JE/NewS- "NewS Desu!"
Dur Hur my writer's block is showing.
Title: NewS Desu!
Universe: JE/NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (lightly RyoxTegoshi, and with the requisite appearances by Jin, Nakamaru, and Nagase)
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, Stupid, CRACK.
Word Count: 6,275
Summary: Companion piece to annnimeee’s fic “Tegoshi Desu!”- Because even if they didn’t do everything together before, NewS tries to now (or something like that).
Dedication: Here Ann, here is a not-remix of fail. I did my best to finish it like I said I would, but it turned out stupid again. I AM SORRY.
A/N: Okay so in light of my RAPE of Ann’s fic for the remix challenge we both signed up for, she told me that I could make it up to her by remixing one of her stories WITHOUT having to adhere to any rules. Of course this means I didn’t really do what she asked at all since clearly this is a sequel. FAIL AGAIN. But I had to do it. I HAD TO. The May Myojo scans, people! Also, I totally started this months ago and finished it this week, so I’ll bet you can tell which parts are from then and which parts are from now if only because they sound nothing alike. AT ALL.
Disclaimer: No harm is meant by this!
1.
“Shige,” Tegoshi begins casually that evening, as he removes the bandanna and apron he’d been wearing during today’s photo shoot, “wouldn’t it be funny if we really switched bodies again? Instead of just pretending to like we did just now?”
Shige sputters in the middle of pulling his tanktop off. “No, it wouldn’t! Why would you say that after everything that’s already happened to us?” he yells, and curses under his breath when he ends up getting his shirt tangled in his jewelry while trying to undress and shoot Tegoshi’s bad ideas down all at the same time. Tegoshi just doesn’t think before he says things sometimes. It creates problems.
Tegoshi pouts at Shige’s dismissal, looking around. “It would be funny! Because, ne,” he says, gesturing to the others, “this time it would be everyone together and not just us two!”
Shige would slap a hand to his forehead if both of his were not currently tangled somewhere in his clothes. “How,” he snaps instead, “does that make such a traumatizing and terrifying experience funny?”
“Everything is better when we all do it together,” Tegoshi replies brightly. “Right, Kei-chan?”
Koyama blinks and looks up from where he is undressing near the mirrors; “What was that, Tegoshi?”
“Everything is better when we all do it together, right?” Tegoshi repeats more loudly, looking completely innocent even though Shige knows he’s not.
Koyama, however, simply beams back at the youngest member and falls for it completely. “Of course it is!” he chirps, heart clearly warmed at Tegoshi’s strong member-ai.
Tegoshi turns back to Shige triumphantly. “See? Told you.”
“Out of context!” Shige screams, and earns a tie thrown at his head when he irritates Ryo for being loud.
~~~~~
2.
When Shige wakes up the next morning in Yamapi’s apartment in Yamapi’s body, he promptly buries his head under the pillows and screams some more, about the injustice of the universe and about Tegoshi saying things without thinking and causing trouble for others. This time Ryo isn’t there to shut him up by throwing things at his face, though what happens next is comparable to a blow to the head in Shige’s book anyway. It’s Jin, rushing in from his room across the hall; he looks sleepy and disoriented and is holding one of his putters up like a baseball bat while trying to look scary.
“Pi, what’s wrong!? Are there robbers?!” he shrieks.
Shige groans and takes a deep breath.
“Yamashita-kun isn’t here right now,” he manages after a beat, sounding muffled and long-suffering from where he is hidden under Yamapi’s rather posh bedding.
“Oh,” Jin says, looking at him strangely and eventually lowering the golf club. “Then who is here?”
“It’s me, Shige.”
Jin promptly snorts. “Just because you say you’re someone else doesn’t mean you’re getting out of dish duty this week, Pi. I KNOW YOUR GAME AND IT’S STILL YOUR TURN.” He then turns his nose up and pads out of the room huffily, complaining to himself about being woken up early for this.
“My life,” Shige groans, “Why is this my life.”
~~~~~
3.
Shige walks into the dressing room later that morning looking irate, and since he is in Yamapi’s body this time, his irritation actually carries some weight with his groupmates. They quiet down immediately and turn to look up at him.
“Who,” he begins darkly, and eyes everyone with an expression that says no one is allowed to bullshit him on this, “is experiencing a body switch right now?”
The members who are currently present all raise their hands.
Shige pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.
“That’s definitely Shige in leader’s body ne,” he hears Tegoshi’s voice say after a beat, and some of the tension in the room dissolves because even if it’s Yamapi’s face looking scary, knowing that Shige is the one who is really inside somehow makes it not scary anymore all at the same time.
As if on cue, the real Yamapi bounces into the room next, wearing Massu’s body. “You guys,” he marvels, sounding happy and oblivious, “I ate a ton of food for breakfast this morning and I don’t feel sick at all, ne!” He flexes. “Majide, Massu’s body is really amazing. And Massu-mama’s food is really good!”
Everyone applauds politely for him.
“So Yamashita-kun is Massu.” Shige feels the beginnings of a headache developing in his temples. “Who else is who,” he asks next, and figures that’s step one.
Step two will be fixing it, but he has a theory that that part will take more effort to suss out than step one.
“You should guess, Shige!” the person in Shige’s body chirrups brightly.
Shige recognizes the tone immediately, and the fact that it is being used in a completely inappropriate context just serves to confirm his suspicions. “Tegoshi is in my body.”
His own face beams back at him. “Yup! This is time number two, ne. It’s like Shige’s body is half mine already!” he giggles.
Koyama’s body makes a face. “Sorry Tego-nyan, but I’m not kissing you like that.”
Shige sighs. “Ryo is in Koyama.” Pause. “So it’s just like yesterday’s shoot.” He points to Tegoshi’s body. “Koyama?”
Koyama waves back sheepishly. “Un.”
Then, to the person who looks like Ryo. “Massu, right?”
“Right!” Massu verifies. And when he uses Ryo’s face to smile brightly back at Shige, it is-by far- the creepiest thing Shige has experienced all day. “Shige is good at this game!” he says, obliviously.
Shige makes an indignant noise in the back of his throat and turns to hit his head against the wall a few times.
“Ack!” Yamapi complains, “Shige, that’s not yours!”
“We need to fix this,” Shige says after a moment, ignoring Yamapi in Massu’s body (which is strangely easy). “Now.”
Tegoshi cocks his head to the side, and while it would be cute on Tegoshi’s normal body, it just looks ridiculous and borderline retarded on Shige’s. “But this is a good opportunity isn’t it, Shige?” he asks.
“Opportunity for what?! We’ve been through it already. The last time this happened I woke up in bed next to Nishikido-kun.”
“You lucky bastard,” Ryo preens.
“It is a good opportunity,” Tegoshi insists, and sounds smart and reputable when he speaks with Shige’s low, calm voice, “We can learn more about each other’s lives this way, can’t we? And get closer as a group!”
Shige groans when he hears Tegoshi’s counter, because when it’s put like that…
Koyama lights up, right on cue. “That’s true! It will make our member bonds even stronger! We’ll really understand each other well after this, won’t we?”
“But what if we can’t get back?” Shige demands, voice sounding strangled.
“We got back last time just fine,” Tegoshi reminds him, and seems to put the others at ease just like that. “And since the concerts are over we don’t have to worry about our singing this time! I can actually have more fun in Shige’s body now.”
“This has to be your fault somehow,” Shige tells him. “Stop saying things without thinking! Why does everything you wish for keep coming true?! Wish us back!”
But no one is listening to him anymore; “Majide, Massu is the fastest runner in NewS,” Yamapi marvels excitedly, and is jogging around the room with a broad smile on his face.
The others applaud politely for him again, while Shige slowly sinks to the floor and buries his head in his hands.
~~~~~
4.
Tegoshi is ecstatic when he looks at Shige’s planner later that morning and sees that he has to go to class at one o’clock this afternoon; there’s a lecture on entertainment law and Tegoshi thinks the whole concept of entertainment law sounds really exciting because half of it he knows all about and the other half is something that Shige has taken the time to especially learn, so by default, it must be interesting. Even though Tegoshi goes to Waseda most of his courses are online so he doesn’t get to spend all that much time on the actual campus; Shige’s schedule allows him to actually be at Aoyama for most of his coursework though, and Tegoshi wants to see what that’s like for himself. He wants to sit in a lecture for a whole two hours and take notes by hand and sit next to other students and raise his hand and ask questions and take pop quizzes and get randomly called on by the professor from time to time too.
