i'm not saying it's perfect because honestly i got lost on some parts due to the lengthy words (i have to re-read is slowly to fully get what you were trying to say) but the intricacies speak of how much effort and love you've put into this story. i was so engrossed with the story i don't mind re-reading it over and over. characterization was as always spot on!
if i have to pick my fave, it would be the sinbad reference. shige's story was heart warming. the last story between KT & NEWS would also do. poor KT! NEWS spoiling their pranks war contest without actually meaning to and shige being the logical one and going along with the rest of them. ryo is lucky to have them.
i wonder if when did ryo knew it's all made - up... i bet he had his suspicions after the 2nd story and it was confirmed when Shige told them the yakuza experience. evil ryo is always awesome.
Uhmm, i'm not sure but is this an edit?
“Thus it’s only Tegoshi out with these glamorous rock stars for the night, and they take him to dinner and to karaoke and then later to the club, where the bouncers don’t check his idea..."
isn't it I.D?
hope you don't mind. looking forward to your future works...
I'm glad you saw it as love. For me, it was mostly lots of hate, self-loathing, and then being drugged out of my mind during recovery from oral surgery.
it could only be lovechibisensei0808February 3 2011, 08:16:45 UTC
of course, it's a work of love. the plot despite being lifted from classical lit, i bet was difficult to put together. only your love for NEWS can explain how much dedication and hardwork you've put into these stories.
btw, i spotted some edits i think when i re-read it this morning (coz i have nothing better to do and i often do it when i really like the pieces i've read)
1/8
"The PA does two of three... but he thought that the damaged one meant the less shiny one and the case was all fucked up too so naturally he just assumed that was the one that the stage manager had met (meant?)"
“... The fact that most of the staffers on the outlying edges also have the exact same look in their eyes speaks volumes about the sheer amount of terror Ryo’s black mood has caused today, as if Ryo had ordered them all publically (publicly?)..." ___________
4/8
"He’s young at the (that?)time, even younger than he’d been when he’d first gotten into Johnny’s, and as such all he has are wide-eyed, hopeful dreams about what the future holds for his ambitions of stardom..." .
“Hello?” Tegoshi calls out, hoping to get some answers. None come." (isn't "came" gramatically more appropriate?)
"As it turns out, the meeting is so that he can sing with a bright-eyed, round-cheeked boy naked Masuda-kun..." (LOL but isn't it named?) _________________
7/8
“Yeah, a dance!” Yamapi shouts, throwing his hands up in the air. Shige (Yamapi? or some word missing in between) very obviously hadn’t been able to control his alcohol intake for the night."
Sorry for the long comment & the trouble, i think that my OC can't help but notice it.
i'm not saying it's perfect because honestly i got lost on some parts due to the lengthy words (i have to re-read is slowly to fully get what you were trying to say) but the intricacies speak of how much effort and love you've put into this story. i was so engrossed with the story i don't mind re-reading it over and over. characterization was as always spot on!
if i have to pick my fave, it would be the sinbad reference. shige's story was heart warming. the last story between KT & NEWS would also do. poor KT! NEWS spoiling their pranks war contest without actually meaning to and shige being the logical one and going along with the rest of them. ryo is lucky to have them.
i wonder if when did ryo knew it's all made - up... i bet he had his suspicions after the 2nd story and it was confirmed when Shige told them the yakuza experience. evil ryo is always awesome.
Uhmm, i'm not sure but is this an edit?
“Thus it’s only Tegoshi out with these glamorous rock stars for the night, and they take him to dinner and to karaoke and then later to the club, where the bouncers don’t check his idea..."
isn't it I.D?
hope you don't mind. looking forward to your future works...
Reply
Thanks for the edit!
Reply
btw, i spotted some edits i think when i re-read it this morning (coz i have nothing better to do and i often do it when i really like the pieces i've read)
1/8
"The PA does two of three... but he thought that the damaged one meant the less shiny one and the case was all fucked up too so naturally he just assumed that was the one that the stage manager had met (meant?)"
“... The fact that most of the staffers on the outlying edges also have the exact same look in their eyes speaks volumes about the sheer amount of terror Ryo’s black mood has caused today, as if Ryo had ordered them all publically (publicly?)..."
___________
4/8
"He’s young at the (that?)time, even younger than he’d been when he’d first gotten into Johnny’s, and as such all he has are wide-eyed, hopeful dreams about what the future holds for his ambitions of stardom..." .
“Hello?” Tegoshi calls out, hoping to get some answers. None come." (isn't "came" gramatically more appropriate?)
"As it turns out, the meeting is so that he can sing with a bright-eyed, round-cheeked boy naked Masuda-kun..." (LOL but isn't it named?)
_________________
7/8
“Yeah, a dance!” Yamapi shouts, throwing his hands up in the air. Shige (Yamapi? or some word missing in between) very obviously hadn’t been able to control his alcohol intake for the night."
Sorry for the long comment & the trouble, i think that my OC can't help but notice it.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment