JE/NEWS- "Going Viral"
Title: Going Viral
Universe: NEWS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13 for Ryo BAMFING
Character/Pairing/s: Koyama, Ryo, member-ai
Spoilers: Any similarities to events in real life will be denied and are NOYB.
Word Count: 1,765
Summary: Koyama is sad by mean people. Ryo is a winner.
Dedication: For mousapelli and musikologie who are heroes.
A/N: Okay I finished my nano count early today and I will study my math all evening tonight. Also, I still totally owe people fic for buying Crowne Royale, so that is definitely next on my list okay. Those of you who still need to make your requests, please do!
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
Ryo is already in kind of a bad mood when the day begins because he’d gotten yelled at the night before by his sister, after he’d spent fifteen minutes on the phone with his nephew explaining how not everyone in his preschool class is a winner because then winning wouldn’t freaking mean anything. Sometimes there have to be losers to show you who the real winners are; it’s just a fact of life. Apparently the kid’s moron teacher has been trying to tell her class that they all win at everything anyway, and is bent on drilling the message into their tiny heads day in and day out, obviously in the hopes of making them turn into as mindless and robotic an adult as she must be. And while Ryo acknowledges that his nephew is totally boss as far as small children go, he's also kind of pissed over having to clarify that just because his nephew’s friend Keisuke eats paste well it does not mean that he is also a winner. It means that Keisuke is special, but not in a good way, and when Ryo had moved to explain what that kind of special is, Ryo’s pissed off sister had stepped in, yelled at him for making out and out retard jokes to her five year old, and hung up without another word.
So it is now early Monday morning and Ryo’s week is already not going all that well. He kind of hopes work today will be a little bit better than last night’s fiasco purely on the basis that he’ll be spending the entire working period with people who don’t mind being the losers to his winner, but then he walks into the studio for the NEWS DWANGO CM shoot and sees Koyama sitting at the dressing room table, staring at his mobile phone with his knees tucked up against his chest and looking like he’s about to burst into tears at any moment now.
And these aren’t the kind of happy, touched tears Koyama cries when he watches family reunion shows imported from Korea either. These are the kind of tears Ryo remembers seeing only once before, back when they’d had to apologize to the country on TV for Kusano and Uchi’s dumbass mistakes and Koyama had been so terrified that the world was falling to pieces around him he could barely keep his eyes dry for weeks.
It’s the kind of Koyama-sadness that makes Ryo want to kill things and then enlist Tegoshi to help him distract the authorities with cute poses while he hides the bodies afterwards.
It means that today probably won’t go as well as he’d hoped either.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ryo snaps at Koyama abruptly, when he can’t take it anymore. He ends up startling the older boy so badly he almost tips out of his chair.
Ryo manages to catch the back of the seat with his hand to steady it before Koyama has a nasty spill, the shorter idol narrowly managing to dodge his groupmate’s long, gangly limbs in the meantime, as they flail everywhere in surprise.
“Ryo-chan,” Koyama exclaims eventually, when he’s regained his bearings and his balance again. He clutches his hands-and his phone- over his heart. “Er…good morning! You really snuck up on me, ne.” He laughs, awkwardly.
Ryo scowls. “I said,” he repeats, slower and through slightly clenched teeth, “what the hell is wrong with you?”
Koyama forces a smile. And you can always tell when Koyama is forcing a smile, because he is such a fucking awful actor sometimes that Ryo can’t even stand it. “Nothing!” Koyama outright lies in the meantime, and Ryo is thisclose to grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking.
Koyama meeps at the look on Ryo’s face and closes in on himself a little bit more, which is just ridiculous because the idiot is tall and thin and has arms and legs that go on for fucking forever, which means that he should never actually succeed in looking small. “I was just um, I was just reading some comments about my tweets for the stage play,” the older idol explains after a moment, carefully.
Ryo flicks him in the forehead. “That was not what I asked, again. What. Is. Wrong.”
Koyama flinches, rubbing sorely at the red spot beginning to blossom on his forehead now. “It’s nothing, really. I mean, I um, I think I offended some people, ne. But it was an accident, so I’m sure it will blow over?”
In Ryo’s worldview, the only way Koyama is even remotely offensive is when he tries too hard to keep everyone happy. In some of Ryo’s fantasies, he imagines that one day, Koyama will do a complete one-eighty and go so far as to snap at an incompetent PA or rant at an obnoxious fan or flip off one of the many drivers that like to cut him off on the freeway just because he insists on driving at the speed limit. It is a far off and implausible fantasy, Ryo knows, but a guy’s got to dream.