He thinks that this time, getting to be Shige for a day seems like it’s going to be a lot of fun; maybe even more fun than before.
From the very moment he gets on the train to go to Aoyama he knows he’s right; he laughs out loud to himself in his seat when no one recognizes him and thinks that this is kind of nice. Usually people approach him and ask him if he wants nice things or if he can give them nice things or if he wants to perform lewd acts with them in the public toilet at the next station.
Today he gets left alone though; there’s a girl sitting right next to him on the seat who has a pin badge of Yamapi on her bag but she doesn’t know that a member of the same group is seated just a few feet away from her. Tegoshi thinks that Shige’s life is really interesting like that; it’s like being undercover all the time!
A few stops later he gets to the station closest to the campus; as he heads off the train the girl looks up and sees him. When she looks at him oddly, like she wants to say something to him, he can’t help but grin and wave at her as the doors close and the train starts pulling away.
After a second she blinks a few times and then jumps to her feet; Tegoshi thinks that she’s finally recognized Shige, up until the moment she holds up Shige’s electronic dictionary and points at it frantically a few times.
The train pulls out of the station.
And Tegoshi laughingly realizes that that’s what she’d meant when she looked at him funny; she hadn’t recognized Shige after all.
He heads to class and thinks that he’ll have to apologize to Shige for losing his dictionary later, but he’s sure Shige will forgive him once he tells Shige about the funny thing that happened to him on the train.
~~~~~
When he arrives at Aoyama a little while later he gets lost on the campus, but when he smiles sexily at some girls they smile back and show him where to go while giving him their phone numbers; once he makes it to the lecture hall he looks around with big eyes and sits down and pulls out his notebook and his pencil.
The professor walks in a few minutes later and promptly writes “Pop Quiz” on the board; the entire class groans except for Tegoshi, who is really, really excited.
“I’ve never done this before,” he whispers to the boy sitting two seats over from him as they pass the quiz papers down the aisles. “It’s really neat!”
The boy gives him a weird look; “Didn’t we just have a pop quiz last week?” he asks.
Tegoshi laughs because for a moment; he’d forgotten that he’s still Shige. “Oh yeah,” he says, and flips his test over once the time begins.
“Shige’s life,” Tegoshi murmurs to himself sweetly, and looks over the five paragraph-long questions with great anticipation, “Shige’s life is really funny, isn’t it? I’m glad I got to experience it for myself just like this!”
And then he happily starts filling in his answers.
He hopes that the others are all having just as much fun as he is.
~~~~~
5.
Shige is with Koyama as they (try to) head out to lunch together like nothing is wrong later that day, except that Koyama is in Tegoshi’s body, and Tegoshi is the smallest while Koyama is the tallest and it’s a little hard for Koyama to adjust right away.
“Shorten your strides a little before someone notices; you look retarded,” Shige tells him, and Koyama laughs sheepishly when he realizes it’s true.
But it’s too late to fix it because someone has noticed it already; Nagase walks up to them quickly and looks at Koyama-in-Tegoshi’s body oddly. “Tegoshi,” he says after a beat, brow furrowed, “are you okay?”
Koyama blinks. “Er, fine!” he chirps, doing his best to sound cheerful like Tegoshi but somehow still managing to sound awkward like Koyama instead.
“Idiot,” Shige mutters under his breath, and promptly earns himself a smack upside the head from Nagase.
“Don’t be mean, Yamapi,” the taller man chastises, as Shige holds his head and looks disbelieving that someone hit him. Even more so, someone hit him while he’s in Yamapi’s body.
“Tegoshi,” Nagase continues gently, ignoring Shige-who is Yamapi, dammit-as he looks down at his young friend in a concerned manner. “Tegoshi, is Nishikido being too rough with you? You know…when the two of you…” he trails off and makes a vague gesture with his hand, indicating Tegoshi’s funny walk. “Because if he is, I’ll go upstairs and beat him up right now.”
More than being slapped upside the head seconds earlier, Shige can’t believe this.
“No!” Koyama chokes when he hears, eyes big. “He’s not…I mean…” blush, fidget, “I…tripped earlier?”
Nagase blinks. “Tripped?”
“Un. During uh…during dance practice! So my ankle is weird. Which is why I’m walking funny.”
“Oh. Well.” Nagase is all smiles again. “Have you eaten lunch yet?”
“Sh…Yamapi and I were just about to go, ne.”
Nagase grins. “Okay! My treat!”
“Eh? Really?” Koyama squeaks.
Nagase laughs. “Don’t sound so surprised, it’s nearly been a week since the last time I took you out, hasn’t it?”
Shige mutters disbelievingly under his breath, again. “A week?”
And then, to add to the whole ridiculousness of the situation, Nagase bends down, lifts Koyama onto his back, and starts jogging towards the doors. “Yakiniku!” he chants, excited.
“You don’t have to carry me!” Koyama manages, sounding very, very weirded out by all of this.
“It’s best not to stress your ankle too much if you hurt it,” Nagase tells him sensibly, as Shige has to run after them to keep up.
Koyama gets carried all the way to the train station.
~~~~~
After lunch things just keep getting weirder and weirder; in the train on the way back an old lady reaches into her shopping bag and gives Koyama candy for no apparent reason, and after that, when Koyama notices that his cell phone is out of battery, someone with the same model walks by, sees him in trouble, and happily offers to trade batteries since his is charged.
Back at the office, Sakurai Sho is buying a soda from the vending machine and magically gets two just as Shige and Koyama pass him; Sho sees them and offers the second can to Koyama (Tegoshi) because he knows it’s his favorite.
“T-thank you!” Koyama says, bowing low and looking mystified at getting a present from a senpai.
Sho just laughs at him and says he’s acting weird today; he reaches out to ruffle Koyama’s hair before strolling back towards the Arashi lounge.
Koyama and Shige both head back to their own floor after that, and Shige notices Koyama looking thoughtful as they walk, spinning the can of soda around in his hand absently, like he is thinking about the deepest mysteries of the universe (and Tegoshi’s existence). “Shige,” he murmurs after a moment, voice small as he continues to stare intently at the can of soda, “Shige, I think I realized something just now.”
Shige knows exactly how he feels. Taking a deep breath, he reaches out and pats Koyama’s shoulder comfortingly. “I know. Now you’ve finally realized that Tegoshi is too spoiled by everyo…”
But then Koyama turns and looks up at Shige with those bright, wide eyes of Tegoshi’s and the derisive words die on Shige’s lips mysteriously.
“Shige!” Koyama says, sounding ecstatic as he clutches the can of soda to his chest and looking cute while wearing Tegoshi’s face, “Shige, I’m so glad that everyone is so kind to our Tegorin! Johnny’s is definitely the nicest place to work in the world!”
Shige sighs and reaches out to open Koyama’s soda for him; he figures that at this point, he might as well.
~~~~~
6.
Ryo blinks when he suddenly feels a tug on his arm.
He glares automatically too, because people shouldn’t just touch him. “What…” he starts, but trails off when he sees two enormous eyes blinking back up at him.
“Kei-chan?” one of the nameless tiny juniors asks, “are you busy?”
Ryo stares. “Eh?”
Another tug, followed by a cute smile as the kid holds something out. “Can you help me with my costume?”
Ryo looks down.
A mess of feathers and glitter and sequins stares back at him. “I don’t know which way it goes, ne,” the junior admits cutely.
Ryo thinks that it doesn’t matter which way it goes, it’ll still look ugly. He turns back to the kid. “How old are you?” he asks, because he can’t help it.
“Eight!” the kid replies, and has no idea what Ryo means by suddenly asking him that. He holds out the outfit again. “It’s confusing, but Kei-chan always knows how to help.”
Ryo wonders when they started letting infants into the agency, but just supposes that it’s something he can’t put past them either.
In the meantime, the kid starts to fidget. “Kei-chan, hurry or I’ll be late!” he urges, and gives another-sharper-tug on Ryo’s arm.
Ryo is about to complain about who the hell the kid thinks he is but then there are those huge eyes again and Ryo remembers the first time Tegoshi asked him for his phone number back when NewS had first formed; he suddenly realizes that this kid is half Tegoshi’s age five years ago.
So he sighs instead.
And grabs the costume.
