JE/NewS/KAT-TUN- "Hey, You Look Kind of Like a Pop Star (or Really Pretty Bait)"
Title: Hey, You Look Kind of Like a Pop Star (or Really Pretty Bait)
Universe: JE/News/KAT-TUN
Theme/Topic: Government Agent AU (B-side version?)
Rating: PG-13 for swearing?
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, KAT-TUN (an appearance by Okada and members of Arashi)
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, crack, AU
Word Count: 5,478
Summary: In order to lure out some very bad men, Tegoshi is used as bait.
Dedication: The holiday fic I wrote for Ann that never made it because it totally ruins all credibility this AU originally might have had once.
A/N: So I originally wrote this sometime in December for the fic exchange I did with Ann, but it had all the elements of retardedness in Aus I normally hate and so I was too ashamed to post it. I used parts of it (sort of) in Tegoshi’s section of “In Tiny Forward Motions,” and when Ann commented I brought up this story again and how I stole from it and she told me she wanted to read it. So I sent to her. And then she said it was funny and that she liked it, even though it was COMPLETELY different from all my other stories in this AU. She suggested that I post it as a kind of remix of myself, so I’m going to call this the Government Agent AU B-sides. Because if Ann likes it then I guess that’s good enough for me. XD Seriously though, this AU was originally supposed to be just like this always and not nearly as serious as it turned out at all. You all know crack fic is my heart and soul anyway.
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
“Looks like they’re not biting tonight either,” Kame sighs impatiently, and removes his headset. He isn’t happy; the inside of the surveillance van is hot and cramped and he can feel each and every one of the sweat beads that have formed on his nose and forehead over the six hours he's spent sitting here. He checks his watch for the umpteenth time tonight. “We’re way past our projected mark; I’m calling it.”
Ueda eyes him for a moment before nodding and calmly speaking into his headset. “Jin,” he says, “we’re calling it. Pull out.”
They watch on the security monitor as Jin heaves a big sigh of relief when he hears the news; he promptly ditches the lollipop he has been working on for the past ten minutes in lieu of the cigarettes he prefers and stalks towards the club exit in his sparkly, excessively skimpy top. On his way out the door he whirls and deftly punches out the lights of one of the (many) meaty guys who is trying to make a grab at his ass.
Ueda, nonplussed, cuts the feed just as the would-be harasser hits the ground, Kame scowls and rubs his temples, like he does whenever he feels another teammate-induced migraine coming on. “This isn’t working,” he mutters. “At all.”
Ueda starts packing up his surveillance equipment. “You think?”
~~~~~
Ryo knows he’s already ten minutes late for the morning meeting when he gets to the agency; he also knows it’s a meeting that was called by Kamenashi and his team, so that’s why he doesn’t care. Instead of going straight to the conference room like he normally would under these kinds of circumstances, he goes to the break room first so that he can pour himself some coffee and mentally prepare for an hour-long sit in with donkey-face and his merry band of douche bags. When he reaches the break room he is just in time to see Tegoshi bat his eyes shyly at Agent Okada, successfully worming the last maple éclair in the donut box from the older agent.
“Okada-senpai is so nice!” Tegoshi chirps, which causes Okada to sigh in a helpless sort of way as he hands the pastry over without much of a fight. The older agent settles for taking the last chocolate glazed donut in the box instead. Tegoshi just glows at him, innocently swinging his feet back and forth as he sits atop the counter. “Thank you, senpai! These are my favorite.”
“No problem, I guess,” Okada tells the hacker with a small smile, and quickly makes his way out of the kitchenette before he gets conned out of his second donut as well.
It’s happened before.
“Ryo-tan, ohayo!” Tegoshi greets around a mouthful of maple and cream when he sees his teammate in the doorway a few seconds later; he smiles and offers the donut to the sniper very magnanimously, “Do you want a bite?”
Ryo takes a bite because he knows Tegoshi will complain if he doesn’t. He reaches out to ruffle the kid’s hair. “You’re late,” he tells the younger boy imperiously, just because he can. “We have a meeting.”
Tegoshi pouts. “I was hungry,” he explains, and then holds out his empty Styrofoam cup to the sniper expectantly. “Coffee please!”
Ryo grumbles to himself and snatches the cup before pouring Tegoshi a serving of decaf; he puts in two sugars, two creams, stirs, blows, and then taste-tests.
Perfect.
He hands the cup back to the kid with an ineffective glare. “There, brat. Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
The hacker just smiles back at him brilliantly before taking a sip. “Ryo-tan always makes it taste best!”
Ryo rolls his eyes and moves to make his own coffee just as Shige rushes into the room, looking out of breath.
“We’re late!” the undercover agent announces, like Tegoshi and Ryo don’t already know. Pause. Blink. “Why are you both here?”
“Why are you here?” Ryo rejoins evenly, but already knows the answer. He gets another cup out and starts pouring.
Shige grins lopsidedly at him. “Coffee,” he admits, and accepts it with a shy nod of thanks when Ryo gets it for him.
“Shige, do you want a bite of my donut?” Tegoshi asks, holding his half-eaten pastry out to the undercover agent. It oozes cream.
“No,” Shige says, wrinkling his nose. “You already bit it.”
“But it’s too big for me to finish myself,” Tegoshi pouts. “Shige has to have some. It’s really good! I don’t want to throw the rest away…”
Shige sighs as Tegoshi starts whining. “Fine.” He takes a bite and makes a face at the sweetness before sipping his coffee and promptly sputtering again. “Too sweet!” he chokes, and frowns at Ryo. “Did you put eight sugars in there when I wasn't looking or something?”
Ryo just snorts. “If you have the energy to complain, make it yourself next time,” he tells the taller agent with a smirk, before turning back to Tegoshi. “If we go to the meeting now we can beat Shige there and he’ll be the only one they yell at, Tego-nyan.”
Tegoshi laughs and slides off the counter. “But no one’s ever yelled at me for being late before.”
Shige rolls his eyes. “That just figures.”
Ryo is just about to tell Shige it’s because Tego-nyan is cute and he isn’t, but before he can, Koyama comes skittering into the kitchenette in high panic. “There you all are!” the explosives expert wheezes, “We’re waiting for you! Kame-chan doesn’t look happy!”
“Kei-chan,” Tegoshi chirrups, sounding completely unfazed, “Want some of my donut?”
Koyama promptly forgets what he was talking about just now and smiles back because Tegoshi has that effect on people. “Sure, Tegorin!” He happily takes a bite.
Shige rolls his eyes and grabs Koyama by the collar because he knows that he can at least rein in the oldest agent if not the other two. “C’mon,” he says, and dumps the rest of his coffee in the sink, “We’re late.”
~~~~~
“You’re late,” Kame feels the need to point out when two thirds of Yamashita’s team stroll casually into the meeting room five minutes later. Massu and Yamapi are both already there, but then again, they’re both asleep too. Nakamaru is drawing on the back of Massu’s hand with his pen.
Ryo deftly ignores Kame in lieu of leaning down and blowing into his team leader’s ear, jolting Yamapi awake and sending him toppling out of his chair. “Did we start?!” Yamapi shouts, right before hitting the ground.
A moment of silence.
Then, “I just fell, ne.”
Ryo grins down at his friend and offers him a hand up. “Morning.”
Yamapi completely forgets that he fell and grins back. “Ryo-chan! You’re here!”
Kame looks at his watch in a pained sort of way; they’re already twenty minutes late. “Can we please start the meeting?” he asks impatiently, and eyes Tegoshi, who has liberated the pen from Nakamaru and is drawing hearts on Massu’s cheek now. “We only have the room for another thirty minutes.”
