JE (NewS)- "Koyama Keichiro-sama’s Ingenious Guide to Surviving JE Hell"
Title: Koyama Keichiro-sama’s Ingenious Guide to Surviving JE Hell
Universe: JE/NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: light R?
Character/Pairing/s: KoyamaxNewS (but really, everyonexeveryone)
Warnings/Spoilers: UM RPF should be warning enough. Plus I could just be TOTALLY WRONG about Koyama. OOC? I dunno. It’s all effed up. LOL
Word Count: 2,903
Summary: Koyama’s great plan to have lots of sex as a member of a boyband.
Dedication: alita_b_angel, Nicole, Ann, Joanne, SW, and EVERYONE WHO IS GOING DOWN ON THIS SINKING SHIP WITH ME.
A/N: HAHAHA I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THIS GOD. KILL ME NOW.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
1. Koyama (Or: Dai Sakusen Commence!)
JE, Koyama had discovered, was a lot like prison.
Because just like prison, JE had its rigid schedules.
Its constant monitoring.
Its borderline slave labor.
Its many bad, brightly colored outfits.
And yes, JE even had its guys from different cell blocks who looked at you funny when you all had to get naked together in the same vicinity (Koyama was pretty sure that at least a couple of the Juniors had lost their innocence in one of those back changing rooms just last night, and though he refused to talk about it, sometimes Ryo would curl up in the fetal position while he was sleeping and cry to himself in his dreams).
But all in all, those were the sorts of things Koyama could deal with. Because he-unlike most people- was a paragon of human virtue and thus could endure any amount of hardship thrust at him such that he would always come out on top in the end no matter what. It was of course, due to the sheer strength of his superior will and intelligence (though in all honesty, his good looks and slick moves also helped along the way).
So…
Rigid scheduling? Bring it on.
Constant monitoring? He loves cameras!
Slave labor? The young body of a pure-hearted youth never fails!
Ugly outfits? No worries, Masuda’s were always worse!
No, none of those things-as daunting as they may have seemed-could bring down a spirit as indomitable as Koyama’s.
It was, however, the last thing on the list he’d compiled of things that made JE greater or equal to prison that was driving him just a tiny bit crazy as the years trickled by.
Because just like those various criminals and characters who were incarcerated for their crimes against humanity in their local penitentiaries, the young men who signed their lives away (or whose mothers signed their lives away for them) to Johnny were also stripped of the same precious things those rapists and serial killers and child molesters were.
He wasn’t talking about freedom here. Who needed that?
He was talking about girls.
They weren’t allowed to interact with girls. Nice, pretty, normal girls.
Not that they didn’t see girls all the time. In fact there were mobs of them.
Which brought him to his final-and possibly most painfully ironic- point with regards to his rather clever comparison between JE and jail.
And that was the fact that because they were in JE, it was pretty much guaranteed that for the rest of their lives, the only girls who would ever be genuinely interested in them were certifiably psychotic in one way or another.
Not just regular psychotic either. Not “I hear voices in my head” or “I was abducted by aliens who wanted to harvest my unfertilized ovum” or even “you’re the only one who understands me let’s get married when you get out on parole” crazy.
No. That would be too easy.
The girls who the JE boys got were worse.
They were all the raving, cut-out-pictures-of-your-head-and-paste-it-next-to-pictures-of-my-head-so-we-can-be-together-forever-heeheehee-I-will-kill-any-other-woman-who-gets-near-you-and-wear-her-skin-as-a-hat type of crazy.
Needless to say, it was a tough existence, to be sure.
As if being a young man with needs in this day and age wasn’t difficult enough.
But luckily for him, Koyama Keichiro was a certified genius. A brilliant mind that only came along once every hundred years in this world.
And so he resolved to take care of his own problems (with a carefully laid out strategy and planning ahead and not with just his hand, because he was so much more resourceful than Shige, thank you very much).
He began by buying Tegoshi a dress.
2. Tegoshi (Or: Getting Your First Ho)
Tegoshi, Koyama decided, was far too shy for his own good. It made it so even sociopaths like Ryo couldn’t actually find it in them to hit Yuya, and that in itself was something of a miracle, considering the fact that Ryo wouldn’t hesitate to stab you in the eye if you looked at him or Uchi funny.
So yeah-Tegoshi was shy. And very, very cute.
In this world of JE prison, that was like raw currency.
So Koyama very magnanimously decided that Tegoshi needed some self-confidence boosting.
And a pimp.
Luckily for his young bandmate, Koyama was up for taking on both the role of tutor and pimp. Lesser men couldn’t handle the double-duty perhaps, but Keichiro was nothing if not self-sacrificing for the greater good.
“Maa, don’t always hide behind me when there are cameras, Tegoshi!” Koyama began, when the other boy was at the tender age of sixteen. Painfully, boyishly cute and so naïve Ryo was torn between kicking him like the rest of the puppies he met or actually reaching out and patting his head. “Speak up!” Koyama insisted, and smiled reassuringly at Tego.
Tegoshi always fidgeted uncomfortably under that smile, ever unsure of himself. “But um… I mean… I don’t know what to say when everyone is looking at me, I guess.”
“Say whatever you want,” Koyama told him, confidently. “That’s what I do.”
Tegoshi looked up at the older boy through his bangs (adorable). “R-really? I mean, you think I could do that like you?”
“Yup! I have no doubts in my mind.”
And so Tegoshi tried to speak up a little bit more.
“Na, Tegoshi, you should grow your hair out a little bit!” Koyama began, when Tegoshi was seventeen and just beginning to get ripe. “I think it would make you look even cuter.”
“R-really?”
“Really!”
Tegoshi blushed, bright crimson right across the bridge of his nose. He licked his lips. “Well… if Kei-chan says so…”
And so Tegoshi grew out his hair.
“It’s in the hips,” Koyama advised Tegoshi, when the younger boy was eighteen and ready for the plucking.
“Like this?” Tegoshi asked, and concentrated really hard on rolling them side to side just like Kei-chan was telling him to.
Koyama grinned. “Not bad. Try back and forth.”
Tegoshi did.
“Perfect,” Koyama declared, and gave the younger boy a thumbs-up (complete with wink).
Tegoshi smiled, and it was a million watts bright. And then he tucked one long bang behind his ear delicately, tilted his head a bit sideways, and said, “Kei-chan always looks out for me, ne?”
Kei-chan decided that the slight flush of Tegoshi’s skin from their impromptu dancing practice was decidedly maiden-esque, and his sign that the timing was absolutely perfect for what he’d had planned for all these years to finally be set in motion.
“Oi, Tegoshi,” he began, and innocently draped an arm over the shorter boy’s shoulders.
“Hm?”
“I have something else that I think will make you look really cute.”
“Wah, really?”
Koyama smiled. “Trust me.”
And Tegoshi did.
He always did.
3. Ryo (Or: A Sociopath’s Ultimate Weakness)
Tegoshi, as it turned out, looked just as good flushed from other things as he did from dance practice (especially with his skirt hiked up around his hips and hands clamped over his mouth, eyes closed, head tossed back…etc., etc., etc.,) and with that ace tightly secured in his figurative pocket, Koyama knew it was just a matter of time before everything else fell into place as well.
Because now that he had Tegoshi, it just meant that Masu and Ryo were doomed to follow.
“Oi, Tegoshi,” Koyama began one day, when he thought the time was just about right.
“Mm?”
“Wanna do something fun?”
Tegoshi started taking off his pants.
“No, not that,” Koyama clarified, though that was pretty fun, all things considered.
The smaller boy pouted. “Not that?”
Koyama cleared his throat. “Later. With Ryo.”
A blink of big, deceptively innocent brown eyes. “With Ryo?”
Koyama grinned. “I got an idea.”
And he told Tegoshi his idea, and Tegoshi did whatever Kei-chan said, because for a long time now, Koyama had never steered him wrong.
He put on his pretty, pretty dress.
And he went and sat in Ryo-sama’s lap.
Ryo stared at him. “The hell are you doing?” he asked, after a beat.
Tegoshi looked up at the older boy through impossibly thick lashes. “Ne…Ryo-sama,” he began, and his voice was just barely above a whisper, “will you spend some time with me?”
Ryo just looked at him for a very long time, and didn’t say anything.
But then, after a while, he raised his hand.
Koyama was half certain that the bastard was actually going to hit Tegoshi.
Ryo even made a fist, and looked like he thought he was going to hit Tegoshi too.
But then, after a deep, shuddering breath and another look at Tegoshi’s hopeful expression, Ryo opened his hand and…patted Tegoshi on the head.
“Yeah,” he said, gruffly, and averted his eyes to the side. “I’ll spend some time with you.”
Tegoshi beamed, and Koyama thought that the wattage of that smile had actually upped considerably since Yuya had been fucked for the first time a few weeks ago.
Ryo coughed. “Uh, so…what do you want to do?” he said, and to his credit, still hadn’t mentioned anything about the dress.
“Mmm… something fun,” Tegoshi decided cheerfully, and began to roll his hips back and forth, just like Kei-chan had taught him to.
Ryo very nearly passed out.
But, Koyama observed, not only did he manage to stay conscious, he also managed to make that fist of his again, only this time it was bunching in the silky material that just happened to be in the vicinity of Tegoshi’s thigh.
Koyama thought it was a pretty promising outlook, all things considered.
4. Masu (Or: Hitting All the Right Kinks)
Prison, Koyama thought, was looking better and better.
Or he was just a brilliant cinematographer, because the video he’d shot of Tegoshi and Ryo had come out wonderfully.
The addition of the strawberries had been a nice touch too, and Koyama had to admit that he hadn’t expected that sort of artistic heart from Ryo. Or that kind of flexibility from Tegoshi.
The strawberry juice really complimented Yuya’s complexion.
But he might have been biased, as the movie was something he’d worked with his own two hands to put together. And so, to gain an outside, completely objective perspective, Koyama took his carefully edited disk and called Masu over to ask his opinion on it.
“Huh?” Masu said, and didn’t particularly look interested.
Koyama also had a bag of nikuman on him though, for just such an occasion.
He held it up and jiggled it a little.
Masu looked decidedly more interested. “Sure, I’ll watch,” he agreed, watching the bag do its hypnotic shake of delicious-nikuman-holding-goodness.
“Sit down, sit down,” Koyama insisted, and yanked the younger boy down on the couch next to him.
Masu grabbed the bag of nikuman and dug in.
Koyama hit play.
Admittedly Takahisa didn’t catch the first 30 seconds or so of footage because he was too busy indulging in hot, steamy bun goodness, but after that initial, “Nnnnngh!” from Tegoshi, even Masu had to stop and take notice.
It was the first time that Koyama ever saw Masuda take interest in something other than food.
Though the strawberries probably helped.
5. Shige (Or: Using Your Brain)
Having properly conquered Masu and Ryo as expected, that simply meant that Shige wouldn’t be far behind in the grand scheme of things, because even if Shige wasn’t all that talented, he was pretty smart for someone who’d had the majority of his education focused on the proper way to roll his body and lick his lips.
And so Koyama knew that Shige knew that he wasn’t all that talented comparatively speaking, and that as a consequence, he’d also figured out long ago that the best way to get by as a member of a boy band was to tag along with everyone else in the meantime, and ride their coattails into the world of superstardom.
So if Masu and Tegoshi and Ryo were all doing something, Shige naturally, wanted in too.
“Oi, you guys have some sort of big secret you’re keeping from me, don’t you?” Shige inquired one day, all on his own and without any prompting whatsoever (he was one of the smarter ones, after all).
Tegoshi blinked innocently. “Secret?”
Ryo glared and eyed Shige dispassionately. “It’s too fucking crowded already.”
Masu shrugged. “I don’t mind sitting out every now and again,” he offered sensibly. Which, everyone supposed, might be a good thing, considering the fact that the last time they’d been in the middle of fucking Tegoshi, Masu had gotten hungry and ended up eating all of the flavored lube while he was waiting since he couldn’t leave the room until Tegoshi was finished (it was taking longer and longer lately too, which might have said something about either Yuya’s aptitude for learning or his natural sense of promiscuity, but no one was exactly sure which).
