NEWS Drabble Dump #13
Still can't write! Still forcing myself anyway!
FAIL.
Title: Five Drama Roles NewS Members Get, But Turn Down
Theme/Topic: See title.
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, with mentions of Kame and Junno.
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, stupidity, the usual.
Word Count: 441
Summary: As the title suggests, NewS gets offered some roles that they really just can’t accept.
Dedication: tinyangl’s request on my five things meme.
A/N: LOL I had to throw in the Okane ga Nai reference okay, that manga is hysterical. NO ONE GETS IT BUT ME.
1.
"Okane ga Nai?" Tegoshi says, and looks over the script and the supplementary materials he's been given skeptically. "Are those two guys?"
The producer nods excitedly, "It's a hit BL title! And when we got the script, I immediately imagined you in the role of Ayase, Tegoshi-kun. The doe-eyed, innocent young boy ripped away from his loving home and forced to sell his body to Kanou-san, a ruthless yakuza boss! Tell me you don't love it!"
Tegoshi stares. "BL? Are Johnnies even allowed to do that?"
Another nod. "We've done the studies; statistics all say that it's the most favored genre of 85% of your current target audience."
Tegoshi looks thoughtful. Then, after a moment, puts the script and the porn mangas back on the table. "I pass on the role," he says politely, and the producer and the directors' faces both fall when he does, because apparently they can't imagine anyone else in the role of a young man who makes everyone around him a gay pedophile rapist.
Pause.
Smile.
"But," Tegoshi amends sweetly, "I'll reconsider working on the drama if I get to be Kanou instead."
2.
"A con artist who infiltrates a talent agency trying to become an idol," the writer pitches excitedly. "The only catch is, he can't sing or dance."
Shige glares. "Very funny."
3.
"Okay, imagine this. An off-beat, starving arti... is something wrong, Masuda-kun?" the director asks, trailing off abruptly when he sees the look on Massu's face.
"Starving?" Massu asks, with the saddest eyed expression in the whole wide world.
Massu's manager sighs. "We'll pass. Kamenashi-kun might be better suited for the role, all things considered."
"Kamenashi-kun?" The director looks thoughtful.
4.
"A bitter, alcoholic manzai comedian who finds redemption when he hooks up with a fresh, young, albeit quirky partner," Ryo's manager reads to him, sounding approving. "The whole serious role thing is working for you after Last Friends, maybe you ought to consider it, especially given that this writer is pretty famous."
Ryo looks thoughtful. "It does sound interesting," he says. "Who's up for the role of the partner?"
"Taguchi-kun."
Ryo snorts. "Pass."
5.
"A high school prince, president of the student council, athletic star by day but boy prostitute by night. It's dark and edgy but with a light, shoujo-manga twist. And we think it requires your particular talents, Tegoshi-kun. The writer apparently had you specifically in mind while she was working on this series."
Tegoshi just pouts. "Why do I always have to be the whore?" he demands.
His manager pats his back comfortingly. "Maybe you ought to ask Kamenashi-kun, all things considered," he starts to the producer, carefully.
"Kamenashi-kun?"
The producer looks thoughtful.
END
Title: Boobs Make the World go Round
Theme/Topic: Shige has a sex scandal.
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (mentions of Jin, Nakamaru, and Yokoyama)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, stupidity, WTF.
Word Count: 259
Summary: Shige deals with his first scandal.
Dedication: kisekiga, naturally.
A/N: So given all the fun sex scandals lately kisekiga and I started speculating on how Shige’s would go. My theory is that he slips and falls (like he often does) one day and accidentally lands on a pair of boobs in the process. Here, the aftermath.
"Kei-chan, is Shige a...a... pervert? A real one?" Tegoshi asks, with impossibly wide eyes and exaggeratedly trembling lip as he holds the tabloid up high, so everyone can see. Again.
Shige's shocked face and grabby hands stare back at them ominously.
Koyama hangs his head and sighs. "I guess so, ne. I feel like I failed him somewhere down the line."
Tegoshi pats Koyama's shoulder comfortingly, while everyone else looks at the pictures in a moment of thoughtful silence.
"You know, Shige," Yamapi begins after a beat, in good-leader mode, "next time, if you just tell the girls you're in Johnny's first, they usually let you touch their boobs willingly."
Ryo snorts. "That's just you," he says, before turning to Shige and smirking. "Oi, the next time you feel the need to grope boobs just ask Yamapi if you can grab his or something, dumbass. You're lucky that on Monday KAT-TUN is scheduled to have their next scandal; Akanishi will probably blow you out of the water."
"Actually, I think it's Nakamaru's turn this Monday," Massu clarifies for them, munching peacefully on a bag of chips.
"Well, then you're screwed," Ryo amends, but doesn't sound particularly sorry about it. "You'll have to wait until Tuesday for something really good to make everyone forget about you."
"Eh, Tuesday is Yokayama-kun's turn, ne," Tegoshi realizes. "Isn't that lucky for you, Shige?" he chirps.
In the corner, Shige buries his face in his knees, but everyone can still see how red the tips of his ears are anyway. "I HATE YOU ALL."
END
Title: Five Times the Most Unlikely Members of JE Had Sex Scandals (With Girls)
Theme/Topic: More scandals!
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, KT, ABC, HSJUMP
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, JE boys touching GIRLS (kind of).
Word Count: 467
Summary: Sometimes it’s the ones you least expect. But then again, sometimes it’s not either.
Dedication: kisekiga, because she promised me orgy if I did it. I AM SO WEAK.
A/N: Okay technically not just a NewS drabble but they show up 2/5 times so MOSTLY a NewS drabble. So there.
1.
It's on the escalator at the shopping mall when it happens. Massu is in the middle of eating a chocolate bar and stops to turn and say something to Tegoshi who's standing behind him; in the mere two seconds it takes him to tell Tegoshi, "Let's get crepes next," some of the flimsy caramel filling gives way on his snack and two inches of delicious, delicious chocolate are instantly lost to him.
He looks on in horror as those precious two inches settle on the bare shoulder of the high school girl standing in front of him; she doesn't notice as she talks animatedly on the phone with what sounds to be her mother.
Later, after the media fiasco has settled down just a bit, all Massu has to say on the matter is that he can't abide by wasted food.
2.
"What can I say, the bitches love me," Chinen shrugs nonchalantly, as he walks into the HSJUMP rehearsal floor the day after his photos hit the newsstand.
His groupmates stare.
"How old is he again?" Inoo asks.
3.
"I can't believe this is happening," Nakamaru mutters, head in hands as Kame holds up the morning gossip column while looking very disapproving.
The headline, "KAT-TUN's Nakamaru solicits escort services" glares back at him.
Nakamaru glares at Jin. "I can't believe you bought me a whore. This is all your fault!"
Jin just huffs back. "I can't believe I bought you a whore and you didn't bang her; what a waste of a scandal and my friendship!"
Nakamaru looks incredulous.
"Wait, you didn't bang her?" Koki asks disbelievingly.
Nakamaru turns red. "Of course not!"
Silence. Even from Junno.
Nakamaru looks around. "Don't tell me..."
Koki shrugs. "If you were gonna get in trouble for it anyway, you should've at least gotten laid."
The others nod in agreement.
More silence.
But only because Nakamaru is torn between seeing the truth in their logic and throwing his brush at Jin's head.
4.
Tegoshi watches, head cocked sideways curiously, as Koyama grabs a towel after he's finished washing up and stands to go outside to the onsen. "Tegoshi, you'll be joining us this time, right?" he asks absently, sounding excited as he walks towards the door while towel-drying his hair at the same time.
Tegoshi blinks and wonders if he should tell Koyama that he's headed towards the door that leads to the women's bath instead. He probably shouldn't walk and dry his hair at the same time; apparently it obscures his vision.
"No thanks, Kei-chan!" is all Tegoshi eventually says instead, because he's decided that it will definitely be more interesting to sit by and see what happens next.
5.
"It wasn't technically me," Kawai explains to Johnny fervently, "she said she always wanted to fuck Matsujun; I just did my best impression."
END
Title: Five Times Tegoshi Shed his Sheep’s Skin and Unleashed His Inner Slut Wolf
Theme/Topic: Tegoslut!
Rating: PG-15
Character/Pairing/s: TegoxRyo, TegoxNagase, TegoxPi, TegoxKoyama
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, the usual
Word Count: 996
Summary: Tegoshi cuts the innocent act.
Dedication: kisekiga’s request on my five things meme. Clearly you are ruling my writing lately, woman.
A/N: adslkj;dsf SO HARD. Surprisingly. Maybe it’s because I’ve done all of these already before or something. ALL HAIL TEGO SLUT.
1.
On Tegoshi’s twentieth birthday Ryo feels kind of odd; their youngest member is suddenly an adult now and it makes him realize that NEWS is four years old going on five already. It shows too, in how Tegoshi’s grown taller and slimmer; the baby fat is gone from his cheeks and he can dress himself hot now, can do his own hair and makeup and look stunning. He can and get into clubs like this on his own now too, can buy drinks for girls and dance with his arms over his head while leading with his hips.
“It’s weird,” he says out loud to Koyama, who nods in agreement when Tegoshi bounces off the dance floor and joins them in the VIP lounge, glistening sweat but not a hair out of place.
“This is fun!” the youngest member chirps, and sounds all of fifteen again when he does.
Ryo takes a drink and grunts.
“Eh, is Ryo-tan bored?” Tegoshi asks.
Koyama laughs. “He’s just feeling nostalgic, is all. Tego-nyan is all grown up, after all!”
Tegoshi pouts at Ryo in concern. “Really?”
Ryo smiles when he sees that childish face and reaches out to ruffle Tegoshi’s hair comfortingly; he’s glad that even though everything is changing so fast not all of it has, not yet anyway. “I’m okay, Tego-nyan,” he says.
Tegoshi laughs at the familiar gesture and shakes his hair back into place. “Okay! Kei-chan, will you go buy me something sweet to drink?” he asks.
Koyama smiles and pads to the bar obediently.
In the meantime, Tegoshi settles into Ryo’s lap facing him, just like old times.
“Is Ryo-tan really that nostalgic?” he asks, head cocked sideways and eyes big.