Koyama deflates a little more in his chair. “I mean, because my character is one of those otaku-like bloggers, I wrote about how I wanted to emphasize some of his characteristics more in the stageplay than I did in the drama.”
Ryo has no idea what the fuck is going on. “And?”
Koyama shrugs, shoulders slumped forward with sadness. “Someone commented that I was being insensitive and insulting to bloggers for assuming that they’re all the same and are out to cause misery or trouble for others.” He scuffs at the tabletop helplessly, like a kid who is being lectured by his parents for being naughty even though he has no idea how he was naughty in the first place. “But I didn’t mean everyone, just this one character I was playing. Now this person who has an online blog wants me to apologize and is calling me all sorts of names on his website and telling his readers to boycott NEWS. I tried to explain myself but now he’s just ignoring me and saying mean stuff about Johnny’s being socially irresponsible.”
Ryo can’t believe this shit. How do they live in a society that has nothing better to do than breed a bunch of idiotic mouth-breathers who sit at home all day complaining about things and thinking they know better than everyone else. This is why the economy is tanking around the world. Mass stupidity infects the working aged youth.
Worst of all, this is clearly making Koyama look really fucking sad.
“Gimme,” Ryo says to him, after a beat.
Koyama blinks. “Eh?”
Ryo motions to Koyama’s phone. “Gimme.”
Koyama stares at him with wide eyes, and Ryo can read the thoughts scrolling across his groupmate’s face like they’re one of those lighted Vegas signs on the strip, except advertising uncertainty and confusion instead of titty bars and all-you-can-eat. “Um, Ryo-chan…” Koyama begins, sounding reluctant, “You don’t have to…”
Ryo rolls his eyes and grabs the phone himself while Koyama is still mid-sentence. He carries it over to the couch, plops down without a word, and starts reading.
Koyama scrambles anxiously to his side. “Ryo-chan, it’s really not a big deal, ne. Let’ ju…”
Ryo doesn’t look away from the screen, but puts his hand up so that his palm covers most of Koyama’s face. “Shut it,” he says, and begins wading through a particularly long and wanky conversation about how the guy who is trolling Koyama “doesn’t understand why so many women in the country are crazy over these no-brain, arrogant idols on TV with fake personalities and no sense of social accountability.”
The response is something along the lines of “because these chicks don’t know any better,” followed by, “Japanese girls are stupid, that’s why I only like hot foreigners.” It all seems like some hypocritical ass shit to say if these guys are so bent on being PC, but then again, when did the internet have to make sense? Ryo keeps going.
Fifteen minutes later, he finally gets to the end of the postings and, in his opinion, the real heart of the people behind them. Over the years he has decided that this is his job in NEWS, because someone needs to be willing to cut through the layers of bullshit in the world when the rest of his groupmates are too busy trying to be polite or accommodating or when they’re just too fucking nice not to notice that some ass monkey is being an idiot to them on purpose.
He finishes reading the last exchange on the blog site just as Tegoshi and Shige arrive to work, mumbling sleepily to the others that Massu and Yamapi will be late because their cars are stuck in a monster traffic jam after an accident on the freeway involving some douchebag trying to cut off a moving van that was driving at the speed limit. Koyama frets in worry about everyone on the freeway’s safety, douchebag included, which just figures, and Ryo manages to ignore them all as he starts to type out the response he feels is the most appropriate way to address these bloggers’ myriad emotional problems, the ones that obviously involve having to compensate for their tremendous sense of self-loathing by being sanctimonious pricks to everyone else.
Approximately ten seconds later, Koyama’s phone beeps as Ryo shuts it down; he tosses it back to its rightful owner with a yawn. “I’m taking a nap,” he announces. “Stupidity makes me tired.”
He curls up on the couch after that and closes his eyes without another word. Tegoshi and Shige look confused while Koyama hastily grabs his phone and turns it back on to see what Ryo posted and how many apologies he might have to utter to the general public thereafter.
There is only one message under the new posts; it is very short and reads:
“This is why no woman will ever sleep with any of you.- Nishikido Ryo”
The bloggers stop posting to the thread after that, and by lunch the entire conversation is mysteriously deleted. Koyama is super touched by the member-ai (as well as incredibly relieved by the fact that his grumpy-looking groupmate didn’t out and out threaten to rip anyone’s tonsils out their kidneys over the internet), and from his place stretched out on the dressing room couch, Ryo can’t help but think that this is the actual definition of what it means to be a real winner, motherfuckers.
