NaNoWriMo Day Five
January 14th, 113 total days till graduation, 88 days left of school
I turn in my Crime and Punishment paper and pray to God I’ll never have to read another Russian novel again. My fifth hour simply required the paper so there is no exam. We end up watching Troy, minus the Brad Pitt naked scenes of course. Which is mildly comical because we’d all seen the movie in full before.
After class I meet Jenna at her locker. I drove her in today so that we could drive together to a local restaurant. Unfortunately Laura organized the lunch date so we’ll have to put up with her, but otherwise it should be a lot of fun. Besides Jenna’s desperate to do anything to make up for the mess up with Jenna on Sunday. I doubt it’ll do any good but I don’t tell her so.
We arrive at the café just as Danny and Trevor pull up. Trevor tells us that Laura and Kevin are probably already inside so we head in together. Upon being told that we’re meeting people the hostess brings us to a circular booth in the center.
I’d kind of forgotten that Laura was dating Kevin and as soon as I see him I start getting nervous. I doubt he even remembers the kiss but I haven’t been able to get it off my mind. My heart speeds up as I slide into the booth. How could I have thought this was a good idea? I’m not going to be able to enjoy myself. I curse my own stupidity for letting Jenna drag me into this situation.
I can’t focus on the conversation at all. It’s taking my full concentration not to stare at Kevin. When everyone starts laughing I join in but I’m very conscious of being about half a second late in all my reactions. I order spaghetti with marinara and meatballs and when it arrives I try concentrating on my food but I have no appetite. I simply push the meatballs around on my plate and twist the pasta around my fork.
“What’s wrong?” Jenna leans over and whispers in my ear.
I shrug trying hard not to look up, “just shit.”
“I know you didn’t want to come with Laura here…”
Yes, Laura. I jump at the chance to explain what’s going on with anything but the truth. “Well she was a total bitch with you on Sunday.”
“Yeah, but I did lie to her,” she smiles at me sheepishly. As if that’s an excuse.
Lunch wraps up and I’m still avoiding even looking at Kevin. I’m not sure what will happen exactly if I look at him but just thinking about him is making my hands clammy and my stomach turns somersaults.
I can’t understand my reaction from seeing Kevin. Seriously, I don’t like him and it wasn’t a serious kiss. It was a damn game. I’m not attracted to him but I’ve never felt like that before. This is seriously making no sense to me.
Jenna and I climb into my car and she immediately starts apologizing for it being so awkward. She has no idea just how awkward I found it of course but I’m not about to tell her that because that would require additional explanation. When we get to her house she asks if I want to go inside but I turn her down telling her I’m tired from exams and just need a nap. She looks disappointed but I hug her goodbye before she can start protesting.
I wish there were swim practice tonight, or even drama club. If there were something for me to do, to get my mind off of everything then maybe I wouldn’t feel like I’m going crazy. Seriously, what the hell was with my reaction back at the restaurant. I don’t know how many times I need to repeat to myself that I don’t like Kevin. Or guys (I think). I just can’t understand why I’ve never felt anything for anyone before, male or female. A lot of people would probably give me some sappy answer like I simply hadn’t found the right person but surely there should have been at least some sexual attraction to one person by the time I’m 18. I’ve been over this in my head a hundred times since New Year’s and I can’t seem to make any sense of it one way or another. I wish I could.
I’m not sure what God is waiting for either but so far I haven’t had any decisive signs one way or the other.
I get home and collapse on my bed hoping sleep will claim me. My dreams at least have been free of this conflict. I can’t deal with this not knowing. I need an answer, just this one damn answer. I lay there with my arm draped over my eyes trying so hard not to think. No dice. The same thoughts keep twisting through my head ridiculously quickly. So fast I can’t seem to grasp any of them long enough to actually take the thought into consideration. This is a fucking nightmare. I pop up from the bed and decide to take some Nyquil. If anything will make me sleep it will be that. I walk to the bathroom and pull the Nyquil from the medicine cabinet. When I close the door I study myself in the mirror wondering if there’s ever been anyone sexually attracted to me.
January 18th, 110 total days till graduation, 87 days left of school
It’s the first day of the new semester. I’m excited because that’s just one more thing saying that school is almost done. Sixth hour is, unfortunately, that damn freshman psychology class that I’m being forced to take. I seriously can’t figure out how I seem to be the only person who didn’t take this course as a freshman. According to Jenna they wouldn’t even let her put it off till sophomore year so I’m not sure how I got away with it without even trying.
When I walk into the classroom I see a shit ton of freshman, none that I know from drama club or swim team. I sigh and walk to the back of the classroom feeling a total reject. Then enters Christopher Bates. I recognize him of course because he’s our class president. I think I was one of five people outside of student leadership who knew to vote. Needless to say, I didn’t vote for him. I didn’t vote for the girl who won vice president either, Melissa something or other.