The familiarity of the positions eases Ryo’s tension a little and he reaches out to put his hands on Tegoshi’s waist just like always, so he doesn’t slide off.
“Just a little. You’re an adult now I guess,” he admits.
Tegoshi smiles. Slides forward a bit. “Is that bad?”
Ryo blinks when Tegoshi’s arms go up around his neck unexpectedly. “Does Ryo-tan not like the adult me?” he asks, around a small, sideways smile.
Ryo coughs, and when Tegoshi shifts again-backwards this time- Ryo can’t help it when he asks, “Are you grinding?”
“Yes,” Tegoshi chirps. Pause. “Should I stop?” He doesn’t.
When Ryo groans out loud without meaning to a moment later, he thinks that maybe it’s time to stop looking at the past and start looking (forward) to the future.
2.
“Nagase-senpai?”
Nagase looks up from his guitar when he hears a voice at his door; it’s Tegoshi, looking a little sweaty from what must have been today’s dance rehearsal.
“Yo, Tegoshi! What’s up?”
Tegoshi smiles that million watt smile of his as he pushes the door open wider. “I just wanted to say I saw TOKIO’s Music Station episode yesterday! The performance was really cool, ne.”
Nagase grins. “Yeah? Glad you liked it.”
“Though my favorite part was the interview! Senpai was really natural.”
Nagase’s grin widens automatically; he sits up a little straighter. “Well, yeah. We have been doing this for a long time, I guess. You’ll get there too, one day.”
Tegoshi laughs. “I hope so! Oh, and I think that my favorite, favorite part was the part where senpai said he was an M.”
Nagase blinks. “Eh?” That’s a weird thing to be complimented on. “Why’s that?”
“Because it’s perfect!”
“O-oh? How so?”
Tegoshi smiles again, except less bright and more calculative this time, and slides into the room. “Because, senpai, I’m an S! Isn’t that great?”
Nagase stares.
And a second later, the door clicks shut behind Tegoshi.
3.
“Tegoshi!” Yamapi says brightly as he bounces into the dressing room for their magazine shoot that afternoon, “They said that today you get to dress me up, ne.”
Tegoshi nods. “Un! It’s really exciting!”
Yamapi beams back and ruffles his hair. “I’m counting on you to make me look cool, okay?”
Tegoshi laughs sweetly and reaches out and touches Yamapi’s belt. “Of course, Yamashita-kun!” He tugs on it.
Yamapi blinks. “We don’t have to start getting changed yet, do we? The others aren’t even here yet.”
Tegoshi pulls the belt off anyway, and follows through by popping Yamapi’s jeans button open one-handed. “Let’s do the preparation now anyway, Leader,” he murmurs, and Yamapi wonders when-and how-his own belt suddenly got looped around his wrists without his noticing.
When he gets pushed onto the table a few seconds later and Tegoshi leans in for a more thorough inspection of today’s assignment, Yamapi can’t help but think that Tegoshi has definitely become the kind of idol who takes his work very seriously.
4.
“Good morning, senpai!” a few younger juniors chirp obediently as they pass Shige and Tegoshi in hallways on their way to morning practice.
“Morning,” Shige grunts back sleepily, while Tegoshi doesn’t say anything at all. He just kind of stands there, with an odd look on his face.
“What’s your problem?” Shige asks, once the juniors are gone.
“I forgot that I’m technically a senpai now,” Tegoshi marvels, and has a look in his eye that Shige really, really doesn’t like.
“What are you talking about?”
Tegoshi just beams. “I should go and ask Takizawa-kun for some advice one of these days, now that I can.” He heads off down the hall looking excited.
Shige groans when he figures it out (because when Tackey’s involved it can only really mean one thing).
“Shit.”
5.
When NEWS hears the completed playback for Bambina for the first time, they all pause, blink, and then turn to Tegoshi.
“Where did you learn how to make noises like that?” Koyama asks incredulously, while Ryo kind of hides his face behind his hand in the background and Yamapi inexplicably starts having a very animated conversation with his bottle of Raku Veggie.
Tegoshi-unfazed- just stands and settles himself comfortably in Koyama’s lap. “If you want, Kei-chan,” he begins happily, “I’ll show you.”
END
Title: Five Times Ryo Was Sorted Into A House That Wasn't Slytherin
Theme/Topic: See above
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (with mentions of KT, K8, TOKIO, Arashi)
Warnings/Spoilers: STUPIDITY and technically AU.
Word Count: 814
Summary: Five unlikely situations in which Ryo wouldn't be in Slytherin.
Dedication: koneho’s request on my five things meme. ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, bb.
A/N: LOL Clearly I have not read any of the HP books, leave me alone. Also, one of these kind of counts but kind of doesn’t at the same time. WHATEVS.
1.
“Put me in Gryffindor,” Ryo tells the hat flat out, when it’s his turn to get sorted.
“Why Gryffindor?” the hat asks.
Ryo thinks that should be fairly obvious by now, as he looks over towards the Gryffindor table, where Yamapi, Jin, Nagase, and Kusano are all happily seated, throwing food at each other and laughing like morons.
“Gryffindor is where the money is,” he says.
The hat blinks. “Fair enough.”
2.
“Ravenclaw!” the hat announces, as it is pulled off of Tegoshi’s head.
“Dammit,” Shige sighs, while Tegoshi bounces back over to their table happily.
“Yay, Shige, we get to be together!” he cheers.
“I guess no one would know just by looking at you that you’re smart,” Shige replies, trying to sound at peace with the hat’s decision even though he clearly is not.
But it doesn’t really matter since Tegoshi already isn’t listening to him anymore anyway; “Nishikido-kun,” he chirps, “I hope you get sorted into our house too! Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“I don’t know if I’m as smart as you, Tego-nyan,” Ryo replies magnanimously, while Shige snorts and earns himself a boot to the knee under the table before Ryo stands to take his turn.
“What house to you want to be put in?” the hat asks him, after it’s been placed on his head and sits there, smelling like hundreds of years of geek-head. Ryo snorts.
“Do I actually have a choice? Because if all you do is ask the students where they want to go and then place them accordingly, you’re getting paid way too much.”
“From the sound of it, you’d do well in Slytherin,” it suggests dryly. “But for the record, when a student wishes fervently enough, it can influence my decisions.”
“Then I fervently wish you’d get on with this,” Ryo replies.
The hat huffs, and a second later Ryo can hear it as it prepares to say “Slytherin!” only to get cut off somewhere in the middle of “Sly!” because it catches Tegoshi’s eye from across the room, and Tegoshi just looks really, really hopeful.
Silence.
Then, “Ravenclaw!” the hat sighs, eventually.
Ryo eyes it as he pulls it off. “What was that?”
The hat sniffs. “Sometimes,” it starts, haughtily, “there are powers in this universe that one does not wish to make an enemy of.”
Ryo doesn’t get it, but supposes he’s kind of glad he won’t have to share house with Ninomiya, Kamenashi, and Yokoyama now. He doesn’t even want to imagine the ridiculousness that will inevitably go down in a house with those three living under the same roof.
3.
“I’m torn,” the hat admits to Ryo unexpectedly, “between Slytherin and Gryffindor.”
Ryo blinks, because while his (asshole) friends were all betting on him getting Slytherin, he’d hardly expected Gryffindor to be option number two. “Why Gryffindor?”
The hat looks smug. “You do have a lot of nerve,” it explains.
Ryo starts to think some very uncharitable thoughts.
“And quite a bit of daring, it seems,” the hat adds with a tsk. “Right, then, Gryffindor it is!”
“Smartass,” Ryo mutters, before taking his seat again.
4.
“This is ridiculous!” Uchi fumes later, after everyone has been sorted and the two of them have properly been made spectacles of. “And kind of unfair. How are we supposed to be in two houses at the same time?”
Ryo shrugs. “Maybe we’re just that good,” he says, though he can’t help but frown as he finally clears the basement steps and says the password to the Hufflepuff dormitory. The door opens a second later, and the look on his face subsequently sends some of the residents skittering towards the very back of the common room on instinct.
“Um…welcome!” Koyama manages nervously after a minute or two, when no one else is able to say anything.
Massu, sitting in the corner with a bag of jelly beans, waves but looks more nervous than welcoming.
Ryo pointedly ignores them both and takes a look around. A Nakamaru-sized lump tries to make itself very small on the couch.
He is not impressed.
“Right,” he decides after a beat, and turns on his heel towards the exit, “We’re sleeping in Slytherin tonight.”
5.
“Ravenclaw!” the hat declares, for the sixth straight time in a row. A general murmur of disbelief is raised by some of the instructors, but no one actually speaks up against it.
“The hell?” Ryo mutters, after he steps down from the front of the room and rejoins his friends; Yamapi just cheers obliviously and makes peace signs as he takes photos with Koyama, Tegoshi, and a slightly pained looking Shige.
“Ryo-chan, apparently this year we’re the smart group!” Yamapi preens, and tugs a still-eating Massu into the next photo with them.
Ryo blinks. “Us? The smart group?”
“Yup!”
Ryo sighs and thinks that he doesn’t want to know how dumb everyone else is if that’s the case.
END
Title: Five Times Shige Gets NewS to Believe that Wagahai is Real
Theme/Topic: See above.
Rating: G
Character/Pairing/s: NEWS
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, lameness.
Word Count: 882
Summary: Shige’s cat has so much personality that sometimes it has everyone fooled. Kind of.
Dedication: cynicalism’s request on my five things meme.
A/N: LOL Massu and his legendary taxonomy fail might be one of my favorite early memories of the fandom. Every group needs a dumb one. <3 Also, clearly you can see the one of the five in here that is LAME AND SUCKS MORE THAN THE OTHERS but seriously, I ran out of ideas and it’s two am. BE KIND.
1.
“Eh, Wagahai hasn’t updated in a while, ne,” Koyama comments one day at work, looking at Shige meaningfully as Shige tries to work on a set of case studies for his Law Ethics class. “I hope he writes again soon, it’s lonely if we don’t know what’s going on with him, don’t you think Shige?”
Shige snorts and removes his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Wagahai is busy traveling the world. He can’t just find a computer and leisurely type the day away even if he wanted to.” He looks pointedly at his notes after that, and Koyama sighs but capitulates.
