Antique Bakery/TricK- "This Little Piggy"
Once again, I utterly fail at trying to get your fandom right Mel, but I tried! I'm sorry! But er, Happy New Year anyway! LOL
;_;
Title: This Little Piggy
Universe: Antique Bakery/TricK
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: vaguely UedaxNaoko, Tachibana
Warnings/Spoilers: None I can imagine.
Word Count: 1,717
Summary: The Bakery as a go-between for men and women of all types.
Dedication: New Year/holiday fic for gaisce- I’m sorry for raping your characters!
A/N: Oh man, this took FOREVER. Probably didn’t help that I was watching a movie while I was writing it, but you know. XD Also, I seriously don’t remember anything about how to characterize Ueda and Naoko, Mel. I’m sorry. LOL To be honest I don’t even know if Tachibana is right, as I’ve only seen his manga incarnation and you’ve probably watched the drama.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Tachibana would admit that he wasn’t exactly the most vigilant type of manager when it came to the names and faces of some of the bakery’s customers, but he did know that he wasn’t so dimwitted that he couldn’t remember the truly devoted regulars after a while, especially when they never failed to order the same thing every time they showed up.
Today Ueda-sensei stopped by out of the cold and snow for his usual items, the professor hopping up and down outside the pick up window to generate warmth while he waited for Tachibana to fill his usual order-two slices chocolate mousse cake, three cream puffs, a berry tart, three chocolate éclairs, and one serving of white chocolate chiffon.
“This week’s featured dessert is a seasonal peppermint fudge cheesecake,” Tachibana began regardless, just because Ono was pushing for him to try and feature more of Eiji’s home-brewed creations in his pitches so as to build a little hype about the kid. “For a limited time only, etc., etc.”
The university professor shook his head and blew into his hands. “No, thanks.”
Tachibana shrugged one shoulder lazily, and shifted the first piece of mousse cake from the display to the take-away box. “I guess you’re one of those guys who’s totally set in his ways, huh?” he said, just to be conversational.
Ueda-sensei blinked at the half-hearted supposition. “What? Oh no, these aren’t for me,” he said, quickly. “No one human could eat all of this in one day by themselves.”
“Oh,” Tachibana responded, and concentrated on getting that white chocolate chiffon into the box without messing it up. He nodded towards the gold ring on the other man’s finger. “So… for you and your wife then??”
Ueda choked a little on his own air. “What? No, I’m not married. And uh, I don’t really like sweets all that much. It’s not manly, you know? That is, I mean… it’s just for… my… er, my… fi…fi,” he paused like he couldn’t get his tongue around whatever word he was thinking of (or maybe it was that he didn’t want to), and he trailed off instead, looking thoughtful. A second later, apparently hit by some sort of inspiration, he stuck a finger in the air, imperiously. “I’ve got a little piggy that has very distinct feeding patterns,” he said after a moment, and somehow made that sound superior when he did. “Very needy and demanding and shrewish. A slave to her baser instincts,” he clarified. “Luckily I’m intelligent enough to have figured out all her major weak points and can exploit them with the cakes here,” he added, getting more and more confident as he went on. “Because she doesn’t know where this shop is, and I can use it to my advantage, because she’s convinced the only way she can get her greedy little shrew-hands on the best pastries in Japan is to hear me out. It’s all part of a brilliant plan, you see.”
Tachibana blinked. “Oohkay, well. I guess that’s…completely normal and not weird at all.”
“Exactly,” Ueda agreed. “And so… right. These are all for the pig. And not me.”
Tachibana nodded perfunctorily and supposed it wasn’t any of his business what some guy wanted to call his girlfriend. Besides, “Pig” was probably the equivalent of “sweetie pie” or “honey bun” in some parts (or at least, to some weird people). And-he couldn’t help but think- if she ate all of those pastries all on her own every time Ueda brought them back, she probably was pretty, well… pig-like anyway, so it might be a fitting moniker if nothing else. He finished packaging the professor’s order and got the now-familiar credit card in return.
“Thank you,” Ueda said when they were done, and took his box before heading off to whatever, well, porker it was who was waiting for him.
Tachibana didn’t see him again after that for a few days, but that was normal, and he didn’t really think about his encounters with his stranger customers for very long after they were over anyway, even if they did talk about bizarre things like swine-esque girlfriends and schemes to withhold the best baked goods in the country for vague and nefarious purposes.
So he surprised himself a little when-two weeks to the day later-a sharp-eyed young woman who looked like she weighed approximately 95 pounds came up to the window with a handful of cash and a rather gleeful expression on her face.
“Ha!” she exclaimed triumphantly to no one in particular, perusing the window display menu before looking up at the shop’s sign (and then back to the menu, then back to the sign again, and then back to the menu, etc., etc., etc.). “I’ve found it!” she declared once she was certain she’d found her destination, and proceeded to do a little dance of victory right there in front of the doorway. “Stupid large-penised idiot! I told him I’d be able to find his special little secret store all on my own! No more of his dumb missions with bribe food from here!” Pause. “Well, maybe.”
Tachibana leaned out of the take-out window and cleared his throat, loudly.
“Um, may I help you, miss?”
She whirled around and turned to face him, apparently surprised at the fact that someone was suddenly talking to her in the middle of her victory jig. He saw her fingers tighten reflexively around the money in her hand, like she thought he was going to take it from her any minute now.
Which, he supposed, was exactly what he was going to do, but only if she wanted to order something.
She blinked owlishly at him.
And then, “Ahahaha yes, of course!” she said, recovering quickly, and then headed up to the window like she’d meant to do that all along. Tachibana was feeling generous so he didn’t bring up that whole monologue-plus-dance routine she’d just performed for him.
And since she was a new face, the store owner took a breath and prepared to list off the usual specials and recommended items, but before he could…
“I want two slices chocolate mousse cake, three cream puffs, a berry tart, three chocolate éclairs, and a slice of white chocolate chiffon.” Pause. “Do you give discounts on bulk orders?”
Tachibana stared at her, thinking that maybe he’d just been hit with some kind of rapid fire machine gun. “Um… no, we don’t…” he offered after a moment, and wondered what it was about that order that was familiar.
And then it hit him.
“You’re the little piggy!” he exclaimed, before he could think better of it.
A beat.
And then she blinked at him. Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
It was at that very moment when he realized it was something Ueda-sensei probably called her behind her back and not to her face at all. That would be the smart thing, anyway. Tachibana coughed. “Er… nothing!”
Her eyebrow arched suspiciously, and there was something about the gesture that set Tachibana on edge, even if she was a head smaller than him and just about half as thick. “Say that again,” she ordered, voice low.
He swallowed. “Er… nothing?”
“No. That other thing.”
He took an unconscious step backwards from the window and grabbed a to-go box. “So, that was two slices of chocolate mousse cake…”
She crossed her arms and looked expectantly at him.
He cleared his throat. “Right… I suppose this means you’re Ueda-sensei’s fiancée?” he started conversationally, motioning towards her engagement ring and hoping this would dig him out of the hole he’d unwittingly gotten both he and the poor professor into. From what he knew about life in general, women in these types of situations seemed to like nothing more than to go on and on about their diamonds and their detailed plans for the big day to whoever would listen to them.
However, at the mention of Ueda’s name, the little piggy’s expression got positively murderous.
He threw in an extra cream puff free of charge to her order and beat a hasty retreat into the kitchen after she paid and stormed off. There was a look in her eye that made Tachibana think she was about to go destroy a man-one in particular.
And as uncharitable as it was, he couldn’t help but think that he was glad it wasn’t him.
The very next day, Ueda-sensei returned, sporting not just a defeated expression but rather, an entirely defeated aura. And there seemed to be a very faint bruise on the right side of his face, small enough that Tachibana expected it might have been pinched into oblivion (and possibly twisted as well) rather than slapped or punched.
Which was funny, because he would have taken the little pig to be more of a puncher than anything else.
The shop owner quickly moved to get the man’s usual order, and decided that in light of yesterday’s surprise visit from said piggy, he wasn’t going to ask about the exact nature of the bruise.
But Ueda stopped him before he could even break out the tak-away box. “I need something a little different today,” the professor began, and pulled out his wallet, looking grim.
Tachibana blinked, and hoped that his little slip-up the other day hadn’t caused the couple to fight and break up or something. “Er, sure…” he began, and swallowed nervously.
Ueda looked to be in absolute pain as he handed over his Visa. “Give me… the bulk version of my usual order. For delivery, tomorrow.”
Tachibana winced, but only said, “Of course,” as he took the card. He suspected that things if things were already like this for the poor guy, they could only go downhill after the wedding.
As they waited for the payment to clear, the two men shared a look.
“It’s another part of my master plan you know,” Ueda assured him.
“Naturally.”
Neither said anything more about it.
And as Tachibana finished the transaction- that is, after the subsequent rape and pillage of Ueda’s credit card- the shop owner couldn’t help but think to himself that maybe now, he could understand some of Ono’s fears about women.
He watched Ueda go, and in his heart, wished the poor bastard the best of luck.
END
EDITS SO NEEDED.
;_;
Title: This Little Piggy
Universe: Antique Bakery/TricK
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: vaguely UedaxNaoko, Tachibana
Warnings/Spoilers: None I can imagine.
Word Count: 1,717
Summary: The Bakery as a go-between for men and women of all types.
Dedication: New Year/holiday fic for gaisce- I’m sorry for raping your characters!
A/N: Oh man, this took FOREVER. Probably didn’t help that I was watching a movie while I was writing it, but you know. XD Also, I seriously don’t remember anything about how to characterize Ueda and Naoko, Mel. I’m sorry. LOL To be honest I don’t even know if Tachibana is right, as I’ve only seen his manga incarnation and you’ve probably watched the drama.
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Tachibana would admit that he wasn’t exactly the most vigilant type of manager when it came to the names and faces of some of the bakery’s customers, but he did know that he wasn’t so dimwitted that he couldn’t remember the truly devoted regulars after a while, especially when they never failed to order the same thing every time they showed up.
Today Ueda-sensei stopped by out of the cold and snow for his usual items, the professor hopping up and down outside the pick up window to generate warmth while he waited for Tachibana to fill his usual order-two slices chocolate mousse cake, three cream puffs, a berry tart, three chocolate éclairs, and one serving of white chocolate chiffon.
“This week’s featured dessert is a seasonal peppermint fudge cheesecake,” Tachibana began regardless, just because Ono was pushing for him to try and feature more of Eiji’s home-brewed creations in his pitches so as to build a little hype about the kid. “For a limited time only, etc., etc.”
The university professor shook his head and blew into his hands. “No, thanks.”
Tachibana shrugged one shoulder lazily, and shifted the first piece of mousse cake from the display to the take-away box. “I guess you’re one of those guys who’s totally set in his ways, huh?” he said, just to be conversational.
Ueda-sensei blinked at the half-hearted supposition. “What? Oh no, these aren’t for me,” he said, quickly. “No one human could eat all of this in one day by themselves.”
“Oh,” Tachibana responded, and concentrated on getting that white chocolate chiffon into the box without messing it up. He nodded towards the gold ring on the other man’s finger. “So… for you and your wife then??”
Ueda choked a little on his own air. “What? No, I’m not married. And uh, I don’t really like sweets all that much. It’s not manly, you know? That is, I mean… it’s just for… my… er, my… fi…fi,” he paused like he couldn’t get his tongue around whatever word he was thinking of (or maybe it was that he didn’t want to), and he trailed off instead, looking thoughtful. A second later, apparently hit by some sort of inspiration, he stuck a finger in the air, imperiously. “I’ve got a little piggy that has very distinct feeding patterns,” he said after a moment, and somehow made that sound superior when he did. “Very needy and demanding and shrewish. A slave to her baser instincts,” he clarified. “Luckily I’m intelligent enough to have figured out all her major weak points and can exploit them with the cakes here,” he added, getting more and more confident as he went on. “Because she doesn’t know where this shop is, and I can use it to my advantage, because she’s convinced the only way she can get her greedy little shrew-hands on the best pastries in Japan is to hear me out. It’s all part of a brilliant plan, you see.”
Tachibana blinked. “Oohkay, well. I guess that’s…completely normal and not weird at all.”
“Exactly,” Ueda agreed. “And so… right. These are all for the pig. And not me.”
Tachibana nodded perfunctorily and supposed it wasn’t any of his business what some guy wanted to call his girlfriend. Besides, “Pig” was probably the equivalent of “sweetie pie” or “honey bun” in some parts (or at least, to some weird people). And-he couldn’t help but think- if she ate all of those pastries all on her own every time Ueda brought them back, she probably was pretty, well… pig-like anyway, so it might be a fitting moniker if nothing else. He finished packaging the professor’s order and got the now-familiar credit card in return.
“Thank you,” Ueda said when they were done, and took his box before heading off to whatever, well, porker it was who was waiting for him.
Tachibana didn’t see him again after that for a few days, but that was normal, and he didn’t really think about his encounters with his stranger customers for very long after they were over anyway, even if they did talk about bizarre things like swine-esque girlfriends and schemes to withhold the best baked goods in the country for vague and nefarious purposes.
So he surprised himself a little when-two weeks to the day later-a sharp-eyed young woman who looked like she weighed approximately 95 pounds came up to the window with a handful of cash and a rather gleeful expression on her face.