Shige in the meantime, looked between all of them, and decided (and was right), that Ryo, Tegoshi, and Masu probably wouldn’t be any help in clarifying what was going on here. Because even if they were all very talented, they were kind of dumbasses as far as he was concerned.
So he turned to Koyama instead, and once again, was right when he decided that Kei-chan was the one to go to for answers. Shige always was a smart one.
“The hell is going on here?” he reiterated, to Koyama only this time.
Koyama patted him on the shoulder. “Why, you want in?”
“I want in,” Shige said without hesitation, because he needed everyone’s help (and talent) if he was going to get by in this cutthroat industry.
Koyama smiled. “Glad to have you!” he told his friend cheerfully, and over Shige’s shoulder, Tegoshi already had his pants half off of his hips (he was also getting really good at that).
“Getting lube,” Masu declared, and jogged off cheerfully (because whenever he was the one to get the supplies it meant he got first pick of whatever flavor he wanted).
“I can’t fucking believe this,” Ryo snarled, but let Tegoshi wrap around him like climbing ivy anyway.
Shige, as it turned out, adapted pretty damned quickly.
But then again, he’d always been a smart one (if nothing else).
6. Yamapi (Or: Who Your Friends Are Say a Lot About You)
To get the final piece of the puzzle in place, Koyama was fairly certain he’d have to be just a little bit more subtle than he’d been with everyone else.
Because Yamapi-despite his flighty nature and constant nonsensical babbling-was actually pretty sharp as far as boy band frontmen went.
Koyama knew it wouldn’t be as simple as sitting Tegoshi in his lap, anyway.
He’d have to be…much smoother than that.
“Oh man, I think I sweated off five pounds!” Yamapi laughed after a particularly dazzling live performance where his hips had even outshone Yuya’s. “Great! Fun and great,” he added, and pulled his shirt off so he could use it to wipe the sweat from his neck with.
Koyama watched. Saw an opening. “Five pounds?” he asked, awed.
“Five pounds!” Yamapi repeated. “Definitely. Maybe six.”
Koyama got close and inspected his bandmate very carefully, bending so he was about eye level with Yamapi’s ribs. “Mmm, five pounds? Really?”
“Really! Maybe six.” Yamapi was still laughing, and that just meant that the endorphins were still high. Stage buzz was the perfect opportunity.
Koyama grinned, reached out, and rested a hand on the shorter singer’s stomach. “Maybe five. I don’t think six.”
Yamapi looked down at him. “I only said maybe,” he clarified.
Koyama nodded. “Right,” he said, and as he stood again, let his hand drift upward, from navel to chest, until the tips of his fingers were tickling P’s collarbone.
He squirmed a bit.
Koyama smiled, and let his other hand find a place at the curve of P’s waist. “But if you’re going for six, I can think of some things to do that might round it out.”
Yamapi blinked.
A moment.
And then, “Ne…Koyama. Are you trying to have sex with me?” he asked, like it was an inquiry about the weather or how life was going in general and that he wasn’t actually confronting a bandmate about the sexual proposition he’d just put out there. He pointed right at the taller boy’s nose then, and smiled knowingly. “I bet you are. You could have just said so, you know.”
Koyama stared. Because that definitely hadn’t been according to plan.
Yamapi was unpredictable like that, though.
“Uh,” Koyama said, and wasn’t sure what to do next exactly, because this was maybe a little bit awkward now.
But then he remembered P was good friends with Akanishi, and that in KAT-TUN, having sex with the nearest warm body was probably something akin to a handshake in the US in terms of casually greeting someone on the street and asking about today’s weather.
A beat.
“Yeah, let’s have sex,” he suggested, after a moment. “Everyone together.”
P just smiled, completely unfazed by the suggestion. “We’re definitely all clicking as a group,” he declared brightly, and in about two-point-three seconds was all shimmied out of his jeans and ready to go (which was impressive, considering how tight said jeans were).
But then again, P was good friends with Akanishi, and as far as Koyama was concerned, that explained a whole hell of a lot, all things considered.
END
EDITS PLZ. I TOTALLY SPEED WROTE THIS SO I COULD GET IT UP BEFORE I LEFT FOR SAN DIEGO.
Universe: JE/NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: light R?
Character/Pairing/s: KoyamaxNewS (but really, everyonexeveryone)
Warnings/Spoilers: UM RPF should be warning enough. Plus I could just be TOTALLY WRONG about Koyama. OOC? I dunno. It’s all effed up. LOL
Word Count: 2,903
Summary: Koyama’s great plan to have lots of sex as a member of a boyband.
Dedication: alita_b_angel, Nicole, Ann, Joanne, SW, and EVERYONE WHO IS GOING DOWN ON THIS SINKING SHIP WITH ME.
A/N: HAHAHA I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THIS GOD. KILL ME NOW.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
1. Koyama (Or: Dai Sakusen Commence!)
JE, Koyama had discovered, was a lot like prison.
Because just like prison, JE had its rigid schedules.
Its constant monitoring.
Its borderline slave labor.
Its many bad, brightly colored outfits.
And yes, JE even had its guys from different cell blocks who looked at you funny when you all had to get naked together in the same vicinity (Koyama was pretty sure that at least a couple of the Juniors had lost their innocence in one of those back changing rooms just last night, and though he refused to talk about it, sometimes Ryo would curl up in the fetal position while he was sleeping and cry to himself in his dreams).
But all in all, those were the sorts of things Koyama could deal with. Because he-unlike most people- was a paragon of human virtue and thus could endure any amount of hardship thrust at him such that he would always come out on top in the end no matter what. It was of course, due to the sheer strength of his superior will and intelligence (though in all honesty, his good looks and slick moves also helped along the way).
So…
Rigid scheduling? Bring it on.
Constant monitoring? He loves cameras!
Slave labor? The young body of a pure-hearted youth never fails!
Ugly outfits? No worries, Masuda’s were always worse!
No, none of those things-as daunting as they may have seemed-could bring down a spirit as indomitable as Koyama’s.
It was, however, the last thing on the list he’d compiled of things that made JE greater or equal to prison that was driving him just a tiny bit crazy as the years trickled by.
Because just like those various criminals and characters who were incarcerated for their crimes against humanity in their local penitentiaries, the young men who signed their lives away (or whose mothers signed their lives away for them) to Johnny were also stripped of the same precious things those rapists and serial killers and child molesters were.
He wasn’t talking about freedom here. Who needed that?
He was talking about girls.
They weren’t allowed to interact with girls. Nice, pretty, normal girls.
Not that they didn’t see girls all the time. In fact there were mobs of them.
Which brought him to his final-and possibly most painfully ironic- point with regards to his rather clever comparison between JE and jail.
And that was the fact that because they were in JE, it was pretty much guaranteed that for the rest of their lives, the only girls who would ever be genuinely interested in them were certifiably psychotic in one way or another.
Not just regular psychotic either. Not “I hear voices in my head” or “I was abducted by aliens who wanted to harvest my unfertilized ovum” or even “you’re the only one who understands me let’s get married when you get out on parole” crazy.
No. That would be too easy.
The girls who the JE boys got were worse.
They were all the raving, cut-out-pictures-of-your-head-and-paste-it-next-to-pictures-of-my-head-so-we-can-be-together-forever-heeheehee-I-will-kill-any-other-woman-who-gets-near-you-and-wear-her-skin-as-a-hat type of crazy.
Needless to say, it was a tough existence, to be sure.
As if being a young man with needs in this day and age wasn’t difficult enough.
But luckily for him, Koyama Keichiro was a certified genius. A brilliant mind that only came along once every hundred years in this world.
And so he resolved to take care of his own problems (with a carefully laid out strategy and planning ahead and not with just his hand, because he was so much more resourceful than Shige, thank you very much).
He began by buying Tegoshi a dress.
2. Tegoshi (Or: Getting Your First Ho)
Tegoshi, Koyama decided, was far too shy for his own good. It made it so even sociopaths like Ryo couldn’t actually find it in them to hit Yuya, and that in itself was something of a miracle, considering the fact that Ryo wouldn’t hesitate to stab you in the eye if you looked at him or Uchi funny.