In the meantime, Tegoshi overhears and stops in the middle of what he’s doing to eye the two of them, thinking that maybe he learned something about this kind of stuff in class the other day. He looks thoughtful for a moment, but then gets distracted with his own reflection in the mirror and doesn’t think anything more of it.
Until the next day, when Koyama asks the very same question again, and Shige snaps, “Wagahai is busy! He can’t talk to you now so leave me alone.”
After that Tegoshi gets concerned and goes to the Waseda library the following Thursday to look up what he suspects is going on; he finds something about it in one of the books before too long (and with the help of the smiling librarian) and decides that he has every right to be worried about Shige.
The next time they see each other, Tegoshi very seriously sits next to Shige, who is still trying to study. “Shige,” he begins, voice low, “Shige, how is Wagahai? Kei-chan seems to miss him a lot ne.”
Shige stares at him. “Oh my god why does everyone keep asking me that? Can’t you see that I’m busy? I don’t have time to update the stupid blog every day, okay!”
A beat.
Then, Tegoshi just lowers his voice a little more. “Am I talking to Wagahai right now?” he asks cautiously, eyes wide with worry.
Shige wordlessly stands and goes to study in the lobby.
2.
Shige supposes he should have expected it, considering the last time Massu saw a cat while they were together, he got excited, pointed, and called it a monkey. Out loud.
But even still, sometimes Shige has this foolish, foolish hope that things can change.
Unfortunately, all that usually happens is that it gets crushed.
“It’s Wagahai kitty!” Massu exclaims that afternoon, effectively doing said crushing of hopes when Shige walks into the jimusho with a very sick, very cranky Nana in his arms.
“That’s a dog,” Tegoshi and Ryo point out flatly.
“Oh,” Massu says, and then ambles off to get some pie like nothing is wrong in the world even though he clearly has issues with animals.
“Do you see?” Shige murmurs to Nana under his breath, “What I have to put up with all the time?”
Nana promptly throws up on his jacket.
3.
“Shige!” Koyama shrieks, and pops into the bathroom while Shige is still bathing and promptly scares five years off of Shige’s life. “Shige did you finally get a cat? Is there a Wagahai here?!” he demands, looking ecstatic. “Can we have real kitty play dates now?!”
Shige stares, heart hammering in his chest-and naked in the shower-while Koyama holds up a black sweater with what seems to be cat hair on it.
A moment.
Then, Shige sighs. “Koyama,” he begins slowly, “that sweater is yours. You left it here when you slept over two nights ago.” Pause. “It has your name written on the tag. In your handwriting. So you won’t lose it.”
Koyama blinks. “Oh.” He looks apologetically at Shige. “Sometimes I’m just…”
“I know,” Shige tells him. “I know.”
Koyama quietly closes the bathroom door on his way out.
4.
“What the heck is this?” Ryo asks, and holds up a ball of the white yarn Koyama is planning to use to make everyone surprise matching mittens with for this year’s winter tour. It looks like it kind of rolled out of Koyama’s bag, and Shige can’t help but think that sometimes Koyama is just…yeah.
He’s surprised Koyama’s been able to keep it a secret this long, really.
Shige sighs and eventually moves to answer Ryo. “It’s a ball of yarn,” he explains dryly.
Ryo glares. “Haha, asshole. What’s it for and why is it in the middle of the floor like this?”
“It’s my cat’s,” Shige drawls.
Ryo blinks. “Oh.”
“You know,” Shige continues, because he can’t help it, “the one who travels around the world and writes blog entries about all the sights he’s seeing abroad. That cat. This year he’s taking up knitting.”
A beat.
Then Ryo throws the yarn at his head. “Dick.”
5.
“Eh, it’s Wagahai kitty!” Massu says (again) a few months later, when Shige has to bring Nana to the set of a magazine shoot where the theme is the members’ relationships with their pets.
“Massu, that’s another d…” Tegoshi starts, but gets cut off by a look from Shige.
“Just let him be,” Shige says, and sounds tired. He wonders-absently-how Massu will react when Koyama arrives with his pet monkey.
In the meantime, Massu tries to feed Nana and Tinny some milk.
END
Title: Five Times Shige Actually Feels Like he Isn't a Failure
Theme/Topic: See title.
Rating: G
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (mentions of Nakamaru and SMAP)
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC+crap
Word Count: 814
Summary: Every dog has his day. Or at least a few minutes here and there once in a while.
Dedication: procreational’s request on the five things meme.
A/N: WHY WAS THIS SO HARD. Probably because my universe centers on the Sun of Tego win and the Moon of Shige fail or something. IDK. In short, I continue the trend of FAIL.
1.
“Yeah, so I guess I’ll be going to law school at Aoyama this fall,” Shige announces officiously to his groupmates one afternoon, and actually puffs up a little when Koyama looks so happy at the news he could burst and Yamapi claps and Ryo looks grudgingly impressed and Massu, well, Massu just smiles his usual smile and says a heartfelt, “Congratulations, Shige!”
It’s a good feeling, Shige thinks as he looks around, to come out on top for once.
And it lasts for a whole five minutes too, up until the moment Tegoshi bounces into the room with an acceptance letter in hand and announces to the group that he got into Waseda.
2.
When Shige actually sits down to watch KAT-TUN’s 100 Adult Rules episode it’s already halfway over and he’s probably missed the good parts; the announcer says that the next segment after the commercial break will have something to do with Nakamaru meeting Nicholas Cage.
For a moment, Shige reads the caption and feels something like envy; sometimes KAT-TUN gets to do all the fun things and meet all the foreign celebrities.
But then the commercials end and the segment comes on, and when Shige watches what happens to Nakamaru, he-strangely- doesn’t feel so bitter about it anymore.
Afterwards, he thinks to himself-rather philosophically-that no matter how bad things are for you in this world, there is always someone out there who has it worse.
It’s a small comfort, but at this point he’ll take what he can get.
3.
“Eh, Shige sure has a lot of SMAP DVDs,” Tegoshi marvels one day when they’re hanging out together at Shige’s house after lunch and karaoke. “You must be a big fan!”
Shige sputters. “It’s not like that! It’s just that when I listen to them sing, it gives me some confidence,” he explains, as Tegoshi pops one of the older ones in to listen to.
Five minutes later, after the opening set has played, Tegoshi turns and smiles at Shige. “Ah, I think I get what you mean, ne,” he says, and pats Shige’s hand.
Shige takes that to mean that Tegoshi is agreeing that Shige is at least a better singer than say, Nakai. He feels a small amount of comfort knowing that.
But then Tegoshi ruins it by talking again. “It’s great that Shige is so smart, ne,” he murmurs whimsically (and seemingly at random) as he moves to turn off the DVD. He hums to himself as he starts to go through Shige’s stuff instead.
Shige scowls and tells him to go home.
Tegoshi, naturally, laughs at him and asks what they’re doing for dinner tonight.
4.
“Shige is my best friend,” Koyama tells Taichi unabashedly during his Shounen Club Premium episode, and the look on his face is impossibly warm when he does.
Shige watches and feels embarrassed yet touched at the same time; even though he’ll never be able to say it out loud like that on national television, he’s glad Koyama is his best friend too.
And then Taichi very seriously tells Koyama that on this show, they refer to Shige as Shige-san.
Because of Tegoshi.
Koyama laughs when he hears that and dutifully calls him “Shige-san,” for the rest of the interview.
Shige sighs and watches it anyway; he thinks that even though he’s glad Koyama is his best friend most of the time, every once in a while it feels like shooting yourself in the foot as well.
5.
Shige is at Koyama’s house watching Shounen Club with Tegoshi and Massu as the guests when his name suddenly comes up in the talk section again.
“The one who makes everyone laugh is Shige!” Tegoshi chirps to Nakamaru innocently, and the other two readily agree.
Shige sighs in a resigned kind of way when he hears that; in the meantime Koyama returns from the kitchen with snacks and tea.
“Eh, it’s this part already!” Koyama exclaims, and giggles loudly when he sees himself explaining Shige’s odd way of flying.
Shige scowls and is about to complain about Koyama always embarrassing him like that on TV, but pauses when Koyama stops suddenly and looks thoughtful. “Eh, that’s interesting,” the older boy murmurs.
Shige arches a skeptical eyebrow. “What’s interesting?”
Koyama smiles back. “I was just thinking…whenever the members have to talk about NewS, Shige is definitely the one who comes up the most out of everyone, isn’t he?”
Shige blinks around his tea cup and may or may not turn kind of red, but not in a bad way. “Really?” he asks, voice small.
Koyama nods and settles down next to him peacefully. “Everyone must really love Shige lots, ne!”
Shige puffs up a little at the thought, and moves to respond with something appropriately cool.
Except he chokes on his tea instead.
Koyama spends the next five minutes patting his back and laughing at him.
END
Title: Five Times Shige Fails Without Anyone Noticing
Theme/Topic: See title.
Rating: G
Character/Pairing/s: Shige
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, randomness, badly strung together situations.
Word Count: 999
Summary: If a tree falls in the forest and nobody’s there to hear it it’s still pretty obvious that it fell just looking at it.
Dedication: seca’s request on the five things meme.
A/N: Kind of rushed but really, I just wanted to FINISH. I just wanted to finish. Sorry seca, LOL you get the ultimate lame.
1.
On Sunday night Shige trips and falls while boarding train back from school; it’s when he’s making the transition from the platform to the car and thankfully, because it’s late, no one is there to see it.
He ends up somersaulting onto the floor and lies there for a moment afterwards, half expecting to hear laughter any second now.
When none comes he sits up in surprise and considers it a rare lucky moment on his part.
The following morning, when he arrives at work with a slight limp from when his ankle rolled the wrong way last night, Ryo looks at him, snorts, and then says, “Did you fall on the train or something?”
“No! Why would you say that?!” Shige shouts, and Ryo mentally shrugs before trudging off for coffee.
Shige is torn between surprise at Ryo’s easy capitulation and relief that Ryo didn’t try to press him for an answer.
2.
That same afternoon, Shige eats his lunch on the dressing room couch and ends up spilling miso soup all over his pants. Luckily the others are still at the commissary getting their food.
Shige manages to hobble over to his locker and change into some spare clothes before anyone can return in time to see him (and subsequently, make tasteless pee jokes).