No response.
When Kame realizes that Yamapi’s team is ignoring him he turns to the other director and arches an expectant eyebrow.
Yamapi blinks back.
Kame arches the other one.
Yamapi blinks again.
Kame sighs and makes a gesture with his hand.
Yamapi waves back.
“Your team,” Kame snaps, without meaning to.
Yamapi doesn’t notice the snapping. “Oh!” he says, and flashes a thumbs up. “Um, everyone…” he begins, officiously.
The rest of his team is immediately attentive.
And then he smiles. “Good morning!”
“Good morning!” they chirp back.
Kame counts backwards from ten very slowly.
“So, Kame-chan has something he wants to talk to us about; Tackey…er, Administrator Takizawa, said we should help him out.” Pause. Blink. “I don’t know what it’s about yet so I can’t tell you. Okay, start!” He gestures towards Kame again.
It isn’t one of the more informative introductions Kame has ever gotten, but he supposes that for Yamapi at this hour it’s the best he can hope for. “We have this mission,” he begins.
Ryo snorts when he hears this. “Sorry, if I’d known we’d have to listen to you talk like a retard I would have brought extra coffee to help keep me awake.”
Shige snickers at that while Koyama looks around nervously.
Tegoshi giggles; Massu is still asleep. Yamapi looks like he’s on the verge of joining Massu again.
Kame clears his throat. “As I was saying; my team has been working on a sting operation regarding the largest human trafficking ring in Asia,” he explains. “However, Akanishi’s efforts undercover have proven less than fruitful over the last few weeks.”
“Not my fault this Johnny guy has no taste!” Jin pipes up from the back of the room. He is clearly sulking.
Kame ignores him. “Johnny is our codename for the current target; we suspect he’s a mid-level player in the ring stationed here in Tokyo and that he’s tied to the latest string of disappearances of young men ages 18 to 25 in the club district. To put it simply, he’s known for his…distinct tastes… and we’ve been trying to exploit them in order to draw him out. Thus far we’ve been… unsuccessful.”
Ryo yawns. Loudly.
“I think what Nishikido-kun is trying to say is, what does this have to do with us? This is your unit’s mission, isn’t it?” Shige translates politely, though there is a look in his eye very similar to Ryo’s right now.
They’re bored.
Kame rushes this along. “What I’m trying to say is,” he explains, carefully, “Jin isn’t to Johnny’s liking. Despite our best efforts to make him up that way.”
Silence.
Then, Koyama raises his hand to ask because no one else will. “I don’t get it.”
~~~~~
“NO!” Shige and Ryo both object in tandem, when they do get it.
Tegoshi laughs at them; they’ve never done that before.
“You are not putting Tego-nyan in that situation,” Ryo hisses at Kame. “We object.”
“Undercover isn’t even his job! It’s mine!” Shige agrees indignantly. “He’s so inept he wouldn’t even know what to do if someone asked him his name! He’d probably give his real one!”
“He’ll get raped!” Ryo adds.
They are showing some amazing teamwork right now.
Kame, however, is adamant. “He must have gotten basic undercover and hand-to-hand training at the academy or he wouldn’t have graduated. All he has to do is what he always does; bat his eyes, ask for pretty things, smile! We’ll take care of the rest once we have enough evidence recorded.”
“Anyone can do that!” Shige complains. “I can do that! Jin can do that!”
Kame is starting to lose his patience with these senseless arguments; why are they so against putting an agent in the field when that is an agent’s job? “You,” he says to Shige, “are not the big-eyed cute type. Jin is not the big-eyed cute type.”
“My eyes are amazing!” Jin feels the need to chime in.
He is ignored.
“Shige can be cute!” Ryo snarls.
A moment. Everyone stares at Ryo.
He scowls at them. “You know what I mean!”
Shige continues to stare at the sniper.
Ryo reaches out and smacks him. “Focus!”
“Right,” Shige says, shaking himself. “I can be cute. Leave Tegoshi out of this.”
“I don’t understand why you’re both acting like overprotective mothers about this,” Kame tells them, crossing his arms. “I thought that was Koyama’s job.”
“Koyama will also object once he snaps out of his shock,” Shige reports.
On the other side of the table, Yamapi is patting a wide-eyed Koyama’s hand and telling the explosives expert to breathe. “One, two…one, two… yosh, yosh…”
“There. This clearly means we all object. Which means you can’t have him,” Ryo sums up neatly.
“It’s not up to you,” Kame fights, “It’s up to Yamashita-san.”
Everyone turns to Yamapi.
Who blinks.
Waves.
Kame slaps a hand to his forehead. “Can we have Tegoshi or not?” he grinds out.
“Oh!” Yamapi looks thoughtful; he’s still patting Koyama’s hand.
Ryo and Shige both make vehement “No!!” motions with their arms. Ryo even draws his thumb across his neck and gives Yamapi a telling (threatening) look.
Kame on the other hand, tries to appear imploring and professional all at once; he knows he can go over Yamapi’s head if need be but he doesn’t want to incur the other director’s resentment again if he doesn’t have to. It took him years to get over their last rift.
Yamapi just purses his lips. “Well,” he begins slowly, and then looks away from Kame, away from Ryo, away from Shige.
He looks at Tegoshi.
“I suppose it’s up to Tegoshi, ne.”
Tegoshi is still drawing hearts on Massu’s face, but looks up when his leader says his name. “Sure, I’ll go!” he chirps, “It sounds like fun.”
Koyama passes out.
~~~~~
“Why are we even here?” Koki asks boredly, as NewS bickers on the other side of the room.
Nakamaru shrugs and wishes Massu was still asleep so he’d have someone to draw on again.
In the meantime, Ryo and Shige are unhappy.
“But his hand-to-hand skills aren’t as developed as they should be,” Shige argues logically. “We all know he was sped through the academy and didn’t have the time to refine his abilities in a lot of training areas; he’s clearly the worst at fighting out of all of us. On top of that, if he goes in undercover, he’ll have to be unarmed.”
Tegoshi pouts at him. “I trained really hard with Massu over the past few years,” he reports, “I’m really good at fighting now!”
“That doesn’t change the fact that the rest of us all have the advantage of years on you, Tegoshi,” Shige presses, again logically.
“Tesshi is really good now,” Massu feels the need to say, incase it might change Shige’s opinion.
It doesn’t.
“Field work and training sessions aren’t interchangeable. Even if he has been practicing, being able to defend himself from someone who is really trying to kill or kidnap him will have a thousand different factors involved in it that a sparring session won’t.”
“I’m with Shige for once,” Ryo agrees. “Tego-nyan, it’s too dangerous and I’ll worry.”
Ryo goes for the emotional attack to balance out Shige’s logical one; Yamapi thinks that the two of them would be a very scary team if they ganged up together on people who didn’t know them and who didn’t have Tegoshi’s ability to convince others to do what he wants.
But everyone here knows them and Tegoshi just happens to have an uncanny ability to convince other people to do what he wants.
“Ryo-tan,” Tegoshi starts, and wraps both of his arms around one of Ryo’s. He rests his head on the older agent’s shoulder and gently squeezes Ryo’s elbow. “Even if it’s dangerous, since I know it’s Ryo-tan and everyone else backing me up, I won’t be afraid of anything, ne.”
When Shige hears this, he gives Ryo a look that screams, “Avert your eyes, don’t give in, IT’S A PLOY.”
But Ryo isn’t looking at Shige because Tegoshi is adorable.
Ryo sighs. Scowls.
And finally, finally ruffles Tegoshi’s hair in a defeat.
