers and ex-angel head out to the strip club to gank their (admittedly) beautiful MotW.
~~~~~
It turns out that the MotW is plural this week and that the strip club is actually homebase for a mermaid family of 10 and their sea-witch mother, which, in retrospect, is kind of the perfect way to operate if your only goal in life is seducing drunk, lonely men into promising you the gift of an eternal bond of some sort before kissing them and draining out their souls through their faces. It is, Dean realizes, not unlike making a deal with a crossroads demon, except at least the crossroad demons aren't total cockteases about giving you something in return first.
Anyway.
They find out about the plural bit when a really smokin' blonde in a white, feathery bikini getup gives Sam a complimentary lap dance in the private room they rent out, simply because she likes his face. Sam wants to protest because he's like that, but before he can, blondie is writhing and undulating and Sam is gaping and sitting down while what Dean suspects is their evil mermaid puts Sam in her thrall.
Meanwhile, a cute brunette offers to keep Dean company while his brother is busy, and while she is hot and very flexible, Dean can still recite this morning's Sports Center stats in his head while she wiggles on top of him, so clearly that is not a thrall.
Cas would be proud of him for his ability to resist if he were in the room with them, but as it is, he's hanging out by the bar keeping an eye on some of the other suspects just in case.
Anyway, after about five minutes of lap dancing goodness, Dean sees blondie's lips abruptly swoop in for the kill on his little brother, who seems to have degenerated into a wide-eyed, drooling mess between her thighs in the interim. Sam nearly ends up losing his soul from true un-love's kiss in the process. Again.
Dean wonders why the kid can't seem to keep a hold of it; do they need to tie it around his wrist like he's a two year old at Disneyland with his first Mickey-shaped balloon or something? Jesus Christ.
Clearly un-enthralled, Dean ends up jumping to his feet and stabbing the bitch in the kidneys with the knife before any sucking of any kind can really happen, private room or no. In so doing, he ends up knocking the cute brunette off his lap and onto the floor, but promises he'll apologize later with an amazing tip.
After that, there's a shriek and a pop when the knife slides in to mermaid flesh, and from there, blondie explodes into a giant pile of seafoam all over Sam, which has Sam shaking his head and coming back into himself just in time for him to realize that he's covered in what is essentially mermaid guts. The second thing he realizes is that he needs to warn his brother about how there's more than one mermaid, because the brunette on the ground is suddenly looking a little green-tinged around the gills and shrieking for backup at the sight of her dead sister in a pitch that makes Dean's ears ring.
And this is, really, kind of just the way their Winchester lives go, so Dean can't even be surprised as the rest of the mer-family comes running in to help, ready to throw down in the name of blondie and soul-eating.
Cas joins them shortly thereafter, clearly also un-enthralled and incredibly unimpressed. There is hacking and slashing and a lot of hair pulling (on Sam's part anyway), but eventually the massacre is handled and the remaining thralls are broken, leaving a bunch of really confused dudes to wake up in the middle of an empty strip club in the aftermath of what seems to have been one hell of a rocking foam party.
Dean spends the entire car ride back to the motel gloating to Sam about how he always seems ready to fall for a pretty, evil face.
Cas looks put out that there is foam all over his coat.
~~~~~
Dean forgets about the incident entirely after ten good hours of sleep, but Sam won't let it go. "I don't see how you didn't fall for her thrall," he says as they eat breakfast the following morning. "It was...really convincing."
Dean shrugs and smirks. "Don't worry Sammy, you and all those civies fell under it together. I'm just special, is all. The most badass of badass hunters."
Sam scowls at him over his oatmeal.
"It is not unheard of," Cas adds from Dean's immediate left, sounding more soothing about it than Dean by a billion. "The story you related to me about the mythology of the mermaids stated that the prince the mermaid had set her eyes on refused to marry her out of love for another."
Sam blinks. "Yeah but..."
But then he trails off abruptly, before he can finish the thought that was undoubtedly full of whining. The look on his face changes completely too, and Dean knows that look, that look means his giant freak brain has made some kind of weird connection that no one else will get until he explains it like the huge nerd he is.
And then, just like that, Sam seems a lot less indignant about his failings earlier and a lot more smirky about something else, for lack of a better word. Dean is not sure he likes where this is going.
"Sam?" he prompts. "Want to share with the class?"
Sam grins back and looks between Dean and Cas, whose shoulders are touching in the cramped space of the booth. Dean only realizes it when Sam is looking at it as intently as he is, and sheepishly, he slides away, so that he's hanging a little bit into the aisle, off the side of the booth.
"Nope," Sam says after a minute, completely at peace, and turns back to his breakfast with the intent of letting the issue drop entirely. "Pass the syrup."
Dean scowls and passes the syrup.
Cas pats Dean's arm and steals his scrambled eggs.
END