So yeah-Tegoshi was shy. And very, very cute.
In this world of JE prison, that was like raw currency.
So Koyama very magnanimously decided that Tegoshi needed some self-confidence boosting.
And a pimp.
Luckily for his young bandmate, Koyama was up for taking on both the role of tutor and pimp. Lesser men couldn’t handle the double-duty perhaps, but Keichiro was nothing if not self-sacrificing for the greater good.
“Maa, don’t always hide behind me when there are cameras, Tegoshi!” Koyama began, when the other boy was at the tender age of sixteen. Painfully, boyishly cute and so naïve Ryo was torn between kicking him like the rest of the puppies he met or actually reaching out and patting his head. “Speak up!” Koyama insisted, and smiled reassuringly at Tego.
Tegoshi always fidgeted uncomfortably under that smile, ever unsure of himself. “But um… I mean… I don’t know what to say when everyone is looking at me, I guess.”
“Say whatever you want,” Koyama told him, confidently. “That’s what I do.”
Tegoshi looked up at the older boy through his bangs (adorable). “R-really? I mean, you think I could do that like you?”
“Yup! I have no doubts in my mind.”
And so Tegoshi tried to speak up a little bit more.
“Na, Tegoshi, you should grow your hair out a little bit!” Koyama began, when Tegoshi was seventeen and just beginning to get ripe. “I think it would make you look even cuter.”
“R-really?”
“Really!”
Tegoshi blushed, bright crimson right across the bridge of his nose. He licked his lips. “Well… if Kei-chan says so…”
And so Tegoshi grew out his hair.
“It’s in the hips,” Koyama advised Tegoshi, when the younger boy was eighteen and ready for the plucking.
“Like this?” Tegoshi asked, and concentrated really hard on rolling them side to side just like Kei-chan was telling him to.
Koyama grinned. “Not bad. Try back and forth.”
Tegoshi did.
“Perfect,” Koyama declared, and gave the younger boy a thumbs-up (complete with wink).
Tegoshi smiled, and it was a million watts bright. And then he tucked one long bang behind his ear delicately, tilted his head a bit sideways, and said, “Kei-chan always looks out for me, ne?”
Kei-chan decided that the slight flush of Tegoshi’s skin from their impromptu dancing practice was decidedly maiden-esque, and his sign that the timing was absolutely perfect for what he’d had planned for all these years to finally be set in motion.
“Oi, Tegoshi,” he began, and innocently draped an arm over the shorter boy’s shoulders.
“Hm?”
“I have something else that I think will make you look really cute.”
“Wah, really?”
Koyama smiled. “Trust me.”
And Tegoshi did.
He always did.
3. Ryo (Or: A Sociopath’s Ultimate Weakness)
Tegoshi, as it turned out, looked just as good flushed from other things as he did from dance practice (especially with his skirt hiked up around his hips and hands clamped over his mouth, eyes closed, head tossed back…etc., etc., etc.,) and with that ace tightly secured in his figurative pocket, Koyama knew it was just a matter of time before everything else fell into place as well.
Because now that he had Tegoshi, it just meant that Masu and Ryo were doomed to follow.
“Oi, Tegoshi,” Koyama began one day, when he thought the time was just about right.
“Mm?”
“Wanna do something fun?”
Tegoshi started taking off his pants.
“No, not that,” Koyama clarified, though that was pretty fun, all things considered.
The smaller boy pouted. “Not that?”
Koyama cleared his throat. “Later. With Ryo.”
A blink of big, deceptively innocent brown eyes. “With Ryo?”
Koyama grinned. “I got an idea.”
And he told Tegoshi his idea, and Tegoshi did whatever Kei-chan said, because for a long time now, Koyama had never steered him wrong.
He put on his pretty, pretty dress.
And he went and sat in Ryo-sama’s lap.
Ryo stared at him. “The hell are you doing?” he asked, after a beat.
Tegoshi looked up at the older boy through impossibly thick lashes. “Ne…Ryo-sama,” he began, and his voice was just barely above a whisper, “will you spend some time with me?”
Ryo just looked at him for a very long time, and didn’t say anything.