Eventually Massu arrives to get something from his bag; he stops in the doorway, sniffs the air, and then makes a straight-line path to the plastic bag Shige had stuffed his soiled pants into.
Shige stares at him and can’t believe Massu is a human being sometimes.
“Shige,” Massu starts curiously, after staring at the bag for a little bit, “Shige why do your pants smell delicious?”
“It’s your imagination,” Shige tells him, awkwardly.
Massu blinks. “Oh, okay,” he replies, and goes to fish his wallet out of his bag. “I forgot this,” he explains with a smile.
Shige is left alone in the dressing room again.
It’s silent.
3.
That night, after he gets home, Shige dumps his dirty pants in the hamper and heads upstairs to shower before proceeding to be exhausted and cranky from the late night of work and the inconvenience of his ankle. He thinks to himself that at least he doesn’t have anything to do until tomorrow afternoon (there is a Wednesday photo shoot scheduled after three) and he can thus sleep in.
When he wakes up on Tuesday it’s almost noon. He also realizes (belatedly) that it is actually Tuesday and not Wednesday morning, like he thought it would be yesterday, when he’d collapsed into his exhausted sleep.
He has class on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays; as a matter of fact, his Tuesday class started at nine and ended just now and he must have gotten his days of the week messed up, silly him.
He groans in a sort of resigned self-loathing and tells himself that it can’t hurt to miss one day of class every semester or so; Yamapi does it all the time.
That night, Koyama calls him after dinner and asks, “Shige, how do you think you did on that test you were studying for last week? It was today, right?”
A beat.
“I’ll call you later!” he replies, and hangs up before Koyama can say anything else.
In his blind panic and utter disbelief at his own carelessness, he realizes that the worst part about the whole ordeal is that Koyama doesn’t call him back again that night.
4.
On Wednesday morning Shige phones his professor and requests a make-up test for the one he missed, but his professor is snooty and academic and tells Shige that he won’t get any special treatment just because he’s popular and girls throw their panties at him (which they don’t by the way, because those are all for Yamapi).
Shige fumes when he gets to the jimusho that afternoon; Koyama and Tegoshi are there ahead of him, chattering happily together. “Shige!” Koyama greets when he sees his best friend, “You never called me back ne. But it’s okay! I had to call Tegoshi instead anyway. How did your test go?”
Before Shige can say anything Tegoshi turns to Koyama and laughs; “If it’s Shige he probably did great!”
Koyama beams. “That’s true.”
Shige glares.
Tegoshi doesn’t notice. “As for my test, I think I did good too! Thanks for calling me to remind me I had it yesterday ne, otherwise I would have completely forgotten!”
“Because you always need reminding,” Koyama sighs. “Not like Shige.”
Tegoshi just smiles. “I love Kei-chan lots,” he says, and the two of them have a moment of cuteness on the couch together while a cold wind sweeps through the side of the room Shige is on.
Shige stares; he thinks that suddenly, it feels as if he’s missing something.
5.
On Thursday during rehearsal Shige has come up with a theory about what he’s missing and consequently, an experiment to test that theory; he times, plans, and executes a dramatic trip over his own shoes before going into a rolling tumble straight to the floor.
When he looks up, shoulder throbbing and hair a mess, he waits for the sound of familiar laughter and the gentle look in Koyama and Yamapi’s eyes as they offer him a hand up.
But no one sees him because everyone is at the doorway congratulating Tegoshi, who holds up his last exam proudly; “I even got the extra credit!” he chirrups.
A few minutes later, Tegoshi blinks, cocks his head to the side and asks, “Shige, why are you laying on the floor?”
Shige furrows his brow and decides that his failures are definitely more tolerable when-at the very least-they get him acknowledged.
“I fell just now,” he admits eventually, and when everyone bursts out laughing when they hear, he experiences a strange (yet bitter) feeling of relief.
He sighs as Yamapi and Koyama help him up and supposes that no matter what happens, he’ll always be this character in NewS after all.
END
Title: Deus ex Machina (or Five Times Tegoshi Randomly Ended Up in an Alternate Universe and Saved the World)
Theme/Topic: random crossovers with Tego’s universe powers in play.
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing/s: Tegoshi (also characters from HP, SG-1, Supernatural, and other stuff.)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC; slight spoilers for Supernatural I suppose.
Word Count: 998
Summary: Sometimes Tegoshi dreams and ends up in weird places.
Dedication: crystallekil bribed me with more NewS porn except involving Uchi and Kusano this time. Also, because she seems to be having one of those weeks where the stupid people keep finding her.
A/N: Lalala let’s forget that I’ve never read the HP books or that I stayed vehemently away from any seasons of SG-1 with the Newguy in them.
1.
Sometimes Tegoshi dreams and ends up in the middle of strange places; his mother says he has an over-active imagination and his father says he shouldn’t eat heavy foods before bed.
Tegoshi tries to listen to them but it still happens like this anyway; today he finds himself in the middle of a cobblestone street in the dead of night, all alone.
A few moments later (thankfully) a black-clad man appears, walking towards him.
Tegoshi promptly trots up to meet him, “Mister,” he says, reaching out to tug on a dark sleeve, “mister, I’m lost.”
Voldemort pauses when he is met with unexpected company; he looks down at the hand on his sleeve distastefully. “You don’t want help from me, little boy,” he hisses, “I am a very bad man.”
Tegoshi laughs. “You’re funny!”
Voldemort glares and keeps walking. “Go away.”
Tegoshi follows him. “So I thought I was sleeping but now I’m here; why is that and how do you think I can get back home?” he asks naturally.
Voldemort ignores him.
“Usually I have to do or say something to get home but this time I was in the middle of nowhere and the only one who came along was you. I should probably stick with you.”
Voldemort turns around and starts muttering something that sounds like Latin; Tegoshi watches in wonder as a lightning bolt cuts the sky, heading straight for him.
It almost hits him too, if not for some strange stroke of good luck wherein the lightning bolt is diverted suddenly and instead, singes the tip of Voldemort’s shoe.
“That was neat, did you do that?” Tegoshi asks, unfazed by the giant smoking crater between them.
Voldemort stares. “Whatever you are,” he snarls, “begone. I have important things to do tonight!” He starts to walk again.
Footsteps follow him. “Like what?”
Voldemort twitches. “I,” he growls, in the hopes of finally scaring whatever divine pest this is away, “have a family to kill.”
Laughter. Again. “You’re funny!”
Voldemort keeps walking, though he can’t help but think that maybe this is a sign from the gods to abort his plot. “No,” he murmurs to himself quickly, “it must be done.” He eyes the creature behind him one last time; clearly it’s one of those godly beings that takes great delight in testing the resolve of others. It’s best to ignore him.
Once they arrive at his destination, Voldemort prepares for a great confrontation.
“What a nice home!” Tegoshi marvels as they slip into the door. “Is it yours?”
“Quiet, imbecile,” Voldemort snaps, and heads for the stairs.
On the second floor, a light is on at the end of the hallway, and a baby’s gurgles can be heard through the door.
“Oh, baby!” Tegoshi laughs; “Is it yours too?”
Voldemort twitches but keeps moving; he starts uttering his death spell as he strides down the hallway and throws open the door.
From there, there is a woman’s scream, followed by a baby’s cries, and, as Voldemort finishes his chant…
…a body in the way.
As such, the deadly blast that erupts from his fingertips upon the spell’s completion heads straight for Tegoshi and, like the lightning bolt before it, bounces harmlessly off of him, ricochets, and…
…hits Voldemort in the face.
He screams as he dissolves.
“What a cute baby!” Tegoshi coos obliviously, and tickles the kid’s chin as the confused parents stare on.
From that day on, Harry “Yuya” Potter ends up living a very normal, very uneventful wizard’s life.
2.
The members of Stargate Command all stare as the Ori fleet suddenly starts to loose power in all of its ships’ shields; “Fire!” Mitchell shouts, and half expects it to be a trick.
But it’s not.
In the aftermath, Daniel blinks at the floating space wreckage in front of them. “Um… what happened?”
“Reports from Earth, sir,” an airman announces, “apparently the Ori lost their followers.”
Daniel’s brows furrow fantastically. “W-what? All at once?”
A nod. “They found a new god.”
“A new god. That’s… improbable.”
The airman hastily hands over the intelligence report from the SGC. Daniel looks down at the smiling face of what appears to be a fifteen-year-old Asian girl as she poses for the camera with Jack.
“Apparently he’s benevolent,” the airman adds. “And really cute.”
Daniel stares. “Huh. Pause. “He? Really?”
“Really.”
“Huh.”
3.
“Please?” Tegoshi begs, eyes big and watery and adorable.
The demon sputters. “What? But that’s not part of the deal!”
“Pleeeeease?” Tegoshi asks again, and even clasps his hands in front of his face this time.
She sighs. Averts her eyes. “Okay fine. Take him.”
Tegoshi beams. “Yay, you’re nice even though you’re a demon!”
“Goddammit,” she growls, and glares at a smirking Dean and apprehensive Sam. “You got lucky this time, boys.”
She snaps her fingers and dissolves their contract as she disappears, leaving Dean alive (if slightly incredulous).
Tegoshi bounces back towards the brothers looking satisfied. “Was that good?”
Sam nods. “Whatever works, right?”
4.
“Eh,” Tegoshi marvels, after wandering around in a strange garden for the better part of fifteen minutes only to come across a very naked girl talking to a snake under some fruit trees. “A talking snake! Neat!”
The naked girl is so surprised by his sudden appearance that she drops the apple she was about to eat.
5.
“And then,” Tegoshi sighs, “and then I had to help Rodney save Atlantis and it was really tiring!”
“What are you talking about?” Koyama demands, and yelps as he ducks another round of bullets. “Are those codes done yet?!”
Tegoshi blinks, looks around, and realizes that this isn’t home after all; his groupmates are all in suits firing guns at angry foreign men. There’s a laptop with him and it’s running some kind of complicated simulation.
He doesn’t know what to do so he hits “Enter” instinctively; a second later, the lights turn off.
“Great work, Tegoshi!” he hears Yamapi say over his earpiece.
Tegoshi wonders if maybe he should sleep less.
END
EDITZ PLS.
FAIL.
Title: Five Drama Roles NewS Members Get, But Turn Down
Theme/Topic: See title.
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, with mentions of Kame and Junno.
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, stupidity, the usual.
Word Count: 441
Summary: As the title suggests, NewS gets offered some roles that they really just can’t accept.
Dedication: tinyangl’s request on my five things meme.
A/N: LOL I had to throw in the Okane ga Nai reference okay, that manga is hysterical. NO ONE GETS IT BUT ME.
1.
"Okane ga Nai?" Tegoshi says, and looks over the script and the supplementary materials he's been given skeptically. "Are those two guys?"
The producer nods excitedly, "It's a hit BL title! And when we got the script, I immediately imagined you in the role of Ayase, Tegoshi-kun. The doe-eyed, innocent young boy ripped away from his loving home and forced to sell his body to Kanou-san, a ruthless yakuza boss! Tell me you don't love it!"
Tegoshi stares. "BL? Are Johnnies even allowed to do that?"
Another nod. "We've done the studies; statistics all say that it's the most favored genre of 85% of your current target audience."
Tegoshi looks thoughtful. Then, after a moment, puts the script and the porn mangas back on the table. "I pass on the role," he says politely, and the producer and the directors' faces both fall when he does, because apparently they can't imagine anyone else in the role of a young man who makes everyone around him a gay pedophile rapist.
Pause.
Smile.
"But," Tegoshi amends sweetly, "I'll reconsider working on the drama if I get to be Kanou instead."
2.
"A con artist who infiltrates a talent agency trying to become an idol," the writer pitches excitedly. "The only catch is, he can't sing or dance."
Shige glares. "Very funny."
3.
"Okay, imagine this. An off-beat, starving arti... is something wrong, Masuda-kun?" the director asks, trailing off abruptly when he sees the look on Massu's face.
"Starving?" Massu asks, with the saddest eyed expression in the whole wide world.
Massu's manager sighs. "We'll pass. Kamenashi-kun might be better suited for the role, all things considered."
"Kamenashi-kun?" The director looks thoughtful.
4.
"A bitter, alcoholic manzai comedian who finds redemption when he hooks up with a fresh, young, albeit quirky partner," Ryo's manager reads to him, sounding approving. "The whole serious role thing is working for you after Last Friends, maybe you ought to consider it, especially given that this writer is pretty famous."
Ryo looks thoughtful. "It does sound interesting," he says. "Who's up for the role of the partner?"
"Taguchi-kun."
Ryo snorts. "Pass."
5.
"A high school prince, president of the student council, athletic star by day but boy prostitute by night. It's dark and edgy but with a light, shoujo-manga twist. And we think it requires your particular talents, Tegoshi-kun. The writer apparently had you specifically in mind while she was working on this series."
Tegoshi just pouts. "Why do I always have to be the whore?" he demands.
His manager pats his back comfortingly. "Maybe you ought to ask Kamenashi-kun, all things considered," he starts to the producer, carefully.
"Kamenashi-kun?"
The producer looks thoughtful.
END
Title: Boobs Make the World go Round
Theme/Topic: Shige has a sex scandal.
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (mentions of Jin, Nakamaru, and Yokoyama)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, stupidity, WTF.
Word Count: 259
Summary: Shige deals with his first scandal.
Dedication: kisekiga, naturally.
A/N: So given all the fun sex scandals lately kisekiga and I started speculating on how Shige’s would go. My theory is that he slips and falls (like he often does) one day and accidentally lands on a pair of boobs in the process. Here, the aftermath.
"Kei-chan, is Shige a...a... pervert? A real one?" Tegoshi asks, with impossibly wide eyes and exaggeratedly trembling lip as he holds the tabloid up high, so everyone can see. Again.
Shige's shocked face and grabby hands stare back at them ominously.
Koyama hangs his head and sighs. "I guess so, ne. I feel like I failed him somewhere down the line."
Tegoshi pats Koyama's shoulder comfortingly, while everyone else looks at the pictures in a moment of thoughtful silence.
"You know, Shige," Yamapi begins after a beat, in good-leader mode, "next time, if you just tell the girls you're in Johnny's first, they usually let you touch their boobs willingly."
Ryo snorts. "That's just you," he says, before turning to Shige and smirking. "Oi, the next time you feel the need to grope boobs just ask Yamapi if you can grab his or something, dumbass. You're lucky that on Monday KAT-TUN is scheduled to have their next scandal; Akanishi will probably blow you out of the water."
"Actually, I think it's Nakamaru's turn this Monday," Massu clarifies for them, munching peacefully on a bag of chips.
"Well, then you're screwed," Ryo amends, but doesn't sound particularly sorry about it. "You'll have to wait until Tuesday for something really good to make everyone forget about you."
"Eh, Tuesday is Yokayama-kun's turn, ne," Tegoshi realizes. "Isn't that lucky for you, Shige?" he chirps.
In the corner, Shige buries his face in his knees, but everyone can still see how red the tips of his ears are anyway. "I HATE YOU ALL."
END
Title: Five Times the Most Unlikely Members of JE Had Sex Scandals (With Girls)
Theme/Topic: More scandals!
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, KT, ABC, HSJUMP
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, JE boys touching GIRLS (kind of).
Word Count: 467
Summary: Sometimes it’s the ones you least expect. But then again, sometimes it’s not either.
Dedication: kisekiga, because she promised me orgy if I did it. I AM SO WEAK.
A/N: Okay technically not just a NewS drabble but they show up 2/5 times so MOSTLY a NewS drabble. So there.
1.
It's on the escalator at the shopping mall when it happens. Massu is in the middle of eating a chocolate bar and stops to turn and say something to Tegoshi who's standing behind him; in the mere two seconds it takes him to tell Tegoshi, "Let's get crepes next," some of the flimsy caramel filling gives way on his snack and two inches of delicious, delicious chocolate are instantly lost to him.
He looks on in horror as those precious two inches settle on the bare shoulder of the high school girl standing in front of him; she doesn't notice as she talks animatedly on the phone with what sounds to be her mother.
Later, after the media fiasco has settled down just a bit, all Massu has to say on the matter is that he can't abide by wasted food.
2.
"What can I say, the bitches love me," Chinen shrugs nonchalantly, as he walks into the HSJUMP rehearsal floor the day after his photos hit the newsstand.
His groupmates stare.
"How old is he again?" Inoo asks.
3.
"I can't believe this is happening," Nakamaru mutters, head in hands as Kame holds up the morning gossip column while looking very disapproving.
The headline, "KAT-TUN's Nakamaru solicits escort services" glares back at him.
Nakamaru glares at Jin. "I can't believe you bought me a whore. This is all your fault!"
Jin just huffs back. "I can't believe I bought you a whore and you didn't bang her; what a waste of a scandal and my friendship!"
Nakamaru looks incredulous.
"Wait, you didn't bang her?" Koki asks disbelievingly.
Nakamaru turns red. "Of course not!"
Silence. Even from Junno.
Nakamaru looks around. "Don't tell me..."
Koki shrugs. "If you were gonna get in trouble for it anyway, you should've at least gotten laid."
The others nod in agreement.
More silence.
But only because Nakamaru is torn between seeing the truth in their logic and throwing his brush at Jin's head.
4.
Tegoshi watches, head cocked sideways curiously, as Koyama grabs a towel after he's finished washing up and stands to go outside to the onsen. "Tegoshi, you'll be joining us this time, right?" he asks absently, sounding excited as he walks towards the door while towel-drying his hair at the same time.
Tegoshi blinks and wonders if he should tell Koyama that he's headed towards the door that leads to the women's bath instead. He probably shouldn't walk and dry his hair at the same time; apparently it obscures his vision.
"No thanks, Kei-chan!" is all Tegoshi eventually says instead, because he's decided that it will definitely be more interesting to sit by and see what happens next.
5.
"It wasn't technically me," Kawai explains to Johnny fervently, "she said she always wanted to fuck Matsujun; I just did my best impression."
END
Title: Five Times Tegoshi Shed his Sheep’s Skin and Unleashed His Inner Slut Wolf
Theme/Topic: Tegoslut!
Rating: PG-15
Character/Pairing/s: TegoxRyo, TegoxNagase, TegoxPi, TegoxKoyama
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, the usual
Word Count: 996
Summary: Tegoshi cuts the innocent act.
Dedication: kisekiga’s request on my five things meme. Clearly you are ruling my writing lately, woman.
A/N: adslkj;dsf SO HARD. Surprisingly. Maybe it’s because I’ve done all of these already before or something. ALL HAIL TEGO SLUT.
1.
On Tegoshi’s twentieth birthday Ryo feels kind of odd; their youngest member is suddenly an adult now and it makes him realize that NEWS is four years old going on five already. It shows too, in how Tegoshi’s grown taller and slimmer; the baby fat is gone from his cheeks and he can dress himself hot now, can do his own hair and makeup and look stunning. He can and get into clubs like this on his own now too, can buy drinks for girls and dance with his arms over his head while leading with his hips.
“It’s weird,” he says out loud to Koyama, who nods in agreement when Tegoshi bounces off the dance floor and joins them in the VIP lounge, glistening sweat but not a hair out of place.
“This is fun!” the youngest member chirps, and sounds all of fifteen again when he does.
Ryo takes a drink and grunts.
“Eh, is Ryo-tan bored?” Tegoshi asks.
Koyama laughs. “He’s just feeling nostalgic, is all. Tego-nyan is all grown up, after all!”
Tegoshi pouts at Ryo in concern. “Really?”
Ryo smiles when he sees that childish face and reaches out to ruffle Tegoshi’s hair comfortingly; he’s glad that even though everything is changing so fast not all of it has, not yet anyway. “I’m okay, Tego-nyan,” he says.
Tegoshi laughs at the familiar gesture and shakes his hair back into place. “Okay! Kei-chan, will you go buy me something sweet to drink?” he asks.
Koyama smiles and pads to the bar obediently.
In the meantime, Tegoshi settles into Ryo’s lap facing him, just like old times.
“Is Ryo-tan really that nostalgic?” he asks, head cocked sideways and eyes big.
The familiarity of the positions eases Ryo’s tension a little and he reaches out to put his hands on Tegoshi’s waist just like always, so he doesn’t slide off.
