JE/NEWS+SPN- "Live"
Title: Live
Universe: NEWS, SPN ( JE+SPN AU)
Theme/Topic: Angel!Pi fic
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NEWS (mention of Jin)
Warnings/Spoilers: Weirdness?
Word Count: 2,190
Summary: This human body is strange and the lines of it are not blurred so much as erased; it is as much his now as it is Tomohisa’s, they are one and the same.
Dedication: the first of mousapelli’s thank you fics! I probably owe you thank you fic for the rest of my life, no fake.
A/N: A companion piece to “All’s Chaos on the Eastern Front” that was supposed to be funny. But something happened and now it isn’t. IDK. The next one should be funnier. Not funny necessarily, but funnier.
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
In his new life as mostly-human, Yamapi finds that he is learning things all the time.
He never would have thought that the humans had so much to teach him, that as an angel of the Lord, there was so much missing from his ancient wealth of knowledge.
He hadn't known he was missing everything.
He knows now; he knows lots of things now that he didn’t, not in the eternity of his existence.
He knows want and like and dislike and need now, understands-in theory- things like have and desire, belief and doubt, love and hate.
Before, those things had all been meaningless to him; angels do not want, they do not like, they do not dislike, they do not need or desire or doubt or hate. They simply are, they simply exist, they simply serve and do as they are ordered and love as they are told.
Those days suddenly feel very far away.
Now, Yamapi finds he wants.
He wants and he likes and he dislikes and he needs and he hates. He’s laughed and he’s cried and he’s slept and dreamed and felt and tasted and smelled and touched.
And he has only just begun to scrape the surface.
This human body, this half-mortal life, is so full sometimes he feels he could burst. He-formerly a creature of infinite light and space and fathomless depth- sometimes feels like it is all too much, too fast, too wide and incomprehensible.
There is far too much to experience and catalogue and remember and enjoy on this earth and it makes him think again, that mankind is truly his Father’s most favored creation for all the opportunities, for all the joys they have been given.
It is a blessing for him to even know these first few things that he has learned. Yamapi marvels that there are still infinitely more experiences to be had.
Sometimes he stops in the middle of one of these new emotions or thoughts or sensations and goes wide-eyed with wonder when he feels it for the first time; he wants to pause everything and turn to his groupmates-his friends-and ask, “What is this? What does it mean?” even if it’s inappropriate or strange or unexpected to do so under the circumstances.
He wants so desperately, to know what it all means.
And it must show; he’s done it enough times lately that the other members don’t even wait for him to ask anymore. Now they just recognize that wondering look in his eye, that mixture of awe and confusion and whatever it is he’s feeling at the moment, that new, uncategorized sensation he’s having for the first time.
“Rage,” Shige grounds out by way of explanation today, hunkering down on the couch with his camera and glaring out of the corner of his eye at Tegoshi. “What you’re feeling right now is called rage.”
In the background, Tegoshi sings at the top of his lungs while he does his hair in the mirror and doesn’t notice when everyone else in the room turns half-hearted scowls at his back for all the unnecessary noise.
“Rage,” Yamapi murmurs, and wonders if that is what he is feeling or if what Shige is hoping he is feeling. There is tenseness in his jaw and small ache beginning at the back of his neck. His temples feel tight. “This is rage.”
Koyama laughs awkwardly. “Maybe more like irritation,” he clarifies for the prophet sagely, patiently. “I don’t think leader seems as angry as Shige is.”
Shige glares at his best friend.
“Hm,” Yamapi answers simply, brow furrowing in thought as he processes this new emotion. He is glad to have experienced it, but eventually, he decides that he doesn’t like it. “How do I make it stop?”
Shige points to Tegoshi. “Easy. Throttle him.”
Yamapi considers this as well. “Really?”
“NO!” Koyama shouts hastily, arms waving, eyes wide and looking in scandalized horror at Shige for misleading the former angel. “No throttling of groupmates!” The oldest member reaches out to smack Shige on the arm gently, but still in an act of clear warning. “He died for our sins, Shige!”
Shige is unconvinced. “If he keeps this up I might make him do it again.”
Yamapi snorts at that unexpectedly, a little puff of air that bursts through his nose without his permission. He looks bewildered again as he feels it escape through his nostrils.
A beat.
And then Koyama and Shige share a knowing look. “Amusement,” they both say to him, at the same time. The pair grins then, and Yamapi is left to think, not for the first time, that this new humanity is such a strange and confusing existence, to go from feeling something burning and unpleasant like rage at one instant and then switching-without warning-to something as warm and easy as this thing called amusement.
Koyama and Shige burst into conspirational giggles beside each other at whatever expression is currently on Yamapi’s face at the moment, and Yamapi feels his lips turn upward too in simple, automatic response.
In the background, Ryo finally lobs a wadded up piece of paper at the back of Tegoshi’s head and screams, “Jesus, will you shut up already?!”
Tegoshi blinks. “Sure, Ryo-kun, but I already told you that you don’t have to call me that, okay?”
The sound of Tegoshi’s simple, superior reprimand sends everyone on the couch into fresh gales of unexpected laughter. Yamapi lets the shaking comfort of the feeling envelope his whole body and relaxes, completely at peace again.
In the meantime, Tegoshi smiles secretly to himself in front of the mirror and finishes his hair.
~~~~~
Unexpectedly, Yamapi realizes that his face hurts.
Koyama’s looks like his does too.
“Joy!” Koyama whispers in explanation into his ear, voice full and sweet. It sounds like bells to Yamapi, like the glorious songs of the angels they once were but better somehow, closer. Yamapi reaches up and puts both hands on his cheeks with a sense of determined awe, carefully feeling how wide his smile is right now, discovering how this smile tightens the skin along his chin and jaw and makes his eyes scrunch up, narrowing his field of vision. His cheeks throb and feel tender at the same time; it is a strange, pleasant soreness. It is not something he would have ever associated with a word like joy.
Around them, the kittens of Nekobukuro mewl and play and fall all over themselves being adorable for the guests. Koyama bounces from foot to foot and holds both fists up to against his mouth to keep from squealing out loud when a tiny gray kitten lazily stumbles over to a snoozing white one and begins to halfheartedly gnaw on its ear.
“So cute!” Koyama squeaks anyway, and continues his strange dance from beside Yamapi, fists and all.
Yamapi is still smiling but not from looking at the kittens; Koyama is bouncing and bouncing and snapping photos with his cell phone between bouncing.
Ryo sulks nearby in the corner, arms crossed and rolling his eyes. “Oh my god you two are so embarrassing,” he mutters. Beside him, Tegoshi picks up a chubby calico and has a meaningful conversation with it, which just sends Koyama into another fit of photo-snapping and nonsensical blabbering.
Ryo stares at Tegoshi and the cat uncomfortably and turns bright pink around the ears.
Impossibly, Yamapi feels his smile get bigger somehow, threatening to split his face.
The ache is the most pleasant pain he’s ever felt.
~~~~~
“Satisfaction,” Massu says as he leans back and pats his stomach after the last piece of barbeque is eaten from the table. The waitress walks by again and finally turns the fire from their grill down, until it’s just a tiny blue glow at the bottom of the exhausted charcoals.
Yamapi opens his mouth to answer but burps instead and Massu’s answering smile lights up the room. “That means yes!” he says around a huff of laughter, before dragging the dessert menu towards him.
Yamapi finds himself reaching for his wallet in the meantime, trying to be sneaky with it for some inexplicable reason as Massu starts to peruse the sweets selection thoughtfully. Massu frowns and asks Yamapi if he’s ever had melon flavored ice cream; if not, would he like to try it today?
“I would like to try it,” Yamapi answers honestly, as his credit card slips silently from his hand and into the waitress’s on her next pass. He gives her an imploring look and she seems to understand; she smiles and ducks out of the private dining room without a word and Massu doesn’t even notice. Yamapi feels a little trill of pleasure at the accomplishment even though he isn’t sure why he feels the need for secrecy like this, but follows through with his instincts anyway (Koyama keeps telling him his instincts are good) while Massu is still busy weighing the merits of a strawberry and melon combination versus the more summery pineapple and melon duo.
The younger idol purses his lips very seriously. “The more types you get to try the better right?”
“Yes,” Yamapi agrees, eyes on Massu as he leans back and pats the part of chest over his heart in a way similar to what Massu had done just now with his stomach.
‘Satisfaction,’ he thinks, before telling Massu to just get both combinations.
Later, a sheepish Massu will also hand an uncomfortable Yamapi a bottle of thick pink medicine and say, “Indigestion.”
Yamapi will consider that part of the human condition one he could have done without knowing.
~~~~~
“Gratitude,” Tegoshi explains softly, squeezing his fingers around Yamapi’s as they stand on the stage as the curtains fall on their first concert.
The smiling faces of thousands of people wave at him, call his name, and it feels overwhelming somehow, more so than any concert before, when he had been too full of Grace to know what he was doing.
He blinks rapidly, feels moisture gathering in his eyes, and squeezes Tegoshi’s hand back. It all seems like too much to take in all at once. “Gratitude.”
Tegoshi laughs and they raise their hands over their heads together as they take one, final bow.
~~~~~
“What you’re feeling right now is lust,” Ryo whispers in low tones, close and hot against Yamapi’s ear one night, as Ryo leans tipsily against him at the bar. Yamapi easily braces Ryo’s weight against his shoulder and nods at the explanation, Ryo’s breath wetly tickling the side of his neck as Jin grinds on the dance floor with some pretty young thing, one with smiling eyes and a promising laugh and a soul that is bright around the edges, when Yamapi squints to see her.
“Lust is a sin,” Yamapi reminds Ryo after a moment, and Ryo laughs and orders more drinks as he rests his forehead against Pi’s shoulder blade with an amused huff.
“Good thing your dad’s forgiving then, right?” Ryo asks, as the bartender pours them more shots.
“Yes,” Yamapi answers, and holds his groupmate up higher, pressing his fingers into the curve of Ryo’s back reassuringly and finding solid warmth there, strong and easy and comfortable. Yamapi feels his shoulders relax at the touch, that rolling tightness in his stomach from before uncoiling lazily at the familiar feel of his friend leaning back into him. Ryo throws his shot back and pauses to look at Yamapi’s expression for a minute. He laughs, low in his throat, and clamps his hand onto Yamapi’s shoulder with a smile. “Don’t ever change,” he murmurs, voice slurred and full of promise.
“I am changing every day,” Pi informs him, perplexed.
More laughter then, and the hand on Yamapi’s shoulder squeezes gently. “Yeah, but even if you do, just stay you, okay?”
Yamapi nods. “I can’t be anyone else.” It makes sense.
Ryo passes out a little while later, and Yamapi dutifully carries him out of the club and calls them a cab.
After he’s done pulling Ryo’s shoes and socks off that night and putting him into his bed, Ryo groans and clutches Yamapi’s wrist as the former angel turns to go, half-asleep and still comfortably fuzzy from all the alcohol. “Thanks,” Ryo grunts, before his eyes flutter closed and he starts snoring softly again.
Yamapi feels something sharp and sweet curl deep across his gut at that moment, similar to how he’d felt watching Jin and his bright young thing on the dance floor earlier, but inexplicably different at the same time; he recognizes it, realizes that it’s a lot like the moment when he’d first noticed the brightness of Massu’s smile or the music in Tegoshi’s laughter, the gentleness in Koyama’s eyes, the fond edge to Shige’s words.
This is a feeling that is becoming readily identifiable to him as the days go on, even as its intensity never wanes. This is a human emotion he thinks he is beginning to understand well.
He pulls the blanket up a little higher around Ryo’s shoulders and lets himself bask in the sudden, familiar rush of love.
END
EDITS?
Universe: NEWS, SPN ( JE+SPN AU)
Theme/Topic: Angel!Pi fic
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NEWS (mention of Jin)
Warnings/Spoilers: Weirdness?
Word Count: 2,190
Summary: This human body is strange and the lines of it are not blurred so much as erased; it is as much his now as it is Tomohisa’s, they are one and the same.
Dedication: the first of mousapelli’s thank you fics! I probably owe you thank you fic for the rest of my life, no fake.
A/N: A companion piece to “All’s Chaos on the Eastern Front” that was supposed to be funny. But something happened and now it isn’t. IDK. The next one should be funnier. Not funny necessarily, but funnier.
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.
In his new life as mostly-human, Yamapi finds that he is learning things all the time.
He never would have thought that the humans had so much to teach him, that as an angel of the Lord, there was so much missing from his ancient wealth of knowledge.
He hadn't known he was missing everything.
He knows now; he knows lots of things now that he didn’t, not in the eternity of his existence.
He knows want and like and dislike and need now, understands-in theory- things like have and desire, belief and doubt, love and hate.
Before, those things had all been meaningless to him; angels do not want, they do not like, they do not dislike, they do not need or desire or doubt or hate. They simply are, they simply exist, they simply serve and do as they are ordered and love as they are told.
Those days suddenly feel very far away.
Now, Yamapi finds he wants.
He wants and he likes and he dislikes and he needs and he hates. He’s laughed and he’s cried and he’s slept and dreamed and felt and tasted and smelled and touched.
And he has only just begun to scrape the surface.
This human body, this half-mortal life, is so full sometimes he feels he could burst. He-formerly a creature of infinite light and space and fathomless depth- sometimes feels like it is all too much, too fast, too wide and incomprehensible.
There is far too much to experience and catalogue and remember and enjoy on this earth and it makes him think again, that mankind is truly his Father’s most favored creation for all the opportunities, for all the joys they have been given.
It is a blessing for him to even know these first few things that he has learned. Yamapi marvels that there are still infinitely more experiences to be had.
Sometimes he stops in the middle of one of these new emotions or thoughts or sensations and goes wide-eyed with wonder when he feels it for the first time; he wants to pause everything and turn to his groupmates-his friends-and ask, “What is this? What does it mean?” even if it’s inappropriate or strange or unexpected to do so under the circumstances.
He wants so desperately, to know what it all means.
And it must show; he’s done it enough times lately that the other members don’t even wait for him to ask anymore. Now they just recognize that wondering look in his eye, that mixture of awe and confusion and whatever it is he’s feeling at the moment, that new, uncategorized sensation he’s having for the first time.
“Rage,” Shige grounds out by way of explanation today, hunkering down on the couch with his camera and glaring out of the corner of his eye at Tegoshi. “What you’re feeling right now is called rage.”
In the background, Tegoshi sings at the top of his lungs while he does his hair in the mirror and doesn’t notice when everyone else in the room turns half-hearted scowls at his back for all the unnecessary noise.
“Rage,” Yamapi murmurs, and wonders if that is what he is feeling or if what Shige is hoping he is feeling. There is tenseness in his jaw and small ache beginning at the back of his neck. His temples feel tight. “This is rage.”
Koyama laughs awkwardly. “Maybe more like irritation,” he clarifies for the prophet sagely, patiently. “I don’t think leader seems as angry as Shige is.”
Shige glares at his best friend.
“Hm,” Yamapi answers simply, brow furrowing in thought as he processes this new emotion. He is glad to have experienced it, but eventually, he decides that he doesn’t like it. “How do I make it stop?”
Shige points to Tegoshi. “Easy. Throttle him.”
Yamapi considers this as well. “Really?”
“NO!” Koyama shouts hastily, arms waving, eyes wide and looking in scandalized horror at Shige for misleading the former angel. “No throttling of groupmates!” The oldest member reaches out to smack Shige on the arm gently, but still in an act of clear warning. “He died for our sins, Shige!”
Shige is unconvinced. “If he keeps this up I might make him do it again.”
Yamapi snorts at that unexpectedly, a little puff of air that bursts through his nose without his permission. He looks bewildered again as he feels it escape through his nostrils.
A beat.
And then Koyama and Shige share a knowing look. “Amusement,” they both say to him, at the same time. The pair grins then, and Yamapi is left to think, not for the first time, that this new humanity is such a strange and confusing existence, to go from feeling something burning and unpleasant like rage at one instant and then switching-without warning-to something as warm and easy as this thing called amusement.
Koyama and Shige burst into conspirational giggles beside each other at whatever expression is currently on Yamapi’s face at the moment, and Yamapi feels his lips turn upward too in simple, automatic response.
In the background, Ryo finally lobs a wadded up piece of paper at the back of Tegoshi’s head and screams, “Jesus, will you shut up already?!”
Tegoshi blinks. “Sure, Ryo-kun, but I already told you that you don’t have to call me that, okay?”
The sound of Tegoshi’s simple, superior reprimand sends everyone on the couch into fresh gales of unexpected laughter. Yamapi lets the shaking comfort of the feeling envelope his whole body and relaxes, completely at peace again.
In the meantime, Tegoshi smiles secretly to himself in front of the mirror and finishes his hair.
~~~~~
Unexpectedly, Yamapi realizes that his face hurts.
Koyama’s looks like his does too.
“Joy!” Koyama whispers in explanation into his ear, voice full and sweet. It sounds like bells to Yamapi, like the glorious songs of the angels they once were but better somehow, closer. Yamapi reaches up and puts both hands on his cheeks with a sense of determined awe, carefully feeling how wide his smile is right now, discovering how this smile tightens the skin along his chin and jaw and makes his eyes scrunch up, narrowing his field of vision. His cheeks throb and feel tender at the same time; it is a strange, pleasant soreness. It is not something he would have ever associated with a word like joy.
Around them, the kittens of Nekobukuro mewl and play and fall all over themselves being adorable for the guests. Koyama bounces from foot to foot and holds both fists up to against his mouth to keep from squealing out loud when a tiny gray kitten lazily stumbles over to a snoozing white one and begins to halfheartedly gnaw on its ear.
“So cute!” Koyama squeaks anyway, and continues his strange dance from beside Yamapi, fists and all.
Yamapi is still smiling but not from looking at the kittens; Koyama is bouncing and bouncing and snapping photos with his cell phone between bouncing.
Ryo sulks nearby in the corner, arms crossed and rolling his eyes. “Oh my god you two are so embarrassing,” he mutters. Beside him, Tegoshi picks up a chubby calico and has a meaningful conversation with it, which just sends Koyama into another fit of photo-snapping and nonsensical blabbering.
Ryo stares at Tegoshi and the cat uncomfortably and turns bright pink around the ears.
Impossibly, Yamapi feels his smile get bigger somehow, threatening to split his face.
The ache is the most pleasant pain he’s ever felt.
~~~~~
“Satisfaction,” Massu says as he leans back and pats his stomach after the last piece of barbeque is eaten from the table. The waitress walks by again and finally turns the fire from their grill down, until it’s just a tiny blue glow at the bottom of the exhausted charcoals.
Yamapi opens his mouth to answer but burps instead and Massu’s answering smile lights up the room. “That means yes!” he says around a huff of laughter, before dragging the dessert menu towards him.
Yamapi finds himself reaching for his wallet in the meantime, trying to be sneaky with it for some inexplicable reason as Massu starts to peruse the sweets selection thoughtfully. Massu frowns and asks Yamapi if he’s ever had melon flavored ice cream; if not, would he like to try it today?