“Turn around,” he instructs gruffly, and holds up the glittery monstrosity for closer inspection. Eventually he finds a zipper, and tries not to be mortified at how uncool it is to be crouching down helping an eight year old into something someone bought at a drag queen store and then cut up to use for four people at the same time.
A few minutes later it’s finally fully on and can-possibly-be used for dancing in; when Ryo finishes and stands again the junior beams up at him and throws his arms around Ryo’s waist. “Thank you, Kei-chan! You’re the best!” he says, with all enthusiasm.
“Uh, no problem,” Ryo replies, and finds it really strange when he reaches out automatically to pat the kid on the head a few times. Like he can’t help it.
“Bye-bye, Kei-chan!” the kid chirps next, before turning around and scurrying down the hall to prepare for the dress rehearsal.
Ryo blinks after him and kind of looks at his hand oddly; after a moment he shrugs mentally and supposes that it’s nothing really noteworthy, that it’s what any good senpai would do in his shoes.
But then he turns around.
And sees a line of ten more juniors standing in the hallway, smiling up at him with big eyes. Each and every one of them is holding out their own feathery, glittery, puffy outfits and looking hopeful. “Kei-chan!” they all say, “Hurry!”
Ryo stares. “You have got to be kidding me.”
~~~~~
By the time he finishes-thirty minutes later- Ryo decides that Koyama is the most patient person in the world.
Or an idiot.
More likely an idiot.
~~~~~
7.
Massu thinks that Tegoshi is right and switching bodies means only positive, helpful things to NewS as a group; he realizes in that vein, that today is a good opportunity for him to share Ryo’s nice smile with the rest of the world. He knows that Ryo only smiles for certain people, like people who he’s comfortable with or people who he can laugh with, or more often than not, people he can laugh at. And while that’s nice in its own way, Massu thinks it would be even nicer if Ryo smiled at people who he didn’t know as well as his groupmates, or even at strangers, because Massu thinks that’s the best way to make new friends and make other people happy.
So as he walks down the halls in Ryo’s body today he smiles his brightest Masuda-smile at some of the juniors he passes, saying a cheerful hello and hoping to make Ryo some new friends while he can.
The first junior he smiles at promptly plasters himself against the nearest wall looking terrified, the second one turns around and runs in the opposite direction, nearly getting hit by a passing caterer.
Massu thinks that maybe those two are just weird, but then the third junior his smiles at ends up tripping over a chair in the hallway in his rush to get out of Ryo’s way while the fourth dives head first into the women’s restroom. At that point, Massu starts to feel that maybe there is something going on here that he doesn’t know about.
After that, the fifth junior Massu smiles at plays dead right in the middle of the corridor while yet another falls away in an actual, honest-to-god faint.
Massu blinks at the bodies all around him and looks confused.
“Ryo!” Jin shrieks a few minutes later when he passes by and sees; he storms up to Massu and looks impatient. “Why do you have your Murderer Face on right now? You’re scaring people!” He gestures to the bodies as well, as if Massu can’t see them himself.
Massu can in fact see them. “Murderer Face?”
Jin sighs and grabs both of Massu’s cheeks between his hands, marching him over to the nearest full length mirror (which also happens to be in one of the juniors’ dance rooms, which happens to be in use, which happens to subsequently get cleared out five seconds later as the terrified twelve-year olds all skitter off in opposite directions when Jin and Massu-in-Ryo-with-Murderer-Face-on enter the room).
When Massu sees his best, brightest Masuda-brand-smile on Ryo’s face, he can’t help it; he feels a little bit horrified too.
“See?!” Jin says, huffing.
“Oh.”
Massu thinks he understands why Ryo only really smiles for certain people now; it’s the kind of smile that only looks good under special circumstances, when Ryo is with people he’s comfortable with and people who he can really laugh with or laugh at, depending on the situation.
Ryo’s real smile is reserved for the people who are special to him.
Massu looks at Ryo’s face in the mirror right now and supposes that it’s probably for the best.
~~~~~
8.
“I…” Yamapi marvels out loud that afternoon, as he looks at his schedule in a completely mystified way, “I have four hours of free time?” Pause. “In a row?”
The manager looks at him strangely. “Are you okay, Masuda-kun?”
Yamapi beams, and with the power of Massu’s smile behind it it’s ten times brighter than normal.
The manager blinks and takes a step backwards for fear of being blinded. “So uh, just be back in time for the radio taping tonight okay?” he ends, quickly.
Yamapi nods, and still can’t keep the smile off of his face as he gathers his things and prepares for many hours off. In a row.
“I should call Jin and see if he wants to hang out, ne,” is his first notion, but he blinks and realizes that Jin has a photo shoot today across the city; Ryo-chan is busy too because he has to pretend to be Koyama in his stage play rehearsals today. Ninomiya is taping a segment for Arashi’s TV program and Nagase is probably passed out drunk in Koichi’s lap by now, because it is way past lunchtime and that’s usually how it goes.
Yamapi walks through the halls of the company by himself thinking about what to do when everyone else who he’d normally do things with is busy working. It’s a little bit weird, suddenly having all of this freedom but not having anyone to share it with.
“Eh,” he realizes suddenly, eyes widening, “is Massu this lonely when the same thing happens to him?”
He stops in the middle of the corridor and crosses his arms, furrowing his brow as he puts all the pieces together. “This won’t do, ne! I’ve failed as a leader if that’s the case.”
He stalks back towards the dressing room, looking determined.
On his way, he passes Nakamaru, who waves. “Oi, Massu,” he starts casually, “I’ve got some free time today so do you want to…”
Yamapi doesn’t notice him; he keeps walking, in search of Massu.
Nakamaru blinks after Massu breezes past him, completely oblivious.
“Massu?” he says, and is kind of weirded out by the uncharacteristic look of absolute determination he sees on his younger friend’s face.
A moment.
Then Nakamaru sighs. “He must be busy today,” he muses out loud to himself.
Pause.
Blink.
“Huh.”
Nakamaru heads back to his dressing room looking confused; he thinks that he needs to start talking to his manager about getting him more gigs if Massu is suddenly having a fuller schedule than he is.
~~~~~
9.
The minute Shige gets back after lunch with Koyama he is promptly jumped on by Yamapi’s manager; “Yamapi!” the frantic man yells, “We’re late!”
“Late?”
“Didn’t you get my message?”
Shige pulls his phone out of his pocket. Fifteen missed calls. “Eh? I think it was on silent,” he apologizes, looking sheepish.
“Well c’mon, we can’t waste any time!”
The manager grabs him and yanks him out the door as Koyama blinks and watches from behind.
“Your script reading got moved up because your commercial shooting got moved up and now we’re going to have to rearrange your magazine interview to dinnertime tonight instead of this afternoon; after that there’s a radio guesting and then we’ll meet the others for the nighttime shoot for this month’s Myojo. That means your Act interview is going to have to be over the phone tonight at eleven pm; the interviewer said he doesn’t mind as long as you don’t and I told him you don’t.”
Shige stares. “Is that…it?” he manages, after a beat.
“Well, you also have to finish that final project for your presentation in school tomorrow, don’t you? Your ad proposal? And then there’s an English exam and the accounting final right before your taping.”
Shige sighs. Of course. “Yes, that too,” he murmurs, and already has a headache just thinking about the list of things to do that looms before him. The only thing that could make it worse would be…
“Is there time for dinner?” he asks.
He gets an odd look in reply. “There’s a box of Weider In jelly in the car.”
Shige never thought the day would come, but suddenly, he thinks that he really, really wants to be less famous again.
~~~~~
10.
That night, when NewS meets up again for the Myojo photo shoot, all of the staff is very confused.
They see Shige twirling in his yukata asking if it looks cute on him while Koyama glowers and says to stop doing that because it’s disturbing when he has such an old man’s face. In the meantime Yamapi is hunched over in a corner with his knees pressed up against his chest and looking half dead and all miserable. Massu actually walks peacefully past the sweets table twice without stopping to eat anything and Ryo sits in the makeup chair and smiles, but then catches himself, shakes his head, and makes himself frown deliberately instead. Except it looks more like a pout for some reason.
Possibly, the weirdest thing of the evening is the fact that Tegoshi is scurrying around the set, pouring everyone tea.
Even the staff.
“They do realize that they only had to pretend to be each other in the May issue, right?” someone asks, after a moment.
“Saa,” the photographer replies, and thinks it might be kind of a miracle that Kato has suddenly become so cute tonight. Vaguely, he wonders how he can work with that to his advantage.
