(no subject)
I realized today that I hardly ever create anything myself. I mostly just appreciate what others have created. I think that everything always just seems so much better done when somebody else does it. It also feels like there's so much creation constantly going on around me that there's no need to add anything new to it.
I tend to sit around a lot watching movies and reading. I think the last time I wrote anything creatively was in high school. I've composed plenty in my head since then, but I've not had any inclination to either write it down or remember it. I hardly say anything in conversations, mostly just listening. I read LJ entries all the time but hardly ever post anything of my own. I scarcely do any coding outside of work any more. I don't make any effort to create new situations for myself or change things in my life; I just drift and watch people moving around me. I never even cook any more.
Part of me is telling me that all that is wrong and that I need to express myself. Is that right? Is it important to be active? Or is it useful just to observe and apprecate and thereby lend purpose to the things that others are creating?
In other and somewhat antithetical news, I decided on the flight back from Chicago yesterday that I want to get an airplane pilot's license. I used to want to be a pilot growing up, but at the time I was thinking of it only as a career. Then I realized that I would get bored of it and stopped thinking about it. Somehow I guess it never really occurred to me until now that I could pursue it strictly as a hobby, even though I've known others who do. So now I want to do that. Then at some point I want to think about getting involved with Civil Air Patrol again, although I'm not sure if I would be able to deal at this point with a) their anti-drug operations and b) their grooming requirements.
I tend to sit around a lot watching movies and reading. I think the last time I wrote anything creatively was in high school. I've composed plenty in my head since then, but I've not had any inclination to either write it down or remember it. I hardly say anything in conversations, mostly just listening. I read LJ entries all the time but hardly ever post anything of my own. I scarcely do any coding outside of work any more. I don't make any effort to create new situations for myself or change things in my life; I just drift and watch people moving around me. I never even cook any more.
Part of me is telling me that all that is wrong and that I need to express myself. Is that right? Is it important to be active? Or is it useful just to observe and apprecate and thereby lend purpose to the things that others are creating?
In other and somewhat antithetical news, I decided on the flight back from Chicago yesterday that I want to get an airplane pilot's license. I used to want to be a pilot growing up, but at the time I was thinking of it only as a career. Then I realized that I would get bored of it and stopped thinking about it. Somehow I guess it never really occurred to me until now that I could pursue it strictly as a hobby, even though I've known others who do. So now I want to do that. Then at some point I want to think about getting involved with Civil Air Patrol again, although I'm not sure if I would be able to deal at this point with a) their anti-drug operations and b) their grooming requirements.