Just as I think her name she walks into the classroom. She sees Christopher and immediately sits down beside him. Great, we have our power couple in the classroom. Melissa is obnoxious. I’ve had a few classes with her before. She’s that girl with way too many pointless questions that teachers are all too anxious to answer. She’s got this horrendous throaty laugh that she bursts into at the most inappropriate times.
A few more kids shuffle into the classroom before the bell rings. Miss Lavene calls class to attention by announcing a semester long project. Excuse me lady but are you kidding, its day one. Aren’t we supposed to play a name game or something just to get comfortable with everyone in class?
Suddenly a girl with purple and red streaks in her hair bursts into the classroom. She’s out of breath and covered in paint. “Sorry, sorry,” she says moving to the closest available seat. “I was trying to get the paint off.” She shows Miss Lavene her hands even through its completely unnecessary
Miss Lavene smiles at her then continues introducing the project. We’re going to work in groups of five or six to develop and carry out a psychiatric experiment. Sounds interesting but like a shit ton of work at the same time.
Then she announces that there are six seniors in this class. Guess there must be a few more that I don’t know at all. She’s also putting us seniors all together. Shit. I have to work with Christopher and Melissa for a whole semester? I sit up straighter trying to figure out who the other seniors are. The girl with the colorful hair is looking around in a similar fashion so she must be one. I’ve never met her. She looks like a real character though.
“So, you seniors can gather in the corner there.” She points towards the desks closest to her desk. “The rest of you can group up however you wish. Remember groups of five or six.” She pauses to let us all move.
Christopher and Melissa move back to my corner as does the paint girl. Two other people, a really thin girl and a kid with holes in his shirt join us too. I’m just glad to see that I’m not the only senior who got seriously shafted with this class.
It takes a few minutes for everyone to get into groups but once she senses that the chatter is simply, well, chatter she starts talking again. “This project will require you to create your own psychiatric experiment. You may draw inspiration from previous experiments but you may not repeat them. The experiment must ultimately be designed by you,” she pauses smiling. “You’ll give me biweekly updates in the form of a letter. Include any and all updates as well as any problems that you are encountering. Experiments can take a while so be sure to start developing right away.
“Once a week you will be given the whole class time to do whatever you need to do for this project. Normally it will be Monday’s but seeing as yesterday was Martin Luther Kind Jr. day and there was no school we’ll start today. On the counter over there,” she points towards a counter cluttered with books and magazines,” are resources you can use to help you think of an experiment. Or you can spend the period getting to know your fellow researchers. You could always use someone’s extracurricular activities as inspiration as well.” She pauses for a second and everyone continues to look at her expectantly. “Well go!”
Some kids jump up and immediately go for the psych magazines. My entire group sits still.
“So… I guess that means we’re introducing ourselves first?” Christopher asks expectantly.
Art chick nods.
“I’ll start,” Melissa says smiling. She’s wearing ridiculously heavy eye makeup. “My name’s Melissa. I’m a cheerleader. Um… I don’t know what else to say. Oh, yes I do. I’m also the vice president of the senior class and a prominent member of student council.” She smiles showing the pink of her gums. I can’t help but shudder.
“I’m Christopher Bates. I’m president of the senior class as well as captain of the cross country team and a member of the debate team.”
“I’m Justin,” the kids with the worn out clothes says. “Um… I’m not involved in much outside of school other than work.” He shrugs his shoulders than and looks to the girl next to him.
“Bethany. I’m a dancer.” This chick is ridiculously serious.
“Are you on the dance team here?” Melissa asks.
“I’m a ballerina,” Bethany clarifies. I don’t do hip hop or interpretive dance. I’m a classically trained ballerina.” She looks to me.
“Um… I’m Ethan. I’m on the swim team and a member of the drama club.”
“Were you in last semester’s play?” Melissa pipes in.
I seriously hate this girl. “Yeah, I’m not a singer so I was just a chorus member.”
“But don’t chorus members have to sing?”
Seriously, someone needs to shut this girl up. “Yeah, but not solos so I could hide my voice among the others.”
I look to the artsy chick then hoping she’ll start talking and that Melissa will shut up.
“Alex. I’m an artist. I guess obviously. I’m part of the art club here. I’m also in three art classes during school hours. It’s kind of my life.” She shrugs.
“Great!” So who has ideas for this project?” Melissa takes the lead. I’m not sure how Christopher gets anything done in student leadership with her as his right hand woman.
“Well we could do something regarding the differences in personal and team sports,” Christopher suggests.
“Sounds boring,” Alex says.
“Besides how would we devise an experiment to test for that anyway?” I ask.
“I’m just throwing out ideas,” Melissa says defensively.
“Yeah well we need something better than that,” I reply. “Maybe we should start with past experiments. I’m sure we can change one enough to make it a unique experiment.”
Christopher shrugs and then stands to retrieve a few magazines. He brings them back to the table and we all busy ourselves looking at experiments until the bell rings.
9,302 words