“Just a little. You’re an adult now I guess,” he admits.
Tegoshi smiles. Slides forward a bit. “Is that bad?”
Ryo blinks when Tegoshi’s arms go up around his neck unexpectedly. “Does Ryo-tan not like the adult me?” he asks, around a small, sideways smile.
Ryo coughs, and when Tegoshi shifts again-backwards this time- Ryo can’t help it when he asks, “Are you grinding?”
“Yes,” Tegoshi chirps. Pause. “Should I stop?” He doesn’t.
When Ryo groans out loud without meaning to a moment later, he thinks that maybe it’s time to stop looking at the past and start looking (forward) to the future.
2.
“Nagase-senpai?”
Nagase looks up from his guitar when he hears a voice at his door; it’s Tegoshi, looking a little sweaty from what must have been today’s dance rehearsal.
“Yo, Tegoshi! What’s up?”
Tegoshi smiles that million watt smile of his as he pushes the door open wider. “I just wanted to say I saw TOKIO’s Music Station episode yesterday! The performance was really cool, ne.”
Nagase grins. “Yeah? Glad you liked it.”
“Though my favorite part was the interview! Senpai was really natural.”
Nagase’s grin widens automatically; he sits up a little straighter. “Well, yeah. We have been doing this for a long time, I guess. You’ll get there too, one day.”
Tegoshi laughs. “I hope so! Oh, and I think that my favorite, favorite part was the part where senpai said he was an M.”
Nagase blinks. “Eh?” That’s a weird thing to be complimented on. “Why’s that?”
“Because it’s perfect!”
“O-oh? How so?”
Tegoshi smiles again, except less bright and more calculative this time, and slides into the room. “Because, senpai, I’m an S! Isn’t that great?”
Nagase stares.
And a second later, the door clicks shut behind Tegoshi.
3.
“Tegoshi!” Yamapi says brightly as he bounces into the dressing room for their magazine shoot that afternoon, “They said that today you get to dress me up, ne.”
Tegoshi nods. “Un! It’s really exciting!”
Yamapi beams back and ruffles his hair. “I’m counting on you to make me look cool, okay?”
Tegoshi laughs sweetly and reaches out and touches Yamapi’s belt. “Of course, Yamashita-kun!” He tugs on it.
Yamapi blinks. “We don’t have to start getting changed yet, do we? The others aren’t even here yet.”
Tegoshi pulls the belt off anyway, and follows through by popping Yamapi’s jeans button open one-handed. “Let’s do the preparation now anyway, Leader,” he murmurs, and Yamapi wonders when-and how-his own belt suddenly got looped around his wrists without his noticing.
When he gets pushed onto the table a few seconds later and Tegoshi leans in for a more thorough inspection of today’s assignment, Yamapi can’t help but think that Tegoshi has definitely become the kind of idol who takes his work very seriously.
4.
“Good morning, senpai!” a few younger juniors chirp obediently as they pass Shige and Tegoshi in hallways on their way to morning practice.
“Morning,” Shige grunts back sleepily, while Tegoshi doesn’t say anything at all. He just kind of stands there, with an odd look on his face.
“What’s your problem?” Shige asks, once the juniors are gone.
“I forgot that I’m technically a senpai now,” Tegoshi marvels, and has a look in his eye that Shige really, really doesn’t like.
“What are you talking about?”
Tegoshi just beams. “I should go and ask Takizawa-kun for some advice one of these days, now that I can.” He heads off down the hall looking excited.
Shige groans when he figures it out (because when Tackey’s involved it can only really mean one thing).
“Shit.”
5.
When NEWS hears the completed playback for Bambina for the first time, they all pause, blink, and then turn to Tegoshi.
“Where did you learn how to make noises like that?” Koyama asks incredulously, while Ryo kind of hides his face behind his hand in the background and Yamapi inexplicably starts having a very animated conversation with his bottle of Raku Veggie.
Tegoshi-unfazed- just stands and settles himself comfortably in Koyama’s lap. “If you want, Kei-chan,” he begins happily, “I’ll show you.”
END
Title: Five Times Ryo Was Sorted Into A House That Wasn't Slytherin
Theme/Topic: See above
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (with mentions of KT, K8, TOKIO, Arashi)
Warnings/Spoilers: STUPIDITY and technically AU.
Word Count: 814
Summary: Five unlikely situations in which Ryo wouldn't be in Slytherin.
Dedication: koneho’s request on my five things meme. ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, bb.
A/N: LOL Clearly I have not read any of the HP books, leave me alone. Also, one of these kind of counts but kind of doesn’t at the same time. WHATEVS.
1.
“Put me in Gryffindor,” Ryo tells the hat flat out, when it’s his turn to get sorted.
“Why Gryffindor?” the hat asks.
Ryo thinks that should be fairly obvious by now, as he looks over towards the Gryffindor table, where Yamapi, Jin, Nagase, and Kusano are all happily seated, throwing food at each other and laughing like morons.
“Gryffindor is where the money is,” he says.
The hat blinks. “Fair enough.”
2.
“Ravenclaw!” the hat announces, as it is pulled off of Tegoshi’s head.
“Dammit,” Shige sighs, while Tegoshi bounces back over to their table happily.
“Yay, Shige, we get to be together!” he cheers.
“I guess no one would know just by looking at you that you’re smart,” Shige replies, trying to sound at peace with the hat’s decision even though he clearly is not.
But it doesn’t really matter since Tegoshi already isn’t listening to him anymore anyway; “Nishikido-kun,” he chirps, “I hope you get sorted into our house too! Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“I don’t know if I’m as smart as you, Tego-nyan,” Ryo replies magnanimously, while Shige snorts and earns himself a boot to the knee under the table before Ryo stands to take his turn.
“What house to you want to be put in?” the hat asks him, after it’s been placed on his head and sits there, smelling like hundreds of years of geek-head. Ryo snorts.
“Do I actually have a choice? Because if all you do is ask the students where they want to go and then place them accordingly, you’re getting paid way too much.”
“From the sound of it, you’d do well in Slytherin,” it suggests dryly. “But for the record, when a student wishes fervently enough, it can influence my decisions.”
“Then I fervently wish you’d get on with this,” Ryo replies.
The hat huffs, and a second later Ryo can hear it as it prepares to say “Slytherin!” only to get cut off somewhere in the middle of “Sly!” because it catches Tegoshi’s eye from across the room, and Tegoshi just looks really, really hopeful.
Silence.
Then, “Ravenclaw!” the hat sighs, eventually.
Ryo eyes it as he pulls it off. “What was that?”
The hat sniffs. “Sometimes,” it starts, haughtily, “there are powers in this universe that one does not wish to make an enemy of.”
Ryo doesn’t get it, but supposes he’s kind of glad he won’t have to share house with Ninomiya, Kamenashi, and Yokoyama now. He doesn’t even want to imagine the ridiculousness that will inevitably go down in a house with those three living under the same roof.
3.
“I’m torn,” the hat admits to Ryo unexpectedly, “between Slytherin and Gryffindor.”
Ryo blinks, because while his (asshole) friends were all betting on him getting Slytherin, he’d hardly expected Gryffindor to be option number two. “Why Gryffindor?”
The hat looks smug. “You do have a lot of nerve,” it explains.
Ryo starts to think some very uncharitable thoughts.
“And quite a bit of daring, it seems,” the hat adds with a tsk. “Right, then, Gryffindor it is!”
“Smartass,” Ryo mutters, before taking his seat again.
4.
“This is ridiculous!” Uchi fumes later, after everyone has been sorted and the two of them have properly been made spectacles of. “And kind of unfair. How are we supposed to be in two houses at the same time?”
Ryo shrugs. “Maybe we’re just that good,” he says, though he can’t help but frown as he finally clears the basement steps and says the password to the Hufflepuff dormitory. The door opens a second later, and the look on his face subsequently sends some of the residents skittering towards the very back of the common room on instinct.
“Um…welcome!” Koyama manages nervously after a minute or two, when no one else is able to say anything.
Massu, sitting in the corner with a bag of jelly beans, waves but looks more nervous than welcoming.
Ryo pointedly ignores them both and takes a look around. A Nakamaru-sized lump tries to make itself very small on the couch.
He is not impressed.
“Right,” he decides after a beat, and turns on his heel towards the exit, “We’re sleeping in Slytherin tonight.”
5.
“Ravenclaw!” the hat declares, for the sixth straight time in a row. A general murmur of disbelief is raised by some of the instructors, but no one actually speaks up against it.
“The hell?” Ryo mutters, after he steps down from the front of the room and rejoins his friends; Yamapi just cheers obliviously and makes peace signs as he takes photos with Koyama, Tegoshi, and a slightly pained looking Shige.
“Ryo-chan, apparently this year we’re the smart group!” Yamapi preens, and tugs a still-eating Massu into the next photo with them.
Ryo blinks. “Us? The smart group?”
“Yup!”
Ryo sighs and thinks that he doesn’t want to know how dumb everyone else is if that’s the case.
END
Title: Five Times Shige Gets NewS to Believe that Wagahai is Real
Theme/Topic: See above.
Rating: G
Character/Pairing/s: NEWS
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC, lameness.
Word Count: 882
Summary: Shige’s cat has so much personality that sometimes it has everyone fooled. Kind of.
Dedication: cynicalism’s request on my five things meme.
A/N: LOL Massu and his legendary taxonomy fail might be one of my favorite early memories of the fandom. Every group needs a dumb one. <3 Also, clearly you can see the one of the five in here that is LAME AND SUCKS MORE THAN THE OTHERS but seriously, I ran out of ideas and it’s two am. BE KIND.
1.
“Eh, Wagahai hasn’t updated in a while, ne,” Koyama comments one day at work, looking at Shige meaningfully as Shige tries to work on a set of case studies for his Law Ethics class. “I hope he writes again soon, it’s lonely if we don’t know what’s going on with him, don’t you think Shige?”
Shige snorts and removes his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Wagahai is busy traveling the world. He can’t just find a computer and leisurely type the day away even if he wanted to.” He looks pointedly at his notes after that, and Koyama sighs but capitulates.