“I would like to try it,” Yamapi answers honestly, as his credit card slips silently from his hand and into the waitress’s on her next pass. He gives her an imploring look and she seems to understand; she smiles and ducks out of the private dining room without a word and Massu doesn’t even notice. Yamapi feels a little trill of pleasure at the accomplishment even though he isn’t sure why he feels the need for secrecy like this, but follows through with his instincts anyway (Koyama keeps telling him his instincts are good) while Massu is still busy weighing the merits of a strawberry and melon combination versus the more summery pineapple and melon duo.
The younger idol purses his lips very seriously. “The more types you get to try the better right?”
“Yes,” Yamapi agrees, eyes on Massu as he leans back and pats the part of chest over his heart in a way similar to what Massu had done just now with his stomach.
‘Satisfaction,’ he thinks, before telling Massu to just get both combinations.
Later, a sheepish Massu will also hand an uncomfortable Yamapi a bottle of thick pink medicine and say, “Indigestion.”
Yamapi will consider that part of the human condition one he could have done without knowing.
~~~~~
“Gratitude,” Tegoshi explains softly, squeezing his fingers around Yamapi’s as they stand on the stage as the curtains fall on their first concert.
The smiling faces of thousands of people wave at him, call his name, and it feels overwhelming somehow, more so than any concert before, when he had been too full of Grace to know what he was doing.
He blinks rapidly, feels moisture gathering in his eyes, and squeezes Tegoshi’s hand back. It all seems like too much to take in all at once. “Gratitude.”
Tegoshi laughs and they raise their hands over their heads together as they take one, final bow.
~~~~~
“What you’re feeling right now is lust,” Ryo whispers in low tones, close and hot against Yamapi’s ear one night, as Ryo leans tipsily against him at the bar. Yamapi easily braces Ryo’s weight against his shoulder and nods at the explanation, Ryo’s breath wetly tickling the side of his neck as Jin grinds on the dance floor with some pretty young thing, one with smiling eyes and a promising laugh and a soul that is bright around the edges, when Yamapi squints to see her.
“Lust is a sin,” Yamapi reminds Ryo after a moment, and Ryo laughs and orders more drinks as he rests his forehead against Pi’s shoulder blade with an amused huff.
“Good thing your dad’s forgiving then, right?” Ryo asks, as the bartender pours them more shots.
“Yes,” Yamapi answers, and holds his groupmate up higher, pressing his fingers into the curve of Ryo’s back reassuringly and finding solid warmth there, strong and easy and comfortable. Yamapi feels his shoulders relax at the touch, that rolling tightness in his stomach from before uncoiling lazily at the familiar feel of his friend leaning back into him. Ryo throws his shot back and pauses to look at Yamapi’s expression for a minute. He laughs, low in his throat, and clamps his hand onto Yamapi’s shoulder with a smile. “Don’t ever change,” he murmurs, voice slurred and full of promise.
“I am changing every day,” Pi informs him, perplexed.
More laughter then, and the hand on Yamapi’s shoulder squeezes gently. “Yeah, but even if you do, just stay you, okay?”
Yamapi nods. “I can’t be anyone else.” It makes sense.
Ryo passes out a little while later, and Yamapi dutifully carries him out of the club and calls them a cab.
After he’s done pulling Ryo’s shoes and socks off that night and putting him into his bed, Ryo groans and clutches Yamapi’s wrist as the former angel turns to go, half-asleep and still comfortably fuzzy from all the alcohol. “Thanks,” Ryo grunts, before his eyes flutter closed and he starts snoring softly again.
Yamapi feels something sharp and sweet curl deep across his gut at that moment, similar to how he’d felt watching Jin and his bright young thing on the dance floor earlier, but inexplicably different at the same time; he recognizes it, realizes that it’s a lot like the moment when he’d first noticed the brightness of Massu’s smile or the music in Tegoshi’s laughter, the gentleness in Koyama’s eyes, the fond edge to Shige’s words.
This is a feeling that is becoming readily identifiable to him as the days go on, even as its intensity never wanes. This is a human emotion he thinks he is beginning to understand well.
He pulls the blanket up a little higher around Ryo’s shoulders and lets himself bask in the sudden, familiar rush of love.
END
EDITS?