“If he lays a finger on you I am shooting him in the eye,” he declares.
Tegoshi smiles sweetly. “I know.”
Shige sighs in a long-suffering sort of way as Tegoshi hugs him next; now that Ryo has caved it is up to him-as usual- to come up with an alternate solution for their problems.
Because even if Tegoshi is going in, they refuse to let him do it alone.
~~~~~
“So… how many years of experience do you have?” the club manager asks Shige, and eyes him up and down like he doesn’t quite believe guys like Shige apply to work at places like his every day.
“How many years of experience do I have in food service or how many years of experience do I have… wearing sequins?” Shige replies, and isn’t really talking about the staff’s interesting choice of costumes when he asks this. Though that is part of it.
The manager arches an eyebrow at Shige’s response but decides that he likes the young man’s sense of humor. He grins. “Being a waiter. I can already tell you’ll look good in the sequins.”
“Six months,” Shige throws out, making himself squirm a bit uncomfortably about the sequins comment because he thinks this pervert seems to like that kind of stuff.
He’s not wrong.
The grin on the manager’s face grows marginally. “Well, we usually like at least a year of experience because the clientele we get can be a bit tricky to deal with, but for some reason, if a good-looking guy like you is at their disposal I doubt they’ll mind a few spills here and there.”
“Um…thank you?”
A wink. “Then you’re hired. Come in tomorrow night for training and we’ll start you at the back station; if you get the seal of approval after a week you can start working the main floor.”
After that Shige is handed a red and silver sequined uniform in his size and his ass is heartily slapped on his way out the door.
Shige grits his teeth and hopes that his teammates appreciate the things he has to go through for them.
~~~~~
“Now… be cute on my cue,” Kame tells Tegoshi as they continue their two week long training session to prepare the young agent for his role. He eyes the young hacker critically. “Okay… three…two…one…go!”
Tegoshi blinks a little bit at the random command; he tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean be…”
“That’s perfect,” Kame tells him.
Tegoshi isn’t sure what’s going on here, but perfect is always good. Though he thinks the light Kame is shining directly into his face while he is sitting in a folding chair in the center of the holding room seems a bit excessive; he remembers Ryo using something similar to this setup the last time the sniper was allowed to interrogate a prisoner.
Tegoshi wrinkles his nose.
“Okay you can stop with the cute now,” Kame tells him.
Tegoshi wishes Kame would be more informative about what is happening here. “But I’m not doing anything.”
Kame isn’t listening though; he’s turning to look at Jin instead, who is doing his best to appear interested in the happenings even though he is clearly not. “Do you think he’s ready?” Kame asks him.
Jin pauses and eyes Tegoshi because Kame will know he wasn’t paying attention to him just now if he doesn’t try to seem at least a little bit thoughtful about it. “Cute, huh?” Jin begins, and taps his chin with the tip of his index finger. “Is that…”
Tegoshi sneezes; the light shining in his eyes like it is makes him do that sometimes.
“Oh god so cute,” Jin affirms.
Kame looks pleased with their speedy progress, face alight with the prospect of finally closing in on their target after weeks of (unacceptable) failure. “Alright, then I think we’re ready to move in…this weekend.”
Jin pauses for dramatic effect before pursing his lips and nodding in agreement, even though he is still bored out of his mind. “Sure.”
A resounding slam from the other side of the two-way mirror suggests that Agent Nishikido does not agree with either of them.
~~~~~
It is already day thirteen of Shige’s undercover work but he still isn’t used to it yet; he is fairly certain he never will be.
Which is why he yelps when one of his customers starts stroking his hip, though thankfully, he keeps himself from lashing out defensively on instinct. Instead, he makes a fist at his side and lets the man slide the cash into his pants pocket with a leer and a bad joke about “big tipping.”
Shige hates his life sometimes.
~~~~~
“Everyone is really worried about me,” Tegoshi whines breathlessly, chest heaving. Sweat trickles down the back of his neck and he swats at it absently.
“I’m not worried about you,” Massu moves to assure him. He smiles up at the younger agent to show just how un-worried he is.
Tesshi beams when he hears this, squeezes his thighs around Massu’s chest a little bit. “I know. Massu is the best!”
Massu squirms a little when the added pressure hits a bruise, but his smile doesn’t falter. “Tesshi,” he says, “I can tell that you’ve been working really hard!”
Tegoshi giggles and tosses his hair out of his eyes. “Yup! Can we go again?”
Massu nods. “One more time before lunch!”
This time, he is the one who does the pinning, but Tegoshi puts up a hell of a fight going down.
~~~~~
“I can’t believe I‘m doing this,” Shige murmurs to himself early Saturday night, as he is carefully drawing his makeup brush over Tegoshi’s face.
Tegoshi laughs a little when the soft bristles touch his cheek; “Shige that tickles!” he says, in a low whisper that makes Shige’s breath hitch a little in his chest. The reaction only confirms his feelings that this is a very, very bad idea and that Ryo was right, Tegoshi is going to get raped.
Shige turns to look at Kame, who is supervising the preparations. “Kamenashi-kun…” he begins, and swallows, “isn’t that enough makeup?”
Kame waves a hand at the undercover agent absently. “Keep going. I think he needs more eyeliner.”
Shige sighs and applies another layer of eye makeup while Kame turns around and barks that wardrobe needs to be picked out in the next ten minutes if they’re to stay on his schedule.
Jin prances in five minutes later and huffs, holding red leather pants in one hand and white vinyl short-shorts in the other. “Which one is gayer?” he asks, loudly.
“Shorts,” Kame says.
“I like the pants!” Tegoshi chirps.
Kame sighs and turns to tell Tegoshi why is he is clearly wrong. “No, the shorts are…” he starts, but trails off abruptly when he finally takes a real, real look at the younger agent’s now smoky eyes.
“Uh,” he swallows, inexplicably, “I guess the pants are fine too.”
Tegoshi beams. “Yay!”
Shige, Kame notes to himself dumbly, does good work.
~~~~~
Ryo sputters when Tegoshi comes out of Shige’s office.
Tegoshi laughs at his reaction. “Ryo-tan, you’re making a funny face!” he giggles, and tosses his hair a little. It shines with gold glitter and Ryo is inexplicably reminded of those pop idols his little sister loves watching on TV, except that Tegoshi is still cuter.
So Ryo glares and does the only thing he can do.
He punches Shige in the arm.
Shige would complain about the abuse, but looking at Tegoshi right now, he knows he deserves it.
He thinks that sometimes the work he does is a little too good.
~~~~~
Everything is already set up by the time Tegoshi strolls into the club a few hours later; he gets to cut the line to get in because when he smiles guilelessly at the Bouncer it automatically makes sense that someone that hot should be inside and not waiting out here.
The moment he is inside, two men offer to buy him drinks because clearly someone that hot should also be taken care of for the whole night, especially since there is no way there is a wallet tucked anywhere in those really tight pants. Tegoshi laughs sweetly at their offer and says he doesn’t really drink that much, that he’s just here to dance.
Shige watches all of this from across the floor warily; he thinks he kind of hates how easily this is all coming to Tegoshi, how for his first undercover mission he’s not nervous or sweating at all, that he’s making it look like a piece of cake.
But then again, that flimsy little lace-up top and the fire-engine pants make it kind of hard to pay attention to the nuances of Tegoshi’s face.
Which is the last thing Tegoshi’s adoring throng is paying attention to right now anyway; Shige takes a deep breath when a hand tries to trail itself down the young agent’s back, moving down the curve of his ass to rest on his hips.