“Ha!” she exclaimed triumphantly to no one in particular, perusing the window display menu before looking up at the shop’s sign (and then back to the menu, then back to the sign again, and then back to the menu, etc., etc., etc.). “I’ve found it!” she declared once she was certain she’d found her destination, and proceeded to do a little dance of victory right there in front of the doorway. “Stupid large-penised idiot! I told him I’d be able to find his special little secret store all on my own! No more of his dumb missions with bribe food from here!” Pause. “Well, maybe.”
Tachibana leaned out of the take-out window and cleared his throat, loudly.
“Um, may I help you, miss?”
She whirled around and turned to face him, apparently surprised at the fact that someone was suddenly talking to her in the middle of her victory jig. He saw her fingers tighten reflexively around the money in her hand, like she thought he was going to take it from her any minute now.
Which, he supposed, was exactly what he was going to do, but only if she wanted to order something.
She blinked owlishly at him.
And then, “Ahahaha yes, of course!” she said, recovering quickly, and then headed up to the window like she’d meant to do that all along. Tachibana was feeling generous so he didn’t bring up that whole monologue-plus-dance routine she’d just performed for him.
And since she was a new face, the store owner took a breath and prepared to list off the usual specials and recommended items, but before he could…
“I want two slices chocolate mousse cake, three cream puffs, a berry tart, three chocolate éclairs, and a slice of white chocolate chiffon.” Pause. “Do you give discounts on bulk orders?”
Tachibana stared at her, thinking that maybe he’d just been hit with some kind of rapid fire machine gun. “Um… no, we don’t…” he offered after a moment, and wondered what it was about that order that was familiar.
And then it hit him.
“You’re the little piggy!” he exclaimed, before he could think better of it.
A beat.
And then she blinked at him. Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
It was at that very moment when he realized it was something Ueda-sensei probably called her behind her back and not to her face at all. That would be the smart thing, anyway. Tachibana coughed. “Er… nothing!”
Her eyebrow arched suspiciously, and there was something about the gesture that set Tachibana on edge, even if she was a head smaller than him and just about half as thick. “Say that again,” she ordered, voice low.
He swallowed. “Er… nothing?”
“No. That other thing.”
He took an unconscious step backwards from the window and grabbed a to-go box. “So, that was two slices of chocolate mousse cake…”
She crossed her arms and looked expectantly at him.
He cleared his throat. “Right… I suppose this means you’re Ueda-sensei’s fiancée?” he started conversationally, motioning towards her engagement ring and hoping this would dig him out of the hole he’d unwittingly gotten both he and the poor professor into. From what he knew about life in general, women in these types of situations seemed to like nothing more than to go on and on about their diamonds and their detailed plans for the big day to whoever would listen to them.
However, at the mention of Ueda’s name, the little piggy’s expression got positively murderous.
He threw in an extra cream puff free of charge to her order and beat a hasty retreat into the kitchen after she paid and stormed off. There was a look in her eye that made Tachibana think she was about to go destroy a man-one in particular.
And as uncharitable as it was, he couldn’t help but think that he was glad it wasn’t him.
The very next day, Ueda-sensei returned, sporting not just a defeated expression but rather, an entirely defeated aura. And there seemed to be a very faint bruise on the right side of his face, small enough that Tachibana expected it might have been pinched into oblivion (and possibly twisted as well) rather than slapped or punched.
Which was funny, because he would have taken the little pig to be more of a puncher than anything else.
The shop owner quickly moved to get the man’s usual order, and decided that in light of yesterday’s surprise visit from said piggy, he wasn’t going to ask about the exact nature of the bruise.
But Ueda stopped him before he could even break out the tak-away box. “I need something a little different today,” the professor began, and pulled out his wallet, looking grim.
Tachibana blinked, and hoped that his little slip-up the other day hadn’t caused the couple to fight and break up or something. “Er, sure…” he began, and swallowed nervously.
Ueda looked to be in absolute pain as he handed over his Visa. “Give me… the bulk version of my usual order. For delivery, tomorrow.”
Tachibana winced, but only said, “Of course,” as he took the card. He suspected that things if things were already like this for the poor guy, they could only go downhill after the wedding.
As they waited for the payment to clear, the two men shared a look.
“It’s another part of my master plan you know,” Ueda assured him.
“Naturally.”
Neither said anything more about it.
And as Tachibana finished the transaction- that is, after the subsequent rape and pillage of Ueda’s credit card- the shop owner couldn’t help but think to himself that maybe now, he could understand some of Ono’s fears about women.
He watched Ueda go, and in his heart, wished the poor bastard the best of luck.
END
EDITS SO NEEDED.