A little while later, the photographer tells Kato-kun to go and put on a girl’s yukata.
In his corner, Yamapi groans.
~~~~~
11.
“I’m going to die,” Shige complains later, when they finish the shoot sometime after ten pm.
Yamapi offers him a sip of his Weider In jelly. “This will help.”
“No,” Shige says, quickly.
“Everyone has everyone else’s schedule for tomorrow, right?” Koyama asks the members after a beat, while they’re washing up. “In case we don’t change back. Or if something else happens, ne.”
The others all nod dutifully.
“So if there’s problems be sure to call the person who’s body you belong to right away!” the eldest adds, and looks a little bit ridiculous when he worries while using Tegoshi’s small stature and cute face.
“Oh god tomorrow,” Shige recalls suddenly, and looks through Yamapi’s phone planner with a vaguely ill expression on his face. “What if we never change back? What if I have to do this every day?”
Tegoshi laughs at him and hugs his arm. “But Shige,” he says, “isn’t it amazing to live like Leader does?”
Shige wants to scream “No!!” but Yamapi is three feet away from him, fixing his hair in the trailer’s mirror. So he sighs and says, “Sure,” instead, and doesn’t add that he thinks it’s amazing to live like Leader and not be dead.
At ten-thirty Shige’s (Yamapi’s) phone alarm goes off; it means that he has half and hour to get home, eat something that isn’t protein jelly, and prepare for a phone interview regarding a movie role he only knows about in terms of the drama it’s based on.
“Don’t forget to do your movie promotions in your nikki tonight before bed,” his manager tells him right on cue, a few seconds later.
Shige thinks-with horror- that he might be stuck in Yamapi’s body forever.
And that it will kill him.
In the background, Tegoshi laughs obliviously and asks Ryo if they should go on a date together, since they both have free time tonight. He suggests karaoke and drinks.
Ryo agrees, but reiterates that he is not kissing Tegoshi while he’s wearing Shige’s body. The two of them head off casually after that, bumping shoulders and looking completely at ease.
Shige watches them go and thinks to himself that if being Yamapi is going to kill him, he’s going to make sure to kill Tegoshi first.
Out of fairness.
~~~~~
12.
The next morning, when Shige wakes up, the first thing he realizes is that somehow he survived the night.
The second thing he realizes is that he is curled up next to Koyama on Koyama’s bed. His empty futon is on the floor, untouched and perfectly made up.
The third thing he realizes is what that all might possibly mean, and the first thing he does is scramble backwards off the edge of the bed, screaming at the top of his lungs.
He hits the floor with a thud.
~~~~~
When the two of them stalk into the jimusho later that morning Shige is glowering while Koyama looks mortified. “I’m sure they didn’t,” he insists to Shige, trying to sound comforting. “I mean, they wouldn’t.”
Shige doesn’t respond; he throws open the door to the dressing room instead.
To reveal Yamapi sleeping on the couch.
Shige knows it’s because he had an ass-crack of dawn TV interview for one of the morning news shows today, and when a sudden jab of sympathy hits him at the thought he hastens to rage quietly.
In the meantime, neither Tegoshi or Ryo are picking up their phones.
~~~~~
As it turns out, Massu, Tegoshi, and Ryo all arrive a few hours later; Massu smiles at everyone like there’s no tomorrow while Tegoshi looks as chipper as ever and Ryo just looks…smug.
“Oh god you did,” Shige gapes, when he sees the look on Ryo’s face. “I thought you wouldn’t even kiss him!”
Ryo gives him a weird look. “Are you high?”
Shige slaps a hand to his forehead. “When I woke up this morning I was cuddling with Koyama. I was…we…did you two…”
Ryo snorts. “Even I wasn’t that drunk after karaoke.”
“But! But there was… and we were…”
Ryo rolls his eyes. “Tegoshi,” he says, and points over his shoulder.
Shige blinks. “Tegoshi?”
“We are talking about Tegoshi,” Ryo reminds him, and talks very slowly because clearly he thinks Shige is a retard now.
Shige blinks and turns around to face the couch.
Where Tegoshi is currently draped all over on top of Yamapi, self-centeredly asking if Leader had a good taping this morning.
Yamapi yawns and smiles and says, “Yup.”
Shige stares, and his initial reaction is to tell Tegoshi to leave Yamapi alone because Yamapi’s level of tiredness cannot be understood by mere mortals. But before he can, he realizes what Ryo means and blinks. “Tegoshi…” he repeats, and gets it. Sighs in relief.
“Cuddling only,” Ryo assures him. Then pauses. Grins. “Now what happened this morning on the way here…”
“DON’T WANT TO KNOW,” Shige shouts, and storms away while Ryo laughs after him.
He goes to take another shower, just because.
~~~~~
13.
“Worst experience ever,” Shige decides at lunch that day, and shoves rice into his mouth without thinking.
Koyama makes appropriately sympathetic sounds from the other side of the table.
“Why would that idiot wish for something like that anyway? What good did it do any of us? I was so tired I could barely move. How does Yamapi do it every day?”
“Well,” Koyama says, and smiles ruefully, “I don’t think it was that bad. It feels like we all understand each other a little better now, ne?”
Shige snorts. “After one day? How so?”
Koyama laughs sheepishly. “I don’t know, it just does somehow.”
Shige sighs and supposes that something he likes about Koyama is that stupidly innocent side of his.
~~~~~
14.
Sometimes, Shige thinks Koyama’s stupidly innocent side is rubbing off on him.
Later that afternoon, when there is a break between dance rehearsals, Shige overhears it when Yamapi tells Massu they’re going out to eat dinner together tonight no matter what; Yamapi only has about forty minutes of free time but he knows Massu can eat fast anyway.
“Okay!” Massu agrees, and looks ecstatic. “I have the time, ne.”
“Yosh,” Yamapi says, pumping his fist, “Then tonight I’ll eat with Massu who I’ve never taken out alone. It’ll be fun right? We’ll eat lots. Anything you want!”
In the meantime Koyama is being harassed left and right by juniors for help with their outfits or their homework or their choreography. Somehow, miraculously, when Ryo makes a face and storms over and looks like he’s about to yell he doesn’t; he mysteriously reaches out and helps Koyama tighten a sash instead. “Like this,” he instructs.
Koyama stares and then beams, “Thank you, aniki!” he says, and when Ryo looks embarrassed, Massu toddles over and promptly hugs him from behind, saying, “Nishikido-kun, it’s okay to smile! We can take it.”
Ryo gives him an odd look but doesn’t shove him off; instead he turns to Koyama and says, “You’re an idiot,” for no particular reason, though it’s in such a way that Koyama just laughs in understanding as they finish off the next happily smiling junior together.
Shige watches it all and kind of hates when Tegoshi is right.
“See, I told you this would be a good experience, didn’t I, Shige?” Tegoshi says suddenly, and materializes beside Shige looking like he’d been reading Shige’s mind this whole time. He pats the older boy on the shoulder.
Shige sighs and supposes that yes, maybe the experience was a little good for everyone. “Fine,” he allows after a beat, and looks at Tegoshi with a resigned kind of fondness. “Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.” He’s not dead, he supposes.
Tegoshi beams back. “Yay!”
And then Shige eyes Tegoshi expectantly.
Tegoshi blinks.
“Well?” Shige prompts after a moment, “What did you learn about being me?”
Tegoshi laughs. “Oh! I learned that being Shige is really fun!”
Shige stares. “Seriously? That’s it?”
Tegoshi looks thoughtful. Snaps his fingers. “Oh yeah! Shige… there was also a pop quiz in your entertainment law class the other day, ne! You’ll probably get your grade back later this week. It was really interesting!” he chirps, before turning around and skipping off to see why Massu is hugging Ryo.
Shige watches him go.
He screams.
“Seriously, that’s it?!”
~~~~~
15.
When Shige gets his quiz grade back during class the following Friday he stares at it for a long time because he can’t help it; it’s just another one of those things about his life that is supremely unfair.
“I can’t believe this,” he mutters to himself, and hits his head on the desk a few times in impotent rage.
Beside him, his classmates give him weird looks; “Why is he so mad?” one girl murmurs.
He ignores them because they would never understand even if he did try to explain; the fact of the matter is, no matter how Shige looks at it, he can’t feel even a little bit relieved about the glaring 100% (complete with “Good Job!” and smiley face) written at the top of his test.
Not when he knows exactly where it came from.