In the meantime, Tegoshi overhears and stops in the middle of what he’s doing to eye the two of them, thinking that maybe he learned something about this kind of stuff in class the other day. He looks thoughtful for a moment, but then gets distracted with his own reflection in the mirror and doesn’t think anything more of it.
Until the next day, when Koyama asks the very same question again, and Shige snaps, “Wagahai is busy! He can’t talk to you now so leave me alone.”
After that Tegoshi gets concerned and goes to the Waseda library the following Thursday to look up what he suspects is going on; he finds something about it in one of the books before too long (and with the help of the smiling librarian) and decides that he has every right to be worried about Shige.
The next time they see each other, Tegoshi very seriously sits next to Shige, who is still trying to study. “Shige,” he begins, voice low, “Shige, how is Wagahai? Kei-chan seems to miss him a lot ne.”
Shige stares at him. “Oh my god why does everyone keep asking me that? Can’t you see that I’m busy? I don’t have time to update the stupid blog every day, okay!”
A beat.
Then, Tegoshi just lowers his voice a little more. “Am I talking to Wagahai right now?” he asks cautiously, eyes wide with worry.
Shige wordlessly stands and goes to study in the lobby.
2.
Shige supposes he should have expected it, considering the last time Massu saw a cat while they were together, he got excited, pointed, and called it a monkey. Out loud.
But even still, sometimes Shige has this foolish, foolish hope that things can change.
Unfortunately, all that usually happens is that it gets crushed.
“It’s Wagahai kitty!” Massu exclaims that afternoon, effectively doing said crushing of hopes when Shige walks into the jimusho with a very sick, very cranky Nana in his arms.
“That’s a dog,” Tegoshi and Ryo point out flatly.
“Oh,” Massu says, and then ambles off to get some pie like nothing is wrong in the world even though he clearly has issues with animals.
“Do you see?” Shige murmurs to Nana under his breath, “What I have to put up with all the time?”
Nana promptly throws up on his jacket.
3.
“Shige!” Koyama shrieks, and pops into the bathroom while Shige is still bathing and promptly scares five years off of Shige’s life. “Shige did you finally get a cat? Is there a Wagahai here?!” he demands, looking ecstatic. “Can we have real kitty play dates now?!”
Shige stares, heart hammering in his chest-and naked in the shower-while Koyama holds up a black sweater with what seems to be cat hair on it.
A moment.
Then, Shige sighs. “Koyama,” he begins slowly, “that sweater is yours. You left it here when you slept over two nights ago.” Pause. “It has your name written on the tag. In your handwriting. So you won’t lose it.”
Koyama blinks. “Oh.” He looks apologetically at Shige. “Sometimes I’m just…”
“I know,” Shige tells him. “I know.”
Koyama quietly closes the bathroom door on his way out.
4.
“What the heck is this?” Ryo asks, and holds up a ball of the white yarn Koyama is planning to use to make everyone surprise matching mittens with for this year’s winter tour. It looks like it kind of rolled out of Koyama’s bag, and Shige can’t help but think that sometimes Koyama is just…yeah.
He’s surprised Koyama’s been able to keep it a secret this long, really.
Shige sighs and eventually moves to answer Ryo. “It’s a ball of yarn,” he explains dryly.
Ryo glares. “Haha, asshole. What’s it for and why is it in the middle of the floor like this?”
“It’s my cat’s,” Shige drawls.
Ryo blinks. “Oh.”
“You know,” Shige continues, because he can’t help it, “the one who travels around the world and writes blog entries about all the sights he’s seeing abroad. That cat. This year he’s taking up knitting.”
A beat.
Then Ryo throws the yarn at his head. “Dick.”
5.
“Eh, it’s Wagahai kitty!” Massu says (again) a few months later, when Shige has to bring Nana to the set of a magazine shoot where the theme is the members’ relationships with their pets.
“Massu, that’s another d…” Tegoshi starts, but gets cut off by a look from Shige.
“Just let him be,” Shige says, and sounds tired. He wonders-absently-how Massu will react when Koyama arrives with his pet monkey.
In the meantime, Massu tries to feed Nana and Tinny some milk.
END
Title: Five Times Shige Actually Feels Like he Isn't a Failure
Theme/Topic: See title.
Rating: G
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (mentions of Nakamaru and SMAP)
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC+crap
Word Count: 814
Summary: Every dog has his day. Or at least a few minutes here and there once in a while.
Dedication: procreational’s request on the five things meme.
A/N: WHY WAS THIS SO HARD. Probably because my universe centers on the Sun of Tego win and the Moon of Shige fail or something. IDK. In short, I continue the trend of FAIL.
1.
“Yeah, so I guess I’ll be going to law school at Aoyama this fall,” Shige announces officiously to his groupmates one afternoon, and actually puffs up a little when Koyama looks so happy at the news he could burst and Yamapi claps and Ryo looks grudgingly impressed and Massu, well, Massu just smiles his usual smile and says a heartfelt, “Congratulations, Shige!”
It’s a good feeling, Shige thinks as he looks around, to come out on top for once.
And it lasts for a whole five minutes too, up until the moment Tegoshi bounces into the room with an acceptance letter in hand and announces to the group that he got into Waseda.
2.
When Shige actually sits down to watch KAT-TUN’s 100 Adult Rules episode it’s already halfway over and he’s probably missed the good parts; the announcer says that the next segment after the commercial break will have something to do with Nakamaru meeting Nicholas Cage.
For a moment, Shige reads the caption and feels something like envy; sometimes KAT-TUN gets to do all the fun things and meet all the foreign celebrities.
But then the commercials end and the segment comes on, and when Shige watches what happens to Nakamaru, he-strangely- doesn’t feel so bitter about it anymore.
Afterwards, he thinks to himself-rather philosophically-that no matter how bad things are for you in this world, there is always someone out there who has it worse.
It’s a small comfort, but at this point he’ll take what he can get.
3.
“Eh, Shige sure has a lot of SMAP DVDs,” Tegoshi marvels one day when they’re hanging out together at Shige’s house after lunch and karaoke. “You must be a big fan!”
Shige sputters. “It’s not like that! It’s just that when I listen to them sing, it gives me some confidence,” he explains, as Tegoshi pops one of the older ones in to listen to.
Five minutes later, after the opening set has played, Tegoshi turns and smiles at Shige. “Ah, I think I get what you mean, ne,” he says, and pats Shige’s hand.
Shige takes that to mean that Tegoshi is agreeing that Shige is at least a better singer than say, Nakai. He feels a small amount of comfort knowing that.
But then Tegoshi ruins it by talking again. “It’s great that Shige is so smart, ne,” he murmurs whimsically (and seemingly at random) as he moves to turn off the DVD. He hums to himself as he starts to go through Shige’s stuff instead.
Shige scowls and tells him to go home.
Tegoshi, naturally, laughs at him and asks what they’re doing for dinner tonight.
4.
“Shige is my best friend,” Koyama tells Taichi unabashedly during his Shounen Club Premium episode, and the look on his face is impossibly warm when he does.
Shige watches and feels embarrassed yet touched at the same time; even though he’ll never be able to say it out loud like that on national television, he’s glad Koyama is his best friend too.
And then Taichi very seriously tells Koyama that on this show, they refer to Shige as Shige-san.
Because of Tegoshi.
Koyama laughs when he hears that and dutifully calls him “Shige-san,” for the rest of the interview.
Shige sighs and watches it anyway; he thinks that even though he’s glad Koyama is his best friend most of the time, every once in a while it feels like shooting yourself in the foot as well.
5.
Shige is at Koyama’s house watching Shounen Club with Tegoshi and Massu as the guests when his name suddenly comes up in the talk section again.
“The one who makes everyone laugh is Shige!” Tegoshi chirps to Nakamaru innocently, and the other two readily agree.
Shige sighs in a resigned kind of way when he hears that; in the meantime Koyama returns from the kitchen with snacks and tea.
“Eh, it’s this part already!” Koyama exclaims, and giggles loudly when he sees himself explaining Shige’s odd way of flying.
Shige scowls and is about to complain about Koyama always embarrassing him like that on TV, but pauses when Koyama stops suddenly and looks thoughtful. “Eh, that’s interesting,” the older boy murmurs.
Shige arches a skeptical eyebrow. “What’s interesting?”
Koyama smiles back. “I was just thinking…whenever the members have to talk about NewS, Shige is definitely the one who comes up the most out of everyone, isn’t he?”
Shige blinks around his tea cup and may or may not turn kind of red, but not in a bad way. “Really?” he asks, voice small.
Koyama nods and settles down next to him peacefully. “Everyone must really love Shige lots, ne!”
Shige puffs up a little at the thought, and moves to respond with something appropriately cool.
Except he chokes on his tea instead.
Koyama spends the next five minutes patting his back and laughing at him.
END
Title: Five Times Shige Fails Without Anyone Noticing
Theme/Topic: See title.
Rating: G
Character/Pairing/s: Shige
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, randomness, badly strung together situations.
Word Count: 999
Summary: If a tree falls in the forest and nobody’s there to hear it it’s still pretty obvious that it fell just looking at it.
Dedication: seca’s request on the five things meme.
A/N: Kind of rushed but really, I just wanted to FINISH. I just wanted to finish. Sorry seca, LOL you get the ultimate lame.
1.
On Sunday night Shige trips and falls while boarding train back from school; it’s when he’s making the transition from the platform to the car and thankfully, because it’s late, no one is there to see it.
He ends up somersaulting onto the floor and lies there for a moment afterwards, half expecting to hear laughter any second now.
When none comes he sits up in surprise and considers it a rare lucky moment on his part.
The following morning, when he arrives at work with a slight limp from when his ankle rolled the wrong way last night, Ryo looks at him, snorts, and then says, “Did you fall on the train or something?”
“No! Why would you say that?!” Shige shouts, and Ryo mentally shrugs before trudging off for coffee.
Shige is torn between surprise at Ryo’s easy capitulation and relief that Ryo didn’t try to press him for an answer.
2.
That same afternoon, Shige eats his lunch on the dressing room couch and ends up spilling miso soup all over his pants. Luckily the others are still at the commissary getting their food.
Shige manages to hobble over to his locker and change into some spare clothes before anyone can return in time to see him (and subsequently, make tasteless pee jokes).