END
OKAY STUDY TIMES.
Universe: NEWS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13 for Ryo BAMFING
Character/Pairing/s: Koyama, Ryo, member-ai
Spoilers: Any similarities to events in real life will be denied and are NOYB.
Word Count: 1,765
Summary: Koyama is sad by mean people. Ryo is a winner.
Dedication: For mousapelli and musikologie who are heroes.
A/N: Okay I finished my nano count early today and I will study my math all evening tonight. Also, I still totally owe people fic for buying Crowne Royale, so that is definitely next on my list okay. Those of you who still need to make your requests, please do!
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
Ryo is already in kind of a bad mood when the day begins because he’d gotten yelled at the night before by his sister, after he’d spent fifteen minutes on the phone with his nephew explaining how not everyone in his preschool class is a winner because then winning wouldn’t freaking mean anything. Sometimes there have to be losers to show you who the real winners are; it’s just a fact of life. Apparently the kid’s moron teacher has been trying to tell her class that they all win at everything anyway, and is bent on drilling the message into their tiny heads day in and day out, obviously in the hopes of making them turn into as mindless and robotic an adult as she must be. And while Ryo acknowledges that his nephew is totally boss as far as small children go, he's also kind of pissed over having to clarify that just because his nephew’s friend Keisuke eats paste well it does not mean that he is also a winner. It means that Keisuke is special, but not in a good way, and when Ryo had moved to explain what that kind of special is, Ryo’s pissed off sister had stepped in, yelled at him for making out and out retard jokes to her five year old, and hung up without another word.
So it is now early Monday morning and Ryo’s week is already not going all that well. He kind of hopes work today will be a little bit better than last night’s fiasco purely on the basis that he’ll be spending the entire working period with people who don’t mind being the losers to his winner, but then he walks into the studio for the NEWS DWANGO CM shoot and sees Koyama sitting at the dressing room table, staring at his mobile phone with his knees tucked up against his chest and looking like he’s about to burst into tears at any moment now.
And these aren’t the kind of happy, touched tears Koyama cries when he watches family reunion shows imported from Korea either. These are the kind of tears Ryo remembers seeing only once before, back when they’d had to apologize to the country on TV for Kusano and Uchi’s dumbass mistakes and Koyama had been so terrified that the world was falling to pieces around him he could barely keep his eyes dry for weeks.
It’s the kind of Koyama-sadness that makes Ryo want to kill things and then enlist Tegoshi to help him distract the authorities with cute poses while he hides the bodies afterwards.
It means that today probably won’t go as well as he’d hoped either.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ryo snaps at Koyama abruptly, when he can’t take it anymore. He ends up startling the older boy so badly he almost tips out of his chair.
Ryo manages to catch the back of the seat with his hand to steady it before Koyama has a nasty spill, the shorter idol narrowly managing to dodge his groupmate’s long, gangly limbs in the meantime, as they flail everywhere in surprise.
“Ryo-chan,” Koyama exclaims eventually, when he’s regained his bearings and his balance again. He clutches his hands-and his phone- over his heart. “Er…good morning! You really snuck up on me, ne.” He laughs, awkwardly.
Ryo scowls. “I said,” he repeats, slower and through slightly clenched teeth, “what the hell is wrong with you?”
Koyama forces a smile. And you can always tell when Koyama is forcing a smile, because he is such a fucking awful actor sometimes that Ryo can’t even stand it. “Nothing!” Koyama outright lies in the meantime, and Ryo is thisclose to grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking.
Koyama meeps at the look on Ryo’s face and closes in on himself a little bit more, which is just ridiculous because the idiot is tall and thin and has arms and legs that go on for fucking forever, which means that he should never actually succeed in looking small. “I was just um, I was just reading some comments about my tweets for the stage play,” the older idol explains after a moment, carefully.
Ryo flicks him in the forehead. “That was not what I asked, again. What. Is. Wrong.”
Koyama flinches, rubbing sorely at the red spot beginning to blossom on his forehead now. “It’s nothing, really. I mean, I um, I think I offended some people, ne. But it was an accident, so I’m sure it will blow over?”
In Ryo’s worldview, the only way Koyama is even remotely offensive is when he tries too hard to keep everyone happy. In some of Ryo’s fantasies, he imagines that one day, Koyama will do a complete one-eighty and go so far as to snap at an incompetent PA or rant at an obnoxious fan or flip off one of the many drivers that like to cut him off on the freeway just because he insists on driving at the speed limit. It is a far off and implausible fantasy, Ryo knows, but a guy’s got to dream.
Koyama deflates a little more in his chair. “I mean, because my character is one of those otaku-like bloggers, I wrote about how I wanted to emphasize some of his characteristics more in the stageplay than I did in the drama.”
Ryo has no idea what the fuck is going on. “And?”
Koyama shrugs, shoulders slumped forward with sadness. “Someone commented that I was being insensitive and insulting to bloggers for assuming that they’re all the same and are out to cause misery or trouble for others.” He scuffs at the tabletop helplessly, like a kid who is being lectured by his parents for being naughty even though he has no idea how he was naughty in the first place. “But I didn’t mean everyone, just this one character I was playing. Now this person who has an online blog wants me to apologize and is calling me all sorts of names on his website and telling his readers to boycott NEWS. I tried to explain myself but now he’s just ignoring me and saying mean stuff about Johnny’s being socially irresponsible.”
Ryo can’t believe this shit. How do they live in a society that has nothing better to do than breed a bunch of idiotic mouth-breathers who sit at home all day complaining about things and thinking they know better than everyone else. This is why the economy is tanking around the world. Mass stupidity infects the working aged youth.
Worst of all, this is clearly making Koyama look really fucking sad.
“Gimme,” Ryo says to him, after a beat.
Koyama blinks. “Eh?”
Ryo motions to Koyama’s phone. “Gimme.”
Koyama stares at him with wide eyes, and Ryo can read the thoughts scrolling across his groupmate’s face like they’re one of those lighted Vegas signs on the strip, except advertising uncertainty and confusion instead of titty bars and all-you-can-eat. “Um, Ryo-chan…” Koyama begins, sounding reluctant, “You don’t have to…”
Ryo rolls his eyes and grabs the phone himself while Koyama is still mid-sentence. He carries it over to the couch, plops down without a word, and starts reading.
Koyama scrambles anxiously to his side. “Ryo-chan, it’s really not a big deal, ne. Let’ ju…”
Ryo doesn’t look away from the screen, but puts his hand up so that his palm covers most of Koyama’s face. “Shut it,” he says, and begins wading through a particularly long and wanky conversation about how the guy who is trolling Koyama “doesn’t understand why so many women in the country are crazy over these no-brain, arrogant idols on TV with fake personalities and no sense of social accountability.”
The response is something along the lines of “because these chicks don’t know any better,” followed by, “Japanese girls are stupid, that’s why I only like hot foreigners.” It all seems like some hypocritical ass shit to say if these guys are so bent on being PC, but then again, when did the internet have to make sense? Ryo keeps going.
Fifteen minutes later, he finally gets to the end of the postings and, in his opinion, the real heart of the people behind them. Over the years he has decided that this is his job in NEWS, because someone needs to be willing to cut through the layers of bullshit in the world when the rest of his groupmates are too busy trying to be polite or accommodating or when they’re just too fucking nice not to notice that some ass monkey is being an idiot to them on purpose.
He finishes reading the last exchange on the blog site just as Tegoshi and Shige arrive to work, mumbling sleepily to the others that Massu and Yamapi will be late because their cars are stuck in a monster traffic jam after an accident on the freeway involving some douchebag trying to cut off a moving van that was driving at the speed limit. Koyama frets in worry about everyone on the freeway’s safety, douchebag included, which just figures, and Ryo manages to ignore them all as he starts to type out the response he feels is the most appropriate way to address these bloggers’ myriad emotional problems, the ones that obviously involve having to compensate for their tremendous sense of self-loathing by being sanctimonious pricks to everyone else.
Approximately ten seconds later, Koyama’s phone beeps as Ryo shuts it down; he tosses it back to its rightful owner with a yawn. “I’m taking a nap,” he announces. “Stupidity makes me tired.”
He curls up on the couch after that and closes his eyes without another word. Tegoshi and Shige look confused while Koyama hastily grabs his phone and turns it back on to see what Ryo posted and how many apologies he might have to utter to the general public thereafter.
There is only one message under the new posts; it is very short and reads:
“This is why no woman will ever sleep with any of you.- Nishikido Ryo”
The bloggers stop posting to the thread after that, and by lunch the entire conversation is mysteriously deleted. Koyama is super touched by the member-ai (as well as incredibly relieved by the fact that his grumpy-looking groupmate didn’t out and out threaten to rip anyone’s tonsils out their kidneys over the internet), and from his place stretched out on the dressing room couch, Ryo can’t help but think that this is the actual definition of what it means to be a real winner, motherfuckers.
END
OKAY STUDY TIMES.