Tegoshi laughs and twirls away and all Shige can think is that he hopes Ryo can’t see this, because he does not want a mass of dead bodies laid out in a circle around Tegoshi in the next five minutes.
Even though the perverts would all deserve it.
~~~~~
Tegoshi dances a few rounds with various suitors to make his sudden appearance in the club seem natural, keeps going until instructions from Kame over his earpiece tell him to head over to the bar and grab a drink of water. “We think we see Johnny’s right hand man there in the white; see if you can strike up conversation. But be subtle!”
Tegoshi nods before excusing himself from the dance floor; Shige surreptitiously follows under the guise of getting more drinks for his tables.
“Target B confirmed,” Shige calls in, when he does see Johnny’s right hand man at the bar, looking both terrifying and bored all at once. “I think he’s…”
But before Shige can say anything else, Tegoshi bounces right up to the target and taps him on the shoulder. “Hi!” he says, and clearly does not know what subtle means, “Buy me a drink?”
Shige slaps a hand to his forehead.
~~~~~
Kame curses softly under his breath, ready to abort for tonight because Tegoshi clearly is a rank amateur who doesn’t know what he is doing as an agent despite the constant praise he gets for being “gifted” and “extremely qualified.”
But before he can call it, Target B smiles at Tegoshi, eyes him up and down, and says, “Sure.”
No one can really believe it.
~~~~~
Well, Ryo can believe it. He’s just unhappy about it.
“Can I shoot him now?”
Kame growls. “No.”
A moment.
Then, “Can I shoot him now?”
“No.”
“How about now?”
Kame is on the verge of being really, really annoyed. “Nishikido, will you stop…”
He is cut off by Ryo again, who is no longer speaking to him. “Yamapi, just let me shoot him. It’ll be really quick. Look where his hand is!” The last part sounds suspiciously like a whine.
Yamapi thinks about it for a second. “Ryo-chan,” he says after a beat, calmly, “If you shoot him right now his head will explode all over Tegoshi, ne. You know how he hates that.”
Silence.
Then, “Dammit.”
~~~~~
Fifteen minutes later, Target B touches Tegoshi’s shoulder and says, “There’s someone I think you should meet.”
“It took him less than thirty minutes!” Jin shrieks into his intercom with high indignation. “What the hell?!”
Ueda calmly cuts Jin’s mic off from everyone else’s headsets for the sake of their ears.
~~~~~
Johnny-otherwise known as Target A- leers down at Tegoshi some minutes later, eyes alighting on the little bits of pale white skin peeking out from behind the lacing in the kid’s flimsy top, on the slight jut of hipbone showing just above the waist of tight, tight pants.
He licks his lips. “You know… I could really make you a star, kid.”
Tegoshi’s eyes sparkle. “Really?” he drawls shyly, looking through his lashes at the target. “I don’t do those kinds of videos.”
Johnny laughs, puts a finger under Tegoshi’s chin and tilts it upwards so the kid is looking right at him. “Not those kinds of videos,” he says, “Though that’d be pretty sweet too. But I mean it. Face like yours, you could be in real movies, TV dramas, an idol group.”
Tegoshi giggles. “I can’t sing.”
Johnny smirks. “Half of them can’t anyway.”
Tegoshi’s interest seems piqued when he hears that; he smiles invitingly. “Tell me more?”
~~~~~
In the building across the street, Koki has to physically restrain Ryo from pulling the trigger of his rifle.
~~~~~
“They won’t let me go up into the VIP section,” Shige reports worriedly after he has lost sight of Tegoshi fifteen minutes later.
“We can’t see anything on our end either,” Ryo adds, sounding on the very edge of panic.
“We’ve still got visual,” Ueda confirms from inside the van. “Security cameras still have him on…”
He trails off inexplicably.
A moment.
Then, a sigh. “Never mind.”
Shige stares. “What?!”
Ueda is unfazed. “They’ve gone to a private room; I don’t have a video feed anymore. Just sound.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN…”
Ueda calmly cuts Ryo’s mic off too.
~~~~~
The minute the door closes behind Tegoshi and Johnny in the private room, Tegoshi is tossed up against a wall and pinned by the throat by a grinning Target B while Johnny looks on approvingly.
He effects a frightened expression; “What’s going on?” he asks, and projects his voice downward, towards the bug taped strategically to his hip.
Johnny leers as his henchmen holds Tegoshi up, licking the side of the young agent’s throat. “You are a good looking kid,” he hisses under his breath. “Makes me think I shouldn’t touch you; keep you fresh for some of my more high paying customers. But then I look at you again and think it would be a waste not to have some fun of my own first.”
Tegoshi blinks. “Oh.”
The fingers around his neck tighten and he thinks he’s starting to get a little bit dizzy.
~~~~~
The minute they hear the confession, Yamapi jumps the gun and orders everyone to storm in; Kame doesn’t even realize control of the mission has been usurped until the first door is kicked down by Massu and a frantic Koyama dashes up the stairs to the second story, unwittingly tossing a bewildered bouncer out of the way as he does.
Ryo is there too (leaving Koki alone to cover both exits and at the same time, nurse a savagely bruised jaw); the older sniper has got his Very Large Rifle in hand and sends club denizens scattering as Shige dumps his apron, draws his firearm, and follows his teammates up the stairs. Taguchi and Nakamaru are left to block the exits and try to calm down the throng of screaming people.
By the time Ryo and Koyama manage to kick down the door, Yamapi and Kame have joined them.
They erupt into the room with weapons drawn and find…
Tegoshi sitting happily in the middle of a king sized bed, after raiding the mini bar for bon bons and potato chips.
Target B is dead at the scene while Johnny lolls stupidly on the floor, bleeding from a wound to the head.
“Hey guys!” Tegoshi chirps, and offers the bag of chips to his teammates. “Want some?”
Everyone stares.
Except for Massu, who grins at Tegoshi and says, “Sure!” like he was never worried at all.
Koyama passes out.
~~~~~
Later, on the way back from the hospital, Tegoshi bats away Koyama’s hands. Again. “Kei-chan,” he complains, “I’m fine! I used that move with my hips that Massu taught me, ne! I totally kicked their butts!”
A moment.
Then Massu grins. “Tesshi’s hips are really strong!”
His groupmates don’t know whether to be proud or terrified.
Kame is just glad he finally nailed his criminal.
~~~~~
A few weeks later, the case goes to trial.
The defense attorney tries to look fierce. “And so you seduced my client and then killed his employee before you could confirm what his words actually meant?”
Tegoshi pouts. “He was hurting me!” he complains.
The defense attorney pauses and feels inexplicably guilty when he hears this. “Um, well, what I mean is… you’re…you’re okay, aren’t you?”
“Yup, I’m fine.” Tegoshi pulls back his collar a little and smiles brightly. “See? The bruises his hands left are all gone now.”
Invisible bruises or not, there is a collective, sympathetic sigh from the jury.
A moment.
The defense attorney sighs. “Right. No further questions.”
He sits down and avoids the glares of the judge and jury before leaning towards his client. “It doesn’t look good,” he says.
After the next recess, they decide it is best to reach a plea.
~~~~~
That week, Tegoshi receives a commendation for his role in the arrest; not long afterwards, his work will lead to the crumbling of one of Asia’s largest human trafficking rings.
But more importantly, everyone in the agency learns to fear the power in his hips.
~~~~~
It is under these circumstances that Ryo invites Shige out for dinner one night, just the two of them.
He even buys Shige a drink.
“So,” Shige says, and doesn’t even have it in him to complain when the drink Ryo buys him is girly and neon, “he’s all grown up now.”
“Yeah,” Ryo agrees.
