Why do I feel like this
Why do I feel so helpless and empty and sad. I have so much freedom before me and it's making me so miserable. The magnification of my discomforts, my body rejecting my care, I spend more time searching for sleep that only serves to twist me more and more, leaving me without sleep.
Why do I long for things I can't have. Why do I look back and recall so many beautiful moments and wish to relive them so badly, and to make them bigger, to insert parts of them and parts of myself into moments that weren't, and make them become a more complex memory for now?
I can't decide on anything. I've had moments of perfect clarity and been completely comfortable with where things are going, and then there's now when I'm feeling so foreign to myself and forlorn. I can't resolve it, I can't medicate it.
All I want is to sleep it away. To make what I see when I close my eyes come to absolute fruition and live there.
I was inspired to stream, I'll try my hand at that. I want to go back to school, I need to see that that happens. I realized if I can't open my mouth as far as I should, my next ortho appointment will treat me to sights beyond agony and regret. It's getting better as I play with the popsicle sticks but it won't be enough.
Why do I feel like this? Why?
Why do I long for things I can't have. Why do I look back and recall so many beautiful moments and wish to relive them so badly, and to make them bigger, to insert parts of them and parts of myself into moments that weren't, and make them become a more complex memory for now?
I can't decide on anything. I've had moments of perfect clarity and been completely comfortable with where things are going, and then there's now when I'm feeling so foreign to myself and forlorn. I can't resolve it, I can't medicate it.
All I want is to sleep it away. To make what I see when I close my eyes come to absolute fruition and live there.
I was inspired to stream, I'll try my hand at that. I want to go back to school, I need to see that that happens. I realized if I can't open my mouth as far as I should, my next ortho appointment will treat me to sights beyond agony and regret. It's getting better as I play with the popsicle sticks but it won't be enough.
Why do I feel like this? Why?