Cory and Becca can Bite My Farts
On the SR 900 overpass crossing I-90 in Issaquah, I have been slowed by the same construction project every day since I started this new and soon expiring route. The state is widening the route to allow people to buy cheap real estate in far-flung reaches -- where conservative christer extremism is never openly questioned -- and pay for that purchase where the only jobs are, in Seattle. Along that construction, the usual slow notices and implorations of safety catch the driving eye. One of them, though, caught my wrath as well.
The sign seems like the standard DOT orange square, but the lettering is oddly shaped, like the scrawling of a child with a crayon. It reads:
"Drive safely; my daddy works here!"
And on the bottom, in cursive script out of place for such youngsters, the signage is signed "Cory & Becca".
I've got a message for those tots: Up yours with your daddy.
I know, I know, it's not nice to wish someone shoved up the collective asses of his children, but I have to say something. That sign represents an insidious trend that emerged 20 years ago and seems unlikely to abate: the unreasonable appeal parents make to folks outside the family to help in the protection of their own young.
Remember the filth that cropped up two decades ago and continues to foul the visibility of rear windows even today? The "Baby On Board" signs? I hated them then and even more do so now. Back then, I was even coopted into displaying one. My boss, who ran a developmental pre-school, even asked me why I removed the sign from the van I drove. I didn't have the words then. I just bristled at the fact that it was on the van I drove and left it at that. I do have the words today:
The only place this is appropriate is on the dash, facing the driver.
Think about it. Everyone today either drives or rides. There are so many cars, the individual driver must relegate the importance of the vehicles around them not by the importance of the contents within those other cars, but by the danger they impose to the individual driver and his or her car. Therefore, the prudent driver gives semi trucks, busses, tankers, and other massive and awkwardly maneauvered vehicles a wider passage. Speeding cars also impose themselves, since they are slowed and stopped with greater difficulty. And don't get me started on swerving vehicles that have trouble maintaining lane integrity. Those are best simply avoided altogether.
The BOBs are attempting to impose a value on their own cars that a TNT carrier or fuel tanker intrinsically carries, by declaring the contents strapped within to be cute. Never mind that only your own screaming brats have value, and the offspring of others is by subjective definition inferior -- what did Gallager say? "Kids are cute so you won't kill them."
The BOB sign fails as a real hazzard on the road. Think about it: an accident with a child-bearing vehicle would actually mean less danger to the striking car. Since kids weigh less than adults, this gives the carrying car less mass that can be transmitted through the collision to the striker than a comparably occupied vehicle seating heavier adults. The BOB sign therefore presents the carrying car with a target sign, since other drivers knowing the laws of physics and self-preservation can make the split-second decision to strike the marked car and therefore improve their own chances of escaping death or injury.
No, the BOB sign does only one thing: brag about having kids. It ranks with all the rank and stinking "World's best grandma", Honor student at Where Ever Ville, Protect Human Life stickers and plate frames that have disgusted me since inception and sicken me still. BOB signs are carried by braggarts that have no inkling that their message reflects upon them poorly, marking them as self-absorbed, self-deluded Narcissists who think neither their shit nor their kids stink.
You want to keep your kids safe, parents? Learn to drive defensively. Strap 'em in well. Feed them right, and teach them to avoid real hazards, like firearms and poorly-translated bibles, rather than the perceived hazards like (fill in stupidity here). Cory, Becca, come off your high horse. Daddy is safe at his job only if he stays out of traffic, and if his employer invests in adequate barriers rather than cheap signs.
I also doubt yours is the only daddy, or mommy, widening the street. Think about that, you little bragging shits.
The sign seems like the standard DOT orange square, but the lettering is oddly shaped, like the scrawling of a child with a crayon. It reads:
"Drive safely; my daddy works here!"
And on the bottom, in cursive script out of place for such youngsters, the signage is signed "Cory & Becca".
I've got a message for those tots: Up yours with your daddy.
I know, I know, it's not nice to wish someone shoved up the collective asses of his children, but I have to say something. That sign represents an insidious trend that emerged 20 years ago and seems unlikely to abate: the unreasonable appeal parents make to folks outside the family to help in the protection of their own young.
Remember the filth that cropped up two decades ago and continues to foul the visibility of rear windows even today? The "Baby On Board" signs? I hated them then and even more do so now. Back then, I was even coopted into displaying one. My boss, who ran a developmental pre-school, even asked me why I removed the sign from the van I drove. I didn't have the words then. I just bristled at the fact that it was on the van I drove and left it at that. I do have the words today:
The only place this is appropriate is on the dash, facing the driver.
Think about it. Everyone today either drives or rides. There are so many cars, the individual driver must relegate the importance of the vehicles around them not by the importance of the contents within those other cars, but by the danger they impose to the individual driver and his or her car. Therefore, the prudent driver gives semi trucks, busses, tankers, and other massive and awkwardly maneauvered vehicles a wider passage. Speeding cars also impose themselves, since they are slowed and stopped with greater difficulty. And don't get me started on swerving vehicles that have trouble maintaining lane integrity. Those are best simply avoided altogether.
The BOBs are attempting to impose a value on their own cars that a TNT carrier or fuel tanker intrinsically carries, by declaring the contents strapped within to be cute. Never mind that only your own screaming brats have value, and the offspring of others is by subjective definition inferior -- what did Gallager say? "Kids are cute so you won't kill them."
The BOB sign fails as a real hazzard on the road. Think about it: an accident with a child-bearing vehicle would actually mean less danger to the striking car. Since kids weigh less than adults, this gives the carrying car less mass that can be transmitted through the collision to the striker than a comparably occupied vehicle seating heavier adults. The BOB sign therefore presents the carrying car with a target sign, since other drivers knowing the laws of physics and self-preservation can make the split-second decision to strike the marked car and therefore improve their own chances of escaping death or injury.
No, the BOB sign does only one thing: brag about having kids. It ranks with all the rank and stinking "World's best grandma", Honor student at Where Ever Ville, Protect Human Life stickers and plate frames that have disgusted me since inception and sicken me still. BOB signs are carried by braggarts that have no inkling that their message reflects upon them poorly, marking them as self-absorbed, self-deluded Narcissists who think neither their shit nor their kids stink.
You want to keep your kids safe, parents? Learn to drive defensively. Strap 'em in well. Feed them right, and teach them to avoid real hazards, like firearms and poorly-translated bibles, rather than the perceived hazards like (fill in stupidity here). Cory, Becca, come off your high horse. Daddy is safe at his job only if he stays out of traffic, and if his employer invests in adequate barriers rather than cheap signs.
I also doubt yours is the only daddy, or mommy, widening the street. Think about that, you little bragging shits.