Little Strings
David is in town. Both Wednesday night and Friday I went out with him and about a dozen other friends and had a good time. Wednesday was particularly fun, since we spent hours playing on a playground.
Yesterday my friend Beau happened to be there. I've known him since second grade. He's one of my oldest friends in the world. He is back together with Julie, too. They've had a tumultuous relationship in the past, but I like them both and was happy to see they'd gotten back together in the year and a half since I last seen him.
Now those groups and some of my other friends groups are going out to dinner tonight.
I am not feeling so well today, though. I'm not ill, just very sad and confused and angry and... I said confused already, verdad?
It feels like so many things I've gone through have been tied up in a little bow as if they're finished, and all it's so strange seeing all of the little strings of life come together to make the ribbon and bow.
It's seems it's truly coincidence that so much of my past is coming forward now and tying itself back into my life, but it is a wonderful coincidence. It makes me feel like there's a purpose.
But now that I'm moving onto a new phase of my life, where am I supposed to be going? If I'm assigning meaning to these coincidences, then what is the why? Why is it all coming together?
I know after the incident everyone told me I'd be in limbo for quite some time, and I suppose I somewhat felt that way. Now we have a new apartment and we're settled and things are pretty wonderful on the other end. But I feel like my past and my future are jarring together and leaving me frozen now. Why do I now feel like I'm in limbo?
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I had a dream with Jennifer it the other day. I have been talking to her a lot in my head because I think she can hear me. Over the last few weeks I have been asking little questions here and there. And one night I fell asleep and we were talking.
We spoke for a second about how it was easier for us to talk this way. Seeing signs or getting visions would freak me out- we both agreed on that. It just made more sense for us to talk like we always talked - we were just sitting somewhere with white all around us. It was literally just Jennifer and me.
I remember I told her she looked thinner, and she waved me off. I had somewhat interrupted her to say that. I laughed and said Sorry, but you do! She laughed, too. And then we started talking.
The rest of the dream I remember, but it's like somebody turned the mute button on. I remember our gestures and our mouths moving but I cannot recall the conversation at all.
I woke up and felt really good. I went to work and had a good day.
Suddenly it dawned on me that Jennifer didn't have pink hair. She looked 24, but her hair color was a natural color. She also didn't have any piercings in, and I don't remember her having the tattoo on her body. It was just her.
I don't know if it was just a dream. Either way, I think whatever conversation we had is somewhere in my subconscious. I think I just needed to talk to her. I don't really need to know what we said.