The two of them clink their glasses together and look devastated.
END
EDITS PLZ.
Universe: JE/News/KAT-TUN
Theme/Topic: Government Agent AU (B-side version?)
Rating: PG-13 for swearing?
Character/Pairing/s: NewS, KAT-TUN (an appearance by Okada and members of Arashi)
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, crack, AU
Word Count: 5,478
Summary: In order to lure out some very bad men, Tegoshi is used as bait.
Dedication: The holiday fic I wrote for Ann that never made it because it totally ruins all credibility this AU originally might have had once.
A/N: So I originally wrote this sometime in December for the fic exchange I did with Ann, but it had all the elements of retardedness in Aus I normally hate and so I was too ashamed to post it. I used parts of it (sort of) in Tegoshi’s section of “In Tiny Forward Motions,” and when Ann commented I brought up this story again and how I stole from it and she told me she wanted to read it. So I sent to her. And then she said it was funny and that she liked it, even though it was COMPLETELY different from all my other stories in this AU. She suggested that I post it as a kind of remix of myself, so I’m going to call this the Government Agent AU B-sides. Because if Ann likes it then I guess that’s good enough for me. XD Seriously though, this AU was originally supposed to be just like this always and not nearly as serious as it turned out at all. You all know crack fic is my heart and soul anyway.
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
“Looks like they’re not biting tonight either,” Kame sighs impatiently, and removes his headset. He isn’t happy; the inside of the surveillance van is hot and cramped and he can feel each and every one of the sweat beads that have formed on his nose and forehead over the six hours he's spent sitting here. He checks his watch for the umpteenth time tonight. “We’re way past our projected mark; I’m calling it.”
Ueda eyes him for a moment before nodding and calmly speaking into his headset. “Jin,” he says, “we’re calling it. Pull out.”
They watch on the security monitor as Jin heaves a big sigh of relief when he hears the news; he promptly ditches the lollipop he has been working on for the past ten minutes in lieu of the cigarettes he prefers and stalks towards the club exit in his sparkly, excessively skimpy top. On his way out the door he whirls and deftly punches out the lights of one of the (many) meaty guys who is trying to make a grab at his ass.
Ueda, nonplussed, cuts the feed just as the would-be harasser hits the ground, Kame scowls and rubs his temples, like he does whenever he feels another teammate-induced migraine coming on. “This isn’t working,” he mutters. “At all.”
Ueda starts packing up his surveillance equipment. “You think?”
~~~~~
Ryo knows he’s already ten minutes late for the morning meeting when he gets to the agency; he also knows it’s a meeting that was called by Kamenashi and his team, so that’s why he doesn’t care. Instead of going straight to the conference room like he normally would under these kinds of circumstances, he goes to the break room first so that he can pour himself some coffee and mentally prepare for an hour-long sit in with donkey-face and his merry band of douche bags. When he reaches the break room he is just in time to see Tegoshi bat his eyes shyly at Agent Okada, successfully worming the last maple éclair in the donut box from the older agent.
“Okada-senpai is so nice!” Tegoshi chirps, which causes Okada to sigh in a helpless sort of way as he hands the pastry over without much of a fight. The older agent settles for taking the last chocolate glazed donut in the box instead. Tegoshi just glows at him, innocently swinging his feet back and forth as he sits atop the counter. “Thank you, senpai! These are my favorite.”
“No problem, I guess,” Okada tells the hacker with a small smile, and quickly makes his way out of the kitchenette before he gets conned out of his second donut as well.
It’s happened before.
“Ryo-tan, ohayo!” Tegoshi greets around a mouthful of maple and cream when he sees his teammate in the doorway a few seconds later; he smiles and offers the donut to the sniper very magnanimously, “Do you want a bite?”
Ryo takes a bite because he knows Tegoshi will complain if he doesn’t. He reaches out to ruffle the kid’s hair. “You’re late,” he tells the younger boy imperiously, just because he can. “We have a meeting.”
Tegoshi pouts. “I was hungry,” he explains, and then holds out his empty Styrofoam cup to the sniper expectantly. “Coffee please!”
Ryo grumbles to himself and snatches the cup before pouring Tegoshi a serving of decaf; he puts in two sugars, two creams, stirs, blows, and then taste-tests.
Perfect.
He hands the cup back to the kid with an ineffective glare. “There, brat. Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
The hacker just smiles back at him brilliantly before taking a sip. “Ryo-tan always makes it taste best!”
Ryo rolls his eyes and moves to make his own coffee just as Shige rushes into the room, looking out of breath.
“We’re late!” the undercover agent announces, like Tegoshi and Ryo don’t already know. Pause. Blink. “Why are you both here?”
“Why are you here?” Ryo rejoins evenly, but already knows the answer. He gets another cup out and starts pouring.
Shige grins lopsidedly at him. “Coffee,” he admits, and accepts it with a shy nod of thanks when Ryo gets it for him.
“Shige, do you want a bite of my donut?” Tegoshi asks, holding his half-eaten pastry out to the undercover agent. It oozes cream.
“No,” Shige says, wrinkling his nose. “You already bit it.”
“But it’s too big for me to finish myself,” Tegoshi pouts. “Shige has to have some. It’s really good! I don’t want to throw the rest away…”
Shige sighs as Tegoshi starts whining. “Fine.” He takes a bite and makes a face at the sweetness before sipping his coffee and promptly sputtering again. “Too sweet!” he chokes, and frowns at Ryo. “Did you put eight sugars in there when I wasn't looking or something?”
Ryo just snorts. “If you have the energy to complain, make it yourself next time,” he tells the taller agent with a smirk, before turning back to Tegoshi. “If we go to the meeting now we can beat Shige there and he’ll be the only one they yell at, Tego-nyan.”
Tegoshi laughs and slides off the counter. “But no one’s ever yelled at me for being late before.”
Shige rolls his eyes. “That just figures.”
Ryo is just about to tell Shige it’s because Tego-nyan is cute and he isn’t, but before he can, Koyama comes skittering into the kitchenette in high panic. “There you all are!” the explosives expert wheezes, “We’re waiting for you! Kame-chan doesn’t look happy!”
“Kei-chan,” Tegoshi chirrups, sounding completely unfazed, “Want some of my donut?”
Koyama promptly forgets what he was talking about just now and smiles back because Tegoshi has that effect on people. “Sure, Tegorin!” He happily takes a bite.
Shige rolls his eyes and grabs Koyama by the collar because he knows that he can at least rein in the oldest agent if not the other two. “C’mon,” he says, and dumps the rest of his coffee in the sink, “We’re late.”
~~~~~
“You’re late,” Kame feels the need to point out when two thirds of Yamashita’s team stroll casually into the meeting room five minutes later. Massu and Yamapi are both already there, but then again, they’re both asleep too. Nakamaru is drawing on the back of Massu’s hand with his pen.
Ryo deftly ignores Kame in lieu of leaning down and blowing into his team leader’s ear, jolting Yamapi awake and sending him toppling out of his chair. “Did we start?!” Yamapi shouts, right before hitting the ground.
A moment of silence.
Then, “I just fell, ne.”
Ryo grins down at his friend and offers him a hand up. “Morning.”
Yamapi completely forgets that he fell and grins back. “Ryo-chan! You’re here!”
Kame looks at his watch in a pained sort of way; they’re already twenty minutes late. “Can we please start the meeting?” he asks impatiently, and eyes Tegoshi, who has liberated the pen from Nakamaru and is drawing hearts on Massu’s cheek now. “We only have the room for another thirty minutes.”
No response.