But then, after a while, he raised his hand.
Koyama was half certain that the bastard was actually going to hit Tegoshi.
Ryo even made a fist, and looked like he thought he was going to hit Tegoshi too.
But then, after a deep, shuddering breath and another look at Tegoshi’s hopeful expression, Ryo opened his hand and…patted Tegoshi on the head.
“Yeah,” he said, gruffly, and averted his eyes to the side. “I’ll spend some time with you.”
Tegoshi beamed, and Koyama thought that the wattage of that smile had actually upped considerably since Yuya had been fucked for the first time a few weeks ago.
Ryo coughed. “Uh, so…what do you want to do?” he said, and to his credit, still hadn’t mentioned anything about the dress.
“Mmm… something fun,” Tegoshi decided cheerfully, and began to roll his hips back and forth, just like Kei-chan had taught him to.
Ryo very nearly passed out.
But, Koyama observed, not only did he manage to stay conscious, he also managed to make that fist of his again, only this time it was bunching in the silky material that just happened to be in the vicinity of Tegoshi’s thigh.
Koyama thought it was a pretty promising outlook, all things considered.
4. Masu (Or: Hitting All the Right Kinks)
Prison, Koyama thought, was looking better and better.
Or he was just a brilliant cinematographer, because the video he’d shot of Tegoshi and Ryo had come out wonderfully.
The addition of the strawberries had been a nice touch too, and Koyama had to admit that he hadn’t expected that sort of artistic heart from Ryo. Or that kind of flexibility from Tegoshi.
The strawberry juice really complimented Yuya’s complexion.
But he might have been biased, as the movie was something he’d worked with his own two hands to put together. And so, to gain an outside, completely objective perspective, Koyama took his carefully edited disk and called Masu over to ask his opinion on it.
“Huh?” Masu said, and didn’t particularly look interested.
Koyama also had a bag of nikuman on him though, for just such an occasion.
He held it up and jiggled it a little.
Masu looked decidedly more interested. “Sure, I’ll watch,” he agreed, watching the bag do its hypnotic shake of delicious-nikuman-holding-goodness.
“Sit down, sit down,” Koyama insisted, and yanked the younger boy down on the couch next to him.
Masu grabbed the bag of nikuman and dug in.
Koyama hit play.
Admittedly Takahisa didn’t catch the first 30 seconds or so of footage because he was too busy indulging in hot, steamy bun goodness, but after that initial, “Nnnnngh!” from Tegoshi, even Masu had to stop and take notice.
It was the first time that Koyama ever saw Masuda take interest in something other than food.
Though the strawberries probably helped.
5. Shige (Or: Using Your Brain)
Having properly conquered Masu and Ryo as expected, that simply meant that Shige wouldn’t be far behind in the grand scheme of things, because even if Shige wasn’t all that talented, he was pretty smart for someone who’d had the majority of his education focused on the proper way to roll his body and lick his lips.
And so Koyama knew that Shige knew that he wasn’t all that talented comparatively speaking, and that as a consequence, he’d also figured out long ago that the best way to get by as a member of a boy band was to tag along with everyone else in the meantime, and ride their coattails into the world of superstardom.
So if Masu and Tegoshi and Ryo were all doing something, Shige naturally, wanted in too.
“Oi, you guys have some sort of big secret you’re keeping from me, don’t you?” Shige inquired one day, all on his own and without any prompting whatsoever (he was one of the smarter ones, after all).
Tegoshi blinked innocently. “Secret?”
Ryo glared and eyed Shige dispassionately. “It’s too fucking crowded already.”
Masu shrugged. “I don’t mind sitting out every now and again,” he offered sensibly. Which, everyone supposed, might be a good thing, considering the fact that the last time they’d been in the middle of fucking Tegoshi, Masu had gotten hungry and ended up eating all of the flavored lube while he was waiting since he couldn’t leave the room until Tegoshi was finished (it was taking longer and longer lately too, which might have said something about either Yuya’s aptitude for learning or his natural sense of promiscuity, but no one was exactly sure which).