Eventually Massu arrives to get something from his bag; he stops in the doorway, sniffs the air, and then makes a straight-line path to the plastic bag Shige had stuffed his soiled pants into.
Shige stares at him and can’t believe Massu is a human being sometimes.
“Shige,” Massu starts curiously, after staring at the bag for a little bit, “Shige why do your pants smell delicious?”
“It’s your imagination,” Shige tells him, awkwardly.
Massu blinks. “Oh, okay,” he replies, and goes to fish his wallet out of his bag. “I forgot this,” he explains with a smile.
Shige is left alone in the dressing room again.
It’s silent.
3.
That night, after he gets home, Shige dumps his dirty pants in the hamper and heads upstairs to shower before proceeding to be exhausted and cranky from the late night of work and the inconvenience of his ankle. He thinks to himself that at least he doesn’t have anything to do until tomorrow afternoon (there is a Wednesday photo shoot scheduled after three) and he can thus sleep in.
When he wakes up on Tuesday it’s almost noon. He also realizes (belatedly) that it is actually Tuesday and not Wednesday morning, like he thought it would be yesterday, when he’d collapsed into his exhausted sleep.
He has class on Tuesdays but not on Wednesdays; as a matter of fact, his Tuesday class started at nine and ended just now and he must have gotten his days of the week messed up, silly him.
He groans in a sort of resigned self-loathing and tells himself that it can’t hurt to miss one day of class every semester or so; Yamapi does it all the time.
That night, Koyama calls him after dinner and asks, “Shige, how do you think you did on that test you were studying for last week? It was today, right?”
A beat.
“I’ll call you later!” he replies, and hangs up before Koyama can say anything else.
In his blind panic and utter disbelief at his own carelessness, he realizes that the worst part about the whole ordeal is that Koyama doesn’t call him back again that night.
4.
On Wednesday morning Shige phones his professor and requests a make-up test for the one he missed, but his professor is snooty and academic and tells Shige that he won’t get any special treatment just because he’s popular and girls throw their panties at him (which they don’t by the way, because those are all for Yamapi).
Shige fumes when he gets to the jimusho that afternoon; Koyama and Tegoshi are there ahead of him, chattering happily together. “Shige!” Koyama greets when he sees his best friend, “You never called me back ne. But it’s okay! I had to call Tegoshi instead anyway. How did your test go?”
Before Shige can say anything Tegoshi turns to Koyama and laughs; “If it’s Shige he probably did great!”
Koyama beams. “That’s true.”
Shige glares.
Tegoshi doesn’t notice. “As for my test, I think I did good too! Thanks for calling me to remind me I had it yesterday ne, otherwise I would have completely forgotten!”
“Because you always need reminding,” Koyama sighs. “Not like Shige.”
Tegoshi just smiles. “I love Kei-chan lots,” he says, and the two of them have a moment of cuteness on the couch together while a cold wind sweeps through the side of the room Shige is on.
Shige stares; he thinks that suddenly, it feels as if he’s missing something.
5.
On Thursday during rehearsal Shige has come up with a theory about what he’s missing and consequently, an experiment to test that theory; he times, plans, and executes a dramatic trip over his own shoes before going into a rolling tumble straight to the floor.
When he looks up, shoulder throbbing and hair a mess, he waits for the sound of familiar laughter and the gentle look in Koyama and Yamapi’s eyes as they offer him a hand up.
But no one sees him because everyone is at the doorway congratulating Tegoshi, who holds up his last exam proudly; “I even got the extra credit!” he chirrups.
A few minutes later, Tegoshi blinks, cocks his head to the side and asks, “Shige, why are you laying on the floor?”
Shige furrows his brow and decides that his failures are definitely more tolerable when-at the very least-they get him acknowledged.
“I fell just now,” he admits eventually, and when everyone bursts out laughing when they hear, he experiences a strange (yet bitter) feeling of relief.
He sighs as Yamapi and Koyama help him up and supposes that no matter what happens, he’ll always be this character in NewS after all.
END
Title: Deus ex Machina (or Five Times Tegoshi Randomly Ended Up in an Alternate Universe and Saved the World)
Theme/Topic: random crossovers with Tego’s universe powers in play.
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing/s: Tegoshi (also characters from HP, SG-1, Supernatural, and other stuff.)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, OOC; slight spoilers for Supernatural I suppose.
Word Count: 998
Summary: Sometimes Tegoshi dreams and ends up in weird places.
Dedication: crystallekil bribed me with more NewS porn except involving Uchi and Kusano this time. Also, because she seems to be having one of those weeks where the stupid people keep finding her.
A/N: Lalala let’s forget that I’ve never read the HP books or that I stayed vehemently away from any seasons of SG-1 with the Newguy in them.
1.
Sometimes Tegoshi dreams and ends up in the middle of strange places; his mother says he has an over-active imagination and his father says he shouldn’t eat heavy foods before bed.
Tegoshi tries to listen to them but it still happens like this anyway; today he finds himself in the middle of a cobblestone street in the dead of night, all alone.
A few moments later (thankfully) a black-clad man appears, walking towards him.
Tegoshi promptly trots up to meet him, “Mister,” he says, reaching out to tug on a dark sleeve, “mister, I’m lost.”
Voldemort pauses when he is met with unexpected company; he looks down at the hand on his sleeve distastefully. “You don’t want help from me, little boy,” he hisses, “I am a very bad man.”
Tegoshi laughs. “You’re funny!”
Voldemort glares and keeps walking. “Go away.”
Tegoshi follows him. “So I thought I was sleeping but now I’m here; why is that and how do you think I can get back home?” he asks naturally.
Voldemort ignores him.
“Usually I have to do or say something to get home but this time I was in the middle of nowhere and the only one who came along was you. I should probably stick with you.”
Voldemort turns around and starts muttering something that sounds like Latin; Tegoshi watches in wonder as a lightning bolt cuts the sky, heading straight for him.
It almost hits him too, if not for some strange stroke of good luck wherein the lightning bolt is diverted suddenly and instead, singes the tip of Voldemort’s shoe.
“That was neat, did you do that?” Tegoshi asks, unfazed by the giant smoking crater between them.
Voldemort stares. “Whatever you are,” he snarls, “begone. I have important things to do tonight!” He starts to walk again.
Footsteps follow him. “Like what?”
Voldemort twitches. “I,” he growls, in the hopes of finally scaring whatever divine pest this is away, “have a family to kill.”
Laughter. Again. “You’re funny!”
Voldemort keeps walking, though he can’t help but think that maybe this is a sign from the gods to abort his plot. “No,” he murmurs to himself quickly, “it must be done.” He eyes the creature behind him one last time; clearly it’s one of those godly beings that takes great delight in testing the resolve of others. It’s best to ignore him.
Once they arrive at his destination, Voldemort prepares for a great confrontation.
“What a nice home!” Tegoshi marvels as they slip into the door. “Is it yours?”
“Quiet, imbecile,” Voldemort snaps, and heads for the stairs.
On the second floor, a light is on at the end of the hallway, and a baby’s gurgles can be heard through the door.
“Oh, baby!” Tegoshi laughs; “Is it yours too?”
Voldemort twitches but keeps moving; he starts uttering his death spell as he strides down the hallway and throws open the door.
From there, there is a woman’s scream, followed by a baby’s cries, and, as Voldemort finishes his chant…
…a body in the way.
As such, the deadly blast that erupts from his fingertips upon the spell’s completion heads straight for Tegoshi and, like the lightning bolt before it, bounces harmlessly off of him, ricochets, and…
…hits Voldemort in the face.
He screams as he dissolves.
“What a cute baby!” Tegoshi coos obliviously, and tickles the kid’s chin as the confused parents stare on.
From that day on, Harry “Yuya” Potter ends up living a very normal, very uneventful wizard’s life.
2.
The members of Stargate Command all stare as the Ori fleet suddenly starts to loose power in all of its ships’ shields; “Fire!” Mitchell shouts, and half expects it to be a trick.
But it’s not.
In the aftermath, Daniel blinks at the floating space wreckage in front of them. “Um… what happened?”
“Reports from Earth, sir,” an airman announces, “apparently the Ori lost their followers.”
Daniel’s brows furrow fantastically. “W-what? All at once?”
A nod. “They found a new god.”
“A new god. That’s… improbable.”
The airman hastily hands over the intelligence report from the SGC. Daniel looks down at the smiling face of what appears to be a fifteen-year-old Asian girl as she poses for the camera with Jack.
“Apparently he’s benevolent,” the airman adds. “And really cute.”
Daniel stares. “Huh. Pause. “He? Really?”
“Really.”
“Huh.”
3.
“Please?” Tegoshi begs, eyes big and watery and adorable.
The demon sputters. “What? But that’s not part of the deal!”
“Pleeeeease?” Tegoshi asks again, and even clasps his hands in front of his face this time.
She sighs. Averts her eyes. “Okay fine. Take him.”
Tegoshi beams. “Yay, you’re nice even though you’re a demon!”
“Goddammit,” she growls, and glares at a smirking Dean and apprehensive Sam. “You got lucky this time, boys.”
She snaps her fingers and dissolves their contract as she disappears, leaving Dean alive (if slightly incredulous).
Tegoshi bounces back towards the brothers looking satisfied. “Was that good?”
Sam nods. “Whatever works, right?”
4.
“Eh,” Tegoshi marvels, after wandering around in a strange garden for the better part of fifteen minutes only to come across a very naked girl talking to a snake under some fruit trees. “A talking snake! Neat!”
The naked girl is so surprised by his sudden appearance that she drops the apple she was about to eat.
5.
“And then,” Tegoshi sighs, “and then I had to help Rodney save Atlantis and it was really tiring!”
“What are you talking about?” Koyama demands, and yelps as he ducks another round of bullets. “Are those codes done yet?!”
Tegoshi blinks, looks around, and realizes that this isn’t home after all; his groupmates are all in suits firing guns at angry foreign men. There’s a laptop with him and it’s running some kind of complicated simulation.
He doesn’t know what to do so he hits “Enter” instinctively; a second later, the lights turn off.
“Great work, Tegoshi!” he hears Yamapi say over his earpiece.
Tegoshi wonders if maybe he should sleep less.
END
EDITZ PLS.