Like The Cat, I Have Nine Times To Die
I took the ten songs challenge and turned it into a nine song challenge just because I can. So nine ficlets/drabbles featuring different characters and pairings. Wahoo!
Fandom: Private Practice/Grey's Anatomy
Pairings: Addison/Derek, Charlotte/Cooper, Addison/Amelia, Violet/Cooper, Addison/Mark, Amelia/Mark, Amelia, Addison/Charlotte, Addison/Derek
Word count: 1,739
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Here in Seattle, in the woods, you can see the stars. Glowing balls of gas ricocheting off the dark walls of the sky illuminating everything they dance over. It’s strange because you’ve never cared for them, living in New York had better things to offer, but now, when you admit it, you really have nothing and no one in this cold city and nature has never seemed so appealing. It’s better than sitting in the tin can Derek has decided to call home and think about all the ways your life has gone wrong.
It’s Thanksgiving and Derek is doing what Derek does best. Even the stars are gone. Thick, gray rainclouds form overhead and there is nothing you’d rather do than pack up and leave except you want to make this work, need to make this work and he’s your husband and besides, you don’t even have a key so...
You don’t like to cry but the sorry state you’re in warrants a few tears so you let yourself release the liquid from your eyes, then choke them back as quick as they came. You see headlights in the distance. Either Derek’s finally unearthed his head out of his ass or he’s sent a serial killer to finish what he’s started. The latter sounds more likely but to your surprise (and probably to his), it’s Derek. Your guard is down and you let him see you under the sliver of “roof”, protecting you both from the downpour.
And when he puts his arms around you, you don’t feel the hand clenching your heart.
It was the same old fight every night. They would take two steps forward and then the whole thing would shatter under the weight of the non-pressure. Down, down, down. She wanted the harp but not the strings attached. All he wanted was to be able to walk out with her on his arm. And with all that push and pull, their feet stayed firmly rooted to the ground.
You were ready to give up. The stars weren’t aligning, it wasn’t in the cards but somehow, when you weren’t looking, the stick turned blue. Nothing has ever been easy for you, and this wasn’t going to be either. Sam left you, and even though he tried to be there as a friend, it wasn’t enough. You had your friends and you had your joy but no one to share it with.
Amelia proved to be a great person to lean on; she was going to be an even better aunt. Early morning cravings and late night fears turned out to be her strong suit. The other side of the delivery room however was not, but she held your hand through it all.
And when the baby, a boy (“we can still take him to Paris, right Addie?”) was placed to your chest, the names from the baby book you had circled and underlined were forgotten. “Christopher”, you decide and look to Amelia for her approval. She nods, eyes shiny and throat too thick to say anything else.
It’s a perfect name.
It’s kind of nice to have a best friend. Violet was never one to get attached to people as a child, it seemed silly and pointless because being the new kid ten times over is hard enough without making friends just to lose them again. And Cooper, well as of late, the only friends he had were ones who had names like Sexyboobs. So walking around Santa Monica drinking smoothies on a lunch break with someone who genuinely liked you and had a name was pretty close to wonderful.
Once, when the workday was slow, they ditched the drama that is Sam and Naomi and went to watch a movie. It was fun to feel like a kid who had got caught by their parents when they went back to work, sheepish grins and hands stuffed in pockets when Sam and Naomi, affectionately dubbed “Mommy and Daddy” yelled at them about being unprofessional. They barely made it back to Violet’s office before doubling over.
Violet drove Cooper to work whenever his wouldn’t start (got stolen), Cooper would bring Violet chicken soup and a movie when she was runny nosed and disgusting. They found similarities in their differences. Violet had a biological mother and father that she thought of no more than as an (unwilling) egg and sperm donor. Cooper had “the best parents in the world!” and DNA didn’t matter.
It was a funny little dynamic and it worked.
He knows he’s not the reason she left, but somehow he can’t help but feel like he is. He fought when he shouldn’t have and didn’t fight hard enough when she needed him the most. She needed him to make her feel like everything she had done was worth it all, and he left her out in the rain. Just like Derek.