Shige in the meantime, looked between all of them, and decided (and was right), that Ryo, Tegoshi, and Masu probably wouldn’t be any help in clarifying what was going on here. Because even if they were all very talented, they were kind of dumbasses as far as he was concerned.
So he turned to Koyama instead, and once again, was right when he decided that Kei-chan was the one to go to for answers. Shige always was a smart one.
“The hell is going on here?” he reiterated, to Koyama only this time.
Koyama patted him on the shoulder. “Why, you want in?”
“I want in,” Shige said without hesitation, because he needed everyone’s help (and talent) if he was going to get by in this cutthroat industry.
Koyama smiled. “Glad to have you!” he told his friend cheerfully, and over Shige’s shoulder, Tegoshi already had his pants half off of his hips (he was also getting really good at that).
“Getting lube,” Masu declared, and jogged off cheerfully (because whenever he was the one to get the supplies it meant he got first pick of whatever flavor he wanted).
“I can’t fucking believe this,” Ryo snarled, but let Tegoshi wrap around him like climbing ivy anyway.
Shige, as it turned out, adapted pretty damned quickly.
But then again, he’d always been a smart one (if nothing else).
6. Yamapi (Or: Who Your Friends Are Say a Lot About You)
To get the final piece of the puzzle in place, Koyama was fairly certain he’d have to be just a little bit more subtle than he’d been with everyone else.
Because Yamapi-despite his flighty nature and constant nonsensical babbling-was actually pretty sharp as far as boy band frontmen went.
Koyama knew it wouldn’t be as simple as sitting Tegoshi in his lap, anyway.
He’d have to be…much smoother than that.
“Oh man, I think I sweated off five pounds!” Yamapi laughed after a particularly dazzling live performance where his hips had even outshone Yuya’s. “Great! Fun and great,” he added, and pulled his shirt off so he could use it to wipe the sweat from his neck with.
Koyama watched. Saw an opening. “Five pounds?” he asked, awed.
“Five pounds!” Yamapi repeated. “Definitely. Maybe six.”
Koyama got close and inspected his bandmate very carefully, bending so he was about eye level with Yamapi’s ribs. “Mmm, five pounds? Really?”
“Really! Maybe six.” Yamapi was still laughing, and that just meant that the endorphins were still high. Stage buzz was the perfect opportunity.
Koyama grinned, reached out, and rested a hand on the shorter singer’s stomach. “Maybe five. I don’t think six.”
Yamapi looked down at him. “I only said maybe,” he clarified.
Koyama nodded. “Right,” he said, and as he stood again, let his hand drift upward, from navel to chest, until the tips of his fingers were tickling P’s collarbone.
He squirmed a bit.
Koyama smiled, and let his other hand find a place at the curve of P’s waist. “But if you’re going for six, I can think of some things to do that might round it out.”
Yamapi blinked.
A moment.
And then, “Ne…Koyama. Are you trying to have sex with me?” he asked, like it was an inquiry about the weather or how life was going in general and that he wasn’t actually confronting a bandmate about the sexual proposition he’d just put out there. He pointed right at the taller boy’s nose then, and smiled knowingly. “I bet you are. You could have just said so, you know.”
Koyama stared. Because that definitely hadn’t been according to plan.
Yamapi was unpredictable like that, though.
“Uh,” Koyama said, and wasn’t sure what to do next exactly, because this was maybe a little bit awkward now.
But then he remembered P was good friends with Akanishi, and that in KAT-TUN, having sex with the nearest warm body was probably something akin to a handshake in the US in terms of casually greeting someone on the street and asking about today’s weather.
A beat.
“Yeah, let’s have sex,” he suggested, after a moment. “Everyone together.”
P just smiled, completely unfazed by the suggestion. “We’re definitely all clicking as a group,” he declared brightly, and in about two-point-three seconds was all shimmied out of his jeans and ready to go (which was impressive, considering how tight said jeans were).
But then again, P was good friends with Akanishi, and as far as Koyama was concerned, that explained a whole hell of a lot, all things considered.
END
EDITS PLZ. I TOTALLY SPEED WROTE THIS SO I COULD GET IT UP BEFORE I LEFT FOR SAN DIEGO.