When Kame realizes that Yamapi’s team is ignoring him he turns to the other director and arches an expectant eyebrow.
Yamapi blinks back.
Kame arches the other one.
Yamapi blinks again.
Kame sighs and makes a gesture with his hand.
Yamapi waves back.
“Your team,” Kame snaps, without meaning to.
Yamapi doesn’t notice the snapping. “Oh!” he says, and flashes a thumbs up. “Um, everyone…” he begins, officiously.
The rest of his team is immediately attentive.
And then he smiles. “Good morning!”
“Good morning!” they chirp back.
Kame counts backwards from ten very slowly.
“So, Kame-chan has something he wants to talk to us about; Tackey…er, Administrator Takizawa, said we should help him out.” Pause. Blink. “I don’t know what it’s about yet so I can’t tell you. Okay, start!” He gestures towards Kame again.
It isn’t one of the more informative introductions Kame has ever gotten, but he supposes that for Yamapi at this hour it’s the best he can hope for. “We have this mission,” he begins.
Ryo snorts when he hears this. “Sorry, if I’d known we’d have to listen to you talk like a retard I would have brought extra coffee to help keep me awake.”
Shige snickers at that while Koyama looks around nervously.
Tegoshi giggles; Massu is still asleep. Yamapi looks like he’s on the verge of joining Massu again.
Kame clears his throat. “As I was saying; my team has been working on a sting operation regarding the largest human trafficking ring in Asia,” he explains. “However, Akanishi’s efforts undercover have proven less than fruitful over the last few weeks.”
“Not my fault this Johnny guy has no taste!” Jin pipes up from the back of the room. He is clearly sulking.
Kame ignores him. “Johnny is our codename for the current target; we suspect he’s a mid-level player in the ring stationed here in Tokyo and that he’s tied to the latest string of disappearances of young men ages 18 to 25 in the club district. To put it simply, he’s known for his…distinct tastes… and we’ve been trying to exploit them in order to draw him out. Thus far we’ve been… unsuccessful.”
Ryo yawns. Loudly.
“I think what Nishikido-kun is trying to say is, what does this have to do with us? This is your unit’s mission, isn’t it?” Shige translates politely, though there is a look in his eye very similar to Ryo’s right now.
They’re bored.
Kame rushes this along. “What I’m trying to say is,” he explains, carefully, “Jin isn’t to Johnny’s liking. Despite our best efforts to make him up that way.”
Silence.
Then, Koyama raises his hand to ask because no one else will. “I don’t get it.”
~~~~~
“NO!” Shige and Ryo both object in tandem, when they do get it.
Tegoshi laughs at them; they’ve never done that before.
“You are not putting Tego-nyan in that situation,” Ryo hisses at Kame. “We object.”
“Undercover isn’t even his job! It’s mine!” Shige agrees indignantly. “He’s so inept he wouldn’t even know what to do if someone asked him his name! He’d probably give his real one!”
“He’ll get raped!” Ryo adds.
They are showing some amazing teamwork right now.
Kame, however, is adamant. “He must have gotten basic undercover and hand-to-hand training at the academy or he wouldn’t have graduated. All he has to do is what he always does; bat his eyes, ask for pretty things, smile! We’ll take care of the rest once we have enough evidence recorded.”
“Anyone can do that!” Shige complains. “I can do that! Jin can do that!”
Kame is starting to lose his patience with these senseless arguments; why are they so against putting an agent in the field when that is an agent’s job? “You,” he says to Shige, “are not the big-eyed cute type. Jin is not the big-eyed cute type.”
“My eyes are amazing!” Jin feels the need to chime in.
He is ignored.
“Shige can be cute!” Ryo snarls.
A moment. Everyone stares at Ryo.
He scowls at them. “You know what I mean!”
Shige continues to stare at the sniper.
Ryo reaches out and smacks him. “Focus!”
“Right,” Shige says, shaking himself. “I can be cute. Leave Tegoshi out of this.”
“I don’t understand why you’re both acting like overprotective mothers about this,” Kame tells them, crossing his arms. “I thought that was Koyama’s job.”
“Koyama will also object once he snaps out of his shock,” Shige reports.
On the other side of the table, Yamapi is patting a wide-eyed Koyama’s hand and telling the explosives expert to breathe. “One, two…one, two… yosh, yosh…”
“There. This clearly means we all object. Which means you can’t have him,” Ryo sums up neatly.
“It’s not up to you,” Kame fights, “It’s up to Yamashita-san.”
Everyone turns to Yamapi.
Who blinks.
Waves.
Kame slaps a hand to his forehead. “Can we have Tegoshi or not?” he grinds out.
“Oh!” Yamapi looks thoughtful; he’s still patting Koyama’s hand.
Ryo and Shige both make vehement “No!!” motions with their arms. Ryo even draws his thumb across his neck and gives Yamapi a telling (threatening) look.
Kame on the other hand, tries to appear imploring and professional all at once; he knows he can go over Yamapi’s head if need be but he doesn’t want to incur the other director’s resentment again if he doesn’t have to. It took him years to get over their last rift.
Yamapi just purses his lips. “Well,” he begins slowly, and then looks away from Kame, away from Ryo, away from Shige.
He looks at Tegoshi.
“I suppose it’s up to Tegoshi, ne.”
Tegoshi is still drawing hearts on Massu’s face, but looks up when his leader says his name. “Sure, I’ll go!” he chirps, “It sounds like fun.”
Koyama passes out.
~~~~~
“Why are we even here?” Koki asks boredly, as NewS bickers on the other side of the room.
Nakamaru shrugs and wishes Massu was still asleep so he’d have someone to draw on again.
In the meantime, Ryo and Shige are unhappy.
“But his hand-to-hand skills aren’t as developed as they should be,” Shige argues logically. “We all know he was sped through the academy and didn’t have the time to refine his abilities in a lot of training areas; he’s clearly the worst at fighting out of all of us. On top of that, if he goes in undercover, he’ll have to be unarmed.”
Tegoshi pouts at him. “I trained really hard with Massu over the past few years,” he reports, “I’m really good at fighting now!”
“That doesn’t change the fact that the rest of us all have the advantage of years on you, Tegoshi,” Shige presses, again logically.
“Tesshi is really good now,” Massu feels the need to say, incase it might change Shige’s opinion.
It doesn’t.
“Field work and training sessions aren’t interchangeable. Even if he has been practicing, being able to defend himself from someone who is really trying to kill or kidnap him will have a thousand different factors involved in it that a sparring session won’t.”
“I’m with Shige for once,” Ryo agrees. “Tego-nyan, it’s too dangerous and I’ll worry.”
Ryo goes for the emotional attack to balance out Shige’s logical one; Yamapi thinks that the two of them would be a very scary team if they ganged up together on people who didn’t know them and who didn’t have Tegoshi’s ability to convince others to do what he wants.
But everyone here knows them and Tegoshi just happens to have an uncanny ability to convince other people to do what he wants.
“Ryo-tan,” Tegoshi starts, and wraps both of his arms around one of Ryo’s. He rests his head on the older agent’s shoulder and gently squeezes Ryo’s elbow. “Even if it’s dangerous, since I know it’s Ryo-tan and everyone else backing me up, I won’t be afraid of anything, ne.”
When Shige hears this, he gives Ryo a look that screams, “Avert your eyes, don’t give in, IT’S A PLOY.”
But Ryo isn’t looking at Shige because Tegoshi is adorable.
Ryo sighs. Scowls.
And finally, finally ruffles Tegoshi’s hair in a defeat.
“If he lays a finger on you I am shooting him in the eye,” he declares.