He was her first time, but he doesn’t need to know that. He’s Mark. That’s reason enough to sleep with him and it is reason enough to sleep with him whenever she pleases.
Nancy used to call him a dog, but only because he slept with Kathleen before he slept with her. Amelia liked to think of him as a dog too, but for different reasons. He was loyal. She’d call and he’d come running. She’d throw him a bone and he’d come back with his tail between his legs. Literally.
The first time, she pretended she knew what she was doing. She bit back grimaces and arched her back when he kissed her neck. He wasn’t the first person to bite her but he was the first one to burn. He scarred and he marked and he imprinted his teeth into the delicate flesh of her ear. He split her open and took what she had to give. When he apologized she laughed and sent him home.
The second time was Derek and Addison’s fifth anniversary. Amelia was in and out of rehab and Mark was angry. It was pitiful how he looked at Addison looking at Derek, so she pulled him away and upstairs into the master bedroom. This time there was no apology. They didn’t even change the sheets when they were done, just ate cake like nothing had happened.
The last time, it was her mother’s funeral. When they finished, he told her he couldn’t do it anymore. With a pat on the shoulder, he left her in the bathroom with a lipstick tube in one hand and a bottle of Xanax in the other.
Timing is everything. Making a noise before or after makes all the difference. Opening a door at the exact moment you do can shift your world. Catching two people doing something they shouldn’t gives you knowledge you aren’t sure you even want. Timing is everything.
They were the women no one knew about. They were the ones who moved here looking for something. Addison moved to get away from her husband and Charlotte moved to get closer to hers.
They were the ones who were bitchy and brilliant and far too beautiful. They had loved with hearts wide open and shut out with doors slammed closed. Addison had blonde hair once and Charlotte had always wanted to try out red. They could hold their liquor and play with the big boys. They had more similarities than differences but they would never be friends.
Packing up your life and going somewhere you never thought you’d end up is hard. Doing it twice in the same year is a cruel twist of fate. Everything else that came with it was just the icing on the cake.
She packed up her last suitcase and surveyed the hotel room she called home for more months than she’d like to say. This was it; this was the last night she’d have to spend here. It felt good to be able to start somewhere else because she wanted to, not because her husband ran away to play a great game of pretend, not because she couldn’t sleep in her own bed, not because crossing the threshold of her home brought on an onslaught of traumatic memories, not because she had a lover, not because of a pair of panties, nothing.
A knock on the door interrupted her reverie. It was Derek, head down and hands stuffed down as far as they could go in his pockets. He forwent the greeting (because it was them and regardless of a divorce and year in hell, they knew each other and simple pleasantries were not needed) and cut to the chase.
“Richard told me you were leaving.” He looked up at her, searched her face for the slightest bit of information. She nodded in affirmation.
He crossed the room and sat on the large bed, swinging his legs back and forth and accepted the drink she handed him. He swirled it around in the cup as she sat beside him.
It was never easy to be around him like this. She had spent over a decade of her life calling the man beside her her husband. To have to detach and move on is no easy feat. It was supposed to be a lifetime of forever’s and Hallmark holidays. It was never supposed to feel wrong to be near him.
After a few minutes of (awkward) small talk, he eased himself off the bed and pulled her up with him. “Addie, don’t go.” He ached out. “Stay. Please?”
She didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or slap him so she went with the firm approach.
“I can’t, Derek. I physically cannot. You made your choice, I’m making mine.”
“I’m gonna miss you. I miss you right now, Addison. Sometimes I just wish that I... That we could have, well it doesn’t matter now. I’m sorry.”
And then he kissed her. Soft. Sweet.
“Goodbye Addison. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”
“Goodbye Derek. I’ll miss you too.”
And with that, the hardest part was over.
Fandom: Private Practice/Grey's Anatomy
Pairings: Addison/Derek, Charlotte/Cooper, Addison/Amelia, Violet/Cooper, Addison/Mark, Amelia/Mark, Amelia, Addison/Charlotte, Addison/Derek
Word count: 1,739
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
- Your Hand In Mine - Explosions In The Sky
Here in Seattle, in the woods, you can see the stars. Glowing balls of gas ricocheting off the dark walls of the sky illuminating everything they dance over. It’s strange because you’ve never cared for them, living in New York had better things to offer, but now, when you admit it, you really have nothing and no one in this cold city and nature has never seemed so appealing. It’s better than sitting in the tin can Derek has decided to call home and think about all the ways your life has gone wrong.
It’s Thanksgiving and Derek is doing what Derek does best. Even the stars are gone. Thick, gray rainclouds form overhead and there is nothing you’d rather do than pack up and leave except you want to make this work, need to make this work and he’s your husband and besides, you don’t even have a key so...
You don’t like to cry but the sorry state you’re in warrants a few tears so you let yourself release the liquid from your eyes, then choke them back as quick as they came. You see headlights in the distance. Either Derek’s finally unearthed his head out of his ass or he’s sent a serial killer to finish what he’s started. The latter sounds more likely but to your surprise (and probably to his), it’s Derek. Your guard is down and you let him see you under the sliver of “roof”, protecting you both from the downpour.
And when he puts his arms around you, you don’t feel the hand clenching your heart.
- Little Deschutes - Laura Veirs
It was the same old fight every night. They would take two steps forward and then the whole thing would shatter under the weight of the non-pressure. Down, down, down. She wanted the harp but not the strings attached. All he wanted was to be able to walk out with her on his arm. And with all that push and pull, their feet stayed firmly rooted to the ground.
- The Night Starts Here - Stars
You were ready to give up. The stars weren’t aligning, it wasn’t in the cards but somehow, when you weren’t looking, the stick turned blue. Nothing has ever been easy for you, and this wasn’t going to be either. Sam left you, and even though he tried to be there as a friend, it wasn’t enough. You had your friends and you had your joy but no one to share it with.
Amelia proved to be a great person to lean on; she was going to be an even better aunt. Early morning cravings and late night fears turned out to be her strong suit. The other side of the delivery room however was not, but she held your hand through it all.
And when the baby, a boy (“we can still take him to Paris, right Addie?”) was placed to your chest, the names from the baby book you had circled and underlined were forgotten. “Christopher”, you decide and look to Amelia for her approval. She nods, eyes shiny and throat too thick to say anything else.
It’s a perfect name.
- Nolita Fairytale - Vanessa Carlton
It’s kind of nice to have a best friend. Violet was never one to get attached to people as a child, it seemed silly and pointless because being the new kid ten times over is hard enough without making friends just to lose them again. And Cooper, well as of late, the only friends he had were ones who had names like Sexyboobs. So walking around Santa Monica drinking smoothies on a lunch break with someone who genuinely liked you and had a name was pretty close to wonderful.
Once, when the workday was slow, they ditched the drama that is Sam and Naomi and went to watch a movie. It was fun to feel like a kid who had got caught by their parents when they went back to work, sheepish grins and hands stuffed in pockets when Sam and Naomi, affectionately dubbed “Mommy and Daddy” yelled at them about being unprofessional. They barely made it back to Violet’s office before doubling over.
Violet drove Cooper to work whenever his wouldn’t start (got stolen), Cooper would bring Violet chicken soup and a movie when she was runny nosed and disgusting. They found similarities in their differences. Violet had a biological mother and father that she thought of no more than as an (unwilling) egg and sperm donor. Cooper had “the best parents in the world!” and DNA didn’t matter.
It was a funny little dynamic and it worked.
- City Of Lights - Ry Cuming
He knows he’s not the reason she left, but somehow he can’t help but feel like he is. He fought when he shouldn’t have and didn’t fight hard enough when she needed him the most. She needed him to make her feel like everything she had done was worth it all, and he left her out in the rain. Just like Derek.