END
EDITS PLZ. NEED LOTS.
Title: NewS Desu!
Universe: JE/NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (lightly RyoxTegoshi, and with the requisite appearances by Jin, Nakamaru, and Nagase)
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, Stupid, CRACK.
Word Count: 6,275
Summary: Companion piece to annnimeee’s fic “Tegoshi Desu!”- Because even if they didn’t do everything together before, NewS tries to now (or something like that).
Dedication: Here Ann, here is a not-remix of fail. I did my best to finish it like I said I would, but it turned out stupid again. I AM SORRY.
A/N: Okay so in light of my RAPE of Ann’s fic for the remix challenge we both signed up for, she told me that I could make it up to her by remixing one of her stories WITHOUT having to adhere to any rules. Of course this means I didn’t really do what she asked at all since clearly this is a sequel. FAIL AGAIN. But I had to do it. I HAD TO. The May Myojo scans, people! Also, I totally started this months ago and finished it this week, so I’ll bet you can tell which parts are from then and which parts are from now if only because they sound nothing alike. AT ALL.
Disclaimer: No harm is meant by this!
1.
“Shige,” Tegoshi begins casually that evening, as he removes the bandanna and apron he’d been wearing during today’s photo shoot, “wouldn’t it be funny if we really switched bodies again? Instead of just pretending to like we did just now?”
Shige sputters in the middle of pulling his tanktop off. “No, it wouldn’t! Why would you say that after everything that’s already happened to us?” he yells, and curses under his breath when he ends up getting his shirt tangled in his jewelry while trying to undress and shoot Tegoshi’s bad ideas down all at the same time. Tegoshi just doesn’t think before he says things sometimes. It creates problems.
Tegoshi pouts at Shige’s dismissal, looking around. “It would be funny! Because, ne,” he says, gesturing to the others, “this time it would be everyone together and not just us two!”
Shige would slap a hand to his forehead if both of his were not currently tangled somewhere in his clothes. “How,” he snaps instead, “does that make such a traumatizing and terrifying experience funny?”
“Everything is better when we all do it together,” Tegoshi replies brightly. “Right, Kei-chan?”
Koyama blinks and looks up from where he is undressing near the mirrors; “What was that, Tegoshi?”
“Everything is better when we all do it together, right?” Tegoshi repeats more loudly, looking completely innocent even though Shige knows he’s not.
Koyama, however, simply beams back at the youngest member and falls for it completely. “Of course it is!” he chirps, heart clearly warmed at Tegoshi’s strong member-ai.
Tegoshi turns back to Shige triumphantly. “See? Told you.”
“Out of context!” Shige screams, and earns a tie thrown at his head when he irritates Ryo for being loud.
~~~~~
2.
When Shige wakes up the next morning in Yamapi’s apartment in Yamapi’s body, he promptly buries his head under the pillows and screams some more, about the injustice of the universe and about Tegoshi saying things without thinking and causing trouble for others. This time Ryo isn’t there to shut him up by throwing things at his face, though what happens next is comparable to a blow to the head in Shige’s book anyway. It’s Jin, rushing in from his room across the hall; he looks sleepy and disoriented and is holding one of his putters up like a baseball bat while trying to look scary.
“Pi, what’s wrong!? Are there robbers?!” he shrieks.
Shige groans and takes a deep breath.
“Yamashita-kun isn’t here right now,” he manages after a beat, sounding muffled and long-suffering from where he is hidden under Yamapi’s rather posh bedding.
“Oh,” Jin says, looking at him strangely and eventually lowering the golf club. “Then who is here?”
“It’s me, Shige.”
Jin promptly snorts. “Just because you say you’re someone else doesn’t mean you’re getting out of dish duty this week, Pi. I KNOW YOUR GAME AND IT’S STILL YOUR TURN.” He then turns his nose up and pads out of the room huffily, complaining to himself about being woken up early for this.
“My life,” Shige groans, “Why is this my life.”
~~~~~
3.
Shige walks into the dressing room later that morning looking irate, and since he is in Yamapi’s body this time, his irritation actually carries some weight with his groupmates. They quiet down immediately and turn to look up at him.
“Who,” he begins darkly, and eyes everyone with an expression that says no one is allowed to bullshit him on this, “is experiencing a body switch right now?”
The members who are currently present all raise their hands.
Shige pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.
“That’s definitely Shige in leader’s body ne,” he hears Tegoshi’s voice say after a beat, and some of the tension in the room dissolves because even if it’s Yamapi’s face looking scary, knowing that Shige is the one who is really inside somehow makes it not scary anymore all at the same time.
As if on cue, the real Yamapi bounces into the room next, wearing Massu’s body. “You guys,” he marvels, sounding happy and oblivious, “I ate a ton of food for breakfast this morning and I don’t feel sick at all, ne!” He flexes. “Majide, Massu’s body is really amazing. And Massu-mama’s food is really good!”
Everyone applauds politely for him.
“So Yamashita-kun is Massu.” Shige feels the beginnings of a headache developing in his temples. “Who else is who,” he asks next, and figures that’s step one.
Step two will be fixing it, but he has a theory that that part will take more effort to suss out than step one.
“You should guess, Shige!” the person in Shige’s body chirrups brightly.
Shige recognizes the tone immediately, and the fact that it is being used in a completely inappropriate context just serves to confirm his suspicions. “Tegoshi is in my body.”
His own face beams back at him. “Yup! This is time number two, ne. It’s like Shige’s body is half mine already!” he giggles.
Koyama’s body makes a face. “Sorry Tego-nyan, but I’m not kissing you like that.”
Shige sighs. “Ryo is in Koyama.” Pause. “So it’s just like yesterday’s shoot.” He points to Tegoshi’s body. “Koyama?”
Koyama waves back sheepishly. “Un.”
Then, to the person who looks like Ryo. “Massu, right?”
“Right!” Massu verifies. And when he uses Ryo’s face to smile brightly back at Shige, it is-by far- the creepiest thing Shige has experienced all day. “Shige is good at this game!” he says, obliviously.
Shige makes an indignant noise in the back of his throat and turns to hit his head against the wall a few times.
“Ack!” Yamapi complains, “Shige, that’s not yours!”
“We need to fix this,” Shige says after a moment, ignoring Yamapi in Massu’s body (which is strangely easy). “Now.”
Tegoshi cocks his head to the side, and while it would be cute on Tegoshi’s normal body, it just looks ridiculous and borderline retarded on Shige’s. “But this is a good opportunity isn’t it, Shige?” he asks.
“Opportunity for what?! We’ve been through it already. The last time this happened I woke up in bed next to Nishikido-kun.”
“You lucky bastard,” Ryo preens.
“It is a good opportunity,” Tegoshi insists, and sounds smart and reputable when he speaks with Shige’s low, calm voice, “We can learn more about each other’s lives this way, can’t we? And get closer as a group!”
Shige groans when he hears Tegoshi’s counter, because when it’s put like that…
Koyama lights up, right on cue. “That’s true! It will make our member bonds even stronger! We’ll really understand each other well after this, won’t we?”
“But what if we can’t get back?” Shige demands, voice sounding strangled.
“We got back last time just fine,” Tegoshi reminds him, and seems to put the others at ease just like that. “And since the concerts are over we don’t have to worry about our singing this time! I can actually have more fun in Shige’s body now.”
“This has to be your fault somehow,” Shige tells him. “Stop saying things without thinking! Why does everything you wish for keep coming true?! Wish us back!”
But no one is listening to him anymore; “Majide, Massu is the fastest runner in NewS,” Yamapi marvels excitedly, and is jogging around the room with a broad smile on his face.
The others applaud politely for him again, while Shige slowly sinks to the floor and buries his head in his hands.
~~~~~
4.
Tegoshi is ecstatic when he looks at Shige’s planner later that morning and sees that he has to go to class at one o’clock this afternoon; there’s a lecture on entertainment law and Tegoshi thinks the whole concept of entertainment law sounds really exciting because half of it he knows all about and the other half is something that Shige has taken the time to especially learn, so by default, it must be interesting. Even though Tegoshi goes to Waseda most of his courses are online so he doesn’t get to spend all that much time on the actual campus; Shige’s schedule allows him to actually be at Aoyama for most of his coursework though, and Tegoshi wants to see what that’s like for himself. He wants to sit in a lecture for a whole two hours and take notes by hand and sit next to other students and raise his hand and ask questions and take pop quizzes and get randomly called on by the professor from time to time too.
He thinks that this time, getting to be Shige for a day seems like it’s going to be a lot of fun; maybe even more fun than before.
From the very moment he gets on the train to go to Aoyama he knows he’s right; he laughs out loud to himself in his seat when no one recognizes him and thinks that this is kind of nice. Usually people approach him and ask him if he wants nice things or if he can give them nice things or if he wants to perform lewd acts with them in the public toilet at the next station.
Today he gets left alone though; there’s a girl sitting right next to him on the seat who has a pin badge of Yamapi on her bag but she doesn’t know that a member of the same group is seated just a few feet away from her. Tegoshi thinks that Shige’s life is really interesting like that; it’s like being undercover all the time!
A few stops later he gets to the station closest to the campus; as he heads off the train the girl looks up and sees him. When she looks at him oddly, like she wants to say something to him, he can’t help but grin and wave at her as the doors close and the train starts pulling away.
After a second she blinks a few times and then jumps to her feet; Tegoshi thinks that she’s finally recognized Shige, up until the moment she holds up Shige’s electronic dictionary and points at it frantically a few times.
The train pulls out of the station.
And Tegoshi laughingly realizes that that’s what she’d meant when she looked at him funny; she hadn’t recognized Shige after all.
He heads to class and thinks that he’ll have to apologize to Shige for losing his dictionary later, but he’s sure Shige will forgive him once he tells Shige about the funny thing that happened to him on the train.
~~~~~
When he arrives at Aoyama a little while later he gets lost on the campus, but when he smiles sexily at some girls they smile back and show him where to go while giving him their phone numbers; once he makes it to the lecture hall he looks around with big eyes and sits down and pulls out his notebook and his pencil.
The professor walks in a few minutes later and promptly writes “Pop Quiz” on the board; the entire class groans except for Tegoshi, who is really, really excited.
“I’ve never done this before,” he whispers to the boy sitting two seats over from him as they pass the quiz papers down the aisles. “It’s really neat!”
The boy gives him a weird look; “Didn’t we just have a pop quiz last week?” he asks.
Tegoshi laughs because for a moment; he’d forgotten that he’s still Shige. “Oh yeah,” he says, and flips his test over once the time begins.
“Shige’s life,” Tegoshi murmurs to himself sweetly, and looks over the five paragraph-long questions with great anticipation, “Shige’s life is really funny, isn’t it? I’m glad I got to experience it for myself just like this!”
And then he happily starts filling in his answers.
He hopes that the others are all having just as much fun as he is.
~~~~~
5.
Shige is with Koyama as they (try to) head out to lunch together like nothing is wrong later that day, except that Koyama is in Tegoshi’s body, and Tegoshi is the smallest while Koyama is the tallest and it’s a little hard for Koyama to adjust right away.
“Shorten your strides a little before someone notices; you look retarded,” Shige tells him, and Koyama laughs sheepishly when he realizes it’s true.
But it’s too late to fix it because someone has noticed it already; Nagase walks up to them quickly and looks at Koyama-in-Tegoshi’s body oddly. “Tegoshi,” he says after a beat, brow furrowed, “are you okay?”
Koyama blinks. “Er, fine!” he chirps, doing his best to sound cheerful like Tegoshi but somehow still managing to sound awkward like Koyama instead.
“Idiot,” Shige mutters under his breath, and promptly earns himself a smack upside the head from Nagase.
“Don’t be mean, Yamapi,” the taller man chastises, as Shige holds his head and looks disbelieving that someone hit him. Even more so, someone hit him while he’s in Yamapi’s body.
“Tegoshi,” Nagase continues gently, ignoring Shige-who is Yamapi, dammit-as he looks down at his young friend in a concerned manner. “Tegoshi, is Nishikido being too rough with you? You know…when the two of you…” he trails off and makes a vague gesture with his hand, indicating Tegoshi’s funny walk. “Because if he is, I’ll go upstairs and beat him up right now.”
More than being slapped upside the head seconds earlier, Shige can’t believe this.
“No!” Koyama chokes when he hears, eyes big. “He’s not…I mean…” blush, fidget, “I…tripped earlier?”
Nagase blinks. “Tripped?”
“Un. During uh…during dance practice! So my ankle is weird. Which is why I’m walking funny.”
“Oh. Well.” Nagase is all smiles again. “Have you eaten lunch yet?”
“Sh…Yamapi and I were just about to go, ne.”
Nagase grins. “Okay! My treat!”
“Eh? Really?” Koyama squeaks.
Nagase laughs. “Don’t sound so surprised, it’s nearly been a week since the last time I took you out, hasn’t it?”
Shige mutters disbelievingly under his breath, again. “A week?”
And then, to add to the whole ridiculousness of the situation, Nagase bends down, lifts Koyama onto his back, and starts jogging towards the doors. “Yakiniku!” he chants, excited.
“You don’t have to carry me!” Koyama manages, sounding very, very weirded out by all of this.
“It’s best not to stress your ankle too much if you hurt it,” Nagase tells him sensibly, as Shige has to run after them to keep up.
Koyama gets carried all the way to the train station.
~~~~~
After lunch things just keep getting weirder and weirder; in the train on the way back an old lady reaches into her shopping bag and gives Koyama candy for no apparent reason, and after that, when Koyama notices that his cell phone is out of battery, someone with the same model walks by, sees him in trouble, and happily offers to trade batteries since his is charged.
Back at the office, Sakurai Sho is buying a soda from the vending machine and magically gets two just as Shige and Koyama pass him; Sho sees them and offers the second can to Koyama (Tegoshi) because he knows it’s his favorite.
“T-thank you!” Koyama says, bowing low and looking mystified at getting a present from a senpai.
Sho just laughs at him and says he’s acting weird today; he reaches out to ruffle Koyama’s hair before strolling back towards the Arashi lounge.
Koyama and Shige both head back to their own floor after that, and Shige notices Koyama looking thoughtful as they walk, spinning the can of soda around in his hand absently, like he is thinking about the deepest mysteries of the universe (and Tegoshi’s existence). “Shige,” he murmurs after a moment, voice small as he continues to stare intently at the can of soda, “Shige, I think I realized something just now.”
Shige knows exactly how he feels. Taking a deep breath, he reaches out and pats Koyama’s shoulder comfortingly. “I know. Now you’ve finally realized that Tegoshi is too spoiled by everyo…”
But then Koyama turns and looks up at Shige with those bright, wide eyes of Tegoshi’s and the derisive words die on Shige’s lips mysteriously.
“Shige!” Koyama says, sounding ecstatic as he clutches the can of soda to his chest and looking cute while wearing Tegoshi’s face, “Shige, I’m so glad that everyone is so kind to our Tegorin! Johnny’s is definitely the nicest place to work in the world!”
Shige sighs and reaches out to open Koyama’s soda for him; he figures that at this point, he might as well.
~~~~~
6.
Ryo blinks when he suddenly feels a tug on his arm.
He glares automatically too, because people shouldn’t just touch him. “What…” he starts, but trails off when he sees two enormous eyes blinking back up at him.
“Kei-chan?” one of the nameless tiny juniors asks, “are you busy?”
Ryo stares. “Eh?”
Another tug, followed by a cute smile as the kid holds something out. “Can you help me with my costume?”
Ryo looks down.
A mess of feathers and glitter and sequins stares back at him. “I don’t know which way it goes, ne,” the junior admits cutely.
Ryo thinks that it doesn’t matter which way it goes, it’ll still look ugly. He turns back to the kid. “How old are you?” he asks, because he can’t help it.
“Eight!” the kid replies, and has no idea what Ryo means by suddenly asking him that. He holds out the outfit again. “It’s confusing, but Kei-chan always knows how to help.”
Ryo wonders when they started letting infants into the agency, but just supposes that it’s something he can’t put past them either.
In the meantime, the kid starts to fidget. “Kei-chan, hurry or I’ll be late!” he urges, and gives another-sharper-tug on Ryo’s arm.
Ryo is about to complain about who the hell the kid thinks he is but then there are those huge eyes again and Ryo remembers the first time Tegoshi asked him for his phone number back when NewS had first formed; he suddenly realizes that this kid is half Tegoshi’s age five years ago.
So he sighs instead.
And grabs the costume.
“Turn around,” he instructs gruffly, and holds up the glittery monstrosity for closer inspection. Eventually he finds a zipper, and tries not to be mortified at how uncool it is to be crouching down helping an eight year old into something someone bought at a drag queen store and then cut up to use for four people at the same time.
A few minutes later it’s finally fully on and can-possibly-be used for dancing in; when Ryo finishes and stands again the junior beams up at him and throws his arms around Ryo’s waist. “Thank you, Kei-chan! You’re the best!” he says, with all enthusiasm.
“Uh, no problem,” Ryo replies, and finds it really strange when he reaches out automatically to pat the kid on the head a few times. Like he can’t help it.
“Bye-bye, Kei-chan!” the kid chirps next, before turning around and scurrying down the hall to prepare for the dress rehearsal.
Ryo blinks after him and kind of looks at his hand oddly; after a moment he shrugs mentally and supposes that it’s nothing really noteworthy, that it’s what any good senpai would do in his shoes.
But then he turns around.
And sees a line of ten more juniors standing in the hallway, smiling up at him with big eyes. Each and every one of them is holding out their own feathery, glittery, puffy outfits and looking hopeful. “Kei-chan!” they all say, “Hurry!”
Ryo stares. “You have got to be kidding me.”
~~~~~
By the time he finishes-thirty minutes later- Ryo decides that Koyama is the most patient person in the world.
Or an idiot.
More likely an idiot.
~~~~~
7.
Massu thinks that Tegoshi is right and switching bodies means only positive, helpful things to NewS as a group; he realizes in that vein, that today is a good opportunity for him to share Ryo’s nice smile with the rest of the world. He knows that Ryo only smiles for certain people, like people who he’s comfortable with or people who he can laugh with, or more often than not, people he can laugh at. And while that’s nice in its own way, Massu thinks it would be even nicer if Ryo smiled at people who he didn’t know as well as his groupmates, or even at strangers, because Massu thinks that’s the best way to make new friends and make other people happy.
So as he walks down the halls in Ryo’s body today he smiles his brightest Masuda-smile at some of the juniors he passes, saying a cheerful hello and hoping to make Ryo some new friends while he can.
The first junior he smiles at promptly plasters himself against the nearest wall looking terrified, the second one turns around and runs in the opposite direction, nearly getting hit by a passing caterer.
Massu thinks that maybe those two are just weird, but then the third junior his smiles at ends up tripping over a chair in the hallway in his rush to get out of Ryo’s way while the fourth dives head first into the women’s restroom. At that point, Massu starts to feel that maybe there is something going on here that he doesn’t know about.
After that, the fifth junior Massu smiles at plays dead right in the middle of the corridor while yet another falls away in an actual, honest-to-god faint.
Massu blinks at the bodies all around him and looks confused.
“Ryo!” Jin shrieks a few minutes later when he passes by and sees; he storms up to Massu and looks impatient. “Why do you have your Murderer Face on right now? You’re scaring people!” He gestures to the bodies as well, as if Massu can’t see them himself.
Massu can in fact see them. “Murderer Face?”
Jin sighs and grabs both of Massu’s cheeks between his hands, marching him over to the nearest full length mirror (which also happens to be in one of the juniors’ dance rooms, which happens to be in use, which happens to subsequently get cleared out five seconds later as the terrified twelve-year olds all skitter off in opposite directions when Jin and Massu-in-Ryo-with-Murderer-Face-on enter the room).
When Massu sees his best, brightest Masuda-brand-smile on Ryo’s face, he can’t help it; he feels a little bit horrified too.
“See?!” Jin says, huffing.
“Oh.”
Massu thinks he understands why Ryo only really smiles for certain people now; it’s the kind of smile that only looks good under special circumstances, when Ryo is with people he’s comfortable with and people who he can really laugh with or laugh at, depending on the situation.
Ryo’s real smile is reserved for the people who are special to him.
Massu looks at Ryo’s face in the mirror right now and supposes that it’s probably for the best.
~~~~~
8.
“I…” Yamapi marvels out loud that afternoon, as he looks at his schedule in a completely mystified way, “I have four hours of free time?” Pause. “In a row?”
The manager looks at him strangely. “Are you okay, Masuda-kun?”
Yamapi beams, and with the power of Massu’s smile behind it it’s ten times brighter than normal.
The manager blinks and takes a step backwards for fear of being blinded. “So uh, just be back in time for the radio taping tonight okay?” he ends, quickly.
Yamapi nods, and still can’t keep the smile off of his face as he gathers his things and prepares for many hours off. In a row.
“I should call Jin and see if he wants to hang out, ne,” is his first notion, but he blinks and realizes that Jin has a photo shoot today across the city; Ryo-chan is busy too because he has to pretend to be Koyama in his stage play rehearsals today. Ninomiya is taping a segment for Arashi’s TV program and Nagase is probably passed out drunk in Koichi’s lap by now, because it is way past lunchtime and that’s usually how it goes.
Yamapi walks through the halls of the company by himself thinking about what to do when everyone else who he’d normally do things with is busy working. It’s a little bit weird, suddenly having all of this freedom but not having anyone to share it with.
“Eh,” he realizes suddenly, eyes widening, “is Massu this lonely when the same thing happens to him?”
He stops in the middle of the corridor and crosses his arms, furrowing his brow as he puts all the pieces together. “This won’t do, ne! I’ve failed as a leader if that’s the case.”
He stalks back towards the dressing room, looking determined.
On his way, he passes Nakamaru, who waves. “Oi, Massu,” he starts casually, “I’ve got some free time today so do you want to…”
Yamapi doesn’t notice him; he keeps walking, in search of Massu.
Nakamaru blinks after Massu breezes past him, completely oblivious.
“Massu?” he says, and is kind of weirded out by the uncharacteristic look of absolute determination he sees on his younger friend’s face.
A moment.
Then Nakamaru sighs. “He must be busy today,” he muses out loud to himself.
Pause.
Blink.
“Huh.”
Nakamaru heads back to his dressing room looking confused; he thinks that he needs to start talking to his manager about getting him more gigs if Massu is suddenly having a fuller schedule than he is.
~~~~~
9.
The minute Shige gets back after lunch with Koyama he is promptly jumped on by Yamapi’s manager; “Yamapi!” the frantic man yells, “We’re late!”
“Late?”
“Didn’t you get my message?”
Shige pulls his phone out of his pocket. Fifteen missed calls. “Eh? I think it was on silent,” he apologizes, looking sheepish.
“Well c’mon, we can’t waste any time!”
The manager grabs him and yanks him out the door as Koyama blinks and watches from behind.
“Your script reading got moved up because your commercial shooting got moved up and now we’re going to have to rearrange your magazine interview to dinnertime tonight instead of this afternoon; after that there’s a radio guesting and then we’ll meet the others for the nighttime shoot for this month’s Myojo. That means your Act interview is going to have to be over the phone tonight at eleven pm; the interviewer said he doesn’t mind as long as you don’t and I told him you don’t.”
Shige stares. “Is that…it?” he manages, after a beat.
“Well, you also have to finish that final project for your presentation in school tomorrow, don’t you? Your ad proposal? And then there’s an English exam and the accounting final right before your taping.”
Shige sighs. Of course. “Yes, that too,” he murmurs, and already has a headache just thinking about the list of things to do that looms before him. The only thing that could make it worse would be…
“Is there time for dinner?” he asks.
He gets an odd look in reply. “There’s a box of Weider In jelly in the car.”
Shige never thought the day would come, but suddenly, he thinks that he really, really wants to be less famous again.
~~~~~
10.
That night, when NewS meets up again for the Myojo photo shoot, all of the staff is very confused.
They see Shige twirling in his yukata asking if it looks cute on him while Koyama glowers and says to stop doing that because it’s disturbing when he has such an old man’s face. In the meantime Yamapi is hunched over in a corner with his knees pressed up against his chest and looking half dead and all miserable. Massu actually walks peacefully past the sweets table twice without stopping to eat anything and Ryo sits in the makeup chair and smiles, but then catches himself, shakes his head, and makes himself frown deliberately instead. Except it looks more like a pout for some reason.
Possibly, the weirdest thing of the evening is the fact that Tegoshi is scurrying around the set, pouring everyone tea.
Even the staff.
“They do realize that they only had to pretend to be each other in the May issue, right?” someone asks, after a moment.
“Saa,” the photographer replies, and thinks it might be kind of a miracle that Kato has suddenly become so cute tonight. Vaguely, he wonders how he can work with that to his advantage.
A little while later, the photographer tells Kato-kun to go and put on a girl’s yukata.