Tegoshi smiles sweetly. “I know.”
Shige sighs in a long-suffering sort of way as Tegoshi hugs him next; now that Ryo has caved it is up to him-as usual- to come up with an alternate solution for their problems.
Because even if Tegoshi is going in, they refuse to let him do it alone.
~~~~~
“So… how many years of experience do you have?” the club manager asks Shige, and eyes him up and down like he doesn’t quite believe guys like Shige apply to work at places like his every day.
“How many years of experience do I have in food service or how many years of experience do I have… wearing sequins?” Shige replies, and isn’t really talking about the staff’s interesting choice of costumes when he asks this. Though that is part of it.
The manager arches an eyebrow at Shige’s response but decides that he likes the young man’s sense of humor. He grins. “Being a waiter. I can already tell you’ll look good in the sequins.”
“Six months,” Shige throws out, making himself squirm a bit uncomfortably about the sequins comment because he thinks this pervert seems to like that kind of stuff.
He’s not wrong.
The grin on the manager’s face grows marginally. “Well, we usually like at least a year of experience because the clientele we get can be a bit tricky to deal with, but for some reason, if a good-looking guy like you is at their disposal I doubt they’ll mind a few spills here and there.”
“Um…thank you?”
A wink. “Then you’re hired. Come in tomorrow night for training and we’ll start you at the back station; if you get the seal of approval after a week you can start working the main floor.”
After that Shige is handed a red and silver sequined uniform in his size and his ass is heartily slapped on his way out the door.
Shige grits his teeth and hopes that his teammates appreciate the things he has to go through for them.
~~~~~
“Now… be cute on my cue,” Kame tells Tegoshi as they continue their two week long training session to prepare the young agent for his role. He eyes the young hacker critically. “Okay… three…two…one…go!”
Tegoshi blinks a little bit at the random command; he tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean be…”
“That’s perfect,” Kame tells him.
Tegoshi isn’t sure what’s going on here, but perfect is always good. Though he thinks the light Kame is shining directly into his face while he is sitting in a folding chair in the center of the holding room seems a bit excessive; he remembers Ryo using something similar to this setup the last time the sniper was allowed to interrogate a prisoner.
Tegoshi wrinkles his nose.
“Okay you can stop with the cute now,” Kame tells him.
Tegoshi wishes Kame would be more informative about what is happening here. “But I’m not doing anything.”
Kame isn’t listening though; he’s turning to look at Jin instead, who is doing his best to appear interested in the happenings even though he is clearly not. “Do you think he’s ready?” Kame asks him.
Jin pauses and eyes Tegoshi because Kame will know he wasn’t paying attention to him just now if he doesn’t try to seem at least a little bit thoughtful about it. “Cute, huh?” Jin begins, and taps his chin with the tip of his index finger. “Is that…”
Tegoshi sneezes; the light shining in his eyes like it is makes him do that sometimes.
“Oh god so cute,” Jin affirms.
Kame looks pleased with their speedy progress, face alight with the prospect of finally closing in on their target after weeks of (unacceptable) failure. “Alright, then I think we’re ready to move in…this weekend.”
Jin pauses for dramatic effect before pursing his lips and nodding in agreement, even though he is still bored out of his mind. “Sure.”
A resounding slam from the other side of the two-way mirror suggests that Agent Nishikido does not agree with either of them.
~~~~~
It is already day thirteen of Shige’s undercover work but he still isn’t used to it yet; he is fairly certain he never will be.
Which is why he yelps when one of his customers starts stroking his hip, though thankfully, he keeps himself from lashing out defensively on instinct. Instead, he makes a fist at his side and lets the man slide the cash into his pants pocket with a leer and a bad joke about “big tipping.”
Shige hates his life sometimes.
~~~~~
“Everyone is really worried about me,” Tegoshi whines breathlessly, chest heaving. Sweat trickles down the back of his neck and he swats at it absently.
“I’m not worried about you,” Massu moves to assure him. He smiles up at the younger agent to show just how un-worried he is.
Tesshi beams when he hears this, squeezes his thighs around Massu’s chest a little bit. “I know. Massu is the best!”
Massu squirms a little when the added pressure hits a bruise, but his smile doesn’t falter. “Tesshi,” he says, “I can tell that you’ve been working really hard!”
Tegoshi giggles and tosses his hair out of his eyes. “Yup! Can we go again?”
Massu nods. “One more time before lunch!”
This time, he is the one who does the pinning, but Tegoshi puts up a hell of a fight going down.
~~~~~
“I can’t believe I‘m doing this,” Shige murmurs to himself early Saturday night, as he is carefully drawing his makeup brush over Tegoshi’s face.
Tegoshi laughs a little when the soft bristles touch his cheek; “Shige that tickles!” he says, in a low whisper that makes Shige’s breath hitch a little in his chest. The reaction only confirms his feelings that this is a very, very bad idea and that Ryo was right, Tegoshi is going to get raped.
Shige turns to look at Kame, who is supervising the preparations. “Kamenashi-kun…” he begins, and swallows, “isn’t that enough makeup?”
Kame waves a hand at the undercover agent absently. “Keep going. I think he needs more eyeliner.”
Shige sighs and applies another layer of eye makeup while Kame turns around and barks that wardrobe needs to be picked out in the next ten minutes if they’re to stay on his schedule.
Jin prances in five minutes later and huffs, holding red leather pants in one hand and white vinyl short-shorts in the other. “Which one is gayer?” he asks, loudly.
“Shorts,” Kame says.
“I like the pants!” Tegoshi chirps.
Kame sighs and turns to tell Tegoshi why is he is clearly wrong. “No, the shorts are…” he starts, but trails off abruptly when he finally takes a real, real look at the younger agent’s now smoky eyes.
“Uh,” he swallows, inexplicably, “I guess the pants are fine too.”
Tegoshi beams. “Yay!”
Shige, Kame notes to himself dumbly, does good work.
~~~~~
Ryo sputters when Tegoshi comes out of Shige’s office.
Tegoshi laughs at his reaction. “Ryo-tan, you’re making a funny face!” he giggles, and tosses his hair a little. It shines with gold glitter and Ryo is inexplicably reminded of those pop idols his little sister loves watching on TV, except that Tegoshi is still cuter.
So Ryo glares and does the only thing he can do.
He punches Shige in the arm.
Shige would complain about the abuse, but looking at Tegoshi right now, he knows he deserves it.
He thinks that sometimes the work he does is a little too good.
~~~~~
Everything is already set up by the time Tegoshi strolls into the club a few hours later; he gets to cut the line to get in because when he smiles guilelessly at the Bouncer it automatically makes sense that someone that hot should be inside and not waiting out here.
The moment he is inside, two men offer to buy him drinks because clearly someone that hot should also be taken care of for the whole night, especially since there is no way there is a wallet tucked anywhere in those really tight pants. Tegoshi laughs sweetly at their offer and says he doesn’t really drink that much, that he’s just here to dance.
Shige watches all of this from across the floor warily; he thinks he kind of hates how easily this is all coming to Tegoshi, how for his first undercover mission he’s not nervous or sweating at all, that he’s making it look like a piece of cake.
But then again, that flimsy little lace-up top and the fire-engine pants make it kind of hard to pay attention to the nuances of Tegoshi’s face.
Which is the last thing Tegoshi’s adoring throng is paying attention to right now anyway; Shige takes a deep breath when a hand tries to trail itself down the young agent’s back, moving down the curve of his ass to rest on his hips.
Tegoshi laughs and twirls away and all Shige can think is that he hopes Ryo can’t see this, because he does not want a mass of dead bodies laid out in a circle around Tegoshi in the next five minutes.