- Colorblind - Counting Crows
He was her first time, but he doesn’t need to know that. He’s Mark. That’s reason enough to sleep with him and it is reason enough to sleep with him whenever she pleases.
Nancy used to call him a dog, but only because he slept with Kathleen before he slept with her. Amelia liked to think of him as a dog too, but for different reasons. He was loyal. She’d call and he’d come running. She’d throw him a bone and he’d come back with his tail between his legs. Literally.
The first time, she pretended she knew what she was doing. She bit back grimaces and arched her back when he kissed her neck. He wasn’t the first person to bite her but he was the first one to burn. He scarred and he marked and he imprinted his teeth into the delicate flesh of her ear. He split her open and took what she had to give. When he apologized she laughed and sent him home.
The second time was Derek and Addison’s fifth anniversary. Amelia was in and out of rehab and Mark was angry. It was pitiful how he looked at Addison looking at Derek, so she pulled him away and upstairs into the master bedroom. This time there was no apology. They didn’t even change the sheets when they were done, just ate cake like nothing had happened.
The last time, it was her mother’s funeral. When they finished, he told her he couldn’t do it anymore. With a pat on the shoulder, he left her in the bathroom with a lipstick tube in one hand and a bottle of Xanax in the other.
- Wires - Sleeping At Last
Timing is everything. Making a noise before or after makes all the difference. Opening a door at the exact moment you do can shift your world. Catching two people doing something they shouldn’t gives you knowledge you aren’t sure you even want. Timing is everything.
- Devil’s Thunder - Rachael Cantu
They were the women no one knew about. They were the ones who moved here looking for something. Addison moved to get away from her husband and Charlotte moved to get closer to hers.
They were the ones who were bitchy and brilliant and far too beautiful. They had loved with hearts wide open and shut out with doors slammed closed. Addison had blonde hair once and Charlotte had always wanted to try out red. They could hold their liquor and play with the big boys. They had more similarities than differences but they would never be friends.
- Running Away - Midnight Hour
Packing up your life and going somewhere you never thought you’d end up is hard. Doing it twice in the same year is a cruel twist of fate. Everything else that came with it was just the icing on the cake.
She packed up her last suitcase and surveyed the hotel room she called home for more months than she’d like to say. This was it; this was the last night she’d have to spend here. It felt good to be able to start somewhere else because she wanted to, not because her husband ran away to play a great game of pretend, not because she couldn’t sleep in her own bed, not because crossing the threshold of her home brought on an onslaught of traumatic memories, not because she had a lover, not because of a pair of panties, nothing.
A knock on the door interrupted her reverie. It was Derek, head down and hands stuffed down as far as they could go in his pockets. He forwent the greeting (because it was them and regardless of a divorce and year in hell, they knew each other and simple pleasantries were not needed) and cut to the chase.
“Richard told me you were leaving.” He looked up at her, searched her face for the slightest bit of information. She nodded in affirmation.
He crossed the room and sat on the large bed, swinging his legs back and forth and accepted the drink she handed him. He swirled it around in the cup as she sat beside him.
It was never easy to be around him like this. She had spent over a decade of her life calling the man beside her her husband. To have to detach and move on is no easy feat. It was supposed to be a lifetime of forever’s and Hallmark holidays. It was never supposed to feel wrong to be near him.
After a few minutes of (awkward) small talk, he eased himself off the bed and pulled her up with him. “Addie, don’t go.” He ached out. “Stay. Please?”
She didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or slap him so she went with the firm approach.
“I can’t, Derek. I physically cannot. You made your choice, I’m making mine.”
“I’m gonna miss you. I miss you right now, Addison. Sometimes I just wish that I... That we could have, well it doesn’t matter now. I’m sorry.”
And then he kissed her. Soft. Sweet.
“Goodbye Addison. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”
“Goodbye Derek. I’ll miss you too.”
And with that, the hardest part was over.