In his corner, Yamapi groans.
~~~~~
11.
“I’m going to die,” Shige complains later, when they finish the shoot sometime after ten pm.
Yamapi offers him a sip of his Weider In jelly. “This will help.”
“No,” Shige says, quickly.
“Everyone has everyone else’s schedule for tomorrow, right?” Koyama asks the members after a beat, while they’re washing up. “In case we don’t change back. Or if something else happens, ne.”
The others all nod dutifully.
“So if there’s problems be sure to call the person who’s body you belong to right away!” the eldest adds, and looks a little bit ridiculous when he worries while using Tegoshi’s small stature and cute face.
“Oh god tomorrow,” Shige recalls suddenly, and looks through Yamapi’s phone planner with a vaguely ill expression on his face. “What if we never change back? What if I have to do this every day?”
Tegoshi laughs at him and hugs his arm. “But Shige,” he says, “isn’t it amazing to live like Leader does?”
Shige wants to scream “No!!” but Yamapi is three feet away from him, fixing his hair in the trailer’s mirror. So he sighs and says, “Sure,” instead, and doesn’t add that he thinks it’s amazing to live like Leader and not be dead.
At ten-thirty Shige’s (Yamapi’s) phone alarm goes off; it means that he has half and hour to get home, eat something that isn’t protein jelly, and prepare for a phone interview regarding a movie role he only knows about in terms of the drama it’s based on.
“Don’t forget to do your movie promotions in your nikki tonight before bed,” his manager tells him right on cue, a few seconds later.
Shige thinks-with horror- that he might be stuck in Yamapi’s body forever.
And that it will kill him.
In the background, Tegoshi laughs obliviously and asks Ryo if they should go on a date together, since they both have free time tonight. He suggests karaoke and drinks.
Ryo agrees, but reiterates that he is not kissing Tegoshi while he’s wearing Shige’s body. The two of them head off casually after that, bumping shoulders and looking completely at ease.
Shige watches them go and thinks to himself that if being Yamapi is going to kill him, he’s going to make sure to kill Tegoshi first.
Out of fairness.
~~~~~
12.
The next morning, when Shige wakes up, the first thing he realizes is that somehow he survived the night.
The second thing he realizes is that he is curled up next to Koyama on Koyama’s bed. His empty futon is on the floor, untouched and perfectly made up.
The third thing he realizes is what that all might possibly mean, and the first thing he does is scramble backwards off the edge of the bed, screaming at the top of his lungs.
He hits the floor with a thud.
~~~~~
When the two of them stalk into the jimusho later that morning Shige is glowering while Koyama looks mortified. “I’m sure they didn’t,” he insists to Shige, trying to sound comforting. “I mean, they wouldn’t.”
Shige doesn’t respond; he throws open the door to the dressing room instead.
To reveal Yamapi sleeping on the couch.
Shige knows it’s because he had an ass-crack of dawn TV interview for one of the morning news shows today, and when a sudden jab of sympathy hits him at the thought he hastens to rage quietly.
In the meantime, neither Tegoshi or Ryo are picking up their phones.
~~~~~
As it turns out, Massu, Tegoshi, and Ryo all arrive a few hours later; Massu smiles at everyone like there’s no tomorrow while Tegoshi looks as chipper as ever and Ryo just looks…smug.
“Oh god you did,” Shige gapes, when he sees the look on Ryo’s face. “I thought you wouldn’t even kiss him!”
Ryo gives him a weird look. “Are you high?”
Shige slaps a hand to his forehead. “When I woke up this morning I was cuddling with Koyama. I was…we…did you two…”
Ryo snorts. “Even I wasn’t that drunk after karaoke.”
“But! But there was… and we were…”
Ryo rolls his eyes. “Tegoshi,” he says, and points over his shoulder.
Shige blinks. “Tegoshi?”
“We are talking about Tegoshi,” Ryo reminds him, and talks very slowly because clearly he thinks Shige is a retard now.
Shige blinks and turns around to face the couch.
Where Tegoshi is currently draped all over on top of Yamapi, self-centeredly asking if Leader had a good taping this morning.
Yamapi yawns and smiles and says, “Yup.”
Shige stares, and his initial reaction is to tell Tegoshi to leave Yamapi alone because Yamapi’s level of tiredness cannot be understood by mere mortals. But before he can, he realizes what Ryo means and blinks. “Tegoshi…” he repeats, and gets it. Sighs in relief.
“Cuddling only,” Ryo assures him. Then pauses. Grins. “Now what happened this morning on the way here…”
“DON’T WANT TO KNOW,” Shige shouts, and storms away while Ryo laughs after him.
He goes to take another shower, just because.
~~~~~
13.
“Worst experience ever,” Shige decides at lunch that day, and shoves rice into his mouth without thinking.
Koyama makes appropriately sympathetic sounds from the other side of the table.
“Why would that idiot wish for something like that anyway? What good did it do any of us? I was so tired I could barely move. How does Yamapi do it every day?”
“Well,” Koyama says, and smiles ruefully, “I don’t think it was that bad. It feels like we all understand each other a little better now, ne?”
Shige snorts. “After one day? How so?”
Koyama laughs sheepishly. “I don’t know, it just does somehow.”
Shige sighs and supposes that something he likes about Koyama is that stupidly innocent side of his.
~~~~~
14.
Sometimes, Shige thinks Koyama’s stupidly innocent side is rubbing off on him.
Later that afternoon, when there is a break between dance rehearsals, Shige overhears it when Yamapi tells Massu they’re going out to eat dinner together tonight no matter what; Yamapi only has about forty minutes of free time but he knows Massu can eat fast anyway.
“Okay!” Massu agrees, and looks ecstatic. “I have the time, ne.”
“Yosh,” Yamapi says, pumping his fist, “Then tonight I’ll eat with Massu who I’ve never taken out alone. It’ll be fun right? We’ll eat lots. Anything you want!”
In the meantime Koyama is being harassed left and right by juniors for help with their outfits or their homework or their choreography. Somehow, miraculously, when Ryo makes a face and storms over and looks like he’s about to yell he doesn’t; he mysteriously reaches out and helps Koyama tighten a sash instead. “Like this,” he instructs.
Koyama stares and then beams, “Thank you, aniki!” he says, and when Ryo looks embarrassed, Massu toddles over and promptly hugs him from behind, saying, “Nishikido-kun, it’s okay to smile! We can take it.”
Ryo gives him an odd look but doesn’t shove him off; instead he turns to Koyama and says, “You’re an idiot,” for no particular reason, though it’s in such a way that Koyama just laughs in understanding as they finish off the next happily smiling junior together.
Shige watches it all and kind of hates when Tegoshi is right.
“See, I told you this would be a good experience, didn’t I, Shige?” Tegoshi says suddenly, and materializes beside Shige looking like he’d been reading Shige’s mind this whole time. He pats the older boy on the shoulder.
Shige sighs and supposes that yes, maybe the experience was a little good for everyone. “Fine,” he allows after a beat, and looks at Tegoshi with a resigned kind of fondness. “Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.” He’s not dead, he supposes.
Tegoshi beams back. “Yay!”
And then Shige eyes Tegoshi expectantly.
Tegoshi blinks.
“Well?” Shige prompts after a moment, “What did you learn about being me?”
Tegoshi laughs. “Oh! I learned that being Shige is really fun!”
Shige stares. “Seriously? That’s it?”
Tegoshi looks thoughtful. Snaps his fingers. “Oh yeah! Shige… there was also a pop quiz in your entertainment law class the other day, ne! You’ll probably get your grade back later this week. It was really interesting!” he chirps, before turning around and skipping off to see why Massu is hugging Ryo.
Shige watches him go.
He screams.
“Seriously, that’s it?!”
~~~~~
15.
When Shige gets his quiz grade back during class the following Friday he stares at it for a long time because he can’t help it; it’s just another one of those things about his life that is supremely unfair.
“I can’t believe this,” he mutters to himself, and hits his head on the desk a few times in impotent rage.
Beside him, his classmates give him weird looks; “Why is he so mad?” one girl murmurs.
He ignores them because they would never understand even if he did try to explain; the fact of the matter is, no matter how Shige looks at it, he can’t feel even a little bit relieved about the glaring 100% (complete with “Good Job!” and smiley face) written at the top of his test.
Not when he knows exactly where it came from.
END
EDITS PLZ. NEED LOTS.