Even though the perverts would all deserve it.
~~~~~
Tegoshi dances a few rounds with various suitors to make his sudden appearance in the club seem natural, keeps going until instructions from Kame over his earpiece tell him to head over to the bar and grab a drink of water. “We think we see Johnny’s right hand man there in the white; see if you can strike up conversation. But be subtle!”
Tegoshi nods before excusing himself from the dance floor; Shige surreptitiously follows under the guise of getting more drinks for his tables.
“Target B confirmed,” Shige calls in, when he does see Johnny’s right hand man at the bar, looking both terrifying and bored all at once. “I think he’s…”
But before Shige can say anything else, Tegoshi bounces right up to the target and taps him on the shoulder. “Hi!” he says, and clearly does not know what subtle means, “Buy me a drink?”
Shige slaps a hand to his forehead.
~~~~~
Kame curses softly under his breath, ready to abort for tonight because Tegoshi clearly is a rank amateur who doesn’t know what he is doing as an agent despite the constant praise he gets for being “gifted” and “extremely qualified.”
But before he can call it, Target B smiles at Tegoshi, eyes him up and down, and says, “Sure.”
No one can really believe it.
~~~~~
Well, Ryo can believe it. He’s just unhappy about it.
“Can I shoot him now?”
Kame growls. “No.”
A moment.
Then, “Can I shoot him now?”
“No.”
“How about now?”
Kame is on the verge of being really, really annoyed. “Nishikido, will you stop…”
He is cut off by Ryo again, who is no longer speaking to him. “Yamapi, just let me shoot him. It’ll be really quick. Look where his hand is!” The last part sounds suspiciously like a whine.
Yamapi thinks about it for a second. “Ryo-chan,” he says after a beat, calmly, “If you shoot him right now his head will explode all over Tegoshi, ne. You know how he hates that.”
Silence.
Then, “Dammit.”
~~~~~
Fifteen minutes later, Target B touches Tegoshi’s shoulder and says, “There’s someone I think you should meet.”
“It took him less than thirty minutes!” Jin shrieks into his intercom with high indignation. “What the hell?!”
Ueda calmly cuts Jin’s mic off from everyone else’s headsets for the sake of their ears.
~~~~~
Johnny-otherwise known as Target A- leers down at Tegoshi some minutes later, eyes alighting on the little bits of pale white skin peeking out from behind the lacing in the kid’s flimsy top, on the slight jut of hipbone showing just above the waist of tight, tight pants.
He licks his lips. “You know… I could really make you a star, kid.”
Tegoshi’s eyes sparkle. “Really?” he drawls shyly, looking through his lashes at the target. “I don’t do those kinds of videos.”
Johnny laughs, puts a finger under Tegoshi’s chin and tilts it upwards so the kid is looking right at him. “Not those kinds of videos,” he says, “Though that’d be pretty sweet too. But I mean it. Face like yours, you could be in real movies, TV dramas, an idol group.”
Tegoshi giggles. “I can’t sing.”
Johnny smirks. “Half of them can’t anyway.”
Tegoshi’s interest seems piqued when he hears that; he smiles invitingly. “Tell me more?”
~~~~~
In the building across the street, Koki has to physically restrain Ryo from pulling the trigger of his rifle.
~~~~~
“They won’t let me go up into the VIP section,” Shige reports worriedly after he has lost sight of Tegoshi fifteen minutes later.
“We can’t see anything on our end either,” Ryo adds, sounding on the very edge of panic.
“We’ve still got visual,” Ueda confirms from inside the van. “Security cameras still have him on…”
He trails off inexplicably.
A moment.
Then, a sigh. “Never mind.”
Shige stares. “What?!”
Ueda is unfazed. “They’ve gone to a private room; I don’t have a video feed anymore. Just sound.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN…”
Ueda calmly cuts Ryo’s mic off too.
~~~~~
The minute the door closes behind Tegoshi and Johnny in the private room, Tegoshi is tossed up against a wall and pinned by the throat by a grinning Target B while Johnny looks on approvingly.
He effects a frightened expression; “What’s going on?” he asks, and projects his voice downward, towards the bug taped strategically to his hip.
Johnny leers as his henchmen holds Tegoshi up, licking the side of the young agent’s throat. “You are a good looking kid,” he hisses under his breath. “Makes me think I shouldn’t touch you; keep you fresh for some of my more high paying customers. But then I look at you again and think it would be a waste not to have some fun of my own first.”
Tegoshi blinks. “Oh.”
The fingers around his neck tighten and he thinks he’s starting to get a little bit dizzy.
~~~~~
The minute they hear the confession, Yamapi jumps the gun and orders everyone to storm in; Kame doesn’t even realize control of the mission has been usurped until the first door is kicked down by Massu and a frantic Koyama dashes up the stairs to the second story, unwittingly tossing a bewildered bouncer out of the way as he does.
Ryo is there too (leaving Koki alone to cover both exits and at the same time, nurse a savagely bruised jaw); the older sniper has got his Very Large Rifle in hand and sends club denizens scattering as Shige dumps his apron, draws his firearm, and follows his teammates up the stairs. Taguchi and Nakamaru are left to block the exits and try to calm down the throng of screaming people.
By the time Ryo and Koyama manage to kick down the door, Yamapi and Kame have joined them.
They erupt into the room with weapons drawn and find…
Tegoshi sitting happily in the middle of a king sized bed, after raiding the mini bar for bon bons and potato chips.
Target B is dead at the scene while Johnny lolls stupidly on the floor, bleeding from a wound to the head.
“Hey guys!” Tegoshi chirps, and offers the bag of chips to his teammates. “Want some?”
Everyone stares.
Except for Massu, who grins at Tegoshi and says, “Sure!” like he was never worried at all.
Koyama passes out.
~~~~~
Later, on the way back from the hospital, Tegoshi bats away Koyama’s hands. Again. “Kei-chan,” he complains, “I’m fine! I used that move with my hips that Massu taught me, ne! I totally kicked their butts!”
A moment.
Then Massu grins. “Tesshi’s hips are really strong!”
His groupmates don’t know whether to be proud or terrified.
Kame is just glad he finally nailed his criminal.
~~~~~
A few weeks later, the case goes to trial.
The defense attorney tries to look fierce. “And so you seduced my client and then killed his employee before you could confirm what his words actually meant?”
Tegoshi pouts. “He was hurting me!” he complains.
The defense attorney pauses and feels inexplicably guilty when he hears this. “Um, well, what I mean is… you’re…you’re okay, aren’t you?”
“Yup, I’m fine.” Tegoshi pulls back his collar a little and smiles brightly. “See? The bruises his hands left are all gone now.”
Invisible bruises or not, there is a collective, sympathetic sigh from the jury.
A moment.
The defense attorney sighs. “Right. No further questions.”
He sits down and avoids the glares of the judge and jury before leaning towards his client. “It doesn’t look good,” he says.
After the next recess, they decide it is best to reach a plea.
~~~~~
That week, Tegoshi receives a commendation for his role in the arrest; not long afterwards, his work will lead to the crumbling of one of Asia’s largest human trafficking rings.
But more importantly, everyone in the agency learns to fear the power in his hips.
~~~~~
It is under these circumstances that Ryo invites Shige out for dinner one night, just the two of them.
He even buys Shige a drink.
“So,” Shige says, and doesn’t even have it in him to complain when the drink Ryo buys him is girly and neon, “he’s all grown up now.”
“Yeah,” Ryo agrees.
The two of them clink their glasses together and look devastated.
END